


The Combinatorics Project

by Ringcaat



Category: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Genre: Alternate Universe, Apples, Arcane Knowledge, Balloons, Bubbles - Freeform, Burlesque, Celebrity couple, Celestia's birthday, Combinatorics, Commune, Costumes, Cutie Marks, Desserts, Destiny, Drama, Earth Mothers, Elements of Harmony, F/F, Fifth Wall, Fourth Wall, Godzilla - Freeform, Grafting, Homebodies, Hydra, Illness, Interdimensional Travel, Lesbians, Masquerade, Model Train, Mustache, Neighagra Falls, Random - Freeform, Romance, Scootabuse, Scootalove, Stochastic, Sweet Apple Acres, Transformation, Weather, Word game, cockatrice, curse, doozy, farm life, homonormativity, interdimensional, wonderbolts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-08
Updated: 2017-09-08
Packaged: 2018-12-25 07:52:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 101,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12031458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ringcaat/pseuds/Ringcaat
Summary: Twinkie Pie. Appledash. Rareshy. You know these pairings and may have favorites of your own. But what if every member of the Mane Six were paired with every other member in the same fanfic?! That's what the Combinatorics Project is--an epic treasury of fifteen ships spread across five parallel universes increasingly full of plot and whimsy. Can you guess which couple is which?* The angster and her secret admirer* The burlesque showmares* The celebrity marriage* The commune farmers* The curse victim and caretaker* The dessert caterers* The hopeless homebodies* The industrial mavens* The mad scientists* The masquerade hosts* The model train overlords* The multiversal adventurers* The orchard grafters* The rivals in love* The weather aficionadosNot everypony ends up happy, but most do! A little suspense is a good thing. Bitter sorrow! Transcendent joy! Probability cupcakes are cupcakes that cupcakes!Note: This story was written during Season Two and posted soon after.





	1. Sky, Earth and Beyond

**Author's Note:**

> This story was written during Season Two and originally posted on fimfiction and fanfiction.net. I'm a little embarrassed about some parts of it, but I'm still quite proud of how it comes together in Chapter 5, and the second appendix, Pinkie Pie's Travelogue, is still the work I'm most proud of out of everything I've written.

 

**THE COMBINATORICS PROJECT**

 

_Six ponies. Takes two to tango._

{6|2} = 6!/(2!*((6-2)!)

= 720/(2*4!)

= 360/24

= 15

 

Fifteen pairings. Five alternate universes.

Let's get this ship sailing. ;-)

 

* * *

 

**CHAPTER 1:**

**SKY, EARTH AND BEYOND**

_**or** _

**TEMPERAMENTAL ALIGNMENT**

 

* * *

 

_**#1: DR—Celebrity Couple** _

In Equestria, anything was possible.

It was possible for a young artist with the tincture of success of her soul to find big city fame, despite never having lived in the big city. And it was possible for a unicorn to make a home for herself in Cloudsdale—thanks to enchanted boots, the magic of a powerful friend, and the aid of the royal magisters guild. It was even possible for her to win respect there after having made a vain fool of herself on her first visit.

It was possible, too, to find true love in a form superficially different from oneself. To see past uncouth speech and rampant informality in order to discover a soul with surprising similarities to one's own: A passion for pushing the limits. A drive to be known, to be exceptional, to be famous. A penchant for inimitable flash and radiant beauty.

Perhaps most remarkably, it was not only possible, but downright common, for one to resemble one's love in another way: To share their sex.

The grand and ancient realm of Equestria prospered for many reasons, chief among which was the fact that its populace never wanted for natural resources, making poverty a rarity. A major reason for this was its low natural birthrate, which in turn owed to the ubiquity of homosexuality. Same-sex relations were every bit as common in Equestria as their opposite-sex counterparts, and in some places where mares composed over two thirds of the population, they were more common still.

It was therefore no surprise to Rarity, celebrity fashion designer in the clouds, that the dear friends she had left behind in Ponyville three years ago had all found love in the embrace of other mares. What did startle her somewhat was the fact that they'd decided to pair up with each other!

Enough was enough! Rarity had been away from the town she still thought of as home for far too long. She had projects coming up, yes, but there were _always_ projects. First there'd been the Sapphire Shores tour, then the Fillydelphia exhibition, the Wonderbolts Pan-Equestria tour and the design and release of her Rainboom fashion line. Now there were follow-up interviews to schedule, the kerfuffle over the AirTrain patent to attend to, an upcoming series of photoshoots for _Modern Mare_ —there was no end to it. Time would simply have to be carved out. Her manager and her publicist would need cajoling, as would her agent.

Still. At least there was one person in her life who would understand.

Rarity took pleasure in tapping on the window with a pebble. This was partly because the glass windows had been her own idea, an architectural feature not normally combined with clouds, and it had been so difficult to build them that she took pride in every pane. But her pleasure stemmed mainly from getting to turn about the game Rainbow liked to play with her so often. Many was the evening or lunchtime break when she'd had her work interrupted by an unmistakable cadence, a rat-a-tat-tat at the window or door that couldn't possibly be a reporter, but only her love.

That patternless pattern was present throughout their life together. The dew on the windows on a cloudy day; the athletic equipment strewn lazily across the gym; the arrangement of bottles and bars of soap in the shower. No one could leave dishes scattered all over the sink like Rainbow could. No one could leave Rarity's workshop in quite the same state of disarray. No one could make their bed quite as beautifully, quite as imperfectly, as Rainbow Dash.

That was why they drew the line where they did—why they still made their own beds and did their own washing. Skies above, all Equestria knew they could afford to hire servants or live in a posh hotel. But where would the intimacy in that be? What was the point of being a celebrity couple if they couldn't harbor secrets with which to tease the populace? What was the point of indulging the paparazzi if they couldn't later stir the pot again during their precious private hours?

So it was Rainbow herself, and not a servant, who came to the 'basement' window. She was wearing only a violet headband Rarity had given her to match her eyes…and oh, those eyes, and their delectably irritated expression!

"What's the big idea?" asked Rainbow, her voice muffled by the glass until Rarity used her magic to swing it open. "I was doing laps in the gym."

"I've had a letter from Applejack," Rarity reported. "Did you know that she's transformed her family farm into a commune?"

Rainbow's expression grew puzzled. "That sounds kinda familiar…"

"…And that she's taken up with Fluttershy?"

Now those beautiful violet eyes became wide and round. "Really? Fluttershy and Applejack?"

Rarity drew back with a flushed smile. "So she writes! And she mentioned in passing that Pinkie Pie has moved in with Twilight, if you can believe it."

"Holy buckets! When did that happen?"

"Sometime in the last year, I gather. Darling? We really should visit. It's been far and away too long."

Now Rainbow was pained, which it pained Rarity in turn to see. "We can't! There's a Wonderbolt show in Stalliongrad next week, and we've got that whole series of photo shoots to plan, not to mention our day in patent court…"

"I know, I know," Rarity was already saying. "And Cloudsdale isn't even close to Ponyville these days. But look at it this way, dearest. We've just wrapped up the last showing of the Rainboom line. By next year, they'll expect me to have another fashion line well underway, and that means I'll need to begin in a matter of months! But right now, no one is expecting me to do any designing. It's time for a vacation! We can reschedule the meetings with Photo Finish's people, and have our lawyers speak for us in court."

"But—"

"I'm sorry, Rainbow, but this is what free time looks like these days! We have to seize it when it comes along!"

"But the show!"

Rarity winced. "Ah, right. Yes, the show. We can't exactly pull you out of the first Stalliongrad show in ages. Maybe after?"

"But there's the afterparty, and the interviews, and then on the twentieth I'm booked for the Sugar Bowl halftime show. And I've got to keep up with my training…"

Rarity shook her head in resignation. "You're right, of course. The busy life spurs you on! But would it be all right if I were to go? I miss our old haunts, Dash. The cheery voices of dear friends…"

"Sure, knock yourself out. I'll be out of town for the show anyway—no point in you going lonely. Think you can shake the paparazzi?"

Rarity chuckled and tossed her curls. "I should hope to have learned a _thing_ or two from you by now. I expect I'll manage it."

"In that case, why don'tcha go tomorrow? I'll be meeting with the team, so you may as well not hang around."

Rarity smirked and leaned down through the tilted window. "Do you think it's that easy to be rid of me, Rainbow Dash?"

She could hear the beating of those wonderful wings as they raised Rainbow to her level. "No. If you were easy, you wouldn't be mine."

There wasn't time for Rarity to think before the kiss was upon her. She could only hug back.

 

* * *

 

_**#2: AF—Earth Mothers** _

The reporters had been refreshingly easy to slip past. For all they knew, Rarity was currently enjoying a nice, long bubble bath at home, and if anyone tried to spy through the tinted windows, they'd only end up waiting in consternation for her to leave the bathroom and thinking her appetite for bathing knew no bounds. This thought amused her as she strolled along the familiar road to Sweet Apple Acres. It was a beautiful day, and no one—not even those she was bound to visit—knew where she was. Privacy was a beautiful thing in those rare moments when it could be enjoyed under the sun.

It wasn't long before her first surprise: Where once had lain undeveloped meadow, there were now plentiful textured fields of many colors. Though Rarity couldn't tell what was growing there, it was clear the Apples had expanded their operations to far more than just apples.

Another few furlongs, and there was a sign—nothing more than a broad, attractive board, buried deep in the earth. SWEET SEED COMMUNE, it read. Below was a detailed map showing the regions associated with various crops, crisscrossed with lines and notations showing who was in charge of which sections, according to a rotating schedule. Rarity noticed a green region marked "Animal Preserve" on the northwest edge of the property, not too far from the farmhouse.

It wasn't long before she came to the first workers. Their crop appeared to be yellow squash, but their own nature was harder to discern. They were a green mare and a mango-orange stallion, both wearing elaborate wide-brimmed hats that would have amazed the clothing designer if they hadn't clashed so violently with their surroundings.

"Good morning!" greeted Rarity. She was used to being polite unless aggrieved, and the idea of startling these random farmers with the presence of a celebrity, should they happen to recognize her, amused her.

The two rose and removed their hats, lifting their heads merrily. "Good morning!" they said in turn. Rarity could quite put names to their vaguely familiar faces, but what surprised her more was that the female worker was a unicorn—distinctly uncommon in the farming class, especially in Ponyville.

Rarity smiled. "Might either of you know where I could find Miss Applejack, the proprietor?"

"Didja see a sign on the way here?" asked the green unicorn in a surprisingly downhomey voice. "Should have the full schedule."

"Oh, of course. I should have checked it when I passed it. How silly of me."

"Not at all!" said the equally cheerful earth pony. "Or you could ask Miss Fluttershy over there." He pointed to a slowly sinking speck of graceful yellow near the horizon. "She'd know, I expect!"

Rarity let out a dry chortle. "Yes, she would, wouldn't she? Thank you very much." As she passed the two workers by, they scooped up their gaudy hats and were back to their tasks with admirable speed.

 

* * *

 

Rarity hurried toward the yellow speck, peripherally taking in the sight of new crops, along with a few small buildings she didn't recognize dotting the fields here and there. Dwellings, she supposed? There were other ponies at work as well, but Rarity honed in on what did in fact turn out to be Fluttershy, wiggling about at the orchard's edge with her head under a fallen apple tree.

"Darling!! What on earth has you so captivated under there?"

Fluttershy froze, her wings rigid and half extended. She slowly pulled her forebody free and looked up in amazement. "Rarity?"

"In the flesh! Surprised to see me?"

The yellow pegasus pony's cheeks flushed pinker than her mane. "I'm so glad you're here! Oh, Rarity, I've missed you so much. Have you moved back to town?"

Rarity gave her head a reluctant shake. "I'm only here for the day. But I simply couldn't stay away when I learned what Applejack had done with this place! But then again…it wasn't just her, was it?"

Slowly, Fluttershy brought her delighted blush under control. "It's amazing how many ponies have decided to join us out here. We had no idea the commune would grow so quickly! We just wanted to share a little piece of our happiness."

Things were beginning to come clear. "So the relationship came first, and the commune came after?"

"That's right," Fluttershy agreed. "Once we'd both found what we wanted, it seemed like it would be selfish to keep it to ourselves."

Rarity looked around, eventually spotting the original Apple family farmhouse. "Is Applejack in today?"

"Oh, she's in the field. I think she's breaking ground for the string bean crop. We're starting to grow so many new things, Rarity! It's so exciting!" With this, Fluttershy lifted her face to the sky and hovered in exultation.

Rarity found numerous questions occurring to her. But they could wait. She wanted to speak to her friends together—to see their newfound happiness firsthoof. "Darling? Would you be willing to show me to the beanfield?"

"Oh, yes! Just give me a minute." Fluttershy dropped silently to the earth and resumed digging under the treetrunk before her.

"What are you doing under there, if I may ask?"

As the pegasus gave one final tug, a length of wild tree root came flying out, spraying dirt everywhere. Rarity gasped, shaking it from her coat and mane as well as she could.

"Oh! I'm sorry, Rarity. But this tree just happened to fall right over a prairie dog burrow, and the poor things were getting tangled in its roots trying to dig their way out." Sure enough, a gaggle of prairie dogs emerged from the newly cleared hole, rushing for cleaner pastures. A couple of them paused to give affectionate facerubs to Fluttershy's leg.

Rarity laughed, ignoring the dirt as well as she could. "It's grand to see you haven't given up on animals entirely! I was beginning to worry you'd transferred all your affections to plants!"

"Oh, no," said the yellow pony, leading her friend toward the string bean field. "I've still got all my original affections. I just have so much more, these days."

Rarity slyly observed her companion's secret smile as they walked.

 

* * *

 

 

Hats were everywhere, bobbing on the heads of workers. Straw hats, burlap hats, ridged paper…practically no two in the same shape or style! Apparently they were a rule, spoken or unspoken, of the commune. Yet there was only one Stetson, and it thankfully confirmed the identity of the well-toned carrot orange earth pony beneath it.

"Why, if it ain't Rarity! Where've you been, sugarcube?"

It was so reassuring to hear that familiar greeting. "You mean you don't already _know_ my every movement?" asked Rarity, feigning amazement.

"Huh? Why would I?" asked Applejack. "Oh, you mean on account o' tabloids and such? Naw, we don't have much time for pleasure readin' around here."

"Thank you for meeting the joke halfway," Rarity teased, offering a nuzzle that Applejack happily accepted. "It's quite all right, believe me. Being trailed everywhere by reporters and photographers gets _quite_ tiresome. You needn't worry, though—I've given them the slip."

"Good fer you!" replied the farmer. "So, you've come to see what we've done with the place?"

"More or less! I must admit, I was surprised by the sign. 'Sweet Seed Commune'?"

There was a subtle sigh as Applejack unhooked herself from her harness. "It's true. Sweet Apple Acres is no more."

"Oh, but it's _so_ much more!" interrupted Fluttershy.

"Heh heh. That it is." Applejack took a moment to duck her nose under Fluttershy's mane, evoking an almost inaudible squeal.

"I've only got a few hours," said Rarity, hiding her reaction, "but I'm dying to hear how this commune came to be!"

"Well, come on up to the house an' we'll fix ya somethin'," suggested Applejack. "How do y'feel about…Waldorf salads?"

"Waldorf? Oh my! Are you sure, Applejack? That's only around 25% apple! I remember the days when anything under 50% on this farmstead would be a scandal!"

"Well, times change," quipped the orange pony. "Come on in and make yourself comfy."

 

* * *

 

 

Granny Smith was cordial to Rarity as she entered the redecorated home, though Rarity got the impression that the ailing matron didn’t quite remember who she was. Just how long had it been since she'd been a guest here? She couldn't recall.

Moving past her into the kitchen, Rarity admired the newly painted upper walls. "Oh, I love the butterfly motif!"

"Of course you would notice that," said Fluttershy. "You've always been so observant."

"Well, and yet!" Rarity took a seat at the table. "Somehow I seem to have missed the signs between the two of you!"

Appejack chuckled, setting her hat on a rack sporting half a dozen different pieces of headgear. "Well, I think it took us a piece by surprise, too. Danged if ah don't owe it all to worms."

"Worms?" That was not what Rarity had expected.

"That's right," Fluttershy confirmed. "Applejack had a worm infestation last year, and it was ruining her harvest. She tried everything."

"Ah was at mah wits' end," said Applejack. "Last thing ah could think of was bringin' in Fluttershy here. She's always been a wiz with animals, after all…and worms are animals, even if they are squirmy little ones."

"I'd never really thought much about worms," revealed Fluttershy. "But once I started looking at the tunnels they made in the apples here, I was _fascinated_. I wanted to spend all my time here!"

"The worms brought us together," continued Applejack. "Ah saw how tender she was with 'em…and when she managed to draw 'em all to one grove, and saved mah crop…well, I suppose ah was just plain won over!"

"We went on a vacation to celebrate," said Fluttershy. "Have you ever been to Watershine Glade, Rarity? It's _heavenly_."

"I can't say I have," said Rarity softly, "but I've seen pictures. "The waterfalls looked endless."

"Oh, they were," Fluttershy whispered. She fell into a hush as her mate started making the salad.

"Well, I'll just say this for waterfalls," contributed Applejack. "They're good at makin' you scrabble fer places to huddle. An' while we were there, we did a whole lotta huddlin'."

"Oh, yes," confirmed Fluttershy. "AJ is a very nice huddler."

"And so there you were!" surmised Rarity.

"There we were!" continued Fluttershy. "And I decided I'd simply have to move in here. Which of course meant that my animals—at least the most tender, vulnerable ones—would have to move, too."

"So we carved out a space over yonder," said Applejack, whipping up a dressing with a front hoof while pointing with a rear one. "An' she still spends a mod'rate amount o' time with her critters. But ah was surprised how quickly she took to plants!"

"It's true! I knew that I couldn't be truly happy on a farm with only one kind of crop, any more than I could be happy caring for just one kind of animal. So…I suggested that we diversify."

"And you went along with it, Applejack?"

The earth pony finished the dressing and mixed in cups of raisins, walnuts and celery. The apple slices came last. "Oh, I wasn't too happy about cuttin' back the orchards. Those trees mean a lot to me, ya know."

Rarity nodded as Fluttershy said, "Oh, I know."

"But it had to be done," Applejack continued. "So we culled back the least fruitful apple trees, and added zucchini, an' then potatoes…corn…grapes…"

"Soon," said Fluttershy merrily, "I could walk in a straight line and come across apples, carrots, celery stalks..."

"Colorful flowers too," added Applejack.

"Oh yes, very colorful flowers. You were so good to me!"

"Well, you were no slouch, yerself! But even so, it was clear we weren't gonna be able to handle so many different crops on our own." Applejack spooned a healthy serving of salad into Rarity's bowl. "Warn't no choice but t'invite folks in!"

"And thus Sweet Seed Commune was born?" summarized Rarity.

"That's how it happened," said Fluttershy. "And now there are so many wonderful diverse things around us! Plants…animals…ponies…"

"Hats," added Applejack. "Kinda became a tradition."

"So I see!" said Rarity. She took a bite, finding the Waldorf salad deliciously zesty.

 

* * *

 

 

The three of them strolled later through the still sizable apple orchard, the trees adorned by beautiful white spring blossoms.

"So how's life with mah old nemesis?" asked Applejack, cracking a mischievous grin.

"It's quite a thrill, I assure you. Our schedules are packed! And while we each might be famous on our own, we're doubly so as a unit."

"You can't tell me that doesn't please ya."

"Well, one doesn't butter one's bread with fame," ruminated Rarity, glancing at the blossoms overhead. "Even though one might wish to."

"An' they call you two 'Rarebow' these days, don't they? What kind of a name is that?"

"A rather embarrassing one, I admit. Still, it shows that the public cares!"

Fluttershy, who was enjoying the surrounding scents and sounds, spoke up softly. "It's good to be cared for."

"True enough," said Rarity. "And I'm sure the other members of your commune hold you both in high esteem."

"Yes," said Fluttershy, "but they aren't the ones who matter most." She locked eyes with her lover.

Applejack paused beneath a low-hanging branch. "Ah take a whiff of my girl," she mused, "and it's like I'm inhalin' the true essence at the core o' life."

"Why Applejack, you must really be infatuated!" exclaimed Rarity. "I've never known you to wax poetic."

This confused the farmer. "Wax? Rarity, all mah apples are wax free, guaranteed. Always have been."

The unicorn laughed and found Fluttershy laughing with her. "Oh, Applejack," said Fluttershy, her yellow coat practically glowing in the bright sun. "I think she means your words have a sheen to them that they never had before." She put her head up against her paramour and faced Rarity. "And it's true! There's so much beauty on the _inside_ of this mare we hardly ever get to see!" They exchanged a fond look. "But I intend to free it."

Applejack let out a nervous laugh, not breaking eye contact. Her lover's yellow nose caressed the underside of her orange chin, easing that laughter into a happy sigh. Together, they gazed at the trees.

Rarity waited some moments before speaking. "It's been a lovely visit," she whispered. "But I think it's time for me to head on to the library. I'm hoping to be home before dark."

Fluttershy gave the fashionista an all-encompassing hug. "Don't be a stranger!"

"I'll endeavor not to be. And of course, I wish you two the very best." Rarity smiled at Applejack. "Good luck with the commune!"

"Don't need luck," said Applejack with a glance. "All ah need is my trees, and mah beautiful muse." She turned her eyes back to Fluttershy, who was on the verge of floating with joy.

"I'll be seeing you," whispered Rarity as she slipped quietly away. When she looked back from the trail leading to town, the two commune farmers were still admiring the apple blossoms together.

 

* * *

 

 

_**#3: PT—Seekers of Arcane Knowledge** _

How the Ponyville library had changed! Rarity paused to compose a sketch as she gazed from the road at the mind-boggling structure. Built into a tree, the building had always featured numerous wings—rooms upon haphazard rooms without much structure beyond multiplicity and chaos. But now it was supplemented with chambers, cupolas, promontories…it had the air of a temple of the occult. Most notable was the large chamber in the heart of the foliage built out of smooth light purple wood, with a constantly turning panel in its center. On one side was painted a huge, stylized question mark; the other featured a glimmering pyramid made from pink and silver blocks, a single blue balloon at its heart and a gleaming star of magic emerging from its apex.

The familiar sign before the library still bore the icon of a book, but now its pages shone with light and were printed with tiny pink script. When Rarity looked closely, she found that the script consisted of tiny, wiggly question marks and exclamation points. She wanted to chuckle, but her sense of wonder was even greater. With some trepidation, she strode into the library.

There were other patrons perusing the collection, which was even larger than it had been, but it was Spike who greeted Rarity from the central desk. "Rarity! You're back!!" The dragon dashed around the desk to give her a hug; rather than force him to squeeze her legs, she bowed and let him throw his stubby arms around her neck. "I can't believe you're back! I missed you so much!"

Rarity was touched by the young dragon's affection. "Yes, Spike, I'm back. It's been too long."

The purple reptile closed his eyes and squeezed harder. "You can say _that_ again! All those days without you!"

This was going a bit far. Suddenly remembering his crush of yesteryear, Rarity drew gently away from Spike's embrace and tried to strike a merciful tone. "I'm glad to see you again too, Spike…but surely you know I'm with Dash now."

His face fell, as did his spines. "Oh yeah." He seemed to be trying to think of something else to say.

Rarity spared him the pain. "I'm sorry, dear. I know you were fond of me." She offered him a nuzzle, which he accepted on his belly. "If it hadn't been for the accident of our respective ages...and species...well, who knows!" She smiled at him, and he beamed with an overwhelmed sigh.

"Who knows," he gushed. "Yeah, it's too bad we'll never end up together." He shook his head and abruptly started to stare into the distance. Rarity hoped he wasn't thinking of the relatively long lifespans of dragons and unicorns compared to pegasi—that would be entirely too morbid.

"In any case, I'm only here for the afternoon," said Rarity. "I was hoping to visit with Twilight...and, ah...with Pinkie." The idea of them as a couple still unsettled her—she wasn't sure if it was because such a pairing felt wrong, or because she was frightened of what it would entail. "Are they in?"

Spike's mind resettled in the present. "Yeah, they're upstairs. Uh..." He glanced up the spiral staircase, a little nervously. "You may want to knock first."

"Right." Rarity's trepidation returned as she followed his gaze. "Well...no time like the present!" She swallowed the lump in her throat and ascended. Spike remained before the desk, watching her from below. Well, let him. This was something of a significant reunion.

Sure enough, set directly in the middle of the junction of causeways leading to various wings of the tree sat an enclosed room bearing a sparkling question mark on its door. Based on the lavender paint job, it was probably the very chamber Rarity had seen from the outside—the nervous system of the Ponyville Library, so to speak. Certainly it made _Rarity_ nervous. She knocked a hoof delicately three times against the door....

Where there had before been silence, now stifled laughter was audible from the thickly walled room. Rarity stepped back, embarrassed. She wondered whether she'd had the misfortune to catch her old friends in something…improper.

With a click, the door swung open more easily than she'd thought it could, and Pinkie's face was right in hers, looking young as ever, if not younger. Her blue eyes instantly went wide and her muzzle parted in a gasp. In the second before Pinkie could speak, Rarity noticed that a billowing green-yellow gas was escaping from the doorway above her, and it smelled…not nearly as bad as she would have guessed. Almost stimulating.

"RARITY!!! Sparky, look! It's the rare part of Rarebow! And she _is_ rare, too,' cause there's only _one_ of her and she hasn't been here in ages!!" Rarity was getting ready to respond, but before she could, the pink mare leapt upon her and hugged tight. Rarity stumbled back, letting out a squeal. She collapsed onto the wooden floor, and while she couldn't disentangle herself enough to return the hug, she did manage a weak nuzzle.

"Pinkie, please!"

"Oh, sorry! I was just so _happy_ to _see_ you! How have you been, Rarity? How are the paparazzi treating you? Is it true that you and Rainbow are gonna do a photoshoot together? An _erotic_ photo shoot? Because that's what I heard! And is it true that 'erotic' means 'in an environment lacking oxygen'? Because that sounds like you'd have to hold your breaths a long time!!"

"Pinkie—"

"But we might be able to help! We've been working on that kind of thing, haven't we, Sparks?"

"Yes…yes, we have." Twilight was there at the door now, and despite Pinkie blocking most of her vision, Rarity noticed something different about the academic. A streak of sparkling silver in her mane?

"Twilight, it's so good to see you," Rarity croaked. "Do you think you could…manage to call your…lover off?"

Pinkie stood back and gasped, not realizing how aggressive she'd been. Rarity stumbled to her feet and shook her mane into place. The green and yellow gas was beginning to get heady.

"I wasn't expecting you, Rarity!" said Twilight, hurrying to shut off a Bunsen burner. "Did you send a note? Or maybe let the mayor know you were coming?"

"On the contrary, I thought I might give you a pleasant surprise!" Rarity coughed, finding the cloying gas too much for her. "But instead, I find _myself_ surpr…what is this strange miasma?!"

"Oh, that's just balloon gas," said Pinkie. "Watch!" She stood firm in the hallway and sucked up a lungful of the stuff from the upper air. To Rarity's amazement, the earth pony's coat acquired a tinge of green, her body expanded, her eyes bulged, and her tail started to float! Soon, Pinkie was thrice her former girth, and her skin was beginning to become translucent. Rarity was afraid to look beneath the surface, but thought she could make out organs being pressed against the edges of Pinkie's equine anatomy. She seemed lighter as well, and thoroughly bulbous. Eventually, she let out her breath and the entire effect went racing out of her in a stream of gas, yellow, green and pink, and Pinkie was her extraordinary self again.

"But—incredible!!" exclaimed Rarity. "That was—that was absolutely _revolting_ , Pinkie! And yet…fascinating! Surely it was magic!"

"Thaaaaaat's right! Sort of. Kind of! More or less!"

"Magically enhanced chemistry," explained Twilight. The billows were finally dissipating, but Rarity could now see that this 'balloon gas' had filled practically the whole room.

"I see," she murmured. "Twilight—Pinkie—what in the world were you two _doing_ in there?!"

"Juuuust having a little fun!" chimed Pinkie, striking a playful stance.

"Well," said Twilight, "that _and_ trying to develop a way to float using our stomachs as bladders. Now that we've worked out how to use our large intestines as long-term storage, that is."

Rarity felt unease rising in her own stomach. "You've…what?! But that sounds simply disgusting!"

"Disgusting and _fun_!!" shouted the pink pony, doing a backflip that shuddered the floor.

Twilight grinned bashfully. "I prefer to think of it as…arcane study."

"Misusing your stomachs?" replied a stunned Rarity. "Bucking the natural order? You know there isn't a flight spell for a _reason_ , Twilight! Only pegasus ponies are meant to fly!"

"Yyyyep!" agreed Pinkie Pie. "Along with birds, bats, insects, griffons, specks of dust, parasprites, flying pigs, dragons, alicorns, harpies, hippogriffs, microorganisms, pterosaurs, winged salamanders, gorgons, anyone with a hot air balloon or a pedal-powered dirigible, and now US!"

"Does Princess Celestia know about this?"

"Actually," said Twilight, "Celestia pulled the strings to get us our latest grant. She's as interested in arcane studies as anyone. It's very avant garde!"

"…Aaaaand romantic!" added Pinkie, striking an ominous bipedal stance. "We're unlocking doors that we were never even meant to _discover_! Seeking out knowledge that PONIES WERE NOT MEANT TO KNOW!!" She waved her forehooves about in a flurry.

"And that's…romantic?" echoed Rarity.

"Oh, very!" said a blushing Twilight. Rarity could now see that her coat and mane were definitely flecked with sparkling silver. "Pinkie's helped me figure out so many things I never would have thought to try on my own! Who would have thought that properly tempered sauerkraut would let you _inhale and exhale at the same time??_ "

"That's how it's always worked for me!" said a shrugging Pinkie.

"So now," continued Twilight, "we're working on a technique for long-term breath holding that _anyone_ can use! Without magic!"

"Except for the inherent magic of sauerkraut!" added Pinkie. "Maybe that'll help you with your erotic photoshoot."

"I think the word you're thinking of is 'anaerobic'," Twilight suggested.

"What? EWWW! No!"

Rarity grimaced, wondering what Pinkie thought that meant. "The rumors concerning that particular project are rather exaggerated, I'm afraid. Although I confess you have given me a new idea or two. But this research! I would never have thought it in your line, Twilight!"

"Why not? I've always been a scientist at heart."

"But you wrote papers! This is so…physical!"

"Oh, Sparks loves to get physical, dontcha?" Pinkie gyrated a hip against her lover's flank. "She just needs a little inspiration now and then." With that, Pinkie blew a raspberry with her tongue—except that a swirl of glitter and confetti came out.

"How did you—"

"Sparkle sack," explained Pinkie. "Sits right next to the saliva gland! And you refill it by eating construction paper!"

Twilight stood enthusiastically beside her lover, their coats brushing as they both faced Rarity. "In any case, I've never had a problem with being physical," she explained. "I've always been interested in applied research! It's intimacy that I have issues with."

"But not with mee-eee!" crooned Pinkie, kicking up to stand on her forehooves.

"Pinkie has…a certain way of taking the pressure off," whispered Twilight.

Rarity only stared, taking it all in. "Might I ask how your relationship began?"

"Oh, sure," said Pinkie. "Sparks had juuust got to town, and I walked up and gave her time for some framing dialogue with Spike, and then she said 'Hello!' and I leapt in the air and _gaaaasped_ because she was new and I—"

"No, no! Not the first time you met! Your _relationship!_ "

"Isn't that the beginning of a relationship?" asked Twilight. "When you first meet?"

"I _mean_ your personal connection!" pressed Rarity. "When—how—when did you fall in _love_?"

The two of them exchanged glances, blinking and pondering. "Huh. Do you remember, Pinkie?"

"I think maybe it was after the scent cannon, but before the sauerkraut."

"That late? I'd be more likely to place it a little bit after you started coming over in the evenings and interfering with my research."

"Interfering?! I was helping!"

"You were making elaborate sculptures out of books, reading over my shoulder, and singing about nothing in particular."

"But you have to admit, it gave you new focus!"

Twilight smirked. "Yes…after a while, I suppose it did." She turned to Rarity. "I started using her as a test subject, instead of Spike."

"You should see me with a mustache!" chirped Pinkie.

"And she gave a lot more suggestions than Spike ever did. Some of them…maybe one of out of a hundred…were actually good!"

"You put out enough volume," exclaimed Pinkie, "and you're sure to strike a _few_ gold nuggets!"

Rarity nodded with a sigh. "I think I can piece it together from there. But what about the bakery, Pinkie? Don't they miss you?"

"Eh, the Cakes got by without me before, and they're doing fine now. I mean, it's not like I've given up sweets!" She demonstrated her point by planting her face into Twilight's withers and inhaling at length.

"And I teach lessons on Fridays," explained Twilight, doing her best to ignore Pinkie. "One class for all ages and one for adults. But we've got to keep researching if we're going to have anything to teach!"

Rarity tried to picture it. "Please tell me Sweetie Belle isn't—"

"The best sparkle spewer in her claa-aass!" singsonged Pinkie.

"Good grief. Well, I suppose that so long as the princess knows…this isn't _too_ much of a crime against nature and civilization."

"Research isn't a crime!" insisted Twilight.

"You gotta keep pushing those borders!" chimed Pinkie.

"Indeed. But…balloon gas? Really?"

Twilight glanced at the beaker that still stood half full on the burner. "It does have other uses," she allowed.

"The way I see it," explained Pinkie, "anything that can make ponies more like latex is aaaallll good!"

"Yes. Well." Rarity backed away from the mysterious room, whose contents she was just as glad not to encounter. "It was a delight seeing you both again."

"Awww, you mean you have to go _already_?!" exclaimed Pinkie. "But we haven't even played any games yet!"

"And we've got so many prototypes you could help us test!" added Twilight

"Yes, well. It is getting dark, after all, and I mustn't put my professional stalkers out of a job! Duty calls, as duty always must."

Twilight looked accepting, if disappointed, and Pinkie sighed deeply. "Well, when you see Rainbow, give her a kiss for me. Make it a big kiss, like this!" She proceeded to demonstrate by giving Twilight a long, intense smooch, her legs tangled up around her neck.

"I'll do my best," promised Rarity. Best wishes to you…and keep up the good work."

"You too!" called Twilight, her voice muffled. She managed to give Rarity a wink before Pinkie's advances covered her face entirely. Now just what was that supposed to mean?

 

* * *

 

 

Somewhat shaken, Rarity stopped on her way out to speak again with Spike. "Well…that was interesting, to say the least."

"How'd you like the balloon gas?" he asked.

"I was…unprepared. For all of it. Spike, how did all this happen?"

He shrugged and shelved a book. "Chemistry, I guess. Something _I_ wouldn't know anything about."

Rarity felt sympathetic to her admirer's position, perhaps more than ever before. "Tell me…how has it been for you, Spike? So much change…I can only imagine it's been terribly hard on you."

"Eyyaaah. It's not as bad as when Twilight was in her mold culture phase." He stuck out his tongue. "Honestly, I'll get by. Sure, maybe Pinkie does sometimes use half-eaten lollipops as bookmarks…and maybe the weird moans and giggles can get a little annoying. But hey! At least they keep each other busy."

"So they do," admitted Rarity. "And thank Celestia for that!"

She and the dragon shared a brief laugh before she went on her way. It was true, Rarity reflected as she donned her winged boots and let them carry her heavenward. Everypony needs someone to keep them busy. And a busy life was nothing to be ashamed of.

 


	2. Noise and Silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, folks, that's right! It's everypony with everypony! Within the Mane Six, that is. I would have called it the Pony Permutation Project, but that name already belongs to some rather clever little (non-shipping) pieces. Thanks for the comments and reviews thus far—more are always welcome!
> 
> Now, on to the Masquerade!

  **CHAPTER 2:**

**NOISE AND SILENCE**

_**or** _

**SUGAR AND SPICE**

 

* * *

 

_**#4: FT—The Quiet Life** _

_My Faithful Student, Twilight Sparkle:_

_I hope that you know I would never seek to denigrate the peace of mind and holy bliss your marriage has brought you. Everything I said at your ceremony still resonates firmly in my heart. The Lady Fluttershy completes you, just as you complete her, and nopony should ever be denied the most perfect wholeness of being they can attain._

_That said, I confess I have been concerned about the quality of your latest missives. Since returning from your honeymoon two months ago, my dear Twilight, you have sent only four letters concerning the nature of friendship, and of these, none appear to have required you to do so much as leave your home. While there are certainly endless insights to be fathomed on the subject of a harmonious marriage, I fear that your particular union may be too staid to give you a comprehensive view. I do not, for instance, need to hear the details of your system for allocating bed space, and while it pleases me that you have taken an interest in guessing what kind of tea your new wife might like to drink each morning, I imagine you might have spared me the complete log of your success/failure record._

_Have you forgotten that you have other friends? Marriage is by no means an end to the friendship phase of one's life, Twilight Sparkle. One still must remain connected to the outside world, and what better way to do this than through the well-worn goodwill of one's oldest friends? I would like you to draw your next few letters from the experiences of others besides yourself and your wife, my dearest pupil. And in the meantime, you may wish to consider ways in which your marriage might be made more…exciting._

_With an enduring affection,_

_Your mentor,_

_Princess Celestia._

Twilight frowned as she set down the letter. She looked over to the corner where her wife was, with help from her bunny, tending to an injured tortoise.

"Angel?" she called.

Both bunny and pegasus looked over.

"Ugh," said Twilight. "We have got to get this worked out. My wife can't have the same pet name as her actual pet does!"

"So you meant me, Twilight?" asked Fluttershy humbly.

"Yes, I did! Hmm." The letter forgotten, Twilight climbed to her feet from her homemade beanbag chair. "Angel bunny, would you mind if we gave you a new name? Something like…Fred?"

The bunny adopted a tense stance and shook his head.

"Not Fred? Well, what about…Pip? That's a good rabbit name, isn't it?"

The head shaking became more emphatic.

"No? Roger?"

Now the bunny was staring downright aggressively at Twilight.

"To be fair," offered Fluttershy, "he did have the name first."

Twilight sighed. "How about Devil Bunny? Look. To me, Fluttershy _is_ an angel. She's the sweetest, gentlest angel I could ever hope to meet. I've _tried_ coming up with another pet name for her, but there's just nothing half as good! I've been through every thesaurus in the library!"

Fluttershy sighed a far more ethereal sigh as she settled next to her lapine helper. "Don't worry, Angel. No one's going to make you change your name. You'll always be _my_ little angel."

Twilight watched with a pang of jealousy as the rabbit snuggled up to the pegasus with a level of affection he'd never yet shown Twilight. "But then what do I call _you_?" she asked her spouse helplessly. "I _need_ a pet name for you! The literature agrees—I can't just keep calling you Fluttershy all the time."

"Oh, that's all right," said Fluttershy. "You can just call me Angel Two."

"What? As in, the _number_ two?"

"That's right. He was the first Angel in the household, and now I'm the second."

"But Ang—Fluttershy, you're my wife! I am _not_ calling you number two when you're _first_ in my heart!"

"That's…well, that's very sweet of you, Twilight, but then I don't know what we can do. This is a real quandary." She brightened up. "Do you think we could write to the princess for a solution?"

"Gaaahh!!" erupted Twilight, provoking the hurt tortoise to crane its neck in surprise. "Celestia was right! We _are_ homebodies! We need to stop poring over every little thing and get out of the house more."

Fluttershy was sitting beside the tortoise now, trying to calm it down. "Celestia said that?"

"She implied it. She wants me to write about our friends for a change, and not us. I think she's tired of hearing about our little marital triumphs and squabbles."

"Oh." The yellow pegasus flushed with embarrassment. "Twilight, do you know if Princess Celestia was ever married?"

"A few times, I think. Why?"

"I wonder if she already knows everything about marriage there is to know."

"Doubtful," Twilight replied. "Being immortal and the ruler of the sun, she could never have an ordinary marriage. It can't have been the same for her as for everyone else."

Fluttershy's tone was very meek now. "I feel like it probably isn't the same for anypony, Twilight."

But Twilight was rolling up the letter to stash it away. "Aren't Rarity and Pinkie having a masquerade tomorrow night?"

"I…I think so. But they know we aren't coming. They have a masquerade every month, so they won't be offended if—"

"That's it, then! We'll go to that. There's sure to be something there I can write a friendship lesson about, and maybe we'll pick up some tips for spicing up our home life."

Fluttershy was visibly nervous now. "Spicing…up?"

"That's right! I mean, how do we spend our time, Angel? Uh, Angel Two? Fluttershy? What do we do all the time when I'm not away at the library? You tend to your animals, and I read books! Sometimes you make a nice quiet supper for me, and I make you nice quiet breakfasts in the morning. We have a nice quiet garden on the roof and a variety of nice quiet hobbies. You replaced the shuttle on your loom so it wouldn't make so much noise against the harness! Let's face it, Fluttershy. Our lives together are hopelessly, utterly _tranquil_!"

"But…But Twilight..."

"Yes?"

"I, uh…I like it this way."

Twilight's face turned briefly crimson, but her anger faded. "Well, that's the problem," she conceded. "So do I. But don't you see, Fluttershy? Our lives are slipping away. With each quiet day that goes by without anything changing…we're one day closer to the grave, and with nothing to show for it!"

Fluttershy only returned a mournful look.

"No, we're going to that masquerade, and that's that. At the very least, it's a start."

"But…but what will we dress as?"

This was a problem. "I don't know. Normally I'd ask Rarity for help, but…since she's hosting, it doesn't seem quite proper. The only other time I went to one of these, I just put a bag over my head with holes in it, but that didn't seem to go over so well. I guess the idea is that you cover your whole body, not just your face, so that your coat color doesn't give you away."

"Maybe I should put my new extra-quiet loom to good use," the pegasus suggested.

"Yes! Yes, a woven costume would be perfect. And _I_ should read up on the subject. I don't think I have anything in my private collection about masquerades…" Twilight quickly tore through her twelve-shelf library, leaving the books scattered on and around the sofa in a matter of seconds. "Nope! I guess I'll head on over to the library, then!"

"But it's…it's your day off!"

"I never took a day off when I lived there! At least, not a _scheduled_ one. Besides, Spike is always glad to see me."

"Well, that's true," Fluttershy acknowledged. "All right, Twilight. We can go to the masquerade together. But let's…not get our hopes up. Okay?"

"Not get our hopes up? But Angel!" The bunny glared at her. "Uh, Fluttershy, my hopes have _always_ been up. You knew that when you married me!"

Fluttershy lowered her head bashfully. "That's true. And I love you for it."

"Don't worry, we'll find the perfect way to spice up our lives. I'm sure of it. See you later!"

With that, Twilight pulled on her saddlebags and trotted out the door, and Fluttershy surveyed the pile of disheveled books she'd left in her wake.

"I guess it's time to invite everyone in for clean-up," she told Angel. "You can take care of the tortoise while I go and fetch a few helpers." With that, she slipped out the window, singing alluringly in some animal language about the joys of sorting and filing, leaving Angel alone to stew in his juices as he took the tortoise's temperature.

 

* * *

 

 

_**#5: AD—Rough and Tumble** _

 

"Twilight!" called Spike from the next room as the library's entrance bell rang. At least, it was Spike's voice. But Twilight was having a hard time reconciling that with the monstrous dark form rushing toward her. She backed away, capsizing a table. "What? Who?"

The fearsome and rather deformed visage, made from what now appeared to be paint, cardboard, and feathers, fell aside, revealing Spike's familiar face behind it. "What's wrong? I just wanted to give you a hug."

Twilight laughed nervously, picking up the table with her magic while trying to hide her embarrassment. "Oh, it's you, Spike! I thought for a moment you were an owlbear."

The diminutive dragon grabbed up his mask in excitement. "Really?! An owlbear, huh? So my costume is that good?"

He turned to admire himself from various angles. Now back in command of her senses, Twilight could see that the brownish black outfit covering her erstwhile assistant was ill tailored, giving it a bulky, deformed appearance. Feathers of various colors were glued to the shoulders and chest as well as the face, and what she had taken for claws were really jaggedly cut popsicle sticks. Oddly, his lack of skill in assembling the outfit seemed to have made it more terrifying, if only for an instant.

"It's…impressive, Spike. I take it you're going to tomorrow night's masquerade?"

"Of course! I've been going every month! They just keep getting bigger and better!"

Twilight tilted her head somewhat. "Do…you fool anyone? About who you are?"

The dragon became slightly downcast. "Not yet. I'm the only one in town with a build like this, you know." He pumped a meager bicep for elucidation. "But it's still plenty of fun, and I think my costumes are getting better." He lowered his voice. "Rarity gave me some tips last time."

"Did she." So his previous attempts had been worse?

"Yeah! She taught me a couple basic stitches, and how to hide your mistakes, er, I mean, your seams, with decorations like feathers…plus I've been getting better at using my flame to fuse bits of cloth together. Here, I'll show you!" He raced for a trove of scrap materials stored in a book cubby.

"But…doesn't cloth burn?"

"Not if you breathe on it right! Watch!" The young dragon held two pieces of satin at arm's length, suffused them with a misty green exhalation, and showed the fused green and pink product to Twilight. She seemed to recall once seeing a similar effect when Pinkie Pie had spit out two pieces of bubble gum she'd been chewing simultaneously.

"That's great, Spike! I'm proud of you. It's always good to learn new skills."

Spike returned the fused cloth to his cubby. "I bet Fluttershy could make a really nice costume, especially with your help." He scratched at an earflap. "Say…I don't remember ever _seeing_ Fluttershy at the masquerades. Or you, either, except for that one time. With the bag?"

Twilight flushed in embarrassment. "Well, you know Fluttershy. She prefers to stay in."

"But I thought she loves the great outdoors!" said Spike.

"Well, she also prefers to stay out! Out _and_ in."

"Isn't that…everywhere?"

"Everywhere except for loud events, like masquerades. But don't worry, Spike! I'm going this month, and I'm determined to get Fluttershy to come with me. And that's why I'm here—to figure out a costume!"

"Uh…but it's _tomorrow_ ," objected Spike. "Isn't that a little last minute?"

"I've always been a talented procrastinator, Spike, and the other side of that coin is that I'm good at rushing to meet deadlines! Now, where is that Guide to Costume Balls and Other Themed Soirées?"

As Twilight was levitating books off the shelves seemingly at random, the door swung open with a thump. In strode Applejack, panniers loaded with yarn and a variety of random objects. "Did I hear somepony say they're aimin' to make a costume?"

Twilight looked down from the second level, half a dozen books in mid-air. "Aheh, yep," she admitted. "Wait. What have you got there? Yarn?"

"Among other things," deadpanned the farmer. "Twilight, yer not the only one who's a mite behind schedule. I got just one day to rustle up a costume fit to beat Rainbow's, an' I figured if I could find a decent book o' patterns, I could have my ol' granny whip me up somethin'…unless you've got a better idea."

Spike was in place behind the desk. "I think we do have some books of patterns! But what kind of patterns do you want?"

"Uhr…knittin' patterns? Not sure what ah'm gonna be this month. Me an' Rainbow had a bake-off this last week an' we kinda lost track o' time."

Twilight had returned to the library floor by now with a selection of relevant books for both herself and the farmer. "AJ…is there _anything_ you and Rainbow don't do competitively?"

Applejack frowned in thought. Before she could answer, the library shuddered as a cyan cannonball tumbled through the window and hit the wall.

It resolved, predictably enough, into Rainbow Dash, who rolled to her hooves and started looking through the books she'd dislodged. "Let's see. Costumes, costumes…"

A rattled Twilight addressed her from behind. "Can I _help_ you, Dash?"

"Huh? Help me?" The pegasus looked over her shoulder with confusion. "I dunno…AJ might think that was cheating. Nah, I'm good." She resumed sifting through books on diverse subjects like swimming pool maintenance and regional taxation policy, tossing most of them aside.

"Excuse me!" Twilight caught some of the discarded books in her magic and brought them around to Dash's eyes. "In this library, _I'm_ the only one who gets to abuse the source material. I take it you're _also_ looking for a book on costumes?"

Rainbow Dash glanced over uneasily at Applejack, who stared confidently back. "Heh. I guess we both had the same idea. But that's okay. I'll just read faster than her. I do everything faster."

"She really does," muttered the farmer. "And it ain't always something worth tootin' your horn about," she added loudly.

"That's it!" exclaimed Rainbow, shaking the books off her head and back. "I'll make a fake horn! Everyone will think I'm a unicorn!"

"Oh yeah?" retorted Applejack, drawing near. "Well, ah'm gonna make fake _wings_!"

"Well _I'm_ gonna tie _down_ my wings, so no one knows I have any!"

" _I'm_ gonna have wings _and_ a horn, just to _really_ confuse 'em!"

Twilight managed to wedge herself between the bickering pair. "Well, I guess that answers my question! You two will compete over _anything!_ "

"Sure will!" replied Applejack proudly. "With us, every peck on the cheek turns into a tongue war."

"Every romantic stroll turns into a footrace," added Dash.

"Or a poetry contest!" said AJ.

"Or _both!_ " countered Dash.

"Every supper date turns into an eatin' contest."

"Or a cook-off!"

"You kiddin' me? Half the time, ah can cook faster'n y'all can eat!"

"Only because half the time, you're cooking disgusting stuff _on purpose_."

"Apple rhubarb is not disgusting!"

"It is to me and you know it!"

"Ah guess _some_ of us have hardier stomachs than others!"

"Well _some_ of us can tell the stem of the plant from the actual _fruit_!!"

Each retort brought the pair of tense bodies and glaring faces closer together. Again, Twilight was moved to split them up. "You know, I'm astonished you two ever found time to fall in love."

Applejack sat back, slightly chastened. "Ah fell in love faster'n she did," she muttered.

"Nuh-uh! I fell for you _twice_ as fast!"

"Well, ah fell harder."

"Maybe so, but _I_ fell from ten times higher!"

"Are we…are we still bein' metaphorical?"

"Wow," interrupted Twilight. "Things aren't ever quiet with you two, are they?"

"Oh," said Rainbow, happening to glance at a big sign reading QUIET on the wall. "Sorry."

"Oop! Sorry, Twilight," added Applejack.

"No no, it's fine! What I meant was… you two have plenty of spice in your lives…right?"

They both looked oddly at the unicorn. "Spice?" asked Applejack.

"Uh huh! You know…Pizzazz? Zest? You're never bored, are you?"

"Well, no," praised Rainbow, "because AJ here makes even farming exciting. I don't know how she does it, because it sure _looks_ boring from the outside."

"It's all about pride," she explained.

"I know! I've been cultivating my pride," Rainbow answered, fluttering up a few feet.

"You still ain't got a farmer's pride," chastised Applejack.

"You're right, 'cause I'm still a weather pony at heart! And we've got a whole _different_ sort of pride!"

"An' I took you fer good weather an' bad," chuckled Applejack.

"For richer or for poorer," added Rainbow Dash.

"Fer better or fer worse," countered Applejack.

"For better _and_ for worse!" chimed Rainbow.

"Okay, knock it off," said Twilight. "I only ask because the Princess wrote in her latest letter that…" She lowered her voice so that Spike, who was helping a patron, wouldn't hear. "…she thinks my and Fluttershy's home life could be more exciting."

She was met with silence. "Could be _more_ excitin'?" deadpanned Applejack. "Well, tarnation if ah know how. Don't you two do a crossword together, like, every day?"

"Yeah, I don't know," said Rainbow Dash, carrying the joke. "If that cottage of yours were any more exciting, we might have to put up warning fences."

"You'd be keepin' the whole town up at night," added AJ.

"And Pinkie might just put out a hit on you if you threw any more wild parties," added Dash.

"What? Pinkie would nev…oh." Twilight chuckled. "Sarcasm. Right."

"If I were you, ah wouldn't worry," Applejack confided. "Each home's got its own rhythm, after all."

"My old house didn't," said Rainbow, still hovering above them. "It was more like the part of the music where no one's playing, and you can take a nap."

"Well, that's a rhythm, of sorts," said Applejack. "But you're happier followin' the rhythm of the earth, aren'tcha?"

The pegasus flapped lower. "I follow your rhythm," she flirted.

"Yeah? You keep up pretty good," said the earth pony.

Rainbow glanced at the mess of books she'd created and then narrowed her eyes lasciviously. "What do you say we check out our stuff, and then head back home for a refresher session?"

"Uh, girls…" said Twilight nervously, indicating Spike's presence with her head.

"A refresher? Dash, ah was _born_ refreshed!"

"I don't even know what that means!" said Rainbow. "But I bet I give _you_ an orgasm before you give _me_ one."

"That so? Bring it on!" retorted Applejack, her eyes fierce.

Twilight instantly created a shimmering cone of silence around Spike and his patron. "I did _not_ just hear that."

Rainbow laughed at the librarian's reaction. "Heh, that's tame compared to some of the bets we get into. You should hear how we're gonna decide who gets to be the first biological mother."

"Now, now…don't wanna give anypony ideas," chided Applejack.

"Why not? She said she needed more spice in her life. Oh hey, I know!" Rainbow landed behind Twilight, wings still raised. "How about we let Twilight watch?"

Applejack's features rose with astonishment. "Now that's an idea! Wanna come home with us, Twilight?"

Twilight was shaking her head in terror, her face fuchsia. "I couldn't possibly!"

"Aw, pleeease?" begged Rainbow. "You can be the judge!"

But Twilight couldn't take any more. She piled the books with knitting patterns in a neat stack on a table, pulled the book she was looking for out of the pile, and zipped off, leaving a puff of white smoke in her wake. The competitive couple was left blinking in amazement.

"Ah bet ah can do that," said Applejack.

"Oh yeah? I bet I can make it rainbow-colored," rejoined her lover.

"You're on! Seeya at home!" said Applejack, upon which she adopted a dramatic runner's pose and shot off, leaving the room clouded with dust.

"Gonna beatcha there!" shouted Rainbow, soaring off through the window.

Spike hurried to the door and looked after the racing pair. "Wait! You forgot your books!" But the two were long out of earshot.

"Huh," he said, trotting back to put the books away. "Well, I'm sure they'll come up with something. I wonder what that cone of silence thing was all about!"

 

* * *

 

 

_**#6: PR—Playing House** _

 

Fluttershy picked her way along the gravel path leading to town, her skirts getting tangled whenever she had to step over so much a pebble. Since the whole path was made of pebbles, it was taking a while. Twilight looked back impatiently from ahead. "Angel Two! At this rate we won't get there in time for the grand unveiling, let alone the Dancing Sea!"

The pegasus let out a whimper. "I'm not so sure this is a good idea. What if Drizzle is there?"

Twilight paused to look over Fluttershy's costume. With lilac chiffon covering her body, light orange strands woven throughout her mane and tail, a fake umbrella cutie mark, and even a five-petaled blossom in her hair, she did look strikingly like the meek weather pony. Twilight herself was similarly disguised as Romana, a local watchmaker's assistant believed by many to live a double life. Her hair was done up in dramatic swooshes of light and dark blue, her fake cutie mark an hourglass. They'd worked all day on their costumes, though Fluttershy had never been quite comfortable with the whole concept.

"If she shows up, she'll be dressed as someone else!" consoled Twilight. "So no one will know."

"But she'll know," breathed Fluttershy. "And so will Romana."

"Eh, it'll be good for a laugh!" Twilight replied.

Fluttershy continued to inch along the path. "But aren't most ponies going to be dressed as fantastic beasts, or legendary figures, or…?"

Twilight shook her head. "That doesn't matter. The book I checked out—er, well, forgot to officially check out—said that there's a difference between a costume ball and a masquerade. In a costume ball, you try to dazzle everyone with images of the strange and exotic, or play a role and stretch your boundaries! But a masquerade is less about the costume than it is about disguising your identity. The whole idea is that no one should know who anypony is until the grand reveal! And we're sure to fool _everypony_ in these outfits!"

" I don't like fooling ponies," whispered Fluttershy. But Twilight was ahead on the road again, and didn't hear.

[+][+][+][+][+]

As Twilight strode through the doors to the Town Hall's sizable auditorium, where the ball was being held, the first thing she encountered was Pinkie Pie, appearing with her characteristic squealy gasp. Twilight looked at her in horror—had the perspicacious pink pony already seen through her disguise? But no, Pinkie gave the same gasp to Fluttershy…and to the next five ponies who walked in. She seemed to be gasping at everyone, although she varied her tone and direction of approach, occasionally clinging to the mantel in order to gasp diagonally from above. But that made sense, as Pinkie was dressed as a caterpillar.

The hall, meanwhile, was resplendent. Its walls had been covered in smooth white sheets topped with streamers, and additional streamers connected various points of the roof and upper window corners to one another. There were stacks of blue-green boxes against the walls on which fuzzy wild sculptures had been placed, evoking the vague sense of a coral reef. Beside these sat tables of refreshments against the sides of the room, but for once they were out of the way. The focus was on the dance floor, a polished circular space cut from the trunk of a single tremendous tree, the natural grain accented by rings of peach and topaz. From the center of the ceiling descended a paper chandelier constructed from endless curved pockets of white and beige paper. Little points of light were somehow suspended within it. There were tables and seats scattered throughout the room and divans along the walls. Finally, near the front entrance was a jungle gym on which several children, Spike among them, were playing, strands of their wayward costumes dangling beneath the bars. Pinkie leapt from the mantel to the jungle gym using only her torso and her teeth while Twilight watched in amazement. The green-and-black-clad earth pony proceeded to curl among the bars like a real caterpillar might.

"It's so crowded,' murmured Fluttershy from beside Twilight. She was right, of course. More than half the town must have been there, but it was hard to tell who had come, because the costumes were fairly amazing…and because there was just so much swirling activity that Twilight couldn’t keep her eyes focused on anyone for long. She found herself shaking her head to clear it…but hardened herself, remembering her mission.

"That's how it should be," she told Fluttershy. "Remember—we're here to have a spicy time!"

Fluttershy looked anxious anew, wandering off to sit on one of the divans. Oh, well. Someone was certain to strike up a conversation with her. Meanwhile, Twilight went to go find what excitement she could.

"Romana!" exclaimed a cultured voice that could only belong to Rarity. Twilight turned to see the host adorned with butterfly wings much like the ill-fated pair she'd worn to Cloudsdale, only even more elaborate, and no doubt non-functional. She also had on delicate little antennae and a swatch of black wrapped around her midsection to complete the effect.

Twilight smiled demurely. She said nothing for now, only bowing.

"So good of you to come!" continued Rarity. "But dear, didn't you hear this was a masquerade? Surely a few wisps of chiffon and a few streaks in your hair don't constitute…OHH." Twilight grinned: Rarity had gotten it. "You aren't Romana, are you? You're…somepony else! Very good. Very mysterious!" Rarity chuckled and bowed back.

"I suppose we'll just have to see!" said Twilight, taking care to disguise her voice.

"We will!" replied Rarity. "If we can't see through your disguise, perhaps we'll reveal who you truly are through questions and games later tonight! But for now—welcome to the ball!"

"My pleasure!" said Twilight. "But I must ask—is there a significance to the fact that you and Pinkie Pie are dressed as different metamorphic stages of the same life form? Is it some kind of symbolic restructuring of the marital relationship?"

Rarity blinked, her antennae bobbing. "Er…hello Twilight. Good to have you!"

Twilight winced. "I guess the cunning questions and games won't be necessary, huh?"

"Your personality does tend to shine through," Rarity replied. "Nothing at all to be ashamed of! And your Romana costume is quite convincing. But to answer your question, no, not really—we just thought it would make for a fun thematic connection. And, well, I am three years Pinkie's senior, after all."

"Really? But I thought the two of you were in the same class in Hoofington. Isn't that how you met?"

"It was an age-integrated classroom," Rarity explained. "Apart from which, Pinkie skipped a grade."

"Yep!" exclaimed Pinkiepillar, swinging in suddenly from the bottom of the chandelier, which didn't look like it should be able to support her weight. "But don't worry! I went back and did it later."

Twilight laughed awkwardly. "Well, given how things turned out, I'm sure it was for the best. Did the two of you have any clue, way back then, that you'd end up married?'

"Clue?!" exclaimed Pinkie, falling to the floor in a snakelike heap. "You mean they leave _clues_ for that sort of thing?"

"Um…well, I mean…there might have been some sign…"

"Of romance?" said Rarity. "I think not quite yet, at that tender age. But I _was_ one of Pinkie's earliest supporters when it came to her hobby of…entertaining!"

"Hobby?!" exclaimed Pinkie, rising from the floor to menace the butterfly. "You call this a hobby? I think you meant to say, 'Ultrasupreme joy and passion!'" The pink caterpony stood up straight within her costume, wobbled, and fell upon her well-cushioned back.

"Of course, dear. Pinkie always did have a passion for parties…and I've always had a passion for decorating!! It's only natural we would end up together."

"I can see that!" said Twilight. "And I know you love hosting soirées and dinner parties! But why this? Why have you started throwing masquerades every month?"

"Because every _two_ months isn't often _enough!_ " squealed Pinkie.

"And because of the allure!" cried Rarity. "Think of it—an entire ballroom full of mysterious strangers, each with a powerful secret—the fact that, after all is said and done, and danced, and breathed…"

"…and sucked up, and spit out, and rolled flat, and circled into little spirals…" added Pinkie.

"…you knew them all along," concluded Rarity. "And you may be surprised! During these masquerades, so many ponies have told me they've been astounded by what they're learned about their fellow townsfolk! The roles we play! The sides we choose to show, and not to show, when we get the chance for a fresh approach! This, Twilight, this is the infinitely varied appeal of the masquerade!!"

"That," said Pinkie, " _plus_ , we get to play dress-up all day and no one thinks it's weird!"

"Which is, of course, one of the chief reasons I got into fashion in the first place," concluded Rarity.

"Huh! That sounds a lot like the theory in the book I read last night!" exclaimed Twilight. "It was talking about how in a setting where no one has any preconcep—oh MY."

She'd stopped talking because of the arrival of an amazing figure. From hoof to mane, _this_ was an ANGEL. In billowing silver gray, with lofty wings bearing tremendous, perfectly shaped feathers, an amazingly coifed tail, a shimmering halo, and an expression of perfect serenity behind a face draped in white veils, the figure entering the hall dwarfed even Princess Celestia in grandeur, if not quite in stature. Twilight found herself falling to her knees in the mysterious pony's direction. From the crowd, she heard Derpy's voice cry, "AANNNGGEELLL!" providing evidence for Twilight's theory that the gray mailmare had never forgotten her time in the place of unborn souls.

The crowd parted for the huge, charismatic newcomer, who paced forward on silent, graceful legs. She—it? She, probably, came to Rarity and Pinkie Pie and lowered herself to one rear knee. "I thank you for extending your invitation," she said in a voice both beautiful and buzzingly distant, as though spoken through layers of cloth—which, of course, it probably was. Still, the effect was amazing.

"You're quite welcome," said Rarity, almost as stunned as anyone. Pinkie merely stared.

"You're…you're not Princess Celestia, are you?" asked Twilight weakly. "Or…or Princess Luna, for that matter?"

The angel, smiling a secret smile, shook her head. "They are the keepers of this realm alone. I hail from another."

"Well." Twilight had forgotten to disguise her voice. "That's, uh…something, all right! You have a very nice…costume." On impulse, Twilight turned to check on Fluttershy, who was, sure enough, still sitting on the divans near the entrance, though she'd struck up a conversation with a ribbon-festooned pony who might have been Cloud Kicker. So the angel wasn't _her_ angel in disguise, as much as Twilight would have loved for it to be.

"As do we all, as we pass through life," said the angel mysteriously. She, or it, moved away toward the back of the room, while amazed ponies either bowed or struck up timid conversation with her as she went. Twilight watched for a while, transfixed, before pulling her attention back to her hosts.

"Do you have any idea…?" she whispered. But they only shook their heads.

There was a game, later, where everypony gathered into circles and asked each other questions from cards, to be answered in character or according to whim. This was enjoyable for Twilight because it addressed some unusual aspects of friendship she hadn't seen much of hitherto—where one draws the line between respecting a friend's autonomy and rescuing her from self-destructive behavior, for example. Despite a number of insightful and humorous moments, she wished she could have been in the same circle as the angel. That must have been quite a game. In Twilight's circle, the funniest moment was when Scootaloo, dressed as a pirate, asked an overelaborate black monster with a hidden face, five black horns and three black tails whether it had ever considered competitive aeronautics. "How'm I supposed to do that without any wings??" the monster had blurted. Everyone laughed. It was evident that Scootaloo had somehow identified the presence of her hero, Rainbow Dash, beneath all the folds of cloth and papier-mâché. Maybe she'd actually recognized her smell—Twilight wouldn't have been surprised.

And there were other diversions, as well as hot food being intermittently served at the refreshment tables by stallions dressed as lobsters and crabs. Twilight took a tray of delicious fare back to Fluttershy, hoping to see how she was doing. It seemed she wasn't having such a bad time, so long as she took things easy.

"I've been having some great conversations with the weather ponies," she told Twilight privately, seated together on the long cushions. "I never knew that being a weather pony could be so interesting. I'm almost tempted to try it in real life!"

"Maybe you should!" Twilight suggested. "I'm sure Rainbow would be glad to train you. She got such a blast out of teaching you how to cheer."

"Well," said Fluttershy modestly, 'I don't know if you could really call it a…a _blast_. It was more of a…more of a…"

Twilight leaned in to catch her wife's whisper.

Fluttershy erupted in remembered excitement. "…A SONIC RAINBOOOM!! EEEEAAUUGHH! YYEEEAAAHHH!!!" She leapt from the divan with wings upstretched…and then fell to the floor, chattering her teeth and looking aghast.

Twilight leapt over her, only to find everyone nearby staring. "Wow, Angel Two! I mean…Drizzle! I mean…That was…wow!"

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to…it just all came back to me at once," said the mortified pegasus.

Twilight chuckled. "That's okay. But I think you may have spoiled your cover…" She glanced around to see that the nearby ponies were now indulging in knowing smiles. "Still! You've tapped a place in yourself that's powerful and deep, and I love that. You've just gone through a transformation!" She gave Fluttershy a kiss, evoking a blush."I guess that's what masquerades are for," said Fluttershy. "Oh, but look, Twilight!"

"Romana!"

"Er…Romana. Sorry! But I think the Dancing Sea is starting!"

It certainly was! This was a long dance that started slowly, with one pair in the center of the room—in this case, Pinkie and Rarity. At the conclusion of each verse, each partner was to go off to find a new partner elsewhere in the room, thus doubling the number of dancers with every verse until everypony would be dancing. The streamers, now predominantly blue and green, somehow bobbed along overhead, and the coral sculptures on the blue-green boxes whirred about like little fans.

The first verse ended and Rarity went to dance with her little sister, Sweetie Belle, while Pinkie chose Big Macintosh, dressed in hero-warrior garb. At the end of the second verse, Sweetie Belle went straight to the angel. The huge celestial figure seemed flattered, and danced enchantingly with the little unicorn, sweeping her easily about, while the room watched in enchantment. Then the next verse began, and there were sixteen dancers. After that, Spike, who'd been chosen by Apple Bloom, went to take Twilight onto the floor, and from then Twilight lost track of who was where. She was awhirl. She danced with the five-horned monster, with the proprietor of Quills and Sofas, and finally—to her astonishment, found herself with the real Romana, who had just shown up. The two of them danced rather awkwardly together, but when others around them started to laugh, they loosened up and laughed as well.

Twilight glanced around and saw Fluttershy dancing in a heavenly trance with the mysterious angel. She felt a stroke of jealousy cross her heart…and then realized she was jealous of the angel, not of Fluttershy. Twilight wanted those temporarily lilac-colored hooves in her own. She wanted that sweet, leafy, natural smell nuzzled up against her face. She found herself looking forward to the night's end, when the masquerade would all be over and it would just be herself and her angel again…free to concoct their own spices.

Twilight hurried after the dance back to her wife. The two of them sat quietly at a table in the back. "Oh, Twilight!" said Fluttershy. "What an amazing time! We should come every month! I already have so many ideas for costumes!"

"That's wonderful! But more importantly, I think I've solved our problem!"

"The…the not enough spice problem?"

"Oh, Fluttershy, that was never a real problem. We can have as much or as little spice as we like—no one can tell us how our marriage is supposed to taste! …To strain a metaphor. No, I meant the pet name problem!"

"Oh." Fluttershy glanced at the unearthly silver-gray angel striding through the room, and then looked, embarrassed, back to Twilight. "You mean how you'd like to call me Angel, even though that name is taken in our household?"

"Aheheh. Yes. I mean, seeing what looks like the real thing sort of put things in perspective. But beyond that…the fact that you're having fun here…the way you suddenly burst out with that cheer…it made me see you in a new way."

Fluttershy seemed a little afraid at this. "A new way? A good way, I hope!"

"Yes, definitely! You transformed! And what else, in nature, transforms?"

The naturalist was shier than ever. "A lot of things transform, Twilight." She glanced furtively at Pinkie and Rarity, in costume, strolling together. "But I guess you mean…how a caterpillar transforms into a butterfly."

"Exactly." Twilight gave her a kiss on the forehead. "And from now on…you're my Butterfly."

"Huh?"

Twilight grinned. "Butterfly! It's a Spoonerism! Well, kind of. But you _can_ fly…and your coat's the color of butter…so…why not?"

Fluttershy rose from her seat to give Twilight a huge hug. "Twilight, that's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said about me! Or at least…I know the way you meant it is. Yes! Yes, I'll be your Butterfly. I'll be every bit as beautiful and delicate as you have the right to expect any butterfly to be."

They hugged, and nuzzled, for quite some time. Pinkie and Rarity joined them at their table.

"Awww," said Pinkie. "They look so adorable! And yet, it's as if Drizzle and Romana suddenly decided to make out! How weird would that be? The Doctor would be so jealous."

"Of which?"

"Of both!" Pinkie gave Rarity a warm cuddle under her chin. "You remember the first time we dressed up as each other? That was pretty intense."

"I certainly do. I seem to recall I had the scent of fresh cookies in my mane for a week!"

"You could do woo-ooorse!" singsonged Pinkie. "Oooh! And remember that time you dressed up like Princess Celestia and I dressed up like her first lover, Incitatus? That one took _research_!"

Rarity stood up, giving Pinkie one last nuzzle. "While it's true we've had a wide variety of _fascinating_ games, I'm sure we don't want to bore our guests," she said with a hint of embarrassment. "Besides which!" she announced in a louder voice. "It's time for…" Her horn started to glow, and the room dimmed, except for the brilliant points of light in the paper chandelier. "…The Grand Reveal!!"

There was a roaring cheer. Everypony hurried to the dance floor and the area surrounding it. Rarity took center stage and waited for the commotion to subside.

"Pinkamina and I would like to thank you for another tremendous evening of alluring dissimulation and revelry!" she declared, her wings bobbing. There was another cheer. "But now, the time has come to be unmasked, and to stand true and undisguised before friend and foe alike!"

"Aw, don't be silly, Rarity!" said Pinkie, slinking insectlike into the center. "We're all friends here!"

After yet another cheer, Rarity gave an elegant nod. "Too true. And so! Are there any…requests, for who might be the first to unveil?!"

"How about the owlbear!?" shouted Apple Bloom before anyone else could speak, pointing at Spike.

There was a general groan. ""What?!" asked Pinkie, twirling about within her costume. "You mean that's not really an owlbear?"

"No, believe it or not!" exclaimed Spike.

Pinkie's eyes narrowed. "Harry? The cavehouse bear? Is that you?"

"No," laughed Spike, now excited.

Pinkie's eyes squinted further. "Are you an Ursa Teeny-Tiny?"

"No! I'm Spike!" He removed his mask with a flourish and there was general laughter. Of course just about everyone had known it, but one never knew just what could slip by Pinkie's brain.

"Ohhhh!" she said, swaying back. "Hi, Spike!"

"Enough of this!" shouted someone. "We want to know who the angel is!"

"Yeah! Who's the angel?" echoed the three-tailed monster.

Rarity turned to the majestic angel and was about to speak when Pinkie gasped again. "You mean she's not _really_ an angel?!"

"Pinkie!" said Rarity sharply. But she followed it up with a laugh and a nose rub. "It's up to _her_ to tell us! Isn't it?"

Pinkie leapt a foot off the ground, an impressive feat with her bulky caterpillar tail. "It sure is! So who are you, Miss Angel?"

The angel slowly looked over the assembled crowd. "Surely," she said in her strange voice, "some among you know me. Are there no blessed here? None with the true sight?"

"Nnnnnope!" said Pinkie.

"Show us!" called Sweetie Belle, along with half the crowd.

The angel shrugged, her massive wings falling limp to the ground. She stepped down off her stilts, kicked off the bronze support holding up her tail, dropped her wire-suspended halo, shook the layers of carefully shaped gauzy veils from her face and neck, and spit out the harmonica reed in her mouth. "Well shoot. I figgered at least _some_ 'a y'all'd recognize me."

The three-tailed monster's response was almost lost amid the roar of surprise and groans from the crowd. "Applejack!??"

The orange earth pony took a bow in Rainbow's direction. " _You_ didn't even know me?" She snorted once, but her amazement turned proud within a moment. "Well, ah guess there's no _question_ who wins this masquerade!"

"What?!" exclaimed Pinkie. "There's no winning in masquerades!" She glanced to Rarity. "Is there?"

Rainbow shook off her five-horned mask to reveal a look of disgust. "AJ, how on earth did…I don't…but…the way you talked! The way you moved! It was…you _never_ act that way!"

"I _have_ told you about mah trip to Manehattan, haven't I?" said Applejack, grabbing the tangle of white cloth enshrouding her and whipping it loose with a single tug. "Mah Aunt Orange ain't no miser. She got me some classical training so's I'd fit in better—figured ah may as well put it to good use, now an' then!"

Rainbow scoffed, shook her head, and then leapt from her own costume with a massive flying leap, leaving the shell standing for foals to marvel over. "You! You, Applejack, have been holding _out_ on me."

"What? Never. I didn't reckon a gal like you'd have any use for fancy angelic manners, and _you_ never _asked_!"

The crowd groaned. "What do you say, folks?" asked Rainbow. "Was she holding out on me?"

There was a mixed reaction—some boos, some cheers, some whoops, some laughs. Rainbow didn't bother weighing it all; she strutted over to Applejack and grabbed her in a winghug, a mischievous look in her eyes. "Face it, AJ. You've gotta make it up to me."

Now _that_ got cheers, even a mild one from Fluttershy. "All right," said Applejack, "I'll do mah best." She planted a kiss on Rainbow's lips that got the crowd roaring again. By the time Rarity managed to get things under control again, everypony was unveiling themselves, the tension of the night over. The lights came on again, the streamers started to fall, and there was carefree laughter and lightness everywhere.

"What do you think, Butterfly?" Twilight asked her wife as they strolled past the buffet. "Ready to head home?"

"I don't know, Twilight. I think I could use another hour or two." She lifted her half-unraveled costume, her coat now an alluring mix of yellow and lilac. "To unwind."

Twilight laughed and nodded, unwrapping a layer of chiffon with her magic. "I know how you feel."

 

* * *

 

 

_Dear Princess Celestia,_

_I learned this week that everyone has a secret side—at least one, if not more! That secret side doesn't make us immoral, or duplicitous…it actually makes us more who we are, even if that isn't easy to see on the surface. And as we get to know people better and better—especially if we've made a commitment to them for life—it's more and more important to show our secret sides, to learn about them and embrace them in each other. I personally believe there's always more to discover. And even if that process of discovery isn't always interesting to those on the outside—sorry about boring you with the tea guessing game—it's important to the people in the relationship…as important as anything._

_I wonder how many secret sides_ you _have, Princess! No need to tell—I'm just thinking out loud. Only not out loud. In writing. I'm thinking out loud quietly. You know what I mean._

_Your ever-faithful student,_

_Twilight Sparkle_

 


	3. To Dash or Not to Dash

 

**CHAPTER 3:**

**TO DASH OR NOT TO DASH**

_**or** _

**LARGER THAN LIFE**

 

* * *

 

_**#7: AR—Industrial Mavens** _

The original Sweet Apple Acres barn was one of the oldest structures on the farm, and one of the few not to have been fitted with lightning tubes—for sentimental reasons. As such, it was dark at night. A film of light on the slatted walls glowed in their natural umber, broken up by a spectroscopic array of dim colors from where the single lantern shone through Rainbow Dash's outstretched tail. The rest of her was curled up over a half-empty seed barrel, rocking it a few inches at a time forward and back as she sought to curtail her breathing. Between the barrel and one hoof was a scroll made of dark blue paper with a diagonal silver streak. Some distance away lay Applejack, perplexed and worried. Rainbow wanted to ease her nerves, but she just couldn't broach the subject. There was too much to say—she simply didn't know how to begin.

"How 'bout I just take a stab at it?" the farmer suggested. Her tone suggested that she wanted to help, but was still grim, like the atmosphere.

Rainbow nodded. It was her fault if things were grim. She was the one who'd dragged Applejack away from her quiet supper. She knew how much her friend appreciated the chance to wind down quietly from her hectic days, and now Rainbow was spoiling that for tonight. She wished she could get this over with and just let Applejack be, but there were times when the words just wouldn't come.

"Looks like you've gotcherself some sort of official document there. An' it's somethin' weighty, or you wouldn't let it get t'you like this."

Rainbow took a deep breath. She pushed the barrel forward, cringing at the faint rattling of the seeds inside. But she said nothing.

"If it's bad news, Rainbow, ah'm here for ya. Me an' Big Mac, and Granny, and Apple Bloom, an' Turnover, an' all the staff…you got us in yer corner. You know that…dontcha?"

A tear slipped out—Rainbow didn't mean to let it through, but her guard was down, like that of an exhausted goalie. "I know," she sobbed.

"Oh Rainbow, there there." Applejack crept forward and used a kerchief to wipe her face. Rainbow's instincts just took this as license to cry further, even though it was the last thing she wanted. She smothered her face in the kerchief, trying to run herself dry. Rainbow Dash couldn't cry over something like this. It made no sense. She was supposed to be tough, to face the future head on. Yet here she was…sprawled over a barrel and sobbing into a hankey. Why couldn't she be happy?

Applejack sopped up the last of the tears and stood back, appraising her friend. At last, she spoke again, her country voice rougher than usual in the echoey space. "Dash, it seems to me I've seen those colors before. Blue an' silver? …Ohhh, Dash, it's from the Wonderbolts, ain't it? They turned you down, didn’t they? Ohh." She hung her head and shook it for a few moments, and for those few moments, Rainbow felt great pain. Yet still she couldn't speak.

"Those bastards. Those kooky oatbrained bastards!" The orange head came up. "Ah mean…I'm sorry, Dash. I shouldn't talk about them thataway. They're your heroes. I don't know how y'feel about them now, but they're still your heroes, and ah shouldn't say such things…but how could they not take you? How?! You _told_ me all about your audition. You told me all about how y' _aced_ it. You flew twirls tighter'n a beanpole, and your formations were _perfect_. Weren't they, Dash? That's what y'told me. You flew it perfect, and they still turned you down." Again, she shook her head. "Why?! What'd they tell you?! They give you some cornball excuse? Well, tell me they gave you _somethin'_. They didn't send a form letter, did they? …No, they _wouldn't_. They wouldn't, Dash, would they? Not after you saved their cockamamie _lives_! Not after that!! Dash!!"

Rainbow's head jerked up, an involuntary snort swallowing what was left of her tears.

Applejack stamped the dirt floor hard, impatient now. "What'd they _tell_ you!? What excuse did they _give_?!"

Rainbow was at the wall now, and there was no way but through. She drew a sharp breath. "They said I'm in." A sudden sob seized her, and she closed her eyes, furious at the tears.

When she forced her eyes open, Applejack was staring. "Yer in?" she said softly. There were five seconds of silence. "You're _in_ the _Wonderbolts_??"

Rainbow rolled back despite herself, leaving the barrel before her. "If I say yes…then yeah! I'm in!"

" _If_ you say yes??" It was strange how at this moment of moments, Applejack was almost threatening. "Rainbow Dash, why in Celestia's shinin' world would you _not_ say yes?!"

Now Rainbow wished for tears, but they wouldn't come. "That's…it…that's what I don't know how to tell you," she whimpered.

There was no mistaking it now. Applejack was furious. Her eyes were searing hot. "You mean to tell me that you have _scored_ your _dream_ , Rainbow Miriam, and you're not prepared to _take_ it??! And you don't even know why?!?"

"I know! I do know why!" Rainbow stumbled back, bumping up against an old plow. "I just…I can't explain it! There's just… there's so much…I'm not sure about…"

Applejack kept advancing, shoving the barrel aside. "You're not sure? You have been _yearnin'_ to join that group for long as I've _known_ you, Rainbow Dash! And now that you've got yer lifelong dream atcher feathertips…are you gonna turn out to be a _coward_ , Rainbow?"

No one was allowed to call Rainbow Dash a coward. Not even her best friend. "You take that back!!" she yelled, surging forward. Their faces were almost touching in amazingly short order. "I came to you because you're so good at _listening_ , Applejack! Are you listening now? I'm telling you, it's complicated!!"

"What's complicated about it?" challenged the earth pony, her nose flaring.

"That's what I'm trying…geez, AJ, could you just calm down?! I don't need you yelling at me…I've had a tough day!"

"Oh yeah, real tough. While the rest of us toil for each inch o' ground we cover, earnin' our dreams bit by bit, you get sent a scroll that says you're getting' everything y'ever wanted! And now you've gotta mope over it!"

"You think I didn't work to be the best??"

"I'm not sayin' that, Rainbow. But you sure don't work like a regular pony. You were born with speed. You were born with flash! But do you think ah was born with what I have? Do you think Rarity was born with wealth? She was orphaned, Rainbow!! An' I worked hard every week o' my life, an' I feel like cryin' sometimes, too. All for mah dreams. So you tell me and you tell me now, Rainbow—why would y'even _think_ of turning the Wonderbolts down?"

They both pulled back. Rainbow took a deep breath, wishing this wasn't so hard. "The training schedule's in here…it's really hard…"

Applejack's eyes flared again. "An' you didn't think it would be??!"

"That's not what I mean! AJ, just listen! It…I didn't realize it was _all_ the _time._ If I go with them, I won't…I won't _live_ here anymore, AJ! I won't _have_ a home! I won't be from Cloudsdale, or Ponyville…or anywhere. I'll just keep touring…forever."

"Shoot. You can't tell me you wouldn't be able t'come back an' visit now an' then."

"Well…now and then, sure, but…I mean, that's not like having a _home_. With friends…real friends."

"We'll still be your friends, Rainbow!! We can't help it—we'll be friends with y'all 'til the sun sings her last hurrah. And we'll go to your shows, when we can!"

"But it's…it's not just friends, I mean…look at you and Rarity! You weren't really happy 'til you had each other."

Applejack tilted her head. Rainbow didn't like the look of that. "You worried about windin' up alone, Rainbow?"

"Winding up, nothing! I'm worried about _being_ alone! How am I supposed to meet anyone if we're always on the move?!"

"How are you s'posed to—Rainbow, you're on the verge of celebrity! How can you _not_ meet someone? You'll have fans stampedin' to get to you, an' you can take your pick!"

Rainbow could feel her face contorting. "But what'll the Wonderbolts think?? What'll happen when they find out…when they find out I'm…"

The farmer's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "When they find out yer what?"

Rainbow swallowed. "That I'm…you know…straight."

Applejack gritted her teeth and kicked the seed barrel with tremendous force, knocking it to the far wall. "Is _that_ what this is about?! Rainbow, we've been over this a hundred times! There is _nothing wrong with being straight!_ If there weren't no straight ponies, why, there wouldn't be no ponies at all!"

Why did this have to be so painful? "I know, but—"

"I don't _care_ what yer parents taught you! Some of the greatest ponies in history were straight, even if they didn't admit it at the time."

"But none of the Wonderbolts are—"

"Ah had a phase when I thought I might be straight. I told you that, din't I? Believe me, ah know how you feel. Ah was confused. But ah kept my head up an' stayed proud. Ain't you proud to be who you are, Rainbow Dash?"

Rainbow wasn't so sure anymore. "I'm…I don't know! I'm so scared, Applejack. Now that it's in my grasp, I'm…I’m so scared!" The sobs were returning.

Applejack was quick with her kerchief. "What're you scared of, Rainbow?" she murmured. "Rejection? That they'll kick ya out? Ah don't think they'd do that, but even if they did, y'wouldn't be no worse off than ya are now, wouldja?"

"I don't know," sobbed Rainbow, twisting her head.

"Well, I'll tell ya. You'd be better off for havin' lived through it. Ah swear, Rainbow, if you tell those Wonderbolts you don't wanna join them, they won't ask again! You'll be out for good. And without that fer a dream, what'll you do, Rainbow? Who will you be without that dream?"

Rainbow closed her eyes. She felt like Applejack was right, but either one of them could have been missing something. Maybe she could make it on her own as a speed racer. Maybe she could get together her own group, to operate by her own rules. They could stay in Ponyville three months out of each year, and put more emphasis on daredevilry instead of formation flying, and…be more tolerant. They'd be tolerant of everypony, no matter what…

"Rainbow, y'gotta decide what matters more to you. Flyin' the dream, or meetin' that special stallion. You know deep down you probably can't have both, not at th'same time."

Rainbow fell into a hug with Applejack, muzzle buried in her shoulder. "I wish I knew," she rasped. "I just don't know if I'll ever have love. I don't know _how_ to fall in love."

Applejack nuzzled her like only a country girl knows how. "Then ah reckon that's what you gotta learn," she decided.

Rainbow stood up straight. "But how?"

Applejack glanced around the old barn, with its dimly lit old equipment. "Well. You've never stayed on for one of Rarity's visits, have you? You know our schedule?"

Rainbow nodded faintly. "She comes here for one day a week, and you visit her for one day a week."

"That's right. An' we both stay overnight. Now, tomorrow's Sunday, so she'll be here by late afternoon, an' I've got a slew of chores to oversee before then. So ah can't stay with you tonight, Rainbow. But if you show up tomorrow, we'll do our best to explain just what it's like to fall in love. An' maybe you should ask around, besides, just to be sure. Ask Bonbon an' Lyra how it happened for them. Maybe ask mah brother how he met Caramel, while yer at it."

She was right—Rainbow's reply to the Wonderbolts could wait a few days. And this was something she had to know. She would ask around, however painful it might be, and gauge her prospects of ever falling in love. If things looked bad, maybe she'd be able to join the Wonderbolts with a clear conscience, knowing she wasn't leaving any bigger dreams on the table.

 

* * *

 

"Falling in love?" repeated the baby dragon, who was now verging on juvenile. His eager face fell with a sigh before Rainbow's eyes. "Yep, we've got a section. Follow me."

Rainbow wondered what had spoiled the idea of love for the lovable tyke. Seeing that sigh was sad. But she followed him to a heart-shaped nook high in one of the walls. He clambered up a ladder and pulled out a tattered book, passing it to Rainbow. "This might be what you're looking for. Otherwise, you can take a look in here. Just…put 'em back when you're done, will you? I have trouble carrying books up this high."

Rainbow glanced at the volume she held. _Love: A Journey of Discovery._ "All right, but can't Twilight just float 'em back?"

Spike descended the ladder, looking sour. "She's busy with research these days. If I so much as knock, she snaps at me, and I'd better have a good reason."

"Aww. You mean she's left you in charge down here?"

"Not all the time. She still comes down now and then, and if the library isn't in good shape, it's 'What have you been doing down here, Spike?' 'Can't I leave you alone, Spike?' It's frustrating!"

Rainbow was receptive to frustration just then. "I see what you're saying! Maybe I should have a talk with Twilight."

"Be my guest. Just don't blame me if she yells at you for interrupting."

Rainbow glanced past the balcony to the hallway leading to Twilight's study. On second thought, she didn't really need any more strife in her life right now, and she knew how Twilight could be sometimes. "Maybe later." She let herself sink to the floor. "I should try and get this book read by late afternoon."

"What happens at late afternoon?" asked Spike as he returned to his place.

"That's when Rarity's going to visit Applejack. And I said I'd be there."

Spike looked at her oddly. " _That's_ what this book is for? You're trying to fall in love with _them_?"

"Huh? No!" Rainbow resumed beating her wings, hovering reflexively. "I just want to know how to fall in love in the first place. And Applejack…she said they'd help me work it out."

Again, the dragon sighed. "I wish I were in your spot. Have a good time."

What had him so down? Oh, right. Rainbow remembered now. "I bet you really wish you were in _Applejack's_ spot, huh?" she asked.

He gave her a doleful look. "Don't remind me."

"Hey, I've had crushes, too. I know they're not easy. Nine times out of ten, you haven't even got a chance."

Spike's frustration came out in a stream. "So why bother? Why do we even crush at all? Why not just fall in love with whoever's right for us?"

"You think I know?? Maybe there _is_ nopony right for us. [For all I know, if things had been a little different, I might have ended up with Rarity _or_ Applejack.] Maybe we just grasp at straws—a crush here, a friendship that boils over there, until eventually something takes and we call it done. Maybe I've got to be humiliated a hundred times before I can find true love." She pounded the book twice. "Guess I'll find out."

Spike sighed again and looked down at his desk. Rainbow tried to find something to cheer him up with, but came up empty. She lingered for a while, then slipped out without another word.

 

* * *

 

Rainbow still wasn't used to the way things were. It was strange flying over Sweet Apple Acres and seeing all the new buildings—the endless storehouses, the processing plants, the seed silo, the barracks. Just watching the gigantic gear-powered juicer in action made her skin crawl. But it was worse on Sundays and Moondays. That was when they rolled out the red carpet, literally, for Rarity's arrival. That was when the main paths through the orchard were sprinkled with baby straw, and if there was rain scheduled, canopies were spread between trees and awnings extended from building to building. The workers were all in uniform for Rarity's visits—overalls issued to complement their coat colors. The house was festooned with flags and banners, and the glow of lightning tubes beamed through the windows. Rainbow had flown over Sweet Apple Acres when it was like that, but she'd never come for a visit. She hadn't wanted to get in the way, but moreover, all the changes disturbed her. Rarity's factory was even worse. Her friends' lives had changed so much, while Rainbow's had stayed the same—it was like the more time passed, the less real everything became.

But here she was. Rainbow could see the coach carrying Rarity and her attendants rolling smoothly up the path. There were curtains over the vehicle's windows and gentle music being played by ponies marching alongside—not on trumpets, but on lyres, harps, and woodwinds. It rolled up to the foot of the carpet and the attendants ceremoniously opened the doors. And out stepped Rarity.

When Rainbow saw the unicorn during the week these days, she was more or less her same old self, though busier and a bit more serious. It wasn't so easy pushing Rarity's buttons these days. She couldn't afford to let anything get to her. What's more, there was something heavier about her manner, as though she were always carrying a heavy weight with her. And that was her business, of course. It was subtler for Applejack, but Rainbow had noticed it with her, too. Now that they both owned large operations with dozens of ponies working for them, they weren't the affable friends they'd once been. They were _someponies_. And Rainbow didn't really like that much.

Now, Rainbow was looking at Rarity at her most formal. She wasn't wearing much—just a light open jacket, an official-looking pendant, and a neatly knotted coral bow in her mane. But she looked like somepony Rainbow didn't know. She flicked her ears to the words of her associates—secretaries or advisors who'd ridden with her—as they all walked up the carpet, flanked by a dozen attendants. Rainbow looked in the other direction. There came Applejack, a slightly smaller retinue of farm workers fanned out behind her, her little sister tagging along behind. As orchard owner, she had on a slightly fancier hat than normal, lacking a notch but bearing a proud red ribbon. She wore a shapely breast collar displaying a large yellow apple on a green field, and her haunches were adorned with a slim caparison featuring interlocking tree branches, with notches cut to leave her cutie marks on display. Rarity always thought Applejack looked strange dressed up like that—almost as if she were an ornamental possession of the very farm she ran.

The two groups were about to meet, so Rainbow dove down and stood beside them. Rarity's attendants seemed disconcerted by her presence, but Rarity faced her with a touching smile. So she'd been warned Rainbow was coming. That was good.

"Madame Applejack," said Rarity.

"Madame Rarity," said Applejack, slurring the honorific.

They both bowed to each other, and all their companions bowed in turn. Rainbow wondered if she should bow, but she didn't feel like it. She wanted to see every second of this.

They all raised their heads together. "How have these last few days treated you?" asked the fashion mogul in a surprisingly gentle voice.

Applejack stepped forward, and the two of them nuzzled at length, each one's nose reaching to the other's neck on one side and then the other. "Pretty well," answered Applejack as they pulled apart.

"Would you care to have me as your guest, Madame Applejack? It might afford you the opportunity to tell me all about it."

"Ah'd be honored, Madame Rarity." She indicated the farmhouse with her head, and then turned about to lead her there. The two sets of companions merged beside and behind them, obviously quite familiar with the ceremony just enacted. Rainbow knew this was mostly for show—clearly they had a conversation similar to this, if not _exactly_ like this, every week. But if it was for show, why do it? Who was watching?

"Rainbow Dash?" Now Applejack was facing her as she walked.

"Yes, Applejack?"

"Would you care t'come inside, too? Good friends're always welcome, after all."

"And the more, the merrier!" added Rarity with a passing glance.

"Sure," said Rainbow, trying not to laugh. It was like she hadn't been invited in the first place.

There were more employees—a pair of door ponies to see them in, a valet to greet Rainbow formally and lead Rarity to her room. The others each bowed and dispersed—returning to their _real_ duties, Rainbow surmised. She knew Applejack couldn't afford to keep a dozen serving ponies around just for show. This whole performance was just for Rarity's visits—and probably for Applejack's visits to Rarity on Cloudsdays.

"So this is how you two get together," Rainbow said, slipping onto a chaise in the living room.

"Yep! It's weird, huh?" answered Applejack.

Rainbow hadn't expected her to admit that. "Uh, yeah! I mean…it's like you two aren't even married."

"An' I'll tell ya something, Rainbow. When Rarity and I started to realize how much we liked each other—an' I mean _really_ liked each other—it warn't easy fer either of us. Can you imagine? Fallin' in love with someone who irritates you on so many levels?"

Rainbow wasn't sure. "Is it anything like being crazy for sweets you really shouldn't be eating if you want to stay in shape?"

Applejack laughed. "Better ask Pinkie about that. Naw, it's not like anythin' else I can think of. It was chemical. Intense. She's a floofie, glamour-obsessed prig, an' she almost made Twilight's first sleepover a livin' hell. But once we got past that—"

"Excuse me?!" retorted Rarity, returning down the stairs. "I suppose I did it singlehoofedly, too! Are you forgetting about your own slovenly, mud and spittle-strewn hick ways?"

"Ah ain't forgettin," said Applejack. "But fer me, that's how things're done. You can't tell me you don' love me for it."

Rarity smiled, reaching the ground floor. "It's your authenticity I love. Your brazen strength of heart, undisguised by neither scruple nor modesty."

Applejack smiled smugly. "And as much as I complain about her prissiness, the truth is…Rarity's coh-tour fascinates me. Always has. Always will. It's like she's like some enchanted creature, full o' magic an' mystery."

"Well, she is a unicorn!" Rainbow pointed out.

"I am at that!" said Rarity. "And so you see, Rainbow…the very things that irritated us about one another became the qualities we most admire! Or at least…they _framed_ those qualities. They drew our attention to each other."

"Rarity was a like a puzzle I hadta figure out."

"And Applejack was a lustful force I had to learn to face…and tame."

The earth pony was in her love's face. "Y'ain't tamed me yet!" she grinned.

"Perhaps I have, and you simply don't recognize the tethers!" replied Rarity, drawing up onto the first stair.

"Well if y'all ask me," piped up a younger voice, "you two are plumb crazy!"

Rarity gasped. Applejack spun around to find her younger sister peeking out from behind a couch. "Were you spying on us, Apple Bloom?"

"You didn't tell me to go!" the child shot back.

"Ah'm tellin' ya now. This is an adult conversation, and you can jus' go somewhere else 'til it's suppertime. Maybe if you ask nice, Turnover'll let you run the apple dicer."

"Fiiine. But you'd better make it up to me tomorrah!"

Applejack fetched a smaller cowboy hat from a rack and set it on her sister's head. "Ah'll see what ah can do. For now, Miss Rainbow needs my help, so you run along."

"Seeya, Rarity. Seeya, Rainbow."

Apple Bloom left, and once the valet had brought in a tea service, he and the cook also departed, leaving the house empty but for the three of them. "So why do you go to all that foofarah just to get together?" asked Rainbow.

"It's what mah sweetheart wants," said Applejack. "An' it's what our staffponies expect. They want to be workin' for big, important tycoons who do everything up grand, so that's what we give 'em."

"But don't they realize it's only for show?' asked Rainbow.

But my dear, it isn't merely show!" exclaimed Rarity. "It's for our comfort, as well! An aisle of stability in a turbulent business world."

"She does have a point. Dressmakin's a crazy industry, and farmin' changes with the weather patterns, as well as the regional economy. We never know what curveball we're gonna have to deal with next, but at least we know we'll see each other twice a week, an' we know how it's gonna happen."

Rainbow tumbled from the chaise and stood up. "But then why not do what everypony else does when they get married, and live together? Why is your marriage so weird?"

"You sound like mah sister," accused Applejack.

"In a nutshell," said Rarity, sipping her tea, "it's because we're simply too different. We're _unable_ to live together. If I had to dwell on a farm, amid dirt, dust, hard labor and the constant whirr of machinery…I'd become a nervous wreck!"

"And if ah had to live with racks an' rows of pretty lacey dresses an' smocks and shawls and such on all sides, an' shower every single morning, an' watch mah every step while outside so as not to get my hooves untidy," said Applejack, "ah'd go crazy as a punch-drunk weasel."

"You should see the ceremony we go through when _Applejack_ comes to visit," said Rarity knowingly. "It's rather different from this one."

"It is?"

"We're very understandin' of each other," explained Applejack. "When Rarity comes, ah treat her to the red carpet, fancy dress and crew with all the trappin's, protection from the rain, tea and crumpets, an' generally just treat her like a princess."

"Whereas when my paramour comes to visit," said Rarity, "we greet her with a dingy old green carpet, a mud puddle for her to splash in, and a how do you do chorus."

"Howdy-do," corrected Applejack.

"Yes, precisely. Howdy-do. And then we treat her to dumplings, slaw, potato fries, shepherd's pie, or some other country dish."

"Her staff is very accomodatin'."

Rarity laughed. "Oh, yes, the workers find it all very amusing. I think they truly relish the variety."

"You sayin' we don't?" Applejack gave Rarity a peck on the cheek and a nibble on the ear.

"Not at all. A glimpse into your world is the highlight of my week…and in a sense, my life!"

"Couldn'ta said it better."

Rainbow frowned. She slurped up all her tea in one gulp and went up to the snogging couple. "So are you two gonna help me out, or what?"

They broke off, eyes turning to Rainbow. "Oh, but dear!" said Rarity. "I thought we _were_ helping."

"Helping? How?"

"By showin' ya how love is done?" Applejack answered. "Ain't that what ya wanted?"

"I want to know how to _find_ someone!" Rainbow shouted. "All this—it's great, if you've already got a girlfriend…or a boyfriend." She sat down hard on the side of the chaise, nearly tipping it over. "But I've got no one, and I'm not even a Wonderbolt yet."

"But you will be, won't you?" Rarity pressed. "Applejack told me your big news, and it's so exciting! Just think—the announcer calling your name…the fans cheering for you…the glory of fame, and the thrill of knowing that your training is really going to count for something!"

"Yeah," sulked Rainbow. "I'll have a lifetime of thrills, and no one to share it with.

Applejack walked over and gave her a pat on the back. "I'm sure somethin'll work out for you. At the very least…you can tell them you're in, and try it out for a while, an' if it gets too depressin'…you can go back to cloud kickin' and try an' find someone then. At least you'll have plenty of memories to share with him when you find him!"

Somehow Applejack managed to make everything sound so cut and dried. "You can bet they won't make me captain of the weather team again if I do that," Rainbow pointed out. "Regional says I'm lucky to keep the post, given how long a record sheet I've got. And we're not talking the good kind of records."

"Huh."

"Yes, well…"

That's what she thought. "You don't know what I should do, do you?"

"Maybe not, sugarcube. But I still think you'll be happiest if y'go for it. No one ever found happiness by abandonin' their dearest dream."

"Unless they find a better one," answered Rainbow.

"And do you have something in mind?" asked Rarity.

Rainbow hesitated, thinking of her notion of starting her own group, but shook her head. "Nope. I've got nothing. And I can tell this isn't helping." She got up and went for the door.

"Oh, please, darling, be reasonable!"

"What's reasonable?" Rainbow snapped. "Living my life for the maximum profits? Are you torn just because…just because my choices are to stay here for reliable pay or go off on a wild, high-stakes adventure and risk losing it all? Not everything is about money, you know!"

"Now wait a minute, sugar. Who said anythin' about money?"

Was she kidding? "You don't need to say it, AJ. It's all around us. Sweet Apple Acres used to actually be something sweet! Not this industrial circus. You used to be a family business!"

"We're _still_ a family bus—"

"Just 'cause you and Mac are in charge? Save it. You're a big business now. Practically faceless. And Carousel Clothing Inc. is even worse."

"Are you scorning us simply because we've chosen to grow our businesses?"

"No! I'm not scorning anyone. You did what you had to do. You've got your bucks in a row, you know just what you want. Big success. Big money. And a weird marriage that somehow works for you. But you've got no idea what's best for me."

"We've known you fer so long, Rainbow," pled Applejack. "An' we're doin' our best!"

"Yeah. But even at your best, you're not me." Oops. Did she really just say that? "Um…okay, look, that came out wrong. What I mean is…I'm gonna take your advice, AJ. I'll ask around. Maybe Lyra or Bonbon or someone'll get my situation well enough to help."

"It's true," said Rarity. "Applejack and I were lucky enough to know each other from the start. We never had to go out searching for love. And maybe you'll have to. But Rainbow…"

Rainbow looked back from the door to find them both staring longingly.

"We'll always be your friends. No matter what you may choose to call us, or think of us…we will always be here for you."

Rainbow felt a lump in her throat. She nodded. "I know."

And she left. This place was getting to her.

 

* * *

 

  _ **#8: FP—Off the Rails**_

Rainbow shoved the three-part door to the library open all at once, marching in. "Hey Spike? That book you gave me isn't any help. It's all about making relationships work, but there's nothing about _finding_ relat—oh! Hi, Twilight."

Indeed, it was Twilight Sparkle behind the circulation desk—Spike was nowhere to be seen. "Hi, Rainbow! Were you looking for Spike?"

"Eh, not really. Just wanted to return this book. Maybe get a new one."

Twilight took a peek at the title and her expression became puzzled. Concerned, maybe. "Well, all right." She made a mark in her ledger with a quill and levitated the book back into its place, wobbling all the way. "But what…sort of book are you looking for?"

"Eh." Rainbow shrugged—she'd been making enough of an ass of herself that there wasn't much point in keeping secrets now. "I'm looking for something about…finding a soulmate. Something like, 'How Not to Be Sad and Lonely for the Rest of Your Life.' Got anything like that?"

There was an uneasy pause. "Rainbow," said Twilight, her tone worried. "Is this…is this book for you? Are you worried…about…being alone?"

Was it going to be this painful with everypony? "Yeah, Twi. I'm worried. You wanna know why? I got word from the Wonderbolts yesterday."

The unicorn's eyes went wide. "Oh, Rainbow, I'm sorry! They turned you down? And now you're afraid no one will ever love you, if you can't—"

"Jeepers, Twilight, no! They want me! They said I'm in—and they sent me the schedule. And it's _crazy_."

Twilight hesitated—Rainbow could see her face jerk. "Y—you're in? You're a Wonderbolt!?"

Uh-oh. She was about to leap the desk and nuzzle Rainbow, or something just as humiliating. "Well not yet!! I haven't said yes yet! I'm confused. And scared!"

That hadn't been easy for Rainbow to say. She probably wouldn't have said it at all if it hadn't been so quick, like ripping off a bandage suddenly.

Now Twilight was coming around to nuzzle her anyway, in sympathy. Oh, well. Rainbow let her—Twilight was sweet. "You're scared? To be a Wonderbolt?"

"I'm scared I'll lose every single other thing in my life. My friends. My home. My career. My…my freedom."

"But…oh, Rainbow." Twilight stood back and sighed. "Isn't it worth it? I mean…" Her voice became subdued, as if straying into an area she hadn't studied. "What is freedom good for, if the best possible choice comes along…and you can't take it?"

"I don't know if it's the best choice!"

"Then what is?" When Rainbow didn't answer, Twilight continued. "It could well be that you put so much stock in freedom…that keeping your freedom is actually tying you down. It's making you _less_ free."

Rainbow shook her head. "Look. Do you have any books, or not?"

There was a pause. "Yes…I think I've got a few that might help." Three smaller books were extracted from the shelves via unicorn magic and fluttered down to Rainbow's bag, where they tucked themselves inside. "But Rainbow…please don't go without telling us. If you do go."

"I wouldn't do that, Twilight."

"If you do join the Wonderbolts—and I think you should—when will you have to leave?"

Rainbow was almost sorry. "The training schedule begins in five days."

"Five days?" Twilight's eyes went wide. "So soon?" She heaved a deep breath. "All right. Five days. I can do this. It's okay."

"Twilight?"

"Rainbow." The purple unicorn hugged her friend. "I'm going to miss you. If you're gone in five days, I'm really going to miss you. But you _will_ find that special stallion. One way or another, I guarantee it. You're not the kind who gives up, Rainbow. You'd never let loneliness get you down."

"Isn't that what I'm doing now? I sure don’t feel cheerful."

Twilight assessed her from a distance. "Well, maybe you _could_ use some cheering up."

"So what am I supposed to do? Have Pinkie Pie throw me a party?"

Rainbow expected Twilight to treat this comment like the throw-away line it was, but instead, Twilight looked inspired. "You know, that might not be a bad idea. Pinkie hasn't thrown any parties in quite a while."

"Huh? But I was only—"

"You've just had some big news, right? Earth-shaking, tremendous news you've been waiting your whole life for, right?"

"Well I guess, except—"

"Then that's the perfect excuse! Really, how could Pinkie _not_ throw you a party? She'd be completely remiss in her duties! You've got to tell her! And if you don't, I will!"

This was not what Rainbow had been hoping for. In fact, it was exactly what she'd been hoping _wouldn't_ happen, which was why she'd been taking pains to avoid Pinkie all week. "Aw,Twi, c'mon!"

"No, Rainbow. A party is just what you need. Go and see Pinkie at the cottage. I insist."

"But—I mean—I don't want the attention! And besides, it's just so _weird_ there!"

"You think being an openly straight Wonderbolt won't feel weird? You think you won't have to deal with attention? Think of this as practice, Rainbow! If you can't take the party, then maybe you're right. Maybe this isn't your best choice."

Rainbow walked to the door, prodded by intermittent pokes from Twilight's horn. "Cripes, Twilight. You don't have to push! I'm going!"

The unicorn raised her head, and Rainbow noticed a whole new level of weariness on her face. "Sorry, Rainbow. It's just…" She shook her head. "This is a lot…to take in. I mean, I really do care…it's just…" She heaved a heavy breath. "I have to get back to my research."

"Well, fine! Don't let me keep you from whatever the hay's so important. I'll just go see Pinkie and…give up whatever dignity I've got left."

Twilight paused on the staircase back to her study. "And don't you _dare_ leave town without saying goodbye," she added.

"Sheesh! I won't!" She pushed through the door, wondering just what Twilight's problem was. Rainbow couldn't remember the last time she'd been driven to so much swearing in one conversation.

 

* * *

 

 Was that _another_ toy soldier beside the path? It had to be. She didn't want to look, but she couldn't stop herself. It was a pegasus in shining armor, and this one had a pie cannon.

A pie cannon. And…was it her imagination, or… _Are you kidding me?_ Rainbow thought. But yes—the figure actually smelled like banana cream pie. At this rate, in a few more years they'd actually be hurling tiny pies at visitors' ankles as they passed.

The figures became more numerous the closer Rainbow Dash got to the cottage. They weren't just soldiers now. Some were farmers, while some were quarry workers (propped up against crumbling boulders) or lumberjacks (poised in the act of felling saplings). Soon, little red and white houses began to appear beside the path, and Rainbow found herself trying to remember a time when Fluttershy wasn't crazy. Pinkie had always been crazy, sure, but Fluttershy? Rainbow seemed to recall that in the old days, she'd been more or less normal. Just really shy. But now?

Rainbow came to the final stretch at last. The front lawn, such as it was, was populated completely by miniature streets, buildings, roads, fields, vehicles, and ponies of all types, all colors, all occupations. All tiny, and all fake. It was dizzying. Rather than trudge through and feel like an inconsiderate monster, Rainbow took to the air and flew to the front door. The cottage, at least, was mostly the same as it had ever been, except for the thick pink curtains in the windows. They were drawn now—presumably the residents wanted their privacy. Well, they had plenty of privacy most of the time. They could do without for now. Rainbow knocked four times on the door.

A crescent-shaped sliver in the door rotated out of the way, revealing Fluttershy's familiar frightened eyes. She was draped in shadow—apparently there wasn't much light in there just now. "Rainbow Dash?" she murmured.

"Yeah. Good to see you, Fluttershy. Can I come in?"

The yellow pegasus seemed hesitant. "Umm…um…I guess?" The door swung open a crack. "But we're…kind of in the middle of…" Fluttershy glanced cautiously to each side. "…something."

 _You're always in the middle of something_ , Rainbow imagined retorting. "It's kind of important. So Pinkie's here?"

"Yepperoonie!" called Pinkie Pie's voice from some muffled place within.

Rainbow slipped inside. There was, indeed, no light but what came in through the thick pink curtains, and that, of course, was thickly pink. The floor was covered with a gigantic mesh of loops and trestles whose purpose Rainbow initially couldn't fathom. But as an object came rushing toward her leg, only to miss it narrowly, holding to its track with a familiar rumbling sound, she realized what she was looking at. "It's—this is a toy train, isn't it?"

"It's a _model_ train," said Fluttershy proudly, her voice still hushed. "And it has all the features!"

"Features?" asked Rainbow, stepping between the loops of track with wide eyes.

"Oh, yes. Features like functional crossing gates, rotary car dumpers, modular water features, bidirectional locomotives…cute little animals in the cute little boxcars…"

"Er…" Rainbow scratched her mane, peering at the various things Fluttershy pointed out. "But don’t you have _real_ cute little animals around here?"

"That's right!" said Fluttershy. "And they love to help out." With her wing, she indicated her bunny, Angel, wearing an engineer's cap and overalls, as he pulled the lever to activate a switch as the train barreled through. Gummy the alligator, in a conductor's cap, clamped his jaws onto the caboose and promptly started waving like a flag. A number of chipmunks gathered to unload its cargo as the train pulled smoothly into a station.

"I don't get it," said Rainbow. "What makes the trains go? They don't have anypony pulling them."

"It's magic," said Fluttershy. "We have to get their magical cores recharged every week or so.

"Magic, huh?" Rainbow poked at one of the trains as it passed; it tilted for a moment, but found the rails again. "Pfuh. We pegasus ponies don't need magic to go fast. Why should a train?"

"Well, actually," said Fluttershy, "according to Twilight, many researchers think that pegasus ponies really use magic to—"

"Twilight? What does she know about pegasi like us? It's not like she ever flew anyplace."

"She does have a balloon," Fluttershy pointed out.

"A balloon? You think flying a balloon is like soaring through clouds, seizing thermal boosts, and daring the wind to get out of your way?"

"I'd rather ride a balloon," confessed Fluttershy.

"Did somepony mention _balloons?!_ " The fervent voice of Pinkie Pie shot down the stairs, followed closely by its owner, who pounced into the room with a wide-eyed expression and, indeed, a shock of several balloons wrapped around her foreleg by their ribbons.

Rainbow jumped to face her reflexively. "Pinkie! I was hoping to find you."

"Well, looks like we've found each other!" Pinkie gave Rainbow a violet balloon, which she held awkwardly in her mouth. "I'm glad you came out to visit! It gets kind of lonely out here, even _with_ all our subjects to keep us company."

Rainbow had a bad feeling about this. "Your…subjects?"

Pinkie gestured to the panorama of figures scattered about the room, and drew open a curtain to point at the even larger crowd outside. "They're everywhere! See?"

Rainbow blinked. "But…they're made of wood."

"Not all of them! They're also made of twine, and rubber, and clay, and bones—" She wiggled her forelegs ominously. "—and rabbit fur, and pebbles, and felt—"

"Whatever!" Rainbow shouted. "My point is, they’re not real!"

"Well," said Fluttershy humbly, "nopony's perfect."

"What do you mean they're not real, Dashie?" Pinkie continued. "They're made of their stuff, and we're made of our stuff! We're got bones and fur in us, too!"

"But they're not living. They don't move!" Rainbow kicked a little clay pony figurine with a hat and plow; the pony and plow went tumbling in different directions.

There was stunned silence for a moment. Then Pinkie chirped: " _That_ one moved!"

Rainbow didn't know if Pinkie was being serious or not. In either case, she wanted to sigh. "Because I kicked it."

"Yep! And you kicked her because she made you angry. Face it, Dashie. Our subjects may not be quite like you or me, but they're as real as we are!"

"And they're so loyal," added Fluttershy, fluttering over to pick up the fallen ploughmare.

"I can't believe this," Rainbow said. "You two used to be cool. Fluttershy, you used to seem so wise out here…like you were one with nature or something."

She seemed hurt. "I'm not wise anymore?"

"Beats me! You've made a little imaginary city for yourself, so it's like you don't even _live_ in nature anymore! And Pinkie…you were always crazy, but at least you used to be _fun_."

Pinkie was also taking it badly, eyes watering. Rainbow suddenly realized that she sounded just like Gilda, shouting like that. What the hay was she thinking, dreaming she'd be able to woo crowds of thousands? She couldn't even stop herself from yelling at her friends.

"Hey. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said it. It's just…Pinkie, ever since you moved in with Fluttershy, we hardly see you anymore! I've missed you…and now I might be leaving."

Immediately, Pinkie went from dejected to distressed. "Leaving?? Dash, you're leaving us?"

Rainbow scuffed a hoof against the floor while another train sped by. "Probably. Maybe. The Wonderbolts sent a letter. They liked my audition. They want me."

Now the pink pony was like a timebomb, zigzagging upward through the air with red-hot steam growing behind her widened eyes. Rainbow dodged as she flung herself forward for a hug, and Pinkie landed on the train track and shattered several portions of it. Still, she didn't miss a beat as she stood and faced Rainbow excitedly. "You DID it!! You're gonna be a Wonderbolt!" She danced around, crushing more of the track and artificial terrain as she did. "Dashie's gonna be a Wonderbolt!!" she sang. "Wonderbolt, Wonderbolt! You're gonna leaving 'em quakin'!!"

Meanwhile, Fluttershy gasped and attempted to fix the mess Pinkie had made, fixing tracks back together, straightening tipped cattle, and so forth. Her retinue of little woodland creatures zipped into action, doing what they could to help.

"I'm not even sure if I want to do it!" Rainbow stressed. "There's so much wrong with me…I don't know anymore if I could handle that kind of life!"

"Wrong with you?!" Pinkie wasn't having any of it. She stamped her hooves as she answered, crushing more of her subjects and their livelihood with each step. "There's nothing wrong with you! You're Rainbow Dash! You live and breathe liquid awesome! You leave rainbow trails when you fly! You've got attitude practically seeping out of your ears and burning icky holes in the floor!" She kicked a water tower, taking out an entire hamlet. "You're even cool when you're being lazy! And you know there's tons of ponies in town who look up to you. So don't you even THINK of DREAMING of PRETENDING to THINK of PRETENDING to DREAM of saying no to the Wonderbolts!! Because you are BETTER than that!"

Rainbow staggered back out of her way as the enraged earth pony advanced. "Pinkie, you're—you're ruining your city! What about all your subjects? What about the trains?!"

"Don't worry," murmured Fluttershy, as a train came flying off a broken track and crashed in a little burst of magic before her nose. She jerked back in fear, but recovered a moment later. "She's just being Pinkiezilla. She does that sometimes."

"They will BOW before the Great and Powerful Pinkie!!" She grabbed a train and used it like a whip to knock a stationhouse off its moorings. "When is the last time our subjects paid their TAXES?!?"

"Oh, um…" Fluttershy stammered, looking uneasy. "Not for a month, at least!"

"Right! How can they presume to be safe from wanton destruction if they don't pay their taxes!?" She picked up a sheep and gnawed off one of its legs, tossing the rest to the floor. "One down, _thirty gazillion to go!!_ " Her tail whipped around like a floofy hurricane.

"Oh, no," said Fluttershy.

"Oh, YES!" bellowed Pinkiezilla, leaping into the heart of the structure and scattering boxcars everywhere.

"Look, Pinkie…PINKIE!!" Rainbow was seriously disturbed by this spectacle. "I came here because I thought you might want to throw me a party! You know…like you used to??"

Slowly, Pinkie stilled her murderous rampage and turned to face Rainbow, the redness draining from her face and eyes. "A…a party?"

"Yeah! For…you know…my being accepted into the Wonderbolts."

Pinkie leapt from the epicenter of destruction into Rainbow's personal space, now acting like her old self. "A party with actual other _ponies?!_ Dash, that'd be so much fun!! We should totally _do it!!_ "

"Well…yeah! Sure! And I mean…if you wanna run things, I'll just stay out of your way…"

Now Pinkie zipped under the broken rails to lie beside Fluttershy, together repairing the devastation. "That's okay! I know Fluttershy'll be glad to help! Isn't that right?"

Fluttershy looked very relieved at the apparent end of Pinkiezilla's reign. "Oh, yes! I'll make some special streamers, and bake up some Carob Kisses, and do anything else you need me for."

Briefly, the two made doe eyes amid and atop piles of crushed and disheveled scenery. "That's what I like about you," Pinkie breathed, just loud enough for Rainbow to hear. "No matter what I get up to…you're always there for me."

Fluttershy blushed, and Pinkie zipped out from the wreckage again in an instant. "How's Sugarcube Corner sound? I miss the old place! Four days from now?"

Rainbow stammered. "Uh…y-yeah! Sure! Four days it is…" She worked out the timing in her head. If the party went well into the night, would she be able to make it to the Wonderbolts' training grounds outside Whinneysburg by the following morning?

What was she saying? Of course she would! She was _Rainbow Dash!_

Rainbow barely had time to realize she'd made her decision. Pinkie was on her with ideas for the party, asking her from all angles, even draping streamers on her in advance for no reason. And Fluttershy, meanwhile, was enlisting an army of animals from outdoors to help clean up inside. Apparently they were used to dealing with the ravages of Pinkiezilla.

And somehow, so was Fluttershy. Somehow, all the wildness and caprice that was Pinkie Pie must satisfy some secret need in the meek pony's heart. Rainbow would never have guessed it, but apparently Fluttershy had a need for randomness. Rainbow could see it in the glimpses she caught through Pinkie's nattering, the streamers, and the train tracks. Fluttershy was humming a tune while cleaning up Pinkie's mess, and she seemed as content as she'd ever been.

This was silly. If someone as crazy as Pinkie Pie could find a stable mate to love her and look after her no matter what insanity she wrought, surely Rainbow could find someone on the road willing to put up with the celebrity life. Maybe a roadie with a heart of gold…maybe a pretty little boytoy with a sensible streak. She was gonna have tens of thousands, maybe hundreds of thousands of fans, after all! And here she was, looking at the simple patience of her good friend Fluttershy, and worrying that not even _one_ of them would have what it took to keep up with Rainbow's lifestyle?

Hah. Anyone worthy of Rainbow Dash in the first place would have more than enough energy for that. Wouldn't they?

The more she thought about it, the more this party was seeming like a great idea. She was going to be a Wonderbolt! She had plenty to celebrate!

 

* * *

 

  _ **#9: DT—Flying Sparks**_

It was dusk. There was already noise and light spilling from Sugarcube Corner, and ponies in the streets were wandering that way, drawn as if magnetized to this throwback to the days when Pinkie Pie lived in town and threw parties twice a week. Rainbow landed at the entrance to the Ponyville library just as Spike, sporting his tuxedo jacket, was hurrying out.

"Rainbow! What're you doing here? You'll be late for your own party!"

"Well, it's not like the party _really_ begins until _I_ get there," Rainbow pointed out. It felt good to have her old swagger back. "Besides, Twilight wanted to meet me here."

Spike stared. "She did? She hasn't been seeing _anyone_!"

"Huh?"

"I mean, she's been like this for months, but all of a sudden it got way worse! She's been locked in her room for almost four days straight, and she won't even let _me_ in!"

"Really? What's she doing in there?"

"Research! It's the same secret spell she started working on two months ago, one that's supposed to be so difficult up until now only _alicorns_ could cast it! But lately she's been acting like she's running out of time." He shook his head. "I just don't get it."

"Me neither. Is she even coming to the party?"

Spike took on a sulky demeanor. "Beats me. Probably not—I bet that's why she wanted to meet you. Just gonna say a quick goodbye and get back to work."

Rainbow sighed. Oh, well. She'd known she was going to have to find a bunch of goodbyes before the night was through—she just hoped this first one wouldn't be the hardest. "Well, guess I'd better go see her. I'll meet you at the party, Spike."

"Yep. I'll let 'em know they aren't having any fun yet."

"Not without yours truly!" winked Rainbow. Spike waved and hustled up the street, and Rainbow went inside the great tree for what might be the last time.

It was sure dark inside, and quiet. No patrons. No sign of life. "Twilight?" she called.

There was a clatter of movement from upstairs. "Rainbow?" came Twilight's panicked voice.

"Yeah, it's me. I'm on my way to the party. The one that was your idea."

Hooves clomped on the floor. Twilight came down in a hurry, then stopped on the staircase. "You're not dressed up."

Rainbow shook her mane. "Do I _ever_ dress up, if I can help it?"

Twilight chuckled. "No…but you're going to have to start, soon."

Huh? Oh, right. "Ah, a flight's suit's different. It's on a whole 'nother level."

Twilight exhaled nervously. "It is indeed. Rainbow…I know the party's starting, and you don't want to be late, but…we should talk."

"Yeah, I know. You want to say goodbye and then get back to whatever you're doing."

"No—Rainbow—please." The unicorn came down to ground level and cleared a bench strewn with books so she could sit. Hesitantly, Rainbow sat on the floor before her.

"So now you wanna talk," Rainbow said. "Now that I'm on my way out. Splinters, Twilight. I hardly ever see you anymore. It was bad enough when Pinkie left town, bad enough when Rarity bought all those buildings and went corporate. Bad enough when Applejack brought in all that staff and suddenly she was busy all day. But where did you go? I come to the library and see Spike behind the desk—my friend Twilight's up being a recluse in her room! For months! And _now_ you wanna talk?"

"Rainbow—you have to understand—"

"I'm sick of my friends slipping away!" Rainbow blustered. "What happened to what we had? Weren't we supposed to be a gang forever? The Elements of Harmony? The six best friends Ponyville ever had? And what happens? Rarity marries Applejack, Pinkie hooks up with Fluttershy, and for all I know, you're married to your magic. You want to know what, Twilight? Once, I would've looked at that Wonderbolt schedule, with its non-stop training and appearances and no vacation time, and I would've said: You're crazy! You may be the Wonderbolts, but if I don't get to spend at least a few weeks a year in Ponyville—with my _friends_ —then you can go ahead and find somepony else for the job!! I would've said that, Twilight!"

"Rainbow, please! It doesn't need to—"

"But now?? Now that things are like they are? Who gives a fig?! Who cares?! I may as well pack up all the nothing I've got, leave town, and never look back! I may as well slip away, just like the rest of you. Only being who I am, I'll do it with flash. I'm not gonna be half here, half gone, making you wonder if I'm still around. I'm gonna be _gone_ , like a shot, and you'll only see my face in the Equestria Daily. Because that's how I do things—when I'm driven to them. And the rest of you can just see if you miss me."

"Rainbow." Twilight was in tears now.

Rainbow bit her tongue. She hadn't meant to do that! She hadn't meant to let out all her frustrations in a big rant before the party… not when it would spoil her last meaningful moment with Twilight. Rainbow found herself wanting to cry, too. "I'm sorry," she said.

Twilight's voice was cracked. "I have to show you something."

Rainbow stood back, puzzled. "Show me?"

Twilight rose from her seat, blinking away her tears. "You've probably been wondering what I've been working on so hard for the last couple of months."

So this was about that? "Yeah? Yeah, I think everyone has."

"It's a spell. A very difficult spell, one Princess Celestia learned from her mother. She only uses it now and then, for friends in need. But when…when…when Pinkie threw you that big…coming out party…" Twilight paused, the tears returning. "…I started asking the princess about it. And asking. And asking." She hid her eyes, her voice hoarse. "And two months ago…she finally agreed to teach it to me."

Rainbow was utterly lost. "My coming out party? What does that have to do with…?"

"So she called me in to Canterlot, and she showed me the essentials, and left me with scrolls and books and exercises to do…and I did them. I read the original source material. I studied all the pieces until I knew them backwards and forwards. And these last few days, I finally put them together into a framework I know I can cast. I had to scramble, and I had to ignore poor Spike, but I got it done. I knew I had to get it done by tonight."

"Tonight? You mean you're gonna show me?"

Twilight heaved a tired, wispy breath. "Yes," she said, tears gleaming at the edges of her eyes. "Yes, Rainbow. I'm going to show you. Because it's all been…for you."

This was starting to freak Rainbow out. "For me?!"

Twilight nodded. She took another deep breath. And another. Rainbow could hear the pain in it. The fear. "What…what's going on, Twilight?"

"I just…I'm so scared," she whispered. She turned away. The darkness of the library hid her face, and Rainbow found herself scared, too. She couldn't look away, though. Her friend Twilight was counting on her…for something…

A ribbon of white seared through the air. Twilight's horn was glowing…glowing in two different colors now…sparkling. Another ribbon joined the first, this one baby blue. Sprinkles of white and gold filled the upper air. They settled over the two ribbons as they intertwined, and Twilight closed her eyes. Rainbow kept hers wide open.

Now there were magical pulses on all sides of Twilight, and the ribbons curled to meet them on either sides. The sprinkles danced above them, spurred by the vibrations of the magical pulse. They settled around Twilight, and the ribbons hugged closer, and the pulses grew tighter, wrapping themselves around the unicorn. Her whole body was engulfed in magic until she was jerking, half floating in the force of it, her horn now a sizzling bright white, her eyes tightly closed. The ribbons somehow found their way under her coat. Rainbow winced at the sight of it. They bulged under the guidance of the shimmering pulses, and with that, Twilight's body began to change. Her waist expanded. Her shoulders widened, her girth drew in tighter. Further forward, her crest stretched backwards, and her chin straightened, as did the bridge of her nose. Muscles grew subtly all over her body. Rainbow felt herself shivering, too. Was the spell taking her in?

But no. As the sparkles finally faded and the magical pulse subsided, Rainbow realized it wasn't the magic that was making her shake. Her body had known what was happening before her mind did. Twilight Sparkle had become a stallion!

The implications rushed like hormones through Rainbow's brain. _All for her?_ Had to finish by tonight? "Twilight…"

Twilight was standing in a pool of light, the last thing to fade. Head raised, she—no, he—opened his eyes and raised a hoof. The hoof came gently down to the floor; the head turned back. Rainbow couldn't say a word, nor could she look away.

"It worked, didn't it?"

Was that Twilight's voice? It was still high-pitched, still precise and well-rounded, but now there was an all-different timbre to it. It was a male voice, and its owner had an unmistakably male body. Rainbow swallowed. Visions of her future did aerial stunts in her mind. "Yeah, it worked. Twilight? You…changed yourself?"

He looked directly at Rainbow, freezing all her thoughts. "It's not permanent," he told her. "It lasts one day. And I won't be able to cast it again for a week. But that's enough…isn't it, Rainbow? Please…please. Tell me that's enough."

Rainbow stepped forward. She swallowed. She didn't know what to say. She was afraid. "Enough…enough for what, Twilight?"

Those amethyst eyes were locked on her. "Rainbow…you've won your dream. You're about to leave Ponyville…about to go off on the biggest adventure of your life. And all I want to say is…Take me with you! I want to go too, Rainbow!"

Rainbow fell to her knees. She was so awash in emotion she could barely identify it as happiness. But that's what it was. "And to think…I was going to settle for some groupie, or roadie somewhere…but now…"

Twilight's eyes sparkled as he drew up with a smile. "…Now?"

"…I get to hook up with the most powerful unicorn in Equestria! And a friend of mine, to boot!"

"Only fitting for Equestria's most illustrious speedster! So you'll do it?" asked Twilight, tears glazing over his eyes. "You find me…attractive?"

Rainbow looked over the crevices and features of that new male body, but she couldn't even focus. "I…it's not even important if I like your body, Twilight. I'm sure it's fine, and we'll have plenty of time to find out, but…right now I'm just bowled over by the fact you did this at all! Two _months_ of research…and pestering the princess before that…all for _me!?_ "

The purple stallion smiled. "Rainbow, you have to realize...when you came out, it nearly broke my heart. I'd admired you so much, almost from the day I met you. You're amazing. You're a daredevil. A heartbreaker. I may not know much about love, but you? You won me over in ten seconds flat."

"So you went this far for me, huh? And you'll follow me through thick and thin, to Wonderbolts shows and photo shoots and parades and interviews?"

"Absolutely! I'll even be open about our arrangement, if you want me to. I have nothing to hide."

"What if the press starts giving Celestia grief over her favorite student going showbiz and changing sex just to please her Wonderbolt lover?"

"Believe me, Celestia knows," laughed Twilight. "We have her blessing."

Rainbow felt herself rising, and found she was fluttering her wings unconsciously. "You've done it, Twilight. You've made me lighter than air. I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you—" Rainbow broke off to chuckle over a thought.

"What is it?"

Rainbow let herself settle back to the floor. "It's something that occurred to me a few days ago. Our friends…they've paired up and gone larger than life. Rarity and Applejack…they've built little cities around themselves, and surrounded themselves with employees…but they treat them as if they were toys. And Pinkie and Fluttershy…they've surrounded themselves with a fake city, and tons and tons of toys…and they treat them as if they were ponies."

"I hadn't thought of that!" said Twilight. "And us?"

"We've got the chance to go really big," said Rainbow with a wink. Big crowds, big cities…no two ways about it, we really _will_ be larger than life."

"And yet," Twilight pointed out, "We'll be doing it having fun. Entertaining people! When you get right down to it, _we'll_ be the toys!"

Rainbow gaped, then laughed. "You're right!" She shook her head, chuckling. "You just can't get away from those toys, can you?"

"Not if you want to be larger than life," replied Twilight.

Rainbow felt her chest swelling and her heart pounding. She glanced out the window, sighting a flicker of light. "Oh gosh, I'd better get going. They'll be expecting me."

"You mean _we'd_ better get going!" Twilight walked toward the door, opening it magically. "If I'm going to be leaving town suddenly, the least I can do is give an explanation!"

Rainbow smiled hugely. She extended her wings. "Twilight Sparkle, would you care to be my date for the party tonight?"

The well-formed stallion favored her with a graceful bow. "Nothing would please me more, Ms. Rainbow Dash."

They walked through the door into the night, letting themselves gravitate like everyone else toward the festivities at the cake shop. The night air, slightly permeated with the scent of roman candles, was enchanting.

"You know," said Rainbow, "if you're gonna be my lover on the road, you're gonna have to find some way to keep up. We Wonderbolts can travel pretty fast, you know."

Twilight swished his tail against Rainbow's haunch. "I figured you'd carry me," he teased.

Rainbow laughed. "You know, that just might be the best way! You'd have to help, of course. I can't fly too fast while lugging a full grown stallion."

Twilight cocked his head . "How do you know? Have you ever tried?"

"Well, no but—" Rainbow gave another, bigger laugh. "I just figure. If I'm gonna be carrying one of Equestria's premier magicians around, I oughta get at least a _little_ help."

Twilight leaned over to give Rainbow an intoxicating kiss. "Oh, you will, Rainbow. Believe me—while I'm in your grasp? Sparks. Will. Fly."

And if the timbre of their ensuing kiss was any indication, that was no exaggeration.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you've just seen, this chapter was somewhat dark and even a little twisted--quite a departure from the first two chapters. A number of readers didn't like it for that reason. Sorry to any Flutterpie fans who were let down... for what it's worth, I think their slightly unhinged relationship is adorable. 8-) Just remember--this story is tagged [Random] for a reason.


	4. The Harm in Harmony

 

**CHAPTER 4**

**THE HARM IN HARMONY**

_**or** _

**BIRDS OF A FEATHER FLOCK TOGETHER**

 

* * *

  

_**#10: RT—Redefining Aristocracy** _

The main room was bubbling with the babbling of dozens of ponies, which to Pinkie's mind made the perfect backdrop for a little back-hallway zaniness. "…All right. First you say a word, and then I say a word, and then you say _another_ word, and I say another word, and then you say another—"

"Pinkie!!"

Apparently Twilight didn't quite grasp the rules yet. "That sounded like a whole sentence, silly! You can't start out with an entire sentence! Then I don't even get a turn!"

Twilight glanced momentarily toward the hallway's exit. "So…we keep going until we reach the end of a sentence?"

"Yep!" chirped Pinkie.

"And…what exactly are we hoping to accomplish?"

Such a typical Twilight question. "Fuuunn!" Pinkie admonished, splaying her legs a bit.

"So you're saying…that it's fun to generate random sentences?"

Pinkie felt her mane puff out. "It's not random! It depends on _both_ of us! It's like how a spirit board works, only without the board!"

"And without spirits," added Twilight.

" _Most_ of the time," Pinkie replied. "But I could tell you stories!! Honestly, it's only half random, at most!

"So it's stochastic," said Twilight.

How did Twilight always manage to bring these big words into everything? "Stow-what's-kick?"

"Stochastic!" Twilight started to walk and lecture in that funny way she did sometimes. "A 'stochastic' process is one that depends on a random variable. It may unfold according to the rules of science and logic, but it has randomness at its core!"

Pinkie crept alongside with long steps. "Sounds like you and me!"

Twilight gave her a stern look. "I am _not_ the hard crunchy coating to your chewy bubblegum center," she insisted.

"No, of course not, silly! That's Jackie! But you've gotta admit, you are always trying to squeeeeze as much sense out of innocent little random things as you possibly can!" She pantomimed wringing the neck of an inexplicable concept.

Twilight glanced out the door again, and then turned back to Pinkie and stamped. "Fine. Let's do this. I start with a word?"

Pinkie nodded. Hooray!

"Probability," Twilight said.

"Cupcakes!" exclaimed Pinkie.

Twilight narrowed her eyes. "Probability cupcakes?"

"That's _two_ words, Twilight!"

"But…what are probability cupcakes??"

"How should I know? They must be waveform-flavored or something. It doesn't matter!"

Twilight stared, but continued. "Are."

"Cupcakes!" said Pinkie, smiling.

Twilight blinked. "…That…" she tried.

"Cupcakes!" said Pinkie. This was just too easy!

Twilight glared, her eyes growing red. "Are you going to say anything but 'cupcakes'?!"

Pinkie shrugged. "I say whatever comes into my head!"

"But it doesn't make any sense! What good is this game if the sentences don't make any sense?!"

"That sounds like a challenge!" Pinkie leapt in place, hair bobbing wildly. "Are you challenging my word?"

Twilight's lip curled. "…I guess?"

Newbies! Pinkie cleared her throat and recited cheerfully: "'Probability cupcakes are cupcakes that cupcakes of a more normal persuasion have never learned to tolerate, perhaps because they tend to collapse spontaneously while baking in the oven!' Now you just try and tell me that doesn't make any sense!"

Twilight stood, mouth agape. "It--that--all right, I admit that does make a certain amount of sense. Does this mean you win?"

Pinkie laughed. "Oh, silly. There's no winning in this game! …But yes." With that, she zipped off, sensing that the moment was right for a comic exit. Twilight was stuck in the back hallway until showtime, but the party was finally starting to swing into gear! Pinkie had party games to play! Mayhem to sow! Inhibitions to dissolve! Balloons to—

_"Pinkie Pie!!"_

Again? Pinkie skidded to a halt in mid-bounce, plopping to the floor. This time it was Rarity yelling at her, and the unicorn, clad in an ultramarine sheath evening gown, looked upset.

"What’s the matter, Rarity?"

"I hate to be rude, Pinkie, but have you forgotten the pretext by which we got you invited to this affair? I know you have punch boiling in your veins, but you're here to _cater!_ Not to cavort about!"

"I know," Pinkie mourned. "And we whipped up a whole bunch of neat stuff to serve! But I'm not in my natural element if I'm cooped up behind a serving table! Can't I just stuff it all into a big piñata and give everyone a giant ladle or something?"

"As…amusing as that thought is, I'm afraid not. This is no casual shindig, Pinkie—this is Princess Celestia's _birthday_! It demands propriety!"

"We could fill the piñata with propriety!" suggested Pinkie. "Unless that's an abstract concept, or something. But even then!"

Rarity's horn glowed, and Pinkie found herself being tugged toward her assigned place by her red bow tie cravat. "Back to the table, Pinkie."

Pinkie sighed. She'd tried! She trudged back to her table and listlessly stirred her apple geode soup with a long ladle she'd much rather have been using to whack a piñata. "Hey Rarity?" she asked. "Why do rich and fancy ponies always make having fun so _difficult_?"

"Why, Pinkie!" exclaimed the socialite. "Do you imagine that success ought to be all fun and games? I am sorry to inform you, dear, that rubbing fetlocks in high society is hard work! Otherwise, what would it _mean!?_ "

"What would what mean?" asked Pinkie. "Success?"

"Precisely! If we didn't have to labor for our reputations, what would be the point of having them? It's all very well to have boundless fun at a friendly party at home, Pinkie…but in high society, every ounce of fun must be _earned_!"

This was actually starting to make sense. "Oh! Maybe _that's_ why I have so much trouble with parties like these!" Pinkie exclaimed. "Earning something sounds a lot like give and take. But when it comes to me and fun, I prefer to _give and get!_ " To illustrate her point, Pinkie dished out a bowl of soup to the fellow caterer just arriving at the table next to hers, a diminutive blue mare who smiled in surprise and offered Pinkie a slice of fresh focaccia in return.

Rarity seemed charmed by this exchange. "Perhaps you're right," she conceded. "Perhaps we shouldn't have to earn our popularity. But Pinkie, it's simply too enjoyable _not_ to! Twilight and I are always up for a challenge, after all!"

"Well, you've certainly done a good job so far! I mean, you've done cast parties on Bridlewalk…that bash for Sapphire Shores' sister…the Manehattan casino circuit…and now Celestia's birthday!"

Rarity chuckled. "Oh, but this was easy, Pinkie! Twilight goes back a _long_ way with the princess, as you know. She had only to ask for an invitation!"

"Even so!" pressed Pinkie. "It's funny to think how I used to want to go to all the biggest and best parties in Equestria, but now you and Twilight are getting to live my dream! I mean, _Twilight!_ When I met her, she couldn't tell a party from a parsnip! I actually checked! I gave her a parsnip and said, 'Hey, do you want this delicious party?' and she just sort of stared at me so I knew she'd fallen for it!"

Rarity laughed her high little laugh. "You aren't jealous, are you, Pinkie? You know I care a great deal for our friendship—I'd hate to let success come between us."

Pinkie winked cutely. "No worries! I _used_ to wish I could go to all those parties, but when the Grand Galloping Gala was such a letdown, I realized that it's not how big or famous a party is that makes it great. …It's how many cookies there are!! And a jillion other things too, of course, but no, Rarity, I'm not jealous. I can make great parties happen on my own."

Rarity tossed her mane. "Indeed! I'm very relieved to hear that, Pinkie. Still, dropping your name for caterer was the least I could do!" She glanced toward the back hallway, where Twilight was beckoning. "Oh—it looks like we're on! Enjoy the show, Pinkie!"

"Laters!"

As Rarity hurried off, Pinkie turned her attention to the yellow-haired blue earth pony who'd given her the focaccia. "So you're the savory caterer, huh?"

The little mare let out a single chuckle. "Beg your pardon?"

Pinkie pointed to their respective collections of dishes, laid out along the long tables. "You're the savory caterer, and I'm the sweet one! That's why they wanted two of us! I'm Pinkie Pie." She offered a hoof.

"Juniper." The meek caterer met Pinkie's hoof with her own, completing the gesture. "It's true, I was told I wouldn't have to worry about desserts. I guess they're a specialty of yours?"

Pinkie slurped up a generous ladleful of geode soup. "You could say that! I do a lot with apples these days, though!"

Juniper craned her neck to examine Pinkie's table. "So I see! Looks like you've got apple tarts, apple spice cakes…apple crumble, apple cobbler…"

"Pear cobbler, actually! But yep, it's mostly apples." She lifted a boiled, peeled apple from the soup pot. "I invented a way to suck the core out of an apple and stuff it with candy! So I call them 'geodes' and they're really popular. Go on, try yours!"

As dinner wasn't for a while, the two caterers sampled each other's wares, having little else to do in the meantime. "Amazing," said Juniper. "How _do_ you core the apples without cutting them open?"

Pinkie's mane bounced. "Iiit's a seeecret!"

The blue mare smiled shyly. "Well then, tell me this—who was that unicorn you were talking to earlier?"

"Huh? Oh, that's Rarity Starspinner! But I knew her back when she was just Rarity. We went to school together in Hoofington, and now we both live in Ponyville!"

"Is she a performer of some kind?"

"Kinda!" Pinkie waved a hoof equivocally. "She's more of a social big shot. Oh hey—you're about to find out!" Sure enough, the royal herald had appeared and sparking silver flecks filled the upper air, garnering everypony's attention.

"Fillies and gentlecolts," cried the herald. "I'm having a _splendid_ time! Can you say the same?!"

Pinkie and Juniper locked smiles for a moment as they joined the room of partygoers in clomping their forehooves against the floor.

The herald gestured toward the back hallway. "I give you… _Rarity Starspinner and Twilight Sparkle!_ "

While the applause continued, a flourish of harp music sounded from the hallway, accompanied by lavishly flowing pink and purple ribbons of light. In stepped Rarity, her evening gown now embellished with a striped mulberry kimono, some sections of which were sheer enough to let the purple show through. She wore a light blue obi and a diamond-shaped silver pin, and through her obi was thrust a parasol depicting wispy clouds on an idyllic day. She raised a hoof and waved daintily to the crowd, lips curled in a tart smile.

She was followed by Twilight, whose orange tunic and yellow-tangerine grass skirt were accented by her own parasol, which depicted a twilight sun framed by searing parhelia above a dark landscape. Twilight's wave and smile were far more innocent—the contrast made the crowd laugh, Pinkie included.

"My friends!!" announced Twilight to the room at large. The two of them were not on a stage or even a platform—they were right there in the room with everyone else, which Pinkie knew was how they always operated. "Friends and neighbors! It's great to be back in Canterlot—the city where I grew up!"

The cheers had died down, but this gave them a new lease. Rarity didn't wait for silence. She lowered herself to all fours and lifted her head high. "Why, yes! Twilight uses that friends and neighbors line at every show, folks, but tonight she may actually _recognize_ a few!"

"I do, actually!" Twilight turned from face to face. "There's Mr. Shimmerseal, the telescope maker!" An old silver stallion acknowledged the crowd's light applause. "And Captain Ragnar of the Guard—I used to live up the block from him, in fact, and let me tell you—he treated his family like one of his regiments!" The tawny off-duty guard stallion laughed along with the crowd.

"Well, then the neighbors are covered!" crooned Rarity. "As for friends—believe me, Twilight Sparkle knows a thing or two about friendship."

"Well, I did write a dissertation on the subject," admitted Twilight with mock-humility, earning more laughs.

"She certainly did!" agreed Rarity. "And Twilight was no slouch at putting her ideas into practice, either! Her dissertation was quite a hefty volume—I believe her typical tactic was to drop it on somepony's head, and invite them in for aspirin while they recovered!"

"You have to admit," said Twilight, "I did refine my methods over time."

"True enough," her partner conceded. "Once she got to know somepony, she would tailor her book selection to their personality. Our friend Rainbow Dash, for example—a speed racer—might find herself conked unconscious by a copy of _The Fast and the Flurrious_!"

Of course, Pinkie knew Twilight had never dropped a book on anypony's head in her life—not deliberately, anyway! But she laughed with the crowd just the same.

Twilight now turned to the face the screened balcony from which the room knew Princess Celestia was watching. "Well, if anypony's to blame, it's the one who assigned my dissertation in the first place—none other than Princess Celestia!" Now the crowd's hoots subsided to sounds of reverence.

"Ah yes, Celestia!" replied Rarity. "Guardian of the Realm!"

"Keeper of the Day," added Twilight, starting to twirl her parasol.

"Disperser of Discord!" cried Rarity, twirling hers as well.

"Unifier of the Thirty-Two Queendoms!" praised Twilight.

"Thirty-eight!" corrected Rarity.

"Well, they all got unified anyway, so let's just call it an even forty," suggested Twilight, earning more chuckles. "And let's not forget her most important title of all…Oldest Troll!"

Rarity gasped, mortified. " _Senior_ Troll!"

"Senior anything, really," said Twilight.

"You do have a point," Rarity conceded. "And of course, Ruler of Equestria and Princess of the Sun."

"I knew I was forgetting something!" acknowledged Twilight. "We are gathered here today to honor Celestia for her eight zillionth birthday—may she see zillions and zillions more!"

Rarity frowned. "You realize, of course, Twilight, that 'zillion' is not a proper number?"

Twilight nodded solemnly. "That's just how transcendent she is! She was done with ordinary numbers ages ago. As I understand it, she once celebrated her seven thousand, nine hundred ninety-ninth birthday for a million years straight!"

Rarity feigned astonishment, her parasol flying back. "What are the odds?"

"I could tell you," replied Twilight, "but then I'd have to whack you with a math book."

The patter continued for a while, and then the show turned to fashion. Rarity made a disparaging remark about Twilight's skirt, and Twilight responded with fake indignation. Rarity magnanimously offered to upgrade her partner's ensemble, and Twilight reluctantly accepted, sitting down for her public 'redressal and upbraiding'.

As the act continued, Pinkie found herself amazed at how far Twilight had come. Just two years ago, the purple bookworm had been inept in front of any crowd without notes to read from. Now, thanks to Rarity, she was practically in her element while performing burlesque! It just went to show how much difference the love of a dedicated partner could make.

A fawning Rarity Starspinner stuffed Twilight into petticoats, gowns, sashes, vests, and anything else she could justify. Finally, Twilight began to fight back. "You know, if this really is all about appearances," she pointed out, "there's no rule the clothes have to be real!"

"Why, Twilight, whatever do you mean?"

"I mean, Rarity, that with a little effort, a talented unicorn could conjure up garments from pure magic, like this!" A periwinkle shawl appeared glowing in midair, clearly illusory, and descended around Rarity's neck and shoulders.

"Are you joking, Twilight? I can't wear _this_! It isn't…" Rarity slipped out and waved a hoof straight through the floating shawl. "It isn't _substantial_ enough!"

"And since when has fashion been about substance?" countered Twilight.

"Since _when?!_ " snorted and angry Rarity. " _Every three years_ , I'll have you know! Plus a leap year every seven fashion cycles!"

Come to think of it, Pinkie was also impressed at how Rarity, once uptight, had grown to the point she was able to make fun of her own profession like this. Of course, Pinkie had helped them develop the comedic side of their act, which made her proud. But the whole gang had blossomed like she wouldn't have _believed_ ever since they'd used the Elements of Harmony a second time to defeat Discord. Sure, Rainbow was no longer obsessing over her training, but to be perfectly honest, the Wonderbolts had never really been a feasible dream for her, given that they only recruited to fill openings and had a waiting list twenty ponies long. With the time she was saving, Dash had become a much better weather pony and companion for Fluttershy. And Fluttershy, for her part, was learning medical techniques from Zecora, and was such a good veterinarian now that she helped sick and injured animals from as far away as Trottingham! As for Pinkie and Jackie…well. Pinkie grinned at the thought of all those cruller trees. Really, did anything more need to be said?

The show was careening to its finale now, both unicorns swaddled in at last five layers of clothing, real and illusory, and Rarity had just added a pointed wizard's cap to Twilight's ensemble. "Isn't she so _chic_?" she was asking the audience. "Isn't she just the most adorable magical prodigy you've ever laid eyes on??"

Twilight rose to her feet, accessories clattering to the floor. " _I_ think they've had about as much of us as they can take," she surmised. "How about we close with a poem!"

"An excellent idea, Twilight! Something classical and evocative, perhaps?"

"Oorrrr I could do a limerick!" suggested Twilight. The crowd laughed anew.

"Really," deadpanned Rarity. "Well, it had better not begin, 'There once was a pony called Rarity.'"

"Er…" hemmed Twilight. "What if I recite it backwards?"

Rarity facehoofed and flung off half her clothes in a gesture of pique. "Never mind! Just recite it!"

"Right!" Twilight cleared her throat and faced the crowd:

_"There once was a pony called Rarity_

_Renowned for the strength of her charity._

_There is no defense_

_To her fashion sense_

_Except to embrace the hilarity!"_

As the crowd laughed, Twilight threw them her wizard's hat and said, "Thank you! Thank you, friends and neighbors!"

"And thank _you_ , Twilight, for that lovely tribute. Good night, everypony!" The two performers waved their goodbyes, took their bows, and slipped back into the hallway whence they'd come. Again the air was filled with flowing ribbons and sparkles, and the herald took the floor again.

"Twilight Sparkle and Rarity Starspinner, fillies and gentlecolts! And now…! The court of Equestria will be most obliged if you would all rise, and join us…in a moment of song."

Pinkie whipped her head left and right. Was it time? Was it time?? She spotted a retinue of armored guards entering through a doorway beneath the balcony, and behind them, in full shining majesty, was the princess herself, adorned in her royal sandals and brooch and, in place of her crown, a colorful pointed birthday hat! It was time!

Celestia nodded to her subjects on all sides as they cheered her entrance into the already bustling palace ballroom. Sweeping silver lights dazzled the room and balloons fell from above. A note on a kazoo rang out, and seconds later, the whole assemblage, Pinkie included, erupted into song…

"Happy birthday to you!

"Happy birthday to you!

"Happy birthday dear Celly…" (Well, a lot of the ponies sang her full name, but Pinkie didn't know why when it was so obvious that "Celly" scanned better!)

"Happy birthday toooo yooooooooou!"

Pinkie made sure to end at exactly the same moment as the last other pony singing, so that no one would be left singing alone. But then began the follow-up verse that only actually got sung occasionally, so Pinkie was surprised when participation was so enthusiastic throughout the room:

"How oooollld aaare you?

"How oooollld aaare you?

"How oooollld aaare yoooouuu?

"How oooollld aaare you?"

In response, Celestia tossed her polychromatic mane, gave a wicked grin, and announced, "I'll _never_ tell!!" At which the crowd erupted into cheers and boos.

As Celestia seated herself before the cake (a towering original creation Pinkie and Jackie had stayed up well into the night to finish), Pinkie got a familiar vague feeling that she ought to be paying musical royalties to someone, somewhere. But the presence of actual royalty quickly overshadowed it. Everyone wanted to get close to the princess, to pay their respects! Pinkie, having already met her on several occasions, remained in place, bouncing up and down, but Juniper zipped off to get a quick word in, if she could.

It wasn't two minutes before the lights came on and Celestia, standing where Rarity and Twilight had only minutes before, raised her horn and addressed the room:

"My dear friends…my dear, dear friends…." The princess shook her head as if to clear it of tears that by all rights she shouldn't be crying, after having soooo many birthdays for practice! Then again, maybe that was _why_ she was crying!

"Thank you so much for coming…By tradition, I am sometimes personally associated with Equestria. Because of this fact, today is being celebrated in town halls, village squares, and private residences throughout our realm. Each locale has its own traditional celebration—from the rodeos and marches of distant Palamine to the fireworks and endless troughs of Manehattan. But nowhere—nowhere are they celebrating like us! Because you, my wonderful friends, have actually come to celebrate my birthday with _me_ —and you can't know how much I appreciate it! I feel so, so lucky to be so beloved." The ruler of Equestria bowed her head in humility.

Then she raised it suddenly. "And can you believe this cake?!?" She gestured to the cake with its massive rings of red, pink and white, the rim of each layer cut with pink candy-coated cookies and wafer-thin apple slices, and the room broke out once again in applause. Pinkie felt herself blushing and grinning simultaneously. She took a bow behind her table, though she doubted anypony but Juniper saw her do it.

But she was seen soon enough! Celestia declared that dinner had begun, and at last it was time for Pinkie and Juniper to start dishing out their comestible delights! So Pinkie got to work. Most guests went to Juniper's table first, but enough elected to start with dessert that Pinkie had her hooves full for the next twenty minutes—a blur of hustling, cutting, spooning, chatting, and delivering her treasury of puddings, cakes, and pastries.

At last, things began to slow down. Something twinged inside Pinkie's brain as a gray, dark-haired mare with a very staid demeanor walked up for an apple brioche. This earthy pony looked a lot like Pinkie's sister Inkie Pie…but as she might have been if Pinkie had never brought joy into her life. This wasn't her sister, but hadn't Pinkie seen her somewhere before?

Oh! Right! "I remember you now!" Pinkie blurted. "You're one of those musicians from the Grand Galloping Gala! You helped me play the Pokey Pony on your cello!"

"Double bass," the earth pony corrected sternly.

"Mmm, nope, I'm pretty sure it's a cello!"

A flinty pair of purple eyes glared across the serving table. "Don't you suppose I can be trusted to know what instrument I play?"

Huh. This pony might look like her sister, but she sure seemed like a Meanie McMeanerpants. Though why the family hadn't changed their name when they'd stopped wearing pants, Pinkie had no idea. "Well I _guess_ you probably forgot, because you don't _bow_ the double bass! You pluck it, like this!" She mimed plucking the strings of a contrabass, managing to reproduce the tones passably by kicking the nearest table leg in sync with her motions. Pinkie was rather proud of that until a tower of stuffed apples collapsed into an open-faced apple pie.

The haughty musician eyed the resulting mess with an expression that spoke volumes. Pinkie grinned sheepishly and offered an apple-smeared apple to the gray pony.

Sneering, the musician snatched the apple in the crook of her foreleg. "One most certainly _can_ bow the double bass," she hissed. "And must, when producing chamber music!"

"Is that so?" asked Pinkie. "Well, I think you're forgetting one thing." She leaned over the table and sang staccato into the musician's face: "There's always room for C-E-L-L…O!"

The musician scoffed and left, leaving Pinkie with that weird urge to pay someone royalties again.

She had other guests to serve, but all the while, her inner gears were turning. What if Pinkie had never experienced her life-changing epiphany as a filly? Her family would never have become the most cheerful rock farmers in the Hoofington metro, and Inkie might have grown up to be as grumpy as that musician. Maybe an orchestral player could afford an attitude like that, but a sculptor like Inkie who specialized in balancing rocks on top of other rocks probably couldn't. Pinkie quietly despaired for what her poor sister might have become, if it hadn't been for that sonic rainboom…

The sonic rainboom. It had led not just to her cutie mark, but to those of all her closest friends, as well. That _couldn't_ have been a coincidence! Pinkie grappled with the implications—their destinies really must be intertwined. Which explained not only how they all happened to be perfectly suited to wield Elements of Harmony, but how they were all romantically suited for each other as well. Two unicorns who loved high society, two pegasi who loved the outdoors, two earth ponies who loved baking…It was as if the Elements were watching out for their emotional stability…making sure they didn't end up alone and bitter, like that double cellist….

Something clicked in Pinkie's head. She shuddered. She _really_ shuddered. "Ohh nnnooOooOooOoo!!" screamed Pinkie as she felt herself jackhammering along the table, spinning from side to back to rump to belly without any control, upsetting all her desserts along the way. Apparently she was about to get run over by her own train of thought! At least, that was the only sane interpretation she could make. The one time this had happened before, it had signified a major, painful mental and emotional breakthrough on Twilight's part. A revelation! Pinkie could only assume, as she rattled to the very end of the long table and collapsed onto the floor amid the wreckage of her sweets, that another frightening revelation was on its way.

Stunned ponies stood all around her, staring and muttering and nosing her to see if she was okay. Juniper was trying to get her to stand. Before she could, Pinkie looked up to see Princess Celestia approaching. A feeling of peace cut through the fear. There was a sliver of silver white, and the terrifying touch of Celestia's horn—and then calm. Pinkie rose slowly, the spasms gone, and gazed into the eyes of her princess.

"Pinkie Pie," said the ruler of Equestria. "Are you all right?"

Pinkie shook herself, spraying frosting and crumbles on those nearest to her. "I just had a doozy," she uttered.

"A doozy of a seizure, Pinkie?"

She shook her head. "Nope. Just a doozy!" She lowered her voice. "Somepony's gonna realize something big and scary."

The onlookers murmured and the princess looked apprehensive. "I wonder if Luna was right," she muttered. She bent to whisper in Pinkie's ear. "Do you have any clue what this might be about?"

Pinkie whispered right back. "About the Elements of Harmony. And what they've done!"

Celestia looked no calmer than before. "After the party…can you stay behind? And bring your friends? We should talk."

That wasn't what Pinkie had wanted to hear, but she nodded. "Sorry about all the desserts. I guess I kinda gave a new meaning to 'apple turnover'."

But with a swoosh and flourish of Celestia's head, the mess was cleared, and what desserts remained were restored to order. "It's all right, Pinkie. We still have the cake! Speaking of which…"

Celestia strode through the confused crowd toward the gigantic cake, drawing attention away from Pinkie and her disaster. "Well, my friends, it seems we've had a mishap and lost most of our desserts." She laughed gaily—in the face of a laugh like that, who could possibly stay dismayed? "All the more important for us to cut the cake! But first!"

A team of pegasus ponies in kitchen uniforms fluttered over the massive confection and swiftly inserted a multitude of candles into the top. The one in the center was largest, the others successively smaller in rings around it, as if to indicate that Princess Celestia's age was as indeterminate as the size of the universe. Suddenly, a flash of orange and red soared over the top—it was Philomena, Pinkie realized, and she'd used her flaming feathers to light all the candles at once! The crowd was hushed but for gasps and oohs.

"It's time for me to make a wish!" announced the princess. "What should I wish for?"

There was a miniscule pause, and then everypony was shouting suggestions, trying to drown out the noise of their neighbors. "Free trade with the griffons!" someone yelled. "Stronger sky chariots!" bellowed someone else. "More wishes!" called a smart alek teenager. "More desserts!" shouted someone nearby. Pinkie added her own voice to the cacophony: "Chocolate rain!!"

The princess drew in so much breath that the flames almost went out from her _in_ halation. There was a pregnant pause, and then she exhaled, extinguishing the entire conflagration in an artistic swirl of fire. The assemblage clomped and cheered, and the princess, smiling a secret smile, stepped forward to make the first cut using her horn, in accordance with tradition.

 

* * *

 

 

The two unicorns were in a changing room off the back hallway. Pinkie found them layered in far too many mismatched clothes, laughing and dressing each other with even more! She didn't get the idea they were in there for _changing_. Canoodling was more like it!

" _There_ you are! I've been looking everywhere! The party's over and the princesses want to talk to us!"

Both unicorns looked over, eyes wide. " _Pinkie!_ " shrieked Rarity. "You're interrupting a very private moment!"

"I am? That's weird!" mused Pinkie. "I thought having _fewer_ clothes was sexier. Anyway, we've gotta go see them pronto!"

Twilight struggled to escape a green denim jacket. "What's this about, Pinkie?"

"I'm not sure, but I think it's about the Elements of Harmony!"

Now Twilight's eyes were huge and panic-stricken. "Are you serious? We've got to use them _again?!_ Who's the villain this time?"

"Nopony! It's the Elements themselves! Come on!"

Pinkie seized the duo by the sleeve of a sweater they were somehow both wearing, leaving them to hurriedly shed their garments as she dragged them through the corridors.

 

* * *

 

 

They sat in a room wider than it was deep, lit only by tall, multicolored candles in the corners. Mobiles of moons, planets and asteroids dangled from the high ceiling. Across the formidable table of stone and lead sat Princess Celestia, her expression far more troubled than a birthday girl's ought to be. To her right sat the deep indigo form of Princess Luna.

"How do you like my meeting room?" asked the younger alicorn. Her voice was meek, but tinged with determination to overcome that fact. "Nice and atmospheric, isn't it? I designed it myself." She looked up to where a mobile of wobbly comets chased each other around an evanescent nebula.

"It's lovely, your majesty," said Twilight with a perfunctory bow, "but why are we here? Is something wrong with the Elements of Harmony?"

Celestia cleared her throat, her horn lending a green-white glow to the somber candlelight. "First of all, I want to stress that there is no danger to any of you. We are here only to talk."

"Well, yes," said Rarity, still straightening her tangled hair, "but to talk about what?"

"About my doozy!" exclaimed Pinkie. "You missed it, but I got all herky-jerky during dinner!"

Twilight shot her a startled glance. "You mean like just before we encountered that hydra, and I realized that your…premonitory abilities don't have to make sense in order to be worth acknowledging?"

"Exactly." Pinkie leveled a suspicious gaze at the princesses. "But I think I may have an idea what this is about!"

"You do? That's good," said Luna.

Pinkie was a little surprised to hear it. "Meaning what?"

Luna leaned forward and shivered, apparently with excitement. "You'll have to forgive me if I'm out of the loop. But Pinkie Pie…is it true that you've become a unit with the keeper of Honesty, Applejack?"

Pinkie nodded enthusiastically. "I love her to pieces! Or more accurately, into one big piece that's the same size and shape as she was before!"

Luna gritted her teeth and turned to the unicorns. "And you…your burlesque routine isn't just an act, is it?"

"Not at all," affirmed Rarity. "We're head over hocks in love with one another."

Celestia spoke up. "It surprised me, I admit, when Twilight gave me the news that you were together! I mean no offense to you, Rarity, but I always expected you would court aristocracy!"

Rarity sniffed. "Why tie myself down to some boorish aristocrat when I can instead… _redefine_ aristocracy with my dearest friend?"

"I tend to keep her grounded," said Twilight.

"Precisely. Twilight may have been raised in…privileged circumstances, but she certainly knows humility, and Celestia kn—your majesty knows I need a dose of that from time to time."

"And is that what holds you together?" asked an eager Luna.

"Well, not _merely_ that," laughed Rarity. "Let's just say that…while I may know how to keep a divine abode, Twilight Sparkle keeps a heavenly bed!"

Twilight blushed. "I know how to make her happy," she admitted.

Luna blushed as well, to Pinkie's surprise. "And your friends, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy?"

"Oh, they go back a _long,_ long way," reminisced Rarity. "Rainbow has always felt a soft spot for Fluttershy…defending her honor and the like. Yet it wasn't until our run-in with Discord two years ago that they truly became close."

Luna turned abruptly to Pinkie. "And this is what bothers you, isn't it? It all seems too perfect."

Pinkie nodded hesitantly. "Yeah, I guess! But then again, can anything ever be _too_ perfect? I mean, they say you can have too much of a good thing, but the way I see it, as soon as you have too much, it turns into a _bad_ thing, doesn't it? And some things never seem to turn bad no matter _how_ much you have! Like cookies! And parties! And those little chewy candies with the red and green wrappers so that they look like strawberries, only they're crunchy on the outside so they're actually harder than strawberries, except they're also gooey in the middle, so they're actually _softer_ than strawberries! But even if there are things you can't have too much of, there are other things—like chocolate milk rain—that are just _too good to be true!_ And I guess…I guess that's how it feels with the six of us. Like it's just worked out too perfectly…too perfectly to be true."

"Tell them, sister," said Luna.

Rarity and Twilight glanced at each other, then froze. Princess Celestia didn't look much more comfortable. Yet after a brief hesitation, she spoke.

"Very well. There is a reason the Elements of Harmony have the name they do. Unlike other magical artifacts, they thrive on interpersonal connection—that which makes us feel stronger than the sum of our parts. Luna and I felt it ourselves, when we wielded them."

"We were closer then," said Luna nostalgically.

Celestia nodded. "For those decades, we set our natural differences aside."

"Yet, we reasoned that if we continued to depend on the Elements to maintain our personal harmony, it would…stunt us," continued Luna. "We feared what they would do to us over centuries. So…we broke our links to them, and locked them away."

Celestia turned, teary-eyed, to her sister. "The greatest mistake we ever made."

"We can't play _what if_ ," shrugged Luna. "I'm back, and I'm healing, and…we just don't know what the alternative was."

"Wait," interjected Twilight. "Are you saying that…the reason we fell in love…all of us…is that the Elements _made_ us?"

"Only your hearts know the answer to that, Twilight Sparkle," said Celestia at the same moment that Luna said, "Yes, that's what we're saying."

The three friends exchanged frightened glances.

Pinkie would have found it hard to describe what she was feeling. It was the opposite of twitterpation—a frenzied sort of panic that everything she'd been doing with Jackie for the past year or two was wrong. A huge waste of time. She felt like a gigantic invisible screwdriver was futzing around inside her head. She couldn't control her breathing.

"But that's…that absurd!!" objected Rarity. "Twilight and I were the best of friends almost immediately! Surely we would still have met and bonded and eventually fallen in love were it not for the Elements of Harmony!"

Celestia lowered her head. "I wish I could tell you it were so," she said.

"You should have told us!!" yelled Twilight.

"It seemed so benign," Celestia whispered. "After all, who needs to be warned against happiness and harmony?"

"But…but…" Pinkie stammered. "But what about…what about who we really are?! What about our real selves, not our enchanted, harmonied-up selves? What if we were never meant to fall in love??"

"Meant by whom?" asked Celestia. It was a frightening question to be asked by the mistress of the sun and possibly the most powerful being in the world. What could you say?

"Offer to release them," said Luna.

Celestia looked to her sadly.

"Release us?" asked Twilight, stunned. "Can…can you do that?"

"It is possible," Celestia admitted. "I would only need to find replacements that the Elements would consider acceptable."

"But…" said Rarity.

"It's right," said Luna. "No one should go through life not knowing if their love is true."

"Integrity," whispered Twilight, eyeing the table.

"Equestria would mourn the loss of such noble guardians," Celestia told them. "But she has other noble ponies within her borders. As much as it saddens me…my sister is right. The choice is yours."

Pinkie sat in silence. Her heart was speeding up. Was this the doozy? This had to be the doozy. The fact that her time as the Element of Laughter might soon be over…?

No. That wasn't it. It was the possibility that her love for Jackie wasn't real. _That_ was what terrified her. That was what made her want to faint right there at the table.

Well, if that was what she wanted, what was stopping her? Live free. Pinkie passed out, her face hitting stone.

 

* * *

 

 

_Pinkie's memories reacted to the cold, sudden feelings of stone and shock. They sifted like lightning bugs through her filters until the one she needed was on top…and it lingered, absorbing the sense of stone and changing it to euphoria….and sunlight._

It was the greatest high Pinkie could remember ever having. And it wasn't from cake or chocolate or helium or fermented berries or anything else like that. It was from talking! The sun was burning, the sugars in her body were churning, and she'd been talking to Applejack for _over seven hours_.

"…so I guess I had the idea that there was something magic about not cutting or taping the sheets together, just folding and sticking them into each other, like if you cut them with scissors all the origami magic would come pouring out and suddenly you couldn’t make anything with them anymore, or maybe you could, but it'd be a whole different kind of thing, and it wouldn't be good for hanging from mobiles anymore, just putting in pop-up books, and those don't work if they're closed. But then I thought, what if I could harness the magic when it gets spilled? Wouldn't that just be amazing?! So there was a period when I would sneak into the classroom after school was out and make tiny little nips with the scissors in all the origami sculptures, and try to catch the energy in baking tins and honeycombs and flypaper and conch shells…"

Thumple-tumble! Down went another treeful of apples into their buckets. "Ya don't say," said Applejack.

"I _do_ say!" exclaimed Pinkie. "And here's why…!"

For Pinkie, life was about constantly juggling powerful desires against each other, something her friends didn't always seem to realize. One of these was the desire to talk, endlessly, to her heart's content. Pinkie believed in a lot of big things—that the world's ultimate destiny was to be transformed into a gigantic neverending party; that with enough work, anything could be made to taste and feel good; that everyone and everything in the world was worth making friends with if you had the time and patience to do it…and she fervently believed that if she was allowed to talk long enough, and freely enough, she would eventually arrive at the cosmic truth at the heart of reality. Even if it took a million years to get there, it was worth trying, because the closer you got, the better you felt….

"…and she told us that no matter how hard you try, you can't fold the same piece of paper more than seven times! Well, needless to say, I thought she was CAH-RAAY-ZEE. I mean, does paper run out of foldability? Does it get stiff and hard like a cured saddle or something? Does it go on strike and say, 'I've been folded, spindled and mutilated, but this is just one fold too far!'?? NO! Paper doesn't do any of that! So what's to keep me from just folding and unfolding the same sheet as many times as I want? At least, that's what I thought at the time. But then it turned out she meant you couldn't fold it seven times in a row, _without_ unfolding…"

At times, the piston of desire just pushed too hard and snapped Pinkie's tethers, and she threw herself into indulging one of her desires without reservation. This certainly wasn't the first time she'd thrown restraint to the wind and blabbed on for hours without pause, but she was coming to realize there was something special about it just the same. And she knew what it was: This was the first time she'd actually had somepony listen to her!!

Not that Applejack was hanging on her every word, or even paying close attention…but she really was listening! She was setting out buckets, kicking apples from the trees, and nodding now and then, or grunting in agreement, and even interjecting every so often with "Huh!" or "Sure!" or "Well, ah s'pose." More essentially, she hadn't told Pinkie to shut up, even once!

In fact, through her interminable rambling, Pinkie even thought she spied Applejack sporting a furtive smile now and then!

"…a really, really _huge_ sheet of paper, and dragged it home, and I got all these candles and set them out and made this huge ceremony out of it, and I got my sister Blinkie to help me make the really big folds, and she did it like it was a church service or something with her eyes almost closed, and we were five folds in and I totally thought we were gonna get to at _least_ eight, but then our mom caught us, and I guess she thought we were part of some crazy horrible paper cult, because she _shrieked_ and kicked out all our candles and tore up our paper, and sent us to bed without any rock candy, and that night I started to wonder—maybe the paper somehow _knew_ I was about to fold it eight times, and sent mom to stop me…"

"Is that a fact?" asked Applejack, that little smile growing on her lips as she spun around to smack a tree.

"It's a memory!!" answered Pinkie. "So I guess it's a fact if I trust my memory…and if _you_ trust it. And you do trust my memory, don't you, Applejack? You know I wouldn't lie to you, and if I wouldn't lie to you, why would I lie to myself?!"

"Sugar, far as I kin reckon, you ain't got a lyin' bone in your body. Only reservation I got is that you've got so many amazin' thoughts in that head o' yours, it'd be a wonder if'n they didn't get tangled up every so often."

"I _know!!_ And that's why I have to just lie down sometimes, and let the sun beam down on me, and let all my thoughts settle down, until they stop swirling and they're all where they belong…." And that's what she was doing now. Pinkie rested on her back, her hooves all in the air, her mane bunched up like a pillow. "I think I can feel my thoughts falling," she said. "There's one falling out of my right back leg, but I can't quite get it out, maybe if I shake…ooh, I think one landed on my tongue!"  
  


Applejack stepped away from her overflowing buckets and stood over Pinkie, hearty amusement coloring her features. "This tongue right here?" she asked.

"Well of course, silly, how many tongues do you think I have? If I had more than one, it'd be creepy. I'd probably start talking with them all at once, and then no one could make any sense of what I was saying, not even you! And you're the best listener I think I ever met, Applejack, especially when you're bucking apples, because it's like you never get bored, and you never get annoyed, and it's just like, you're making me strong enough to go on thinking and talking, but if I had more than one tongue…"

"You still got that thought on yer tongue, sugarcube?"

"I bet!! I think I managed to make it bigger and now it's stuck in deep and I'll _never_ get it out, unless I—"

"I'll jes' take care o' that for ya," said Applejack. And she leaned over. And Pinkie's eyes went wide—what was Applejack doing? Was she going to bite the extra thought right off Pinkie's tongue? What if she missed? What if she accidentally—"

 _Ohhhh, ohhh, ohhhh, OHHHH, OHHHHH,_ so this was what it was like to be _KISSED!!_

Pinkie shuddered and shut her eyes and floundered in the double warmth of the sun and…and her friend, her best friend, her brand new super best friend _forever!_ She flung out her forelegs and hugged Applejack around the knees, and she didn't let the kiss end for a long, long time. When it was done, the words were gone from her. She didn't feel the need to talk endlessly anymore, and somehow she didn't mind.

"You kissed me!" Pinkie rasped.

Applejack was smiling, her hat askew. "Just my way of thankin' you for makin' mah workday a pleasant one!"

Pinkie felt a laugh welling up from deep in her gut. "Are we gonna be _fillyfriends_ now?! Cause I've never had a real fillyfriend before, and it'd be so exciting, and I already know you and everything, and you're such a great listener, and I could throw us a party, and we could bake _so_ many pies, and—'

"Hush now, sugar." Applejack's lips were inches from her own. "I'm game if you are, but you don't wanna spoil the surprise."

"The surprise?" whispered Pinkie, rapt on the ground.

"There's always gonna be surprises. That's what'll keep us fresh!" With a wink, Applejack hauled her laden cart away.

Pinkie paused for an amazed moment, and then pinwheeled around, still on her back, so that she could watch the farmer go.

That's when she knew things would be fresh forever.

 

* * *

 

 

But that's also when she woke up, head swaddled in blankets in the chariot back to Ponyville, and cried out. Had Jackie's kiss really been heartfelt? Or had it just been the handiwork of a citrine apple in a golden necklace, locked away out of sight?

She had to know.

 

* * *

 

 

_**#11: DF—The Finer Points of Weather** _

_Weather Journal:_

_The clouds are shifting again. By now, I think I know what that means…they're teasing me, their holes crisscrossing until they find a neat little overlapping place where the sun can play Peek-a-Boo! Then, maybe the hole will grow and grow until the whole yard is engulfed in the warmth of summer._

_For now, it's around sixty-five degrees, with occasional zephyrs. I don't mind the zephyrs. I love them! Sometimes, if they keep coming back, I like to give them names. There's a zephyr that keeps rushing up on me from the southwest, as though it's a little animal pouncing its mother! I call it Clive. Clive is so much fun when I've just come outside. Then there's one that likes to start low and swirl around and around until it zips away into the sky. I call that one Priscilla! I enjoy Priscilla most when I'm sitting in the tree swing, but she's always good for a little excitement._

_The humidity is lower than yesterday. I'm guessing it's down to three dewdrops, which is still enough to be comfortable so long as it's not too hot. If it does get warmer, I hope Rainbow remembers to bring up the humidity accordingly. But if there's a lag, it may be even better—it could feel like an intermittent little tugging feeling of dryness, reminding me where I am—and then soothing, wonderful relief!_

_If she forgets the humidity entirely, I'll forgive her, of course. We're all learning as we go through life, after all._

Fluttershy looked up from her journal at the sudden break of light. She was right—the layers of clouds had finally found a hole, and sun was breaking through. It was better than she'd imagined it: the sunlight was so pure, and its aim was perfect! Rainbow was getting better and better at this every day.

"Wow, Fluttershy!" came Twilight Sparkle's voice, startling her into zipping under the table with a squeal. "Oh—I'm sorry! I didn't mean to scare you. I was just saying your yard looks amazing, especially with you and your table in the middle of that bright sunbeam."

It wasn't just Twilight. Pinkie Pie, Applejack and Rarity had all come to visit, too. Distracted as she'd been, Fluttershy hadn't noticed the sound of their hooves on the soft loam. She crept out from her hiding place and smiled bashfully. "It’s because of the light," she confided. "Rainbow's giving me some quality time right now." She smiled upward, her face aglow with the sun's rays.

"She is?" queried Applejack. "Ah don' see her."

"Oh, she's up there," explained Fluttershy. "This is how our quality time works. I come out in the yard, and Rainbow makes it heavenly for me! She plays with the weather. She's gotten so good at controlling wind currents, temperature, humidity…and of course, the clouds."

Fluttershy spread her wings to indicate the glory of the stratus clouds, and everypony gazed along with her. It was silent and perfect.

"So while she's doing that," she continued, "I write in my weather journal. Sometimes I just write about the weather Rainbow gives me, like I was doing now. Sometimes I write poetry, instead! Or I make pretty pictures…and sometimes I just do chores like feeding the animals and enjoy the day. It's amazing to know that during our quality time, my whole home and the sky above it is like one big cradle, just for me!"

Rarity was nodding; Fluttershy had already discussed this with her in depth. Applejack, though, seemed skeptical. "Don't y'all actually spend any time together? Like, really together?"

Fluttershy smiled all too broadly. "Oh, yes. Sometimes we work together at making the breeze as perfect as we can. We fly against the wind in unison…and then, once it's just right, we lie in hammocks together and listen to the animals chittering, and soak in the wonderful breeze…and take pride in the fact that it's our doing." She felt herself blushing by the time she was done talking, and the realization made her blush further.

"That's beautiful, Fluttershy," said Twilight. "But I hope it's not distracting her from weather duty for the town."

"Nnnope!" called Rainbow's voice. A gust of warm wind struck them in advance of Rainbow's descent; apparently she'd heard them talking. "If anything, I'm better than ever!" Rainbow landed before the visitors, her mane billowing almost like Celestia's, only it was wind, not magic, that kept it going. "I used to count on other members of the team to handle all the little niggly stuff. Air pressure…ionization…"

"Well, subtle ain't exactly your watchword," remarked Applejack.

"It didn't use to be!" answered Rainbow. "But ever since Fluttershy and I became mates, I've been learning all kinds of tricks to keep her happy!"

"It's true," Fluttershy confirmed. "She's been learning all the finer points of weather. Just for me!"

Rainbow folded her wings and lifted her head proudly. "Yep! All that stuff I thought I'd never have time for. And I may have learned it for her, but it's paying off in my work! Did you hear? I won the Central Equestria Weather Technician of the Month award a few weeks back! And Ponyville shot up to fourth place on Wingding Magazine's Best Climate list!"

"Well, congrats," said Applejack, tucking a foreleg in appreciation.

"That's wonderful, Rainbow!" exclaimed Rarity.

For the first time, then, Pinkie spoke—and her tone was uncharacteristically somber. "Yeah, that's great that you've been winning awards and getting snug-as-a-bug-in-a-rug with Fluttershy—even if you haven't actually been touching—but we've got news!"

This didn't sound good. Still, Fluttershy had to hope. "Good news?" she asked.

Pinkie shook her head.

"Humdrum news?" Fluttershy tried, her stance a little lower.

Again, Pinkie indicated in the negative.

Fluttershy sank to the ground. "Bad news?" she breathed.

Pinkie gave a grim little nod. "I dunno how to say this…so…so maybe we should do charades or Hangmare or something like that until you guess it!" When Applejack's hoof thumped her side, though, she continued, "Or maybe I should just say it. Princess Luna thinks it's because of the Elements of Harmony that we all fell in love."

Wait…what?

"What do you mean?" asked Rainbow.

"I was just thinking about how perfect it was that we all paired up like we did, just like how _your_ sonic rainboom gave us all our cutie marks! I was so excited I trembled all over the dessert table just thinking about it! That's when I knew it was a doozy, and I told Celestia, and Luna made her fess up."

Rainbow rared back in astonishment. "Are you saying…?"

"I'm _saying_ ," said Pinkie Pie, "that it was their magic that made us get so close! We bonded with the Elements, so they bonded us! Together! They put thoughts in our head and feelings in our hearts!"

"But…" Fluttershy looked around uneasily. "But I love Rainbow. I really do."

Rainbow looked between Fluttershy and Pinkie briskly, her face hardening into denial. "What are you talking about, Pinkie? I love Fluttershy because she's worth it! She's my oldest friend, and…and her heart's so strong…and I'll never let anyone tear us apart! Never!"

Applejack stepped up. "Sorry, Rainbow, but ya gotta face facts. Y'all didn't used to be in love, did ya? That only started after we used the Elements a second time. And did ya hear what Pinkie said? The princesses _admitted_ to it! Your love's not natural!"

Rainbow blinked a few times and looked at Fluttershy uncertainly, and it nearly broke Fluttershy's heart. She fell to her haunches, unable to speak.

"Sorry, Fluttershy," said Applejack. "It threw me for a loop, too. Ah stayed up all last night with my granny, cryin' it out over cider."

"And I told Mr. and Mrs. Cake," said Pinkie weakly, "and they were great. They helped me get through the pain…made sure I know that I really _am_ loved…by so many ponies…and by Gummy…"

"I'm not so sure about Gummy," interjected Twilight, but Rarity shushed her.

"Ah wish we could jus' get through this together, like we do ev'rythin' else," said Applejack, hesitantly nuzzling Pinkie. "But ah don't know what I could say that you'd…be able t'take at face value."

Pinkie's head sank, her mane getting less floofy. Fluttershy heaved a deep sigh and stared at her love. She felt the tears welling.

"It feels so real," she murmured.

"It totally does," said Rainbow.

Twilight seemed to be struggling now. "Feelings are like that, guys. Sometimes we feel what our bodies…or external influences like magic…tell us to feel, and we tell ourselves it's genuine. We find reasons, and we embrace them…" Now she was looking longingly at Rarity. "And we swear they couldn't have come from anyplace from our true hearts, because that’s where we _want_ them to come from. …But they don't," she finished quietly. "Sometimes they just don't."

"Yeah? And sometimes they do!" countered Rainbow, fluttering just off the ground.

"But how can you tell?" implored Rarity.

Rainbow opened her mouth for a retort, but instead she just hovered there silently, her tail undulating.

Fluttershy flew over and gave her a hug. Rainbow didn't protest; the two of them flipped and twirled about in midair, and kissed, and closed their eyes to the others.

"Flutter," moaned Rainbow. "I don't want to say goodbye…"

Fluttershy drew on one of her seldom-used reserves of inner strength. "It isn't really goodbye," she said. "We'll still be friends."

"But…you're so special to me…"

There wasn't anything more to say. Fluttershy cuddled her mate, and the two of them landed. The others were looking grim.

"Princess Celestia is looking for potential replacements to wield the Elements," said Twilight. "She's willing to unbind us if we ask her to."

Fluttershy had seen that coming, but it still felt like a boulder in her stomach. "…Should we?"

"We've gotta, said Applejack. "We owe it to ourselves for our feelin's to be genuine articles."

"Sad to say, I find I agree," said Twilight. I've always believed in intellectual integrity…I have to believe in emotional integrity as well."

"I…but…" said Rainbow.

Fluttershy walked up to Twilight. "But Twilight. The princess placed her trust in us to be the keepers of the Elements. Is it really right for us to give that up, just to know…our true feelings?"

Twilight nodded sadly. "I think we have to."

Applejack walked up and nodded. "We gotta be honest with ourselves. Because if we can't trust our own feelin's…who can we trust?"

Fluttershy bowed her head. "Okay," she conceded. "I'm willing to do this."

She felt Rainbow's wings around her in a heartbeat; Rainbow embraced Fluttershy like a fallen tent in a storm, only with warmth, and will. "I'm gonna miss this so much," the weather pegasus whispered.

"I know," Fluttershy answered. "I will, too."

After that, no one wanted to leave. So they stayed—they spent the night sprawled on the loveseat, on the cushions and chairs, even in Fluttershy's bed, drinking ginseng tea and trying to comfort each other. No one knew quite what to say or who to say it to, so they said what came to mind, and played with the raccoons, and twittered to the birds in their birdhouses, and everyone cried at one point or another.

 

* * *

 

 

Fluttershy awoke. It was night. The crickets were chirping too loudly.

She knew well that crickets altered the rate of their call based on the temperature. In the past, she'd used that fact to _gauge_ the temperature. Since she and Rainbow had started sharing quality time, however, she'd learned to gauge temperature by feel alone. It was fifty degrees outside, and the crickets were chirping as if it were over sixty. She wondered why.

Maybe it was for the same reason her heart was racing. Fifteen days had passed since Celestia's birthday—fifteen days of second guessing, fear, and emotional chaos. After that first long night, they'd reluctantly sent word to Princess Celestia that they were, in fact, resigning the mantle of the Elements of Harmony. Celestia had written back in acknowledgement: She would begin searching for their replacements.

For the next week, Fluttershy hadn't spent a single night alone. Rainbow had stayed, clinging, and then she'd gone to be alone. Pinkie had slept in Fluttershy's chicken coop and taken breakfast with the birds each morning. Applejack had cooked meals in Fluttershy's kitchen for anypony who wanted the food. Even Rarity and Twilight had slept over twice, staring at Luna's sky and babbling aimlessly over tea and crumpets.

The town had talked. Fluttershy knew they had, even though she'd hardly left her home since getting the news. How could they not talk, with members of all three pony species sharing the same house—even the same bed for all they knew? Some townsfolk must have suspected perversion, but Fluttershy could live with that stigma. What she couldn't live without…was love.

At last, her friends had moved on, leaving Fluttershy to sleep alone. But then, she was never really alone, was she? Clive and Priscilla might be gone, but the world was always filled with creatures, many of which were her friends! Fluttershy had little doubt the crickets outside knew somehow this was an important night.

Did they somehow realize that Celestia had finally summoned them the palace, and that tonight would be Fluttershy's last as the Element of Kindness? Probably not. But surely they realized that something was happening, and were chirping in anticipation.

And of course, there was Angel Bunny. Her little guardian Angel was always there, making sure she came to no harm. Fluttershy saw him there on his little rug, as awake as she was. Watching her.

"Oh, Angel." She slipped out of bed and went to lie beside him. "What do you think, Angel? Will I still be in love with Rainbow tomorrow?"

The rabbit twitched his nose. He pointed to the open window.

Fluttershy turned to face it. It wasn't hard to know what he was thinking. "I should go to her."

He nodded briskly.

Fluttershy poised herself at the windowsill, gathering her nerves. She glanced at her rabbit companion once more, then leapt into the night.

It was cold, but her heart warmed her from within. Fluttershy wasn't a pegasus of the heights by any stretch, so it felt strange to just ascend and ascend, but she had to. Rainbow's home, which normally drifted hither and yon over Ponyville, now hung in the sky over her cottage, as it had for the last fifteen days. Fluttershy relished the aches in her muscles as she rose. She was a pegasus of the zephyrs, not the heights, but she missed those zephyrs dearly—she wanted to bring them down again.

As the walls of the cloud dwelling took shape in her sight, Fluttershy started to wonder how she would wake Rainbow, or whether she would simply sit by her side and watch her longingly, one last time. But it was moot; as she rose before the window, she found her blue lover already there, staring. Rainbow gasped and screamed. Fluttershy screamed in reflex. Then Rainbow sprang through the window and hovered in the air, just feet away. Gaping.

"…Fluttershy?"

Fluttershy could only breathe and keep herself from falling.

Rainbow, too, seemed to be having an uncharacteristically hard time getting out her words. "Di—did you come to…say goodbye?"

Fluttershy nodded, eyes large.

Rainbow shook. She stared at the zenith of the sky, clear with stars. "It isn't right," she said.

"I know," agreed Fluttershy.

"If our love was…if it was really supposed to happen…then it'll still be there," Rainbow rationalized.

Fluttershy nodded over and over, squinting away tears. There was a long pause. It was still chilly, but no wind blew.

"You know what?" said Rainbow. "I don't care. Screw it! Screw what was meant to be! Screw what's really in our hearts. Let's not take the chance."

Fluttershy opened her eyes carefully and tried to focus. She flapped her wings and hung there, wracked with feelings, her body fighting to stay warm.

"Okay," she whispered, and flew into Rainbow's embrace. They locked their legs together.

Somehow, they managed to get back into the house. Collapsing to the soft floor, they gave themselves to each other.

Truth was the lens by which confusion came clear; truth was beauty. But if the truth was that they weren't meant to love each other, Rainbow was simply too loyal to learn it. And however much Fluttershy might have yearned for the truth, she was just too kind to break her lover's heart.

Let confusion reign. There was beauty in confusion, anyway. And in each other.

 

* * *

 

 

_**#12: AP—Delectable Delights** _

The trek was silent. Normally, Pinkie would be filling the air with songs, jokes, and stochastic verbiage, but after the last fortnight, there was nothing left to be said. They were grim, determined, hopeful, solemn. Rarity's mane, for once, had been combed stiff and straight, but what really shocked Pinkie was that Jackie, for the first time in memory, had left her hat at home.

At least they weren't headed to the ruined palace in the Everfree Forest. They'd accepted the mantle of the Elements there, and had feared it might be where they'd have to part from them. Instead, Celestia's letter had directed them to a brick-paved terrace adjoining the royal palace, accessible only by a winding road up Canterlot Mountain.

As the terrace came into view, they saw a retinue of stalwart uniformed guards in two rows flanking a broad space where the red and goldenrod bricks were laid in a gigantic five-pointed star. In the middle of that space stood six ponies milling, and behind them Celestia. They turned to regard the newcomers as they arrived, reverence in their eyes.

The six consisted of two ponies of each race, three male and three female, including a familiar face or two. Pinkie was gearing herself up to greet them with her usual enthusiasm when Celestia leapt over the group and surged to stand before the newcomers.

Twilight was first to bow, and the rest followed suit. "Your Majesty," they murmured, Pinkie among them. This felt like no time for levity.

"My friends," said the princess of the sun, sadness in her voice. "Why have only four of you come? Where are Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy?"

Twilight spoke on their behalf. "They told us this morning that they'd changed their minds, Princess. Their love for each other is too great for them to risk losing it. They wish to remain in the service of the Elements."

Celestia took this in, eyes large, her undulating mane seemingly at odds with her feelings. "I wish you had written to tell me."

Twilight bowed again and shut her eyes. "Forgive me, Princess."

The truth was, it had been hard enough making the long trek out. Correspondence hadn't felt right; this wasn't something they felt comfortable talking about. No one had seen them off that morning, and they'd said no goodbyes.

"I understand," said the princess.

She turned back to the anxiously waiting group. "Yogurt Cup. Holdfast. I'm very sorry to have raised your hopes." Celestia bowed to a slim white earth pony and blue-gray pegasus, her head almost touching the bricks. It was the first bow Pinkie had ever seen her make. "It seems your service will not be required."

The white mare's jaw quivered; the blue-gray stallion's nostrils flared. Were they going to be angry? No—they recovered.

"It's all right, your majesty," said the mare, her voice catching. "No worries."

"If you should ever need us…" breathed the stallion.

"I'll call," said Celestia. "Your kindness and loyalty will not go unremembered. But for now, you may return to your rooms, and the stewards will see you home."

The two bowed and left, leaving the mood even more somber than before.

But Celestia broke it with a shimmer of her horn and a flourish of her wings. "My dear friends…allow me to introduce your replacements!" She gestured then to a black unicorn stallion, whose horn was black at its base and lightened to white at its tip. "Applejack, please meet Vanishing Point, the new keeper of Honesty."

"Pleased t'make yer acquaintance," she mumbled, curtseying to the unicorn.

He only nodded back. Creepy!

Jackie seemed just as unnerved. "Cain't say I ever met anyone black before," she admitted. "Exceptin' Nightmare Moon, of course."

Pinkie thought that was a little rude of Jackie, but the stallion didn't seem upset. "Don't worry—I'm perfectly trustworthy, and perfectly safe," he told her. Somehow, the way he said it left absolutely no doubt of his truthfulness.

"Glad to hear it," declared Jackie.

"Pinkie Pie," said Celestia, spurring Pinkie to whirl around on one forehoof with her nose pointing like a compass needle in her direction. "I believe you already know Derpy Hooves, once known as Bright Eyes. She will be replacing you as the keeper of Laughter."

Pinkie laughed anew. Of course she knew Derpy! "Sure! She delivers all the mail, and she makes a mean muffin!"

The gray pegasus craned her neck toward Pinkie, eyes boggling, and then stepped forward to bow deeply. "Most laugh."

Was that a compliment? "Well, I don't actually remember ever hearing you laugh," said Pinkie, "but hey! I'm sure you're silly enough to follow in my hoofsteps!"

"She laughs with her eyes," explained Celestia. "Rarity…this is Birch." The princess indicated a light tan earth pony with a simple crest of sandy hair and a little pendant around his neck.

"Hey!" he greeted, drawing forward with an approachable air.

"Charmed," said Rarity, dipping her head.

"Birch is a free spirit who travels from one charitable cause to the next," explained Celestia. "He will be the new keeper of Generosity. And finally…Twilight Sparkle, I would like you to meet Mistletoe, an accomplished herbalist and magician from the west country."

The unicorn she indicated was phosphorescent green with milky white hair. She smiled a vague smile and flourished a hoof, which Twilight shook. "It's an honor to meet you, Twilight Sparkle."

"Likewise!" said Twilight. "Anyone in Celestia's esteem has mine as well."

Now the princess faced them all serenely. "I should like you all to spend some time acquainting yourselves with your counterparts. This transition is difficult for all of us, but there isn't any reason we shouldn't carry it out as friends. Feel free to wander the terraces; I'll call you back after a while."

Though it was midday, there was a mist shrouding the sky that dampened the sun and made it feel like morning. The four pairs wandered over red bricks and cobbles, along walkways and railings overlooking lower terraces or stretches of the mountain. Pinkie could hear the others talking, but she and Derpy had little to say. Instead, they just did a lot of sporadic laughing at little things—birds overhead, funny scents on the breeze, and so on. Derpy's laughs were serpentine and bizarre, but Pinkie had to admit they were cute.

In time, they stood staring at the horizon, through the mist toward home. "Far duty," Derpy uttered.

"That's right," murmured Pinkie. "You'll be in charge of a whole Element of Harmony for the whooole country. I hope you're up to it!"

Derpy soared from the overlook to hover a few yards above. "Up to it!" she exclaimed.

"Oh yeah?" challenged Pinkie. "Can you tell a joke?"

The pegasus reflected, her wings beating. "How many green?" she riddled.

"Is that the start of your joke? Uhhh…I dunno! How many green?"

Derpy swooped down as she delivered the punchline. " _Too many frog!_ " she cried gleefully.

Pinkie found herself buckled over with laughter. "You _are_ a good joke teller!" she agreed, locking eyes with the wall-eyed pegasus. "I think we're gonna be okay."

Derpy offered Pinkie a nuzzle she was all too glad to accept.

 

* * *

 

 

When the introductions were over, Celestia called them all back and instructed the new keepers to wait on various points of the brick star, with Mistletoe in the middle. Twilight, Rarity, Jackie and Pinkie were directed to stand off to the side, at the ends of the rows of guards, facing each other.

Celestia stood beyond the four of them and lowered her head solemnly. "I had hoped you would live out your lives with this mantle still upon you," she said softly. "With you, I resurrected a long chain of keepers, and though you held the Elements only briefly, you made quite a difference. My friends, history will not forget you."

Twilight hung her head. "I'm so sorry to disappoint you, Princess."

"Not at all, my faithful student. As my sister has impressed upon me, the fault is mine for concealing the Elements' true nature." She looked the four over momentarily. "You are brave," she told them, "to risk losing your love."

"With any luck," said Rarity, "we won't truly lose it."

"Ah'd hate to think ev'rythin' ah feel for Pinkie just ain't real," mourned Jackie. "But ah gotta know for sure."

Of course," said Celestia. "In that case, I wish you all the best of luck. Remain still where you are, and the bonds will be broken."

The spell was spectacular. It rose from the ground in a wave of electricity, emotion and light. The four ponies stood transfixed upon each other, their bodies tense, their hair standing up and waving. Pinkie was filled with wonder, with love for Jackie, and most of all, with intense hope that her love wouldn't disappear.

 _Please_ , Pinkie thought, _leave me Jackie. Don't rip her out of my heart! Please, please, please!_

She felt herself going lightheaded as the laughter rose away.

 

* * *

 

 

As Pinkie was applying compote to the last quince spongecake of the day, the bell rang. She looked up eagerly, but it was only Twilight Sparkle.

"Twi! It's good to see you. I heard about you and Scratch. Are you okay?"

The unicorn stalked in, visibly upset but ready to munch her way through it. Years of party therapy had trained Pinkie to recognize that state of mind. "Could be better," she snapped.

"Aww, Twilight! You need a dessert, don'tcha? And something nice to drink?"

Twilight heaved a sigh, plopping herself down on a stool. "Anything you say, Pinkie."

"I'll fix you up a lemon carimelt and an EBA smoothie," Pinkie offered. "On the house!"

"Everything But Apples? Pinkie, you're still seriously doing that?"

She shrugged helplessly. "What can I say? I had enough apples to last a lifetime."

"But…you…." Twilight slumped. "Sure. That'll be great."

As she prepared the treats, Pinkie felt that familiar pain again. In the wake of the spell separating her from the Element of Laughter, she'd felt so deflated it seemed like a miracle the balloons in her cutie mark hadn't popped. But why didn't it get better? Why couldn't she go back to the way she'd been before she'd met Twilight?

Now Twilight was beginning to rant. "How can there possibly be so many different types of music, anyhow? So what if I don't know the difference between post-darkwave speedcore and proto-electropunk? I swear, it's worse than paleobotany!"

Pinkie brought the drenched lemoncake and smoothie out to the counter. "You didn't take her music seriously enough, huh?"

Twilight shook her head sadly. "And I thought she was just after some fun. I swear, Pinkie! The Element of Magic spoiled me! It turns out finding lasting love in the real world is a nightmare!"

"Have you tried asking Celestia for help?"

Twilight sighed. "Yes…and I have to give her credit—she does give good-sounding advice. I admit, I was worried the princess wouldn't care about me anymore now that I've stopped leading the Elements of Harmony…but she still writes as often as ever."

"Well, good!" exclaimed Pinkie.

"Still!" said Twilight, her mouth dripping with caramel. "Even she can't help someone like me find a solid relationship."

"Maybe you're just not ready," Pinkie suggested. "I mean, Rarity's the oldest of any of us, and she told me she's done dating for a while."

"She told _me_ she's 'waiting for someone younger'," said Twilight. Which I _hope_ doesn't mean what I think it means. But I miss her, Pinkie! I miss our high society life…I miss our burlesque act. I miss gazing through the skylight we had in our bedroom!"

So Twilight missed everything but Rarity herself? "Well, you could still do the act, couldn't you? You don't need to be _together_ just to tour together."

Twilight shook her head and took in a draught of her smoothie. "It's not who I am. I was in the biz for her."

"It's too bad," Pinkie observed. "You were good at it."

Abruptly, Twilight locked eyes with her and snorted. "You know what, Pinkie? Sometimes I'm jealous…of Dash and Fluttershy."

The tears came without warning to Pinkie's face. "Me too," she whimpered.

Twilight took a big bite of lemoncake. "I don't know what's so great about integrity anymore," she moaned. "Celestia was right not to tell us the whole truth! She knew what was best for us all along…and now it's too late."

Pinkie turned away to put her final quince cake on display. She didn't want Twilight to see her face.

"I'm not the only one who feels like this, am I?" Twilight asked. "You miss Applejack…don't you?"

"Yeah," whispered Pinkie, her eyes wide and moist.

"But your love is gone…isn't it?"

Pinkie stood in silence for a few moments. The passion was gone, yes. It had felt like an inflatable chair giving out—she'd crashed hard. But there was a pressure inside her…she was coming to suspect why the pain wouldn't leave her alone.

"I…think it's still there," she breathed. "And I need to help it out."

Twilight looked up in surprise.

Pinkie came around and gave her a kiss, just under her bangs. "Sorry, Twilight. I'm closing shop for today. You can let yourself out."

Twilight sighed and closed her eyes.

Pinkie went to the door, but hesitated. "I hope you feel better real soon," she said. "If you need a party…for any reason at all…just ask."

The purple unicorn nodded and resumed drowning her sorrows with her smoothie. Pinkie slipped out. She cantered, and then galloped, for the path leading to Sweet Apple Acres.

 

* * *

 

 

Pinkie couldn't help but smile at the smell of the donut trees. As the sky grew dark, she walked beneath groves of magically grown trees sporting donuts, crullers, apple danishes, and apple puff pastries. It had taken the knowledge of Twilight, Lyra, Bonbon and Pinkie put together to create these marvels from ordinary apple trees. The fact that Jackie still tended and harvested them like any other crop touched Pinkie deeply. She remembered how skeptical Jackie had been of the idea at first…and how thoroughly she'd come to love it over time, once the pastries had started budding.

The aroma was amazing. Pinkie let herself glide down along the bark of a tree—they all smelled like cinnamon, cloves and cardamom. She sprawled there, letting her memories feed her. What did she need an old magical necklace for? The love she felt for Jackie was real, even it had been reduced to a seed looking for sunlight. She could feel it sprouting all over again.

The sound of a cart pushing through fallen foliage drifted near. Pinkie shot to her feet. Even through all that sweetness, Jackie's scent was still familiar.

She waited until that pretty orange nose came into view. Pinkie had once loved that nose, and she _knew_ she could learn to love it again. She stepped forward, crushing leaves, and put on a little smile.

Jackie stopped, startled. She stared.

And sat, right there in the autumn leaves.

Pinkie was shaking now. She just knew Jackie felt the same way. Didn't she? "I," she said.

The farmer blinked. Several times. But as she sat there, taking in Pinkie's fervent look, she seemed to suddenly get it.

"Wish," said her tangy voice.

Pinkie fought to quell her trembling. "We," she whispered.

There was a pause, and a tremor in Jackie's voice. "Could."

"Somehow…"

Another pause. "Be," said Jackie, her voice breaking.

Pinkie couldn't resist. "Cupcakes!" she said. No! What was she thinking?! She'd ruined it!

But Jackie chuckled. "Together," she said.

Pinkie sighed with relief. "In…"

"A."

"Box."

"Of."

"Cupcakes," Pinkie laughed.

"For," Jackie continued.

"Ever," concluded Pinkie. She choked on her own breath. "Jackie, please," she wheezed. "I know we said it was gone. I thought it _was_ gone. But I…I still love you! It's just that…without the laughter inside, the songs and bells and sunshine living in my ribcage…I didn't realize there was anything left. But there is! I love you!"

With a deep shudder, Jackie rolled her shoulders. "Ah was hopin' ah wasn't the only one," she cried.

Pinkie went to her and sank her face into the farmer's blond hair. "You're the apple of my eye," she sobbed. "You always will be."

Jackie took on a wry but caring tone. "Ya know, Pinkie…jus' because ah farm apples don't _make_ me an apple."

Drawing her head back, Pinkie gave her beloved a smile. "Oh, sure. And I suppose Fluttershy isn't secretly a tree, either!"

Jackie laughed as if she were just learning how, her burdens falling away. "Ah'll be _your_ apple."

"And I'll be your cobbler," murmured Pinkie. She kissed Jackie on the bridge of her beautiful little nose. Pinkie laughed then, and though it took all her strength, it was as sweet and heartfelt as if she were still laughter's vassal. She kissed and kissed, and knew that somewhere, a blue topaz in a gold necklace was shining, and a gray pegasus called Derpy Hooves was bubbling with laughter.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original Author's Notes:
> 
> Guess what, readers? That's right—it's length inflation! Each chapter in this series is turning out longer than the last, which makes the prospect of writing the final chapter somewhat daunting. ;-) Sure, you can see this as inconsistency, but you may be happier thinking of it as all the more story to love.
> 
> I know a number of you didn't care too much for Chapter 3, or at least parts of it. I don't blame you. It was strange, and the relationships were unorthodox, especially seen through Rainbow's unsettled eyes. But I liked it. :-) Anyway, I wanted to warn you—this chapter has a [Somewhat Sad] tag. There will be tears, and I can't guarantee that everypony ends up happy. My objective, after all, is to dish up something a little different every time.
> 
> I hope you like it. Please comment!


	5. Windows and Wonders

 

**CHAPTER 5:**

**WINDOWS AND WONDERS**

_**or**_

**GOOD THINGS COME IN FIVES**

 

* * *

 

_**#13: AT—Seriously Happy** _

Farm life. It wasn't for folks with poor attention spans, that was for sure. If you were the sort who needed constant stimulation, surprises around every corner—well, you'd never make it walking down endless rows, treading the same old paths under beloved trees day after day, spreading and raking mulch in familiar patterns all so things could keep on being the way they ought to be. On a farm, life was a cycle, and if you wanted something new, you had to bring it in from the outside.

Be that as it might, Applejack still relished those times when the day's work was gentle, and there was time for talk—talk that just might break new ground. Like today. It was early spring, and Mac had been breaking literal ground for hours, AJ planting in his wake. But even new land, exciting as it was, had the same tinge as the old. It was getting on toward dusk, and she was glad to be returning to the farmhouse, where Spike had been making baskets since noon and Granny had a pot of leek-artichoke soup on whose aroma AJ could detect through the window. "Smells right tasty, don't it?" she greeted.

The dragon, lazy thing he was, popped right up from one of the baskets he'd made, caught napping. "Whoa! Wha? Huh?"

"Spike! Couldn't wait 'til sundown t'getcher winks?"

"Sorry, Applejack! I'm back to work!" He leapt to it, grabbing two fresh handfuls of straw. AJ couldn't be upset—she could see he'd made three and a half baskets that day—a good afternoon's work by any measure, especially considering that they were bigger than he was.

"No worries, Spike—I see you've been keepin' busy. Shouldn't be long 'til supper. You seen Twilight around?"

He pointed toward the old hay barn they'd reworked for Twilight's science experiments. "Yep! She's in the lab."

That morning, Twilight had been collecting scions from promising trees, so AJ wasn't too surprised to find her at work with them now. Sure enough, they were bound in packets on the bench nearby, while the unicorn hunched in concentration over a vat filled with a sparkling purple solution. "Heya, Twi! Don't reckon I've seen _that_ around here before." So much for nothing new ever appearing on a farm—but then, that was Twilight for you!

Twilight spun around, grinning. "You're back early! How's the planting going?"

"Well, ah'm back early, so you tell me! The soil's better this year. Ah reckon you were right about leavin' that snow cover to melt, instead o' the pegasi whiskin' it all off like they normally do. That much moisture makes the tillin' easy for mah brother."

"Glad to hear it!" replied Twilight, her tail swishing with excitement. "As for this, it's a work in progress. But if it pans out the way I hope it will, we won't have to worry about cleft or side-veneer grafting after all! We'll be able to use a whole new technique I'm calling 'injection grafting'. Just sharpen the scion, dip it in, and pierce the bark down to the vascular cambium! Apply grafting wax, no wrapping required! We won't even have to saw off the rootstock—we can create new branches wherever we like!"

AJ blinked. Twilight could just be too much sometimes. "You sayin' we could make trees that grow multiple varieties of apple _at the same time??_ "

"Well, I wasn't thinking of applying it like that, but it's possible! I don't know enough about the different nutritional needs of the various cultivars to say whether that would work—I was just trying to streamline the process! Think how much time we'll save if you and Mac can perform grafts with all four hooves on the ground! We'll pre-sharpen them each morning, and you'll just dip, aim, and pierce!"

"I dunno, Twi. Ah mean, we got by 'till now without any graftin' whatsoever. An' you say this'll _save_ us time?"

"Well it'll save money, and time is money! Like I told you, this way we can abbreviate the trees' juvenile stages, so they'll flower after two years instead of five! And it should result in smaller trees, meaning more yield per acre and less bruising due to bucking. And then there's the potential for hybridization…"

"Lemme stop you right there, Twilight." AJ ambled over and took in a deep whiff of the sparkly purple stuff. It smelled pretty decent, if a bit woozy, which was good—AJ wouldn't have let Twilight subject the trees to anything she couldn't handle herself. "So this stuff is our next big meal ticket?"

"If I manage to perfect it!" confirmed Twilight. "And I'm getting close."

"In that case, let's have a toast." AJ swished her hoof through the solution and raised it, dripping slimy and purple.

"Applejack! What are you doing?"

"I didn't ruin it none, did I? My hooves may be a mite dirty, but the trees can handle dirt."

"Well, no, it should be fine, but…." Twilight laughed and repeated herself: "What are you doing?"

"If this is the next break for Sweet Apple Acres, that just reaffirms you're the best thing that ever happened t'the place." Applejack gestured to the tub indicating that Twilight should scoop up a batch herself. "Or, to me, fer that matter," she added softly.

Twilight tentatively rimmed her own hoof with the solution and held it up. "Now what?"

"Now we whoop it up, Miss Sparkle!" AJ brought back her hoof, Twilight did the same, and Applejack let out a heartfelt whoop as they clapped them together in mid-air. Droplets of purple slime exploded outward; they laughed merrily. "To Sweet Apple Acres!" cried AJ.

"To farm life!" echoed Twilight. And, tail quivering, she returned her hoof to the tub for a double dip. AJ gladly did the same.

 

* * *

 

 

The news came that evening. Not with the mail—all Derpy brought was correspondence from out of town wholesalers and the latest issue of _Tarpan Magazine_. She managed to arrive during supper, as always, so AJ gave her an artichoke muffin out of gratitude. Aside from the soup, there was chard, and orchard grass hay, and peach preserve toast for dessert—they couldn't skip dessert on a night when Twilight was so close to a breakthrough.

And it didn't come right away after dinner. They had some time to relax. Big Mac took Spike out back to practice some football passes before the sun disappeared, and AJ lounged with Twilight in the living room, savoring the relationship quizzes in the magazine as per their longstanding tradition. It was an issue of _Tarpan_ that had brought them together the previous spring—"Finding Your Ideal Mate," the quiz had been called. They'd given similar answers, of course, but what had really sealed the deal was how much fun they'd had just taking the quiz together. Applejack was overjoyed she'd finally found someone able to approach romance with as much maturity as herself, yet without being a dullard about it. Since then, they hadn't skipped a month, and even when they didn't agree on all the answers, there wasn't a quiz they took that didn't convince AJ anew just how right she and Twilight were for each other.

Tonight, Twilight was on the rug by the fireplace while AJ lay on the sofa, and Granny was listening in from her rocker, which didn't bother the girls one bit. They had nothing to hide.

"Number five," said Twilight. "Would you trust your mate to make a major decision concerning your livelihood?"

AJ chortled. "Well, if ah didn't, I sure wouldn't be so lackadaisical about this whole graftin' business. I'll tell ya, if anypony else came to me with these ideas, I'd ask 'em just who they thought they were t'think they could tell me how to run my farm."

"But me?" asked Twilight innocently.

"But you, ah trust." AJ settled into her cushions comfortably. "I gotta say, Twilight, I hain't never felt so safe 'n' secure 'bout my livelihood as ah do now. Yer mah beautiful lilac-colored safety net."

Of course, Twilight was beautiful when she was blushing, too. "Well, I feel the same way."

"You do, huh?" AJ let her voice grow sly. "So, if I were to poke my nose into your magical research, and tell you I knew better than you, a unicorn trained by royalty, how to do your spells, you'd take mah word for it?"

Twilight turned back to look at AJ and smiled. "I doubt you'd ever tell me that, but if you did…" She shrugged. "How could I not believe you? You wouldn't lie to me."

This earned a shriek of laughter from Granny Smith. "There's a big passel o' difference 'atween telling the truth an' knowin' yer own limits!" she pointed out, rocking briskly.

AJ saw what she meant and resented it. "Now hold on, Granny! You kin be _plumb sure_ I wouldn't go meddlin' in Twilight's affairs unless'n I had a _rock solid_ reason for it!"

"Oh, ah realize that," croaked Granny Smith. "But jus' how solid _is_ rock solid? You've got moods, Applejack. Always have, always will. Twahlight Sparkle may trust you at yer best—but if she trusts you at your worst, ah feel sorry fer the poor girl!"

"Oh, Granny," said Twilight, still smiling, "aren't you being a little harsh?"

AJ was about to defend herself, but that's when the knock came. And the barks of the farmdog. And the screams.

She and Twilight were up in an instant. "It's Apple Bloom," AJ uttered.

Twilight's horn glowed and the door slammed open. Sure enough, AJ's little sister was there, Spike and Big Mac looking worried behind her. "SIS!!" she wailed.

AJ's reaction was instinctive: She crouched to eye level with her sister. "Git a hold o' yerself…please! What is it, Apple Bloom?"

The filly's coat was coarse and her eyes were wild. "It's Rarity! We were harvestin' gems out in the badlands and one of 'em up an' EXPLODED! It hit her right in the face! She fell down and moaned for a while, an' I thought she were gonna die! But then I got her up and she managed to walk back with me an' she fell down again outside of town, so I ran an' got Sweetie Belle t'stay with her, an' I got Nurse Redheart to come an' came a look, and then I came straight here!!"

Twilight was at the door beside AJ. "Rarity is hurt?"

"She's hurt bad, Twilight!"

AJ exchanged looks with Twilight and Granny Smith. "We better hurry," she said. "Mac, you give Apple Bloom a ride. Sorry Granny, you're on your own fer evenin' chores."

"I'll be fine," said the old mare. "You go tend what needs tendin'."

Twilight plopped Spike onto her back and the five of them were off, Winona's agitated barking echoed behind them as they galloped.

 

* * *

 

 

They'd managed to get Rarity to the open-air clinic, explained Sweetie Belle, who was waiting frantically for them. The group hurried there and found the clinic's entire staff huddled around a bed, murmuring to each other and occasionally running for some piece of equipment. AJ couldn't even see Rarity in the midst of it all.

One of the staffers told them that they'd sent for a doctor from Hoofington, as Ponyville had nopony rated higher than Nurse Practitioner. Mac seemed contented by that, but AJ wasn't. "Don't you folks realize who this is? It's Rarity, one of the heroes who saved Equestria from eternal night and endless chaos!! Get us a doctor from _Canterlot!_ Get us _two_ doctors!"

She saw that she was making the staff uncomfortable, but she was in the right, wasn't she? If her good friend Rarity, an upstanding and important citizen, was dying, why couldn't they get quicker help? Fortunately, Twilight took control. No need to contact Canterlot, she told the staff. She'd write personally to Princess Celestia.

It was a long evening that stretched into a long night. Applejack didn't remember it getting dark. She didn't remember precisely what happened when. She knew that Celestia had written back; that Rarity had regained consciousness, and then gone to sleep on her own accord; that the nurses had given her pills and powders to help her sleep and to ease the pain; that Rainbow Dash had arrived, and Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie; that two doctors had arrived, one from Hoofington and one from Canterlot; that the two had argued and that Applejack had argued with them, though now she didn't remember what about; that Mac had gone with Apple Bloom and Twilight to see if they could locate any remnants of the gem that caused it all; and that the doctors had given Rarity something to suppress unconscious use of her magic, which was a problem for some reason.

Applejack found herself munching on fescue hay from a tub someone had brought, drowsy and aching in the middle of the night, unclear on just what was happening. Rarity was sleeping in a bed with white sheets, watched by a nurse; in the next room, the two doctors conferred out of earshot. Rainbow was standing to the side, wings tensed and eyes hurting; it looked like she'd been there a long time. Fluttershy was lying on the ground near Rarity, barely awake; Sweetie Belle and Spike were asleep against her flank.

To her shame, AJ realized she didn't remember whether they'd even discovered the cause of the explosion. Apple Bloom had been going on gem-finding trips with Rarity ever since signing on as her apprentice last summer, and AJ had been okay with it, so long as they kept out of Diamond Dog territory. Now it turned out there were other dangers, too? Was it really a gem that had done this, or was it a bomb, or something even more sinister? And what exactly was wrong with Rarity? She knew the doctors had theories, and suspected they were both probably wrong. She thought about going over to Rainbow and chatting, but she didn't want to. All she wanted to do was stay there and wait for something, anything to happen.

There was suddenly a strange scent, maybe even a raw feeling in the air. Applejack turned around, and Zecora was before her.

"Greetings," said the mysterious zebra in full cloak, a pouch dangling within. "I have come to see what I might do for Rarity."

"It don’t look good," remarked Applejack.

"At least she's stable," snapped Rainbow Dash. "Come on in, Zecora. Show these quacks how it's done."

The doctors were willing to give the herbalist access, albeit reluctantly, when Rainbow vouched aggressively for her. So Zecora raised the sheet covering Rarity and peered hotly at her.

"The color from her eyes is leeched. And nowhere has her skin been breached," she declared.

The Canterlot doctor confirmed this. "There's no sign of an impact wound, either. We're dealing with a magical effect."

"Didja hear how it happened?" AJ asked.

Zecora nodded soberly. "It seems this was a boobytrap—receptive to the slightest tap! Pre-cast by someone loathe to let another touch her amulet."

"It was an amulet?" asked Rainbow.

"So Twilight said, when she returned and let us know what she had learned." Zecora was now conducting further investigations.

"An' where is Twilight now?"

"I'm here." AJ jerked as her soulmate shambled in, clearly worn out from the trip. But at least she wasn't blown to smithereens. Spike had made some speculative remarks about the gem in question exploding twice that'd gotten AJ nervous against all reason.

"Twi, what'd ya find?"

"This." From her neck, Twilight levitated a cord attached to an empty casing made from brass and some darker metal that had once presumably held a gem. "This amulet was buried near an underground tomb, inside a black box that had rotted mostly away. Rarity found it with her spell. According to Applebloom, the two of them cooperated to dig it up, and when Rarity levitated it to get a better look—the gem went off in her face." She glared at the zebra. "And _now_ I know better than to say there's no such thing as a curse."

"Boobytrap!" countered Zecora. "It's not a curse—it may be worse!"

"How much worse?" yelled AJ. "What is Rarity in for?"

"This trap was set so long ago," Zecora replied, "I fear that we may never know." She paused, gulping. "So far, all I have divined…is that she now is colorblind."

"Colorblind?" asked Fluttershy, speaking for the first time in at least an hour. "Oh, no. Poor Rarity."

"Heck, it could be worse," retorted AJ. "Being colorblind ain't so bad."

"It is for her," Fluttershy said. She rose to stand near Rarity, letting Sweetie and Spike gently fall to the ground in her wake. "She does so much with colors…."

"This is what I've been trying to impress on my colleague all night," said the weary Canterlot doctor. "The discoloration of the eyes is symbolic. But this curse—or trap, if you prefer—is a creeping effect. Clearly there's more than colorblindness going on."

"Give me some time," said Zecora, "and I will strive to keep poor Rarity alive. Some smelling salts will help her rise, and pearlwort balm will guard her eyes."

"We don't want her to rise," objected the Hoofington doctor. "She's recuperating well as is, but she already overexerted herself in getting here."

The three medical professionals started to have it out with each other, and AJ couldn't take it. She crept over to where Twilight was collapsed on the ground and lay next to her. It felt better than she'd expected to feel the unicorn's warmth against her, even if she was a mite filthy and not as warm as one would've liked.

For a while, they just breathed. Then Twilight closed her eyes and nosed AJ on the shoulderblade. AJ met her there with her own nose.

After a while, she had to know. "You were away for a while, Twi. You have time to poke your nose into any books?"

Twilight nodded sadly.

"Any way of workin' out what sort of whammy Rarity got herself hit with?"

The unicorn's voice was very tired. "Like Zecora says, we don't know what it does. But it's almost sure to be a gem curse. I saw them mentioned in _Hazards of Pre-History_ and then found a more comprehensive treatment in _Zark's Guide to Magical Warfare_."

"A gem curse? Did you look up the cure?"

"Yes."

"And…?"

Twilight settled her head down to the ground. "There is none."

AJ felt like she'd been hit. She'd been hoping for something easy but expecting something hard—she'd been ready to go on a quest across Equestria to find the ingredients or whatnot it'd take to save Rarity. But—"No cure?" she echoed.

"That's what the book said. Believe me, I'll read more books tomorrow. And the next day. But Applejack…" She could hear the tears in Twilight's voice. "Right now, I just want to go to sleep…!"

AJ flicked her tail against Twi's thighs and nuzzled her softly. "That's fine. We'll sleep right here. You kin just lay your head against mine, and we'll be fine. Take it easy, Twi." Her voice trailed to a whisper, and while she wanted to follow Twilight into slumber, she knew she couldn't—not just yet. What was going to happen to Rarity?

Fluttershy and Rainbow were talking to the doctors now, and they didn't sound calm. AJ couldn't make out anything anypony was saying, save for one line intoned by Zecora: "Though this ailment may be slowed, there is but one end to this road."

No. That was all she could take. AJ set down her head and let herself drift away into a tumbleweed field of the mind that eventually settled down to resemble sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

_**#14: FR—A Tender Respite** _

Farm life. It could feel like a prison, at times. There just wasn't any getting away from the land, and no matter how much you loved it, you couldn't help but feel now and then like something, somewhere was more important. And there was no getting away from routine, either, it sometimes seemed like.

"AJ?"

"Yeh, Big Mac?"

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't we gonna start grafting on them scions while our trees were still dormant?"

"That was the plan, yeah."

Big Macintosh sniffed at a little green bud. "Well, seems to me they ain't dormant no more."

"Nope, they sure ain't, Big Mac."

"Hmmp."

Applejack let her big brother mull that one over. She didn't want to get into it. She didn't want to explain that Twilight had dumped out her purple injection grafting fluid and given up on the whole project, in favor of some wackadoodle invention that was supposed to help Rarity somehow, if she could ever get it working. Twilight didn't even help in the fields anymore. She spent all her time in the lab, at the old library, or in Canterlot, chatting up magical theorists she'd studied with way back when. Spike still did a little work here and there, but if he wasn't accompanying Twilight on one of her trips, he was off visiting Rarity half the time.

AJ wasn't angry. Why would she be angry? What kind of a pony would put the welfare of her farm above the health of a dear, talented friend? Even if that friend did happen to be frou-frou, well connected, beautiful enough to attract new friends if need be…

No. That was enough of that. This was why AJ tried not to think about Rarity. It was too easy to get spiteful. Things had just been unlucky, that was all. They'd planted a whole new three acre strip of Cortlands and two acres of Red Delicious, using up precious pruning time to do it, on the assumption that Twilight and Spike would be pitching in to make up the difference. Now, AJ and Mac had more trees than ever to mulch and monitor for pests, and less time to do it in. Which meant they were falling behind, which meant the equipment was falling apart, which meant Applejack never even got to go _see_ Rarity—

"Consarn it," she swore. "Ah just can't get that unicorn off my mind."

Mac was silent, falling still. "Which unicorn would that be?" he asked.

AJ was embarrassed. "Rarity. Ah keep worryin' about her."

The big red stallion nodded thoughtfully. "Reckon y'oughtta go see her, then."

AJ shook her head, dislodging mulch from the cart she was strapped to. "Ah wish ah could, Mac, but we're drowning in work, here! We'll never get to the wheat at this rate, an' we'll have to buy extra flour for pies an' fritters, and we won't have no profits come fall…"

"Then we'll let the Cortlands go," rumbled Mac, and take care of the wheat accordin' to schedule. There ain't no shame in lettin' th'aphids have a few acres in times of sorrow. But you've gotta keep up with your friends…or you'll never keep up here."

He gestured to where AJ had dropped more mulch by the path, a product of her constant fretting. She sighed and turned around. "You're right, Macintosh. I'm gonna go see Rarity. I'll be back when I've got my head on my shoulders."

He watched her haul the cart back toward the barn, and just before she was out of earshot, AJ heard him mutter, "That's more like it."

 

* * *

 

 

So now AJ found herself treading a less familiar woodland road. She had no personal connection to these trees, but they reassured her nonetheless. When it came to tending the sickly, there was no beating Fluttershy, so that's where Rarity was staying these days. Of course, Fluttershy's patients were normally animals, but she'd cared for convalescent ponies before, and seemed to relish doing so.

As Applejack hadn't had much occasion to visit the pegasus at home before, the wind chimes took her off guard. They were tinkly little things, giving the cottage clearing an air of natural magic. Two or three different tones would sound at once when a breeze came up, and when it fell away, there'd be just a distant tinkle from over the hill, letting you know the breeze was still alive somewhere. AJ realized she was feeling calmer already.

Her next surprise was when it was Rarity who met her at the door. The fashionista was wearing her designer glasses, but showed no sign of injury aside from a general lack of pep. "Applejack!" she exclaimed affectionately. "You've come to visit!"

"Sure have, sugarcube. Land sakes, Rarity, you're looking great! Compared to the last time ah saw you, that is."

Rarity stood aside, her legs a bit weak, and motioned for AJ to come in. "Thank you—that means a lot to me. I have to say, Fluttershy has been an _amazing_ caretaker. And such a friend, besides!"

AJ's third surprise came when she stepped inside and found cloth, shears, sewing tapes, threads, ironing boards, pincushions, and other sewing supplies scattered everywhere. "Whoa, nelly! Looks like you been keepin' busy down here."

"I could hardly neglect my business, could I?"

"Well, ah reckon not. So you still got customers?"

"I am so fortunate, yes." Rarity set herself down before a half pieced-together yellow garment of some sort and commenced folding it carefully in her hooves, straightening the ends with her teeth. "Your sister has been a wonderful apprentice, but she's not nearly up to the task of designing sophisticated couture on her own—not yet, anyway! So she's been referring customers to me, and I've been doing my best to put together preliminary designs and sketches…which I then send back to Applebloom for completion—pending my final approval, of course."

It still amazed AJ that her little sister, with no less country spirit than herself, had turned out to be such a virtuoso with a sewing machine. In retrospect, the way she'd fixed up that old clubhouse had been a sign. But the girl seemingly hadn't known her own gift until she'd spent an unexpected all-nighter with Rarity, staying on after a Cutie Mark Crusaders meeting to help with a huge last-minute order. Rarity had been beside herself with gratitude in the morning, but she couldn't possibly have been happier about the ordeal than Apple Bloom herself, who'd come out of it with a shiny new thread and needle on her flank. From that day forth, she'd been gung ho about seamstressing with a verve even AJ admired.

"She's findin' her place so fast," reflected AJ. "It's still hard to believe."

"She's finding hers, and I'm losing mine," said Rarity. "Or rather, endlessly sliding. Ever forced to find new places, unsure where I'll end up."

"Ah beg your pardon?"

Rarity looked apologetic. "I'm sorry, Applejack. I don't mean to gripe. It's just…well, I wish I knew the full extent of this curse! I feel like I'll never know when it's finished with me."

"No, I'm sorry, Rarity. Ah should've asked sooner. How're ya doin'? You're up 'n' about, which is terrific, but you're not outta the woods?"

"Oh, darling. I'm not sure there is any way out of the woods." Rarity glanced briefly out a window through which trees were visible. "I've recovered from the initial shock, but things are getting worse again." She paused to carefully insert a pin through the cloth's edge, keeping it folded while she used both forehooves to flip it over.

Applejack felt a chill invade her heart. "You're not usin' your magic."

"Zecora and the doctor from Canterlot agreed that I mustn't. My head aches when I use any substantial amount—they believe it fuels the curse."

"So the curse is still…in you?"

Rarity gave Applejack a very weary look. "There's no way to make it leave. I dearly wish there were."

"So it's makin' your head hurt and sappin' yer magic?"

"Among other things," said Rarity. "But please, make yourself comfortable."

"Is someone there?" called a thin voice from the round window to the backyard.

"Fluttershy!" answered AJ. "Yeah, it's me!"

The pale pegasus fluttered in, landing with a delighted expression. "Applejack, it's _so_ good that you could come! I understand you've been busy on the farm."

"That's why it's good to get out now an' then." AJ stretched, planting herself Lyra-style on the loveseat. "And if it's all right, I wouldn't mind spendin' the day…though it sure is disturbin' t'hear about how Rarity's magic may be hurtin' her."

While Rarity resumed her painstaking work, Fluttershy nodded. "She's had so much to get used to. And yes, Applejack, please stay. I'll feel so much better about going out to restock the preening oil dispensers if I know you're here to help out Rarity, in case she needs it."

"Just say the word," affirmed AJ.

"Actually," said Rarity, "I could use _your_ help, Fluttershy, if you aren't too busy. Might you identify a few more scraps for me?"

"Oh…of course!" The pegasus came over to the workbench a little nervously. AJ was baffled as to what they were doing.

Rarity drew out a long blue scrap of cotton cloth. She started to lift it magically; her horn shimmered briefly, but Rarity winced and let it fall. "Silly me. Could you tell me what this is?" She draped it over a forehoof and lifted it to the light.

"It's a scrap of cloth," muttered AJ to herself.

"Blue…" said Fluttershy tentatively. "Chalk blue?"

"Any silver?" asked Rarity.

"Maybe…maybe just a smidge."

AJ felt like hoofing herself in the face. How could she forget? Rarity's eyes were still gray—she was colorblind, on top of everything else.

Rarity pulled out a piece of what might have been linen. "And this?"

"Oh, um…" Fluttershy clenched her teeth and focused her eyes in concentration. "Mauve?"

"Mauve? Are you sure? It seems darker."

Fluttershy's wings wriggled in what must have been anxiety. "Or…or aubergine, maybe?"

Rarity sighed pleasantly. "Flutter, dear, mauve isn't anything like aubergine."

Fluttershy lowered her wings. "I'm sorry."

"Not at all! Let's go to the books." Now Rarity rose, with some effort, and walked across the room, where AJ found a number of books laid out on a credenza, each depicting dresses, hats, tablecloths or other textiles, some with text on the facing page. Fluttershy joined them.

Rarity selected a book and turned the pages with a hoof, and at one point AJ noticed a tiny spark of magic used to get one page unstuck from another. "There," said the unicorn at last, pointing at a set of impressive, deep purple curtains. "Now _that_ is aubergine! I remember them well—these curtains frame the proscenium of Destrier Hall, in Upper Fillydelphia." She looked fondly into Fluttershy's eyes. "I was assistant to the backstage manager at a fashion show there for my graduate tour—did you know that?" The pegasus shook her head meekly. "Oh, yes—Strawberry Sizzler was her name, and a more _forceful_ manager I never met! She was kind to her staff, mind, and in a sense she was kind to everypony: it was _fate_ she railed against, more than anything. But the models feared her, and I did too, even though she took me and the other graduate assistants out for daiquiris after the show. I still remember hearing her voice over the sharp taste of strawberries…."

Rarity closed her eyes, and AJ saw that Fluttershy was transfixed, unwilling to interrupt. Savoring the story. She was a heck of a caretaker, that was for sure.

"…So that's what aubergine is," concluded Rarity. "Almost royal, but darker. Whereas…" She blinked herself out of her reverie. "…Whereas mauve…mauve is more like Derpy's daughter, if you know who I mean."

"Oh, yes. Now I understand," breathed Fluttershy. "Thank you so much for clearing that up. I think the cloth may be more of a dark violet, actually."

Rarity smiled, her gray eyes twinkling, and AJ thought she saw something passing between the two mares. "Dark violet, you say? Well, then! That should do nicely."

For the next few hours of her visit, AJ tried to stay out of the way. Even when Fluttershy went to resume her chores in the yard, AJ and Rarity didn't end up talking much. At one point, Rarity pulled out a skein of yarn and said, "Applejack, could you be a dear and tell me what color this is?"

"Uhm…gee, I dunno. Green?"

"Yes, but what shade of green? I'd hate to use up the yarn only to learn it doesn't match the vest."

"Well, uh…pickle green?" AJ tried.

"Pickle green," said Rarity thoughtfully. Then she smiled. "Dill, or sweet?"

Was there a difference? "Ah'd say pretty dill."

Rarity smirked a little under her breath. "Thank you, AJ."

AJ shook her head. She had a question to ask, and considered being subtle, but decided after a while to try the direct tack instead. "Rarity, forgive me if ah'm outta line, but…are you an' Fluttershy fallin' fer each other?"

Rarity met her eyes, growing very serious, and AJ regretted asking. There was a long silence.

At last, the unicorn sighed. "Well, I certainly hope so! I can't think of a better silver lining."

AJ blinked. "Ev'ry dark cloud, huh?"

"Yes. Every dark cloud." And with that, Rarity returned to her work.

 

* * *

 

 

For supper, Applejack was glad to be put to work. Fluttershy had her at the stove making crepes, and while her crepes might not have been the neatest or the petitest around, they were chock full of good ingredients, and that's what counted in her estimation. The doorbell rang while she was cooking, and in poured the kids—Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Spike. Fluttershy welcomed them all in, of course, and for maybe fifteen minutes they were very well behaved, but then they started paging through Rarity's books and fooling with her fabrics. Rarity tried to keep them in check, but soon shrugged and gave up on doing any more work that day. AJ roped her sister in to set the table, and Spike made conversation with Rarity, and Fluttershy came in from feeding the mice and chipmunks and lit candles all along the upper walls. They all took their seats, Rarity said grace to Celestia, and AJ loaded up everypony's plates.

"How come we never have crepes back at the farm?" asked Apple Bloom. She'd been spending most of her nights back on the Acres ever since Rarity's accident, and AJ knew she resented it. "These are good!"

"Crepes have eggs in 'em," explained Applejack. "Fluttershy gets fresh eggs every mornin' from the coop, so I guess they've got plenty to spare."

"We should get chickens for the farm!"

"As if we ain't got enough work t'do," grunted AJ. She bit into a carrot and celery crepe with fresh black pepper, and found she agreed with her sister's assessment, even if half the contents did squirt out of one side.

There was hot spicy tea poured, and carrot juice, and Rarity gave Spike a small tourmaline on condition that he save it for dessert. (AJ thought she saw him pocket it instead.) It was a good atmosphere. Not quite festive, but bright and merry—enough to forget certain troubles for a while. Sweetie Belle sat next to her big sister and shared whispers with her throughout the meal, and more than once Applejack happened to notice Sweetie cutting up Rarity's crepes with knife and fork, a faint pink glow surrounding them as she moved the utensils with her nascent magic. Fluttershy complimented her on her control, given that her magic had only come in three weeks before, and for a while little Sweetie Belle was the center of attention.

Rarity seemed to be having trouble staying at the table by the end of the meal, so she excused herself early and went to rest on a pad by the door, which they left ajar to let in a cool draft. Apple Bloom finished one last gulp of juice and joined her to talk shop, and soon was excitedly looking over the prototypes Rarity had pinned together during the day. Spike went to go play cards with Sweetie Belle, which left AJ and Fluttershy to clear the table and wash up.

"I'll say this for ya, Fluttershy. Ah like the way you keep a home."

Fluttershy blushed as she moved to fill the sink with soapy water. "It normally isn't so crowded. Not that I'm complaining, of course. It's the inhabitants that make a home."

"Everypony's grateful to you. You know that, don'tcha?"

She turned in confusion. "Grateful?"

"For takin' in Rarity?"

The pegasus took a deep, calming breath. "Oh…but it isn't any problem at all. I like having Rarity here. She's so…so fascinating. And she's taught me so much I never knew about sewing! She's even trying to bring in a photographer from Fillydelphia so that we can have a photoshoot the way it ought to be done. Or at least," she finished shyly, "the way _she_ thinks it ought to be done."

"Ah thought you were through modelin'."

"If I model," declared Fluttershy, "I'll only do it on Rarity's terms."

AJ dropped the last of the dishes in the sink. "Level with me, Fluttershy. Ah want th'honest truth."

She blanched at that, but looked AJ in the eyes. "Yes?"

It had to be asked. "Do you like Rarity better now that she's an invalid?"

Maybe that was going too far. Fluttershy looked like she might break down. "I like her the same as ever," she stammered. "It's just that now…she's slower than she was. …I can keep up with her now."

Applejack took a deep breath. "Maybe it ain't none o' my business, but…do ya love her?"

It was a while before Fluttershy replied. "I love making her happy," she admitted.

Well, of course she did! Applejack finished clearing the table and sat at one end. "You should tell her that," she advised. "She'd want to hear it."

Fluttershy lowered her head and turned away. "Actually, I think she already knows."

 _Of course she did._ Applejack sometimes had trouble remembering that not everypony was like her and Twilight. There were some, like them, who preferred to talk out every detail, take quizzes together, and use their love to speed up the pace of an otherwise workaday life.

But then, on the other side of the fence…there were those struggling to slow things down. For them, words just might not be necessary.

 

* * *

 

 

Lightning. And it wasn't a stormy night.

Wait. _Had_ it been lightning? AJ was about seventy percent sure she'd been asleep. But _something_ had woken her, and it'd been something loud, and crackly, and she'd heard it through the window.

She roused herself from bed and went to peek out that very window. But suddenly, there was a big, smiling, almost _electric_ face blocking her view.

" _Pinkie Pie?!?_ What in tarnation—"

"Hi, Applejack! Nice night, huh? It was so nice I thought I'd come over for a sleepover! Are you sleeping?"

AJ hesitated to let her wits catch up with her, but they weren't coming. "Uh—no…"

"No? Aw, that's too bad! Well, some other time, I guess! Seeya!"

With that, the bizarrely energetic earth pony went hopping along down the dirt road, and AJ blearily watched her go.

Then AJ's wits finally showed up for duty, and she noticed a bluish white glow emanating from the 'lab', sparking with electricity. _There_ was her lightning. But what did Pinkie Pie have to do with it?

Pulling on her hat, AJ stormed out into the charged night and banged on the lab door. Twilight opened it a crack and peeked out wearing her sheepish face. The one that meant she was hiding something.

"All right, Twi. Time to fess up. What've you been _doing_ in here, how's it going to help Rarity, and what in Equestria was Pinkie Pie doing here at this hour?"

There were flashes of light and color shifting within. Twilight squirmed, holding the door mostly shut. "Pinkie Pie has certain…skills."

"Skills, has she? You two throwin' a party in there?"

"Not exactly…"

AJ's heart was pounding. "Come on Twi, put yerself in my place. How does this look? You're holed up with one of our craziest friends in the middle of the night, an' you won't tell me what it was all about?" She fought to control her tone. "What happened to that trust we had?"

Twilight's ears fell, and she nodded. "You're right, Applejack. I'm sorry. You probably think I'm cheating on you with Pinkie Pie."

"If you just tell me you ain't, I'll believe you!"

"Twilight smiled bashfully. "I'm not! I would never. I wanted this to be a surprise for everyone, but…" She let the door swing open. "C'mon in."

What on Celestia's green earth had Twilight done with this place? Whatever'd been filling the lab previously was gone. The old barn had been built with one diagonal wall—five in all—and right now, four out of the five walls were flowing with activity. Bluish white lights in scrambled patterns, muffled sounds, even faint smells in almost every direction. "Ah don't even…what is this, Twi??"

Twilight's pride was manifest. "It's nothing less than the greatest invention since magic itself! Or at least, it may be, if I ever get it working right." She gestured to a five-sided lump made of black stone, sitting on a low slab of lighter stone and tethered by vibrating cords to pegs drilled into the slab's five corners. The lump was broken by five windows, each filled by a gleaming gem of a different color and cut. When Applejack looked closely at the gems, they too were filled with swimming images like those on the walls.

"I ain't never seen anything like it!" she admitted.

Twilight's voice fell to an awed hush. "Let me ask you something. I know we don't get out to the theater much—just the one time in Hoofington, really—but have you ever seen a play, or a puppet show, or anything like that, where the characters suddenly turn to the audience and speak to them, or acknowledge them, like they knew they were there all along?"

AJ couldn't see what this could possibly have to do with anything, but she nodded. "I reckon I seen a show or two like that."

"There's a name for that," Twilight confided. "It's called 'the fourth wall'. Typically, the stage has three walls, and the audience is visible through the invisible fourth one. On those rare occasions when the characters notice that the wall isn't really there, we call that 'breaking the fourth wall'."

"Ah think I follow you, Twi…an as much's ah 'preciate the theatrics lesson, ah don't see what you're getting' at."

Abruptly, one of the walls went blank, the formerly blank one was suddenly filled with bleary images, and the other three seemed to blink into different states, interrupting what little continuity they had.

"Are you aware, Applejack, that for centuries, thaumaturges and cosmologists have been aware of the existence of an actual 'fourth wall', right here in reality?"

AJ wasn't even aware of what a thaumaturge was. " I ain't never heard anythin' like that," she said.

"Well, it's firmly established in magical theory. The location of the fourth wall is constantly shifting, and it varies depending on the locale. Now, there's no way to know whether anyone is actually _watching_ us from behind the fourth wall…but some ponies have been found to have a preternatural, instinctive ability to detect it."

"Don't tell me. Pinkie Pie."

Twilight smiled broadly. "Exactly. I took her in for testing over the winter, when I brought her to see Canterlot. She was easily over the eightieth percentile for metafictional clairvoyance."

"So she's been helping ya out somehow?"

"Oh, her help has been invaluable! Look around you, Applejack! These images are almost clear—you can see consistent forms moving! I'm so close!"

It was true—they almost looked like living creatures. Another wall blinked out, replaced by the one most recently blank. "But Twilight, you got _five_ walls goin' here."

"I'm glad you noticed! The fourth wall was known even before Luna's banishment, and she helped lay the theoretical groundwork…but in more recent years, the concept of the _fifth_ wall has come to light! It's been tragically under-researched, but now!" Twilight cackled with glee. "Now I've proven the skeptics wrong!"

This was getting heavy. "Ya have? What's the fifth wall, then?"

Twilight faced Applejack with a naughty grin. "It's the wall between one universe and another! Imagine, Applejack, that the world as we know it were a work of fiction. The story it tells might vary in any number of ways, depending on the author's whim, or factors even more subtle! Small changes add up to big ones, which means that there's an theoretically infinite multiverse of different worlds out there, all stemming from an original depiction of reality, and all accessible through the fifth wall!"

"Slow down, Twi. You're starting t'scare me."

"Sorry, Applejack. But now do you see why I'm so excited?"

AJ stared at one of the walls, watching its blobs until they blinked abruptly into a new configuration. "Ah think so. An' I'm proud o' you. But ah still don't see how any o' this is gonna help Rarity!"

"You don't? Applejack, if I can get this working, with Pinkie's help, we'll be able to view other worlds where magical medicine is more advanced! We'll find places where they have established cures for gem curses—just examine the gem's casing and cast a simple spell! Or something else—who knows? Applejack, don't you get it? This isn't just going to help Rarity. It'll help _everypony_ suffering from an incurable ailment. It'll help in so many other ways, too! It'll set technology and magical studies ahead immeasurably! We'll be able to see what would have happened if world leaders had made different decisions. Maybe even how the world would have developed differently if—I don't know, if sea ponies had become the dominant race! If the ancient cataclysms had never happened! If the legendary Rainbow of Light had never been destroyed!" She fell to a crouch, her voice much quieter. "Applejack…those who have lost loved ones could see them again. Hear their voices…smell them. They could find peace…say goodbye."

Applejack was enticed, she had to admit it, but she was spooked, too. "Would they _really_ be sayin' goodbye? Would the loved ones actually hear it??"

"Well, I don’t know yet! I'm just hoping to manage one-way projection…but if we could actually _talk_ to other worlds…or even _travel_ to them…"

"…then we'd sure as sugar be muckin' _everything_ up before you could say 'Crabapples!' Think about it, Twilight!! There'd be two of you if you went to another world, and that other you would wanna know how to bust down that fifth wall too, and pretty soon every world'd have it, and it'd be a huge frog strangler of a mess, nopony knowin' who their real friends are, everypony always headin' for someplace else they figger things're better, no stability nowhere. Does that sound t'you like any way to live?!"

Twilight sat down, cowed by AJ's scolding. "I…I guess not. I don't know, AJ. But don't worry…for now, it's one-way viewing only. All we're going to do is learn. And there's nothing wrong with learning, is there?"

AJ sighed. "Ah reckon not. But ah still don't feel good about all this."

"If it helps Rarity recover, will you feel good about it then?" rebutted Twilight.

"Ah dunno," admitted Applejack, slipping from the lab back toward the house. "I gotta sleep on it. At least one night. Ah recommend you do the same."

Twilight stayed behind, and AJ realized she'd left her frowning. She stood out in the open, under the moon, feeling boxed in despite being in the wide outdoors—boxed in by possibilities, by fourth and fifth and sixth walls, by imaginary Raritys that could've been, by worlds where she'd stayed with Aunt and Uncle Orange in Manehattan, or with Ma and Pa on the Trottingham farm. Eventually, she sighed a deep sigh and peeked back into the lab, where Twilight was sitting in silence.

"Come to bed, won'tcha, Twi? Ah'll be cold withoutcha."

Slowly, Twilight rose and turned, smiling sadly, and followed AJ into the farmhouse. They could be together in body tonight, anyway, if not quite in spirit.

 

* * *

 

 

As spring settled in, Pinkie became a frequent guest at the Acres. AJ was nice to her, of course, and tried not to think too much about her and Twilight's project. On those rare occasions when Pinkie got into the kitchen, she left the place smelling nice and overflowing with strudels and popovers.

AJ got into the habit of occasionally asking Pinkie which way the fourth wall was oriented. More than half the time, Pinkie said she couldn't tell, or that there wasn't one just then. Sometimes she'd point in a given direction (often slanted upwards, not level), and sometimes she'd spin to face the supposed wall, grinning and waving with her hair bouncing. Once she even released a barrel of exploding confetti into the 'wall', explaining that her 'friends' on the other side would like it.

AJ tried to keep it all out of her thoughts while she turned from mulching and pest control to the wheat harvest. But she couldn't. She couldn't dismiss it all as a wacky hobby because of the news she got whenever she went to town. Rarity was slowly going blind now. No amount of magic was safe for her anymore, not even a spark. She was having trouble getting out of bed, and often slept half the day. Intense concentration was beyond her.

Apple Bloom still ran the Carousel Boutique, and still visited Rarity in the afternoons to split the workload. Sweetie Belle kept shop, and Spike had moved in with them as an administrative assistant. AJ missed him, to say nothing of the baskets and other handiwork she now had to do without. She knew she had to visit Rarity again—before it was too late—but it just weighed on her too heavily, and her workload was a handy excuse. She shared her breakfasts with Twilight and talked about lighthearted things—the way things used to be, mostly.

When the news came that Rarity and Fluttershy had tied the knot, and were now officially soulmates, there was a sense of acceptance and a strange relief, but no real excitement. It had simply had to happen sooner or later.

AJ was on her way to market one morning when she crossed paths with them, headed for the spa. Rarity had her head high, a pair of huge blue-rimmed glasses on that AJ hadn't seen before. Fluttershy was walking beside her, providing physical and emotional support.

Rarity's nose flared, and she turned AJ's way. "Applejack!" she murmured, as if speaking to a memory from another world.

"Yep, 't's me. Oh, Rarity. I been meaning ta visit you, ah really have. Ah just—I been so busy…"

"I forgive you!" blurted Rarity, and though her voice was weak, her spirit was abundant. "Oh, Applejack! How is the farm? How are sales?"

"Well, it's mostly just jellies 'n' tarts 'til the apples start ripenin'…and things could be better, seein' as how we overexpanded this year. But we'll get by."

Fluttershy looked over hopefully. "Would you like to come to the spa with us, Applejack?"

Well, the truth was…"Yes. Yes, ah would. I can do my shoppin' some other day. Is it all right if I tag along, Rarity?"

Rarity winked, giving her mane a delicate toss. "It would be an absolute pleasure!" she declared.

The funny thing is, it was. AJ told herself she'd be willing to put up with the fancypants spa treatment in order to be with her friends again…but as the steams and salts started to flow, she found herself genuinely relaxing, not to mention chatting. She especially enjoyed the pedicure, but it was during the peat pulp bath they finally opened up to each other.

"…and it makes me want to cry," said Fluttershy, "that we never discovered this affection for each other sooner. All those weekly spa days, and we never once kissed…"

"But darling, kissing isn't the problem!" added Rarity. "We can kiss as much as we like—a dozen times for each day we missed. The problem is all the things I can't do so well anymore. Sometimes it seems like there's a new impediment every day…."

Fluttershy gave Rarity a heartfelt kiss on the lips as if to quiet her, followed by a tender touch just beneath her ear. "What I can't stand," she complained, "is when ponies like _Bonbon_ say I only love her because she's feeble now! I suppose Bonbon thinks that I'm feeble, too. Well, I may be, but that's _not_ why I love Rarity! I wish _so much_ she could be better again! I'd even take the curse onto myself, if it would make her better."

AJ found her heart touched. "Fluttershy, I think you're mighty brave, an' strong, too. Ah would never call ya feeble."

"I wish I could be strong for her, too," whispered Rarity. "She needs a strong mate."

"She has one," insisted Applejack. "How many ponies do you think would still be workin' every day in your condition? Yet Apple Bloom tells me she couldn't keep the shop runnin' without your help."

"Well I must do _something_ to pass my days. I miss the glitz and glamor…the stream of customers…the out of town trips…even the all-nighters."

"She's thinking of going in to the boutique one day a week," said Fluttershy, "which I think should be okay so long as I come along."

"But you have your animals to tend!" objected Rarity.

"They can get along without me for a day here and there," Fluttershy insisted.

Applejack wanted dearly to tell them about the project. But she knew Twilight wasn't ready to unveil it yet, and besides, she didn't want to get anypony's hopes up. Instead, she agreed to come back to their place after their final body wrap.

Those wind chimes seemed so mournful now. AJ knew there was a good chance the curse would never abate—Twilight had told her that gem curses often didn't stop until their victims were in the grave. Her mind kept imagining tombstones along the road—would that rise in the path be better, or that clear spot beside the willow tree? "Here Lies Rarity—She Stitched It All Together."

No! AJ shook her head in frustration. There was no point taking her thoughts down that road. She had to enjoy her friends while she still had them.

There was a camera sitting in the grassy yard when they drew near. When AJ mentioned it, Rarity laughed with a hint of frustration. "We _thought_ we'd be getting the Fillydelphian photographer in today—to do a photoshoot, you know. But yesterday morning, we got a letter canceling the appointment—no explanation. Just a few terse words."

Fluttershy was glowering. "It's like they don't care about her anymore. Like she doesn't matter!"

AJ could hardly think of anything more sad than her friend Rarity not mattering anymore. "Well shucks, that's terrible. You'd think they'd have the decency to be honest about why they're not comin'. Rarity, Fluttershy…I may not be too handy with a camera, but if you want a photoshoot, ah'll give you one."

They both turned to her with tremulous hope. "You'd put in the work, Applejack?" Rarity asked.

"Ah'll do anything y'all tell me to."

"Then let's do it!" Fluttershy exclaimed. "I may not be a model at heart, but…now I've got something to prove."

"That's the spirit!" said Rarity, opening the door gingerly. "Let's get that wardrobe together!"

Applejack, it turned out, was mainly needed for her eyes, and secondarily for her steadiness behind the shutters. She kept describing what she saw—the way the parts of the ensemble worked together, the lie of the light, even the emotions she got from Fluttershy's expressions. She struggled to articulate herself at times, but Rarity was patient. She suggested words for Applejack, and talked her through what each individual outfit was meant to convey, and Fluttershy tried out dozens of poses, searching for the perfect way to depict the soul of the clothing. It took the rest of the day…but when they'd finished, they had five rolls of negatives they were all proud of, and Applejack felt like she'd learned a lot.

They all lay together by the stream, listening to the frogs croaking and watching the sun set. Applejack felt a weight welling inside her and knew it was hopeless to contain it.

"Listen, you two. I got somethin' to tell ya."

"Oh?" Rarity asked.

"Twilight'll be mad if she knows ah said anythin'…and I don't want you to get your hopes too far up, but…"

They were both gazing at her, mouths slightly open.

"…well, she's been workin' on somethin' that just might be able t'help you out, Rarity."

"Help me out? In what fashion?"

"In that…well, if all goes accordin' to plan, it just might cure you. But this thing she's doing, it's big, an' it's ambitious, and it might very well come to nothin'. And I can't tell you no more than that. But I wanted…Rarity, I just wanted to let you know that there's hope out there. A reason to keep on fightin', in case you ever feel like givin' up."

Rarity stared through those big blue glasses, and AJ wondered just how much vision she had left. "Thank you, Applejack," she eventually whispered. "Hope is exactly what I need." She sniffed and turned away, and Fluttershy helped her wipe away her tears.

AJ went home as the sun went down. A flickering old five-sided barn was waiting for her.

 

* * *

 

 

_**#15: DP—Anything Is Possible** _

Farm life. It was the most beautiful thing in the world…and it sure did pass the time.

Late spring turned to midsummer. With the wheat threshed and winnowed, Mac spent his days grinding flour, while AJ started setting out buckets for the apple harvest. She thought of faraway times to keep her mind off the present—games she'd played with cousins as a filly, adolescent hijinks and harvest festivals. Eventually, all her imaginary trails led back to Twilight's contraption and her damnable ambition. No matter what AJ recalled from her past—her first visit to Appleoosa, her last tug-of-war with her Pa before leaving home, the thrills and embarrassments of her summer in Manehattan—she could imagine that terrifying invention doing her one better. Would she peer into those magic walls one day and see herself as a big-city socialite? As an Appleoosan settler? All grown up and still working for her parents in Trottingham? Or worse—herself as a pegasus? A unicorn? A zebra? As someone somehow recognizable as herself, but with an entirely different life?

Applejack still loved Twilight, but she hated that invention for invading her imagination. She wanted to labor for hours under those wide blue skies and know that whatever she fancied up in her mind wasn't real, and never would be. That way, it belonged to just her.

Apple Bloom spent her days in town or at Fluttershy's place, but she came ambling back most nights to sleep in her old bed—AJ didn't know quite why, and didn't feel the need to ask. Maybe her kid sister just wasn't ready to sleep in a home without adults. Maybe she cherished the smell and feel of the farm in her bones, and couldn't part with it for long. Maybe she just needed the support of knowing that for some of her day, she was around family. She said good night when she got in and good morning when she left after breakfast, and in between she would either talk about her doings, ask advice, sniffle on a sympathetic shoulder, or else say nothing at all. AJ was proud of her sister. She also missed her during the long summer days. And sometimes, she had to admit, she even envied her.

Then one evening, she showed up with Spike on her heels. It wasn't unknown for Spike to visit Twilight during the day, but he and Applebloom never showed up together.

"Howdy do!" AJ greeted. "To what do ah owe the pleasure?"

Apple Bloom hurried up to ask in a sheepish tone, "You reckon we can put some blankets in one o' the crates for Spike, and push it on into my room? He's gotten too big fer baskets, but I figure you won't want us sleepin' in the same bed." While Spike, if anything, looked more sheepish still.

"An apple crate? In yer room? You mean Spike is sleepin' over?"

"Sure he's sleepin' over!" announced Apple Bloom. "Didn'tja hear? He an' Sweetie broke up, an' now we're goin' steady!"

That was a shock, all right. AJ hadn't even known Spike and Sweetie had been a couple in the first place. "Goin' steady? Sugarcube, ya do realize he's technically an infant?"

Spike looked briefly embarrassed, but he spoke up proudly. "Twilight says I'm very mature for my age. Besides, I keep the books for the boutique all on my own!"

"An' he's a year older'n me, anyhow," added Apple Bloom. "In any case, it ain't too serious yet. We're just havin' fun."

"Riiight. Have you writ to Ma and Pa about it yet?"

Her sister was a little abashed. "Naw, I mean we just got together this week, and I don't know what they'll say."

Applejack figured she could guess what they'd say. _A dragon?! Our little girl's hooked up with a dragon??_ To which one might reply that a dragon who's grown up among ponies is practically a pony himself, and who else is he gonna find to hook up with? _Well be that as it may_ , she imagined Ma saying, _how come it's gotta be one of us?_

AJ sighed and smiled to the breeze. It's gotta be someone—why _not_ one of us?

"Shucks, Spike. I already thought o' you as family…now you're just doubly so, I figure."

Spike grinned and ran forward for a hug, and AJ stooped and gave it.

They didn't need to sacrifice a crate—it turned out one of the biggest baskets suited the dragon fine, and so he went back to sleeping under the Apple family roof on those nights it suited him to accompany Apple Bloom home.

Twilight was tickled by the idea. "I guess he finally got over Rarity!" she observed one morning.

"More like he wanted a version of her his own age," AJ retorted. "I'm not surprised he started with Sweetie. She may have her sister's looks, but Apple Bloom's got her love for the craft, and ah guess as you grow up, you realize how much that matters."

To that, Twilight only turned aside with a sniffle and a tear in her eye. "Oh, Spike."

 

* * *

 

 

Applebuck season. The feel of a kick placed just so. The rumble of plump apples finding their buckets, falling along the natural ley lines of the tree. The satisfaction of seeing a red-spotted field go green, tree by tree and buck by buck.

This was the time of year a farmer could really lose herself. When it all came together. When everything in the world was rich and juicy and made sense, and it was time for the big payoff.

Each day, AJ spent hours letting her body do the work for her, dreaming about applebuck seasons past and present, about making those light, firm fruits into sauce and pies and dumplings and selling them at market. The rest of her fantasies might be tainted, but that darn machine Twilight could never get working would never touch harvest time. This was the one time of year when AJ didn't need anything more than the here and now. Apples were her mark, her talent, even her name, and aside from being her livelihood…they were an end in themselves.

Was applebucking supposed to be work? The truth was, AJ would've have been happy to buck apples dawn to dusk even if—

"AJ! AJ!!!"

The farmer had to shake off her reverie and reorient, the echo of the most recent buck rolling in her mind. "What is it, Pinkie?"

"It's working! _It's working!!_ Quick, before it changes—you have _got_ to come see this!"

What? Oh no. Oh no! _Oh, yes!_ AJ glanced to and fro in a tizzy before deciding to drop her saddlebags and dash off toward the lab. This was it!

She cantered in a few moments behind Pinkie, her brother wandering in behind her, having heard the early afternoon fuss. As she entered, the walls lit up as they had many times before, but now the pictures were clear. And the sounds. And the smells. It was hard to make out the voices with four different stories unfolding at once, four different walls aglow with images, but the images made things clear….

They were seeing other ways that could have been.

"It's back!" shouted Twilight. She glanced over to AJ and Mac. "You're here! Just in time! Look and see, look and see!!" Her voice was an overexcited squeal.

AJ was breathless. The old barn was like a gazebo with four other worlds in its windows, the fifth wall solid and blank. The perspectives through those 'windows' varied greatly. Here was a view into another room, intimate and close, while here was an aerial view, or a panorama of Ponyville, or a glimpse of a huge room from eye level, the ceiling or the floor. There were ponies everywhere, some of whom were familiar— _most_ of whom were familiar, once AJ paid proper attention. She turned to one wall in particular—and there they were. All six of them, wending their way through Discord's maze, being turned from their basic natures one by one. AJ wondered if that was the most important thing happening in that world at that moment, or just the most important thing for _them_.

"We have to get the others," murmured Twilight.

Pinkie Pie nodded enthusiastically, but didn’t tear her eyes away. She intermittently leapt into a new position, raptly focused on a new wall, her ears directed elsewhere. "They've gotta be here, but I don't want to miss a minute!"

"I'll go," said Mac.

Twilight smiled gratefully. "Thanks so much. Hurry!"

Macintosh took off, and the stories intensified. They didn't follow a fixed timeframe, but jumped erratically…no, dramatically, whenever the narrative called for it. AJ saw Rainbow flying her first show as a Wonderbolt…Fluttershy excitedly fawning over her first model train…Pinkie spending a night at Carousel Boutique to play dress-up with Rarity and Sweetie Belle…

…And then, in all four windows, something bizarre and disturbing happened.

Applejack and her five closest friends…began getting even closer. Dates, courtships, and unexpected chemistry between them started to play out in the otherworldly theaters. Rainbow slipped in just in time to see herself taking Fluttershy on a romantic stroll through a liquid rainbow river field. Fluttershy stumbled in, gaping, and couldn't take her eyes from a giggly kissfest between herself and Twilight resulting from a word puzzle they did together at a juice bar. And Rarity came last of all, supported by Big Mac, dark glasses now covering her eyes and a stylish, supple cane in her mouth. She stood stock still and listened to a particularly posh version of herself at some big social event, proposing that she and Rainbow Dash "make something" of their fame together.

It was too much to take in at once. While Mac lingered at the door, the six friends muttered frantically to each other, speculating and explaining, squeeing and shuddering. Rarity settled herself on the floor, unable to stand for long, and Fluttershy settled beside her, whispering constantly into her ear. Was there anything left of Rarity's vision? Her soulmate must have been reporting everything she saw.

AJ wanted to take in her friends' expressions, but she was too engrossed in watching. It was everything she'd been afraid of, but it was also titillating. She was forming the bonds of love…but _not_ with her true love, Twilight Sparkle! Applejack watched in fascination as…

_After a particularly energizing Running of the Leaves, Rainbow Dash asked her sassily, "Hey AJ! You wanna fall in love?"_

_"In love?" replied her doppleganger. "You sure you can take it, Dash?"_

_"Take it? I'm gonna be dishing it out! I'm gonna love you like you won't believe."_

_"Oh yeah? You better shine up yer saddle, Dash, 'cause I'm gonna love the stuffing outta you!"_

The real AJ exchanged nervous glances with Rainbow, teeth showing. But then another wall drew her attention.

_The sun was beaming along the pebbled path as Pinkie Pie skipped along, AJ trotting behind. "Are you sure your family's gonna like me, Jackie?"_

_"Shore I'm sure! If there's one thing Trottin'ham folks adore, it's a proper shindig. An' from what ah can tell, you got more delights wedged into that bag o' yours than one o' Granny's New Years pies!"_

_"I just want to be prepaaared!!" Pinkie sang out, bells on springs trailing out of her bag and jingling as she hopped._

_"Trust me, Pinkie, you'll be one o' the family before ya can say 'Swaller Dollar Cauliflower'."_

_"Why would I even want to say that?"_

_AJ chuckled. "Well, it's a challenge, ain't it?"_

AJ turned to Pinkie, but she was engrossed with an image of herself helping Twilight with a hair growth spell, which led to them tumbling and tangling with yard-long hair all over the floor. So AJ examined another wall…

_AJ stared in awe as a larger than life machine in pony shape started to churn, its tin hoof picking the strings of its tin banjo in perfect time, its tail moving evenly to and fro and its mouth opening to utter an artificial "Yeeee-haaw!" Rarity was at her side, watching her reaction._

_"I had it shipped in especially for you," she confided. "Please tell me you like it?"_

_"Well, ah…" She looked around the rose-walled building, with all its racks and shelves of endless cloth and jangles. "It does liven up the atmosphere here, ah'll give ya that." She winked to Rarity. "But as ponies go, ah reckon ah still prefer the real thing."_

_"Ah, yes, well…" chuckled Rarity. "Don't we all."_

Rarity had her head high, her ears spread in every direction, trying to catch everything. Her neck trembled like it was about to fail, but Fluttershy placed her own against it to keep it steady. AJ turned to the final wall…

_"But I still don't think it's right to take the honey from the bees," objected Fluttershy, overlooking a variegated farmland featuring a stand of tree-based bee hives._

_"Flutter, ah know you don't like it, but the group decided they wanted an apiary! We're part of a commune now—we ain't in charge anymore. Ain't that how you wanted it?"_

_Fluttershy rubbed her mane against AJ's side. "Yes, it is. I'm glad we make decisions all together…I just worry about the bees…"_

_"Aw, they'll get by! We won't take it_ all _away…an' besides, even if we don't take any honey, they'll still be good fer the flowers. An' you do love the flowers, don’t'cha?"_

_"Yes," said Fluttershy softly, staring at AJ's face. "I do love the flowers."_

"A commune?" said AJ aloud. "What kind o' dipstick alternate universe me goes an' changes the family farm into a commune?!"

Everyone looked at her in surprise.

"Well ah mean…" AJ gestured to the wall, which suddenly went blank, another one taking its place. "Huh. …Look, this is crazy. It's just crazy. Are you girls seein' what I'm seein'?"

"It's amazing," intoned Twilight.

"It's incredible," murmured Fluttershy.

"Yeah, it's pretty crazy, all right," said Dash. "But it's awesome!! Look, AJ, over here you're making a _wicked_ good angel costume! I never saw _that_ side of you before."

"We ain't never seen _any_ of these sides before!" pressed AJ. "These ponies ain't us! They're in love with all the wrong sweethearts! Have you been watchin'? Everypony's fallin' in love with everypony else, _except_ for me an' Twilight!"

"And me and Rarity," said Fluttershy, cuddling all the closer to her soulmate.

"I think I saw myself fall in love with everyone but Dashie!" exclaimed Pinkie, grinning.

"Yyup, it's crazy, all right," drawled Big Mac. "But the question is…where does it get us?"

"At the very least," said Rarity, "it gives us something to dream of. Can we do nothing but watch, Twilight? Or can we…interact…somehow…with these other sheets of existence?"

Twilight had to tear herself away from the bizarre sight of herself as a stallion, providing background effects for a Wonderbolts show. "It…well, the device is calibrated to the walls of the barn, so that they block us from slipping through. But if we wanted to, I could recalibrate it…" Alarm grew on her face. "The problem is, so far as I can tell, the only way to interact with these other worlds is to go through to them! And that would be incredibly risky. So far, I haven't worked out a way back!"

"Is _that_ the only problem?" challenged Dash.

"Well…no. I mean , we're talking about something that so far as I know, has never been successfully done. We really should write to the princess, and she'll probably tell us to take it nice and slow… she might even send her own corps of magicians to take over the project."

"What?!" exclaimed Dash. "But then what about Rarity?"

"Well, um…that's another problem. So far as Pinkie and I can tell, these four universes are the only ones adjacent to our own! I was hoping we'd have more choices, but…"

"There's a reason they call it the fifth wall," said Pinkie, "and not the three hundred seventy-ninth wall!"

"But then…can we ever find a cure for her?" asked Fluttershy.

"I don't know… Have any of you seen any sign of advanced magical medicine in any of these worlds?" Twilight asked.

The gang had to admit that they hadn't.

Twilight sighed profoundly. "It doesn’t look good, then. I was hoping to open up so many more doors…but as fascinating as this is, I…I'm sorry, Rarity. I just don't see a cure for you here."

Dash snorted and scraped the floor. "Well, we can't just give up on her!"

"We won't," said Twilight firmly. "We'll write to the princess and put things in her hooves. If anyone will know what to do, she will."

Fluttershy looked up nervously. "But…but she has a whole realm to look after. What if she puts the safety of Equestria ahead of Rarity?"

Twilight drew in a sharp breath. "Shouldn't we _all_ be doing that?"

"But—"

"It's all right," said Rarity, not managing to purge all the sorrow from her voice. "This is, after all, an invention of _major_ import…and I would _not_ want to bring disastrous consequences to an entire…an entire _world_ of worlds, just in an attempt to restore my health."

"But it's not just your health," squeaked Fluttershy very quietly. "You could…you could die!"

There was a weighty pause when Fluttershy broached the subject. "Nevertheless," said Rarity, nuzzling her on the cheek. "Twilight is right. I trust Celestia to do what is best."

Pinkie sputtered. "But…but…!"

Twilight looked to AJ. "It's our home. Are you all right with the royal palace getting involved?"

This was a tough one, all right. AJ never dreamed of royal magicians overrunning her farm for any reason…but she hoped the princess wouldn't let it come to that unless it was necessary. She nodded. "We gotta let her know."

"Then it's decided," said Twilight. "I'll send the letter tomorrow."

Pinkie and Dash looked crestfallen, but AJ was confident she'd made the right decision. Hadn't she?

"Twilight?" asked Rarity. "May I…may we spend the night?"

"Here? In the barn? Oh, but Rarity…you need your bed, your home…peace and quiet!"

"Twilight!" exhorted the desperate unicorn. "There's so little _left_ for me there! I can't see a thing, my horn is useless, my head aches almost all the time, my joints don't work the way they used to, and I can hardly sleep these days in any case! Rarity…the Rarity of this world, anyhow, is almost gone. I'm not a fashion designer anymore. I can't find gems. I can't make anyone beautiful." She broke down then, sniffling and sobbing, and Fluttershy wrapped herself around her head like a pillow. "But here!" Rarity continued. "Here, at least, I can listen to other Raritys living their lives. Successful. Busy. Maybe not all of them are happy…especially the one who used to love you, Twilight…but they're living life! They're what I could have been…they're me, more than I am now! Please, just give me one night and one day with them. That's all I ask."

AJ was about ready to break down herself. "Course you can stay, Rarity. You too, Fluttershy. I'll bring a bed out here for you, if ya like. You can have every pillow in the house. An' I'll bring you a carafe o' hot cider, an' a compress for your head, an' if you want me to run over to your cottage, Fluttershy, an' take care of the animals, I can do that too. Just lemme know what ya need."

AJ wasn't the only one with her sentiments. The others all offered to stay or go or help however they could, and while Rarity was grateful, she didn't ask for much. A few blankets and pillows…a little food and drink…and silence.

She and Fluttershy were still staring at the walls when AJ checked in on them in the middle of the night. But from the way they were slumped over each other, their bodies relaxed and motionless, she figured they'd finally fallen asleep. Rarity's dark glasses had been tossed into a corner.

 

* * *

 

 

Twilight sent the letter, and the princess wrote back saying she'd consult her best magicians about the subject. Applejack didn't feel like bucking apples that day. She repaired a broken cart instead, and fixed a fence, and looked in on the five-sided barn more times than she cared to admit. Twilight, Pinkie, Spike and Applebloom kept coming and going, as did a few townsfolk who'd heard something remarkable was happening. Rainbow asked to see Twilight's blueprints, and Twilight was glad to show her, though AJ couldn't imagine the flight jockey comprehending them. Even the mayor showed up around sundown and shook Twilight's hoof, lingering for an hour or so.

Rarity stayed well into the evening until, with a final sigh as though she were saying her last goodbye to life, she let Fluttershy slowly lead her home. AJ stood and watched from the road, wondering if she'd ever see her again.

The next morning, a representative from Canterlot showed up. She was a diminutive tawny mage with loosely combed green hair, her cutie mark an open box full of light. She studied Twilight's invention and watched the walls for half an hour, during which time she cast a half dozen tiny spells, none of which disturbed the projections for more than an instant. She then announced that Princess Celestia would send a team to take over study of this discovery the following morning. Twilight would be handsomely rewarded and her invention would be treated with the utmost reverence and delicacy. If possible, it would be moved to Canterlot, and Twilight would be paid a stipend to act as consultant if necessary. Rarity's condition would be taken into account, as 'part of the broad picture of things.'

There was no saying no to any of this, even if they'd wanted to. This was bigger than Twilight and Pinkie now—bigger than all six of them, and they all knew it.

Applejack felt cold in bed that night, even with Twilight huddled up against her under the covers. Twilight was quaking in her sleep, and Applejack…well, she couldn't sleep at all.

This feeling she had in her—she recognized it. She'd had it before. It was like something about to tumble, quietness about to get loud. With a pang, it came back to her. There'd been a summer back in Trottingham—she'd been thirteen or fourteen—when the trees had all taken sick, but no one had realized it at the time. They called it 'discoloration of the bark', but they blamed it on the kooky weather team the town was training in and dismissed it. That summer, the trees had all gone bad, the harvest was ruined, and they'd just barely made it through the year…. Applejack recognized the feeling in her stomach from that summer, when things had just started to go rotten.

She rolled out of bed, tucked an extra pillow in beside Twilight, and wandered out into the field. It was a partly cloudy night. The moon lit up the clouds on one side—like they had something to say, secrets to share. AJ fantasized about a pegasus bucking the sides of those clouds and a rain of apple-sized hail tumbling down, wrecking the orchard…or maybe it'd be some new, exciting fruit they could can and bake and sell. Maybe both. She was having crazy waking dreams, and she didn't blame herself, because it still wasn't half as weird as what was going on in that old barn.

AJ stood in the autumn chill, staring at the morphing light just visible through the distant window. She felt the need to go where it was warm, the need to get back to bucking apples, the need to cry. But she didn't. She just stood and stared, and kept it all in.

There was no telling how long she'd been standing when she heard a voice. "Pssst!"

AJ jerked, nerves tensing. "Who's there?" Then she spotted Pinkie behind a tree, her body covered with a dark poncho.

"Jackie! Thank goodness you're up! I was worried I was gonna have to sneak in and _wake_ you!"

"What'd you call me?"

"Jackie! That's what one of my other me's calls you, and I thought it was cute!"

"Please don't call me that, Pinkie. That one o' you's in love with me, and that's just wrong."

Pinkie looked a little hurt. "Oh…okay." She seemed to accept this with a far-off look.

"Why were you lookin' for me?" AJ pressed.

"Oh! Well." Pinkie looked to and fro furtively. "I don't want you to take this the wrong way… _but I think you're the viewpoint character._ "

Oh dear Celestia. "I'm the _what?_ "

"Twilight told you all about how the fifth wall works, didn't she? In order to find it, you need to know where the fourth wall is, and for that, you need to know whose eyes the 'audience'—" Here she winked and nudged her head against the air. "—is seeing through!"

"Ah don't follow, an' I'm not sure I want to."

Pinkie strolled with AJ, leading her back toward the lab. "Look at it this way. When you read a story, a lot of the time it's from some point of view or another. It's like you're sharing someone else's life! You know what I mean?"

"I'm with ya."

"Well, it's like that! If someone were watching us, whose life would they be sharing? That's what I had to figure out! The more I watched those four other worlds, the clearer it became who their point of view characters have to be! Rarity is the point of view character in that world where she and Dash got all famous for that 'Rainboom' clothing line, because she's the one who came back to visit the rest of us! Rainbow's got to be it in that weird world where they think it's shady for a mare to be into stallions, because she's the one with all the problems! And you remember the world where we gave up the Elements of Harmony? There was this whole bit where Fluttershy was wrestling with what to do, so I'm pretty sure she was the point of view character for some of that, but I know the bit at Celestia's birthday party where Twilight explained to me what 'stochastic' means was important too, so the point of view there had to be either me or Twilight! I'm figuring each of us gets one turn, because that's more fair."

AJ's head was swimming, but she ignored it. "Ah s'pose so?"

"And then there's the world with that masquerade, and that could be from almost anypony's point of view! But chances are it was either me or Twilight, so that leaves you! You're most likely to be the point of view character for _this_ world! And that totally makes sense, because a bunch of times the machine suddenly stopped working as soon as you left, or started when you showed up!"

"How exactly does _that_ make sense?"

"Well, there needs to be a fourth wall for it to work, but if the story is skipping ahead from one scene to another, there _isn't_ a fourth wall in the meantime! While you're in the room, there's no way we're skipping scenes, but when you're off bucking apples or whatever, there's no way of knowing! What's more, the machine is working again, and Twilight's completely asleep, isn't she?"

"So?"

"So unless she's having a really important dream, she's not the viewpoint character! It's got to be you!"

With that, they arrived at the barn and stepped inside. The tales were still playing themselves out on the walls, and to AJ's surprise, Rainbow Dash was in the barn, dressed in a Wonderbolts outfit and carrying a loaded pair of saddlebags. She didn't look comfortable.

"Rainbow, what in the name of brown sugar are you doin' here?"

The pegasus glanced uneasily to Pinkie. "This would've been so much easier if we didn't need her here."

"Ah beg yer pardon?" demanded AJ. This was her home, after all!

Pinkie shook off her hood and perked up as if saving face. "But now that you _are_ here, we've got a rock-solid scene! There's no _way_ the walls'll conk out on us when we're partway through and slice us in half! Applejack, we couldn't do this without you! All you have to do is sit back and rest—but don't fall asleep!—and everything'll be okay."

In the shifting light, AJ saw that Pinkie was shaking with excitement—or was it fear? Dash didn't look much better. "Just what half-baked stunt do you two think you're pullin'?"

Dash swung a pair of goggles over her eyes. "We're heading out!"

"You're WHAT!?"

"Sorry AJ, but we can't wait for Canterlot to deal with this! If we let them take over, Rarity'll never get saved!"

"They'll seal this gizmo up and test it for _ages_ before they ever use it!" implored Pinkie, her tail whirling. "And I know it's all for the best, it's all for safety and Equestria and the common good…but this is for _Rarity!_ She's one of us…and I'm really sorry, and maybe it makes me a horrible terrible pony, but I care more about my best friends than I do about the common good."

"As do I," said Rainbow proudly.

It was too much to mull all at once. "But why are you goin' in the middle of the night? Why didn't you tell Twilight or me?"

"Because in the morning," said Dash, "Celestia's wizards are coming and we won't get another crack at it! If we'd told Twilight, she would've just tried to talk us out of it."

"You'd better believe she would! And so would I! Do you two loonies even have a plan for gettin' back? 'Cause there ain't no return trips with this thing!"

"Eh, we'll find a way," said Dash. "I totally copied Twilight's blueprints yesterday, even if I don't understand a lick of 'em. And there are other Twilight Sparkles out there! We'll show 'em the plans and see what they can whip up."

AJ wanted to groan and collapse. " _That's_ your plan?! What if they refuse?"

"Well, I'm _hoping_ a good burst of speed'll be enough to take me through three or four dimensional walls, at least," said Dash. "Maybe we'll leave holes behind as we go! Or maybe some other powerful unicorn'll help us, if Twilight won't. All I know is, our friend's life is on the line. We can't just let her die!"

"Aside from which," said Pinkie, "this'll be the most awesome, amazing, transcendentalistic adventure _ever!!_ Sometimes you've just gotta let loose, rear back, and do something _crazy_ , you know?!"

"But this ain't just crazy," pled AJ. "It's insanity heaped on top of insanity!"

Pinkie grinned. "That makes it sound like a _sundae!_ "

AJ slumped onto one of the leftover pillows. What now? "So you two planned this together?"

"Pretty much!" Pinkie grinned to Dash, and for a moment the pair looked less nervous. "Rainbow and I were watching the windows together and we gradually realized that every single other combination of the six of us was already coupled up, either in real life or in one of these new ones! We're the only pair who hasn't been done yet!"

Dash gulped. "So Pinkie thinks we've got to fall in love! Like it's our destiny or something."  
  


"And we decided the best way to fall in love is to throw ourselves into it, like a swimming pool full of ice cream!! So, since we both agreed that _someone_ has to go out there, shake things up, and find a cure for Rarity…"

"We figured we might as well go together!" concluded Dash.

AJ had to catch her breath. "That is the most absurd, ridiculous, cockamamie reason for fallin' in love I ever heard of!!"

"I know!" said Dash. "I mean…I'm not really the romantic type! I'm more about thrills and spills and pushing the limit!"

"And I feel like I've got a lot more growing up to do before I get involved with anyone," added Pinkie. "But that doesn't matter! Destiny is destiny, and time is running out!"

"But you could be gone forever, both of you!" moaned AJ. "And Rarity'll die…and they'll take the machine away, and I'll get in trouble for lettin' you go in, and Twilight might end up takin' the blame…"

"Look on the bright side, Applejack," said Pinkie, her overconfident voice undercut by a tremor of terror. "With all these other realities out there, anything is possible! Maybe another Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash or another Rarity'll come visit you someday! …And if they do, will you make them feel welcome? I won't be around to throw any welcome parties 'til we get back."

AJ surged forward. " _If_ you get back!"

"…So you're gonna have to pick up the slack with your country charm," continued Pinkie. "Promise you'll do it? You can be mad if you want, but please…promise me if anyone new comes to town, especially from beyond the fifth wall…you'll make 'em feel welcome."

AJ sighed. "All right, I promise. I'll do ya proud, Pinkie Pie. An' I'll tell everypony goodbye for you both. Ah _wish_ you wouldn't do this, though."

"We've all got wishes," said Pinkie. "Those of us who're lucky get rainbows to make them on! And the way I see it, this is like the quest for the end of a rainbow! If we follow the trail long enough, we're sure to find a pot of gold at the end!"

"And I keep telling her, that's hogwash!" countered Dash. "We weather pegasi _make_ rainbows, and there's nothing in the manual about including a pot of gold."

"Well you don't have to _put_ it there, silly!" retorted Pinkie. "It just shows up! Besides, I'm talking about a metaphor, not a real pot of gold, even if that'd be nice to have. I mean, the gold would be pretty valuable—it'd keep us fed for a while, especially since I hear you can put gold flakes on sundaes and eat them! But mainly? I just want to find it! I'd just like to have a pot I can keep at the foot of my bed and put laundry and stuff in…a pot I can say I found at the end of a rainbow!"

Dash gave Pinkie a nervous little peck on the neck AJ couldn't help but find adorable. "You know, I heard one of my other selves—the angsty one—saying how for all she knew, love was totally random. Anypony could end up with anypony, all on account of the slightest little thing." She smiled coyly. "Well, if that's true, this should be _more_ than enough to bring me and Pinkie together!"

Pinkie leaned her head against Rainbow's neck. "If love is a random tree, I'm its funny little seed!"

"Ah reckon that makes you stochastic," quipped AJ. "Maybe you two _are_ made for each other. Y'sure do seem to share a love for breakin' the rules."

"Whether it's the rules of society or the laws of physics," agreed Pinkie.

"So you're okay with this?" asked Dash, and AJ could see her quaking in her flightsuit. "You won't stop us from going?"

AJ squinched her eyes shut. It was now or never. "No, ah won't stop you. But ah am gonna miss you somethin' fierce!"

"Wouldn't have it any other way," said Rainbow Dash, turning toward the blank wall and gearing up. "Hope you won't miss the barn, though."

"Miss the barn? What're you talking a—"

Dash powered forward, bursting through the old wall like a knife through a pie crust. The barn started to teeter, and AJ scurried out. She and Pinkie watched as Dash rose high in the air, reoriented herself straight downward, and plunged into the barn at full speed, splintering it with a rainbow-colored mushroom cloud.

Well, that'd wake the household, if anything would. The poor old five-sided barn was destroyed, but Twilight's machine was still pumping—the images stayed right where they had been, only now there were no walls behind them.

"Wooo-hooo!" shouted Dash. Pinkie echoed her cry, speeding over. She leapt onto Rainbow's back, waving her poncho above her like a banner. "To adventure!!"

"Ah hope you two know what yer doin'!" cried AJ, tears in her eyes.

"Be seeing you, AJ!" shouted Dash, sparing her a soulful glance before she revved up. "All right, Pinkie! Let's do this!!"

And with that, dust still swirling from the barn's destruction, Rainbow Dash sprinted away from the barn until her hooves were off the ground. With Pinkie holding tight, she swung around, soared forward, gathered speed, and zoomed headlong into one of the otherworldly windows.

With a loud CRACK, the ground shook and the windows all flickered out. Pinkie and Rainbow were gone. The machine buzzed, sputtered, and went dead.

Applejack stumbled over to the machine, bile rising in her throat along with everything she'd wanted to say. She strained to gather her senses while the dust settled.

"Y'all come back soon now, y'hear?" she whimpered mournfully into the empty air.

 

* * *

 

 

"This is a prank, right?" asked Twilight, panic rising in her voice and eyes. "Tell me this is a prank!"

"If those two were prankin' us, they fooled me too," said AJ. She couldn't look away from the place where the barn had stood.

"They wrecked all my calibration!" moaned Twilight, stooping to examine her device. "They wrecked the machine!! I don't know if I can fix it, and Celestia's staff is coming in a matter of hours! And Pinkie…Rainbow…oh goodness…Pinkie! Rainbow!!"

AJ found herself with her legs wrapped around Twilight, soaking up tears. "Ah dunno what to tell ya, Twi. Ya still got me, an' you'll always have me. No matter what may come."

"They'll be lost," sobbed Twilight.

"Uh, well…maybe it ain't the best time to mention it, but Dash said she nicked a copy of your invention's plans."

Twilight went stiff in AJ's grip. "Oh, gosh!" she wailed. " _We'll_ be lost!"

"You worried about interdimensional traffic, Twi?"

She nodded numbly. "This could be the end of spatio-temporal coherence through the multiverse, and it's _all my fault!_ "

AJ hugged her all the harder. "Now hush, Twilight. Maybe that's so, but I don't feel it in mah bones. Maybe if we do get visitors, they won't be all that bad. And the Apple family'll be on hand to welcome 'em."

Twilight closed her eyes and hugged back, which was just what AJ needed.

 

* * *

 

 

It was weird, and then some.

The magic team from Canterlot showed up fresh and sharp that morning. There was no point keeping them away. But there also wasn't much left for them to see, and AJ saw no reason not to tell the honest truth, so she did, even though it made Twilight squirm. The magicians questioned them for hours, and then they took away the machine, and that was the end of it. No one came to take AJ or Twilight away, but there was no 'handsome compensation', either. When Twilight wrote to Celestia about it, the sagacious princess simply said that regarding the future of fifth wall technology, they would have to "wait and see".

So they did. AJ went back to applebucking, and the mayor held a little reception at Town Hall in honor of Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash, the 'interdimensional pioneers'. It was somber and there weren't enough sweets. AJ went to visit Rarity and Fluttershy whenever she had a spare afternoon, but there weren't going to be any more photoshoots. Rarity was simply too weak. There wasn't anything to do but murmur, help Fluttershy with chores, and leave when the silences had gotten too long. Applejack was glad to visit just the same, but there weren't words for how much she missed the old days.

But then came the first Scootaloo.

It was mid-morning, late in autumn, and AJ was making applesauce in the yard while the scent of Granny Smith's dumplings wafted out from the kitchen. It wasn't all that surprising to see Scootaloo wander up as though drawn by the scent, though it _had_ been a long time since the pegasus filly had been by to play with Apple Bloom. When Apple Bloom got her cutie mark, AJ reflected, she and Scootaloo had drifted apart, even while she was growing closer to Sweetie Belle. Still, the kid was an orphan, and if she wanted a free dumpling or two, how could AJ say no?

But this filly wasn't after food. "Hey, Applejack? I know this may seem like the weirdest question you ever heard, but…does your world still have its Rainbow Dash?"

Uh oh. "Ah beg your pardon?"

"Rainbow Dash! Is she still here? I'm kind of on a quest."

This was bad…wasn't it? "Somethin' tells me you ain't the Scootaloo we know and love, are ya?"

The filly's face lit up. "You mean you still have your Scootaloo? Awesome. I'm gonna have to recruit her!"

"Recruit her?"

"For the council!"

The _council?!_

Well, AJ laid the facts out for the kid as plainly as she could, and was given a befuddling tale in return. This Scootaloo was in possession of a world traveling technology that worked _only_ for Scootaloos. She didn't know who'd invented it first—she'd been issued hers by a roving band of Scootaloos who were traveling from world to world, recruiting promising young Scootaloos and sending them to promising nearby worlds in order to find Rainbow Dashes, Pinkie Pies, and other Scootaloos, in that order of importance. Their mission: to restore every Rainbow and every Pinkie to her proper home. Apparently things had gotten very messy early on, and some brave young Scootaloo—possibly more than one—had set out after her idol Rainbow through the fifth wall, trying to protect her, rescue her, follow in her hoofsteps, warn her about something—nopony knew. All this filly knew was that dozens, maybe hundreds of worlds' worth of Rainbow Dashes and Pinkie Pies had gotten infected with the ability and desire to go jumping from world to world, for every reason under the sun, and they were causing endless—some said wonderful—chaos everywhere they went.

Twilight was simultaneously fascinated and inconsolable. She said she didn't know whether to be proud or terrified, nor whether she'd even been the first version of herself to invent fifth wall breaching technology. AJ, however, took it in stride. She arranged for the wayfaring Scootaloo to meet her local twin, which went much better than AJ had expected, and then happily put them both up at the farmhouse for a few days while they got their bearings before the two of them headed off again for places unseen.

AJ thought the weirdness was over, but then came a group of five Scootaloos, all dressed in different studded black costumes and each with her own customized interdimensional scooter. They were touring worlds recently added to the 'map' for leads, and while they were disappointed to hear that this world's Rainbow and Pinkie had already flown the coop, they were excited to hear Twilight's account of, from her perspective, being the first to invent interworld travel technology. "Awesome!" said one Scootaloo.

"Sweet," said a second.

"Bodacious!" exclaimed a third.

It wasn't long before a whole colony of Scootaloos got started. It was well into winter by then, not a good time for building, so the Sweet Apple Acres farmhouse got awfully crowded for a while, but it was all for the best. Big Mac knew how to keep the ruffians under control when they got infectiously unruly, and Princess Celestia, hearing about the situation, sent a pair of guards from the palace to help maintain order. Fluttershy was glad to take in a few of the quieter Scootaloos—including one who was, bizarrely, not a pony at all, but a talking chicken—for days or weeks at a time to keep things running at her place, and Rarity seemed generally glad for the youthful company, monotonous though it might be. There were times the horde got huge—at one point, over three dozen Scootaloos had made this world their headquarters—but at other times, it thinned out to only a scattering. They talked occasionally about relocating to worlds they'd heard were cooler, but AJ made sure they felt so welcome that these plans never came to fruition.

The funniest thing about it all was when AJ led a field trip to Trottingham for a winter rodeo, and five Scootaloos got their cutie marks simultaneously. They were all delighted and excited beyond belief, and interestingly, the marks were all different. There was a scooter with racing stripes, a scooter with painted wheels, a scooter with lightning coming from its handlebars, a silhouetted bull being roped to the ground, and, weirdest of all, a tray of nachos. When Twilight heard about the phenomenon, she threw herself into writing academic papers about cutie mark science—the discovery that one pony could have different marks in different worlds was highly significant. It meant that cutie marks were not destined from birth, but rather depended on circumstances—and if that were true of cutie marks, Applejack mused, surely it was true of love, too? Gradually, it didn't seem so weird that those other Applejacks had had their own tastes in sweethearts. She had Twi, and that was enough. Let Applejacks be Applejacks however they wished, wherever they might call home—she was herself, and she made her life the way she liked it.

Winter Wrap-Up brought a shock. The colony of Scootaloos announced that they'd arranged for a crew of thirty-one Pinkie Pies to drop by, score all the frozen lakes with ice skates, and leave by late morning in order to serve other worlds' Wrap-Ups. AJ fought to remain sane that night.

The next morning, when the thirty-one Pinkies arrived, she bid them howdy-do and passed out mulled hot cider. The horde of Pinkies drank gratefully, commented on how weirdly blue the sky was here or how the snow where they came from was hot, not cold, and generally just did a lot of babbling. Some of them did cartwheels in their ice skates or danced gracefully with each other.

Eventually, AJ blew a whistle to get their attention. All thirty-one Pinkie Pies skidded to a halt, standing stock silent. One of them turned and pointed at another with a grin. “You're silly!”

“Now, look,” said AJ. “You're all silly. But what I want to know is if any of you is native to this world. The Pinkie I know and love.”

There was a murmuring of skates. “How would we know?” asked one.

Applejack was dumbfounded. “I...well...ah s'pose you all have Applejacks more or less like me, huh? Well, lemme ask you this—did any of you leave on a cloudy night, ridin' on Rainbow Dash, by crashin' through a magic window where a barn used t'be?”

“No,” said some of the Pinkies sadly. “That sounds fun!” said others. Some of them resolved to hold Rainbow-riding, magic-window-crashing parties when they got home. But the native Pinkie turned out not to be among the group, so AJ could only watch with a certain solemnity as the mob of Pinkie Pies formed into a row and sped in perfect unison across the lakes...with the exception of two or three who were trying to trip the others up just for fun, one who was inexplicably clumsy, one who had forgotten her ice skates, and one who who hurried off to Sugarcube Corner to throw a party for all the others when they were done.

As the year's ploughing began, it came to light that the Interdimensional Council of Scootaloos had begun phasing itself out, reportedly due to a well-inculcated lesson in several of their number from a particularly acute Princess Celestia many worlds away. They had been convinced that the multiverse was unready for interdimensional travel, and perhaps never would be; as such, they were working in tandem with the Twilight Sparkles and other magicians of the various worlds to send everyone home to where they originally came from, and to disable their travel devices once this was done. For some of the Scootaloos, this news was bittersweet; some fought it tooth and hoof, but were outvoted or talked down; others took it easily, their lark complete, while still others accepted it as a solemn duty.

Soon, the colony of Scootaloos was down to half a dozen, and procedures were in place to find a way home even for them, excepting the one native to this world. They stayed up late at night, playing cards and busting dance moves and reminiscing, knowing that their bawdy days of pure camaraderie would soon be over, and they would be forced to return to normal lives, though their bizarre youthful period was something AJ was sure none of them would ever, ever forget.

One morning in early spring, while AJ was still somewhat groggy from a short night's sleep, she answered a knock on the door to find Pinkie Pie standing before her. It took her several seconds to even work out how she ought to feel, which of course was _confused_ —was this the authentic Pinkie, or just another visitor, albeit still worthy of love? It was the latter, it turned out. This Pinkie was a relatively sane, sober specimen of her kind, who explained that she was there to throw a regulation party for the last five rogue Scootaloos in this world before leading them away once and for all. Applejack was sad to hear it, but she nodded. What had to be done had to be done, and it would be nice to have a Pinkie there for the day, for old times' sake.

The day was cold and the party was pleasant, if tame—pin the tail on the pony and block stacking games featured heavily—and just before Pinkie left, with the gaggle of orange fillies gathered outside, she had an afterthought and set a couple of objects on the table—a white package and an orange envelope. "Oooh—I almost forgot! This package is for your Rarity, and the card's for you."

Applejack's heart skipped a beat.

"What's in the package?" she managed to ask.

"No idea! If I knew, though, I wouldn't tell…'cause that'd spoil the surprriii-iiise! I know what the card is, though! It's from the Council of Scootaloos, thanking you for all your hard work these last few months! It's been a weird time for the multiverse, and every little bit of help counts!"

Applejack felt tears coming to her eyes and adrenaline coursing through her legs. "The _package!_ What's in the package?!?"

"I told you, I don't know!"

" _Is it a cure?!_ Is it a cure for an ancient gem-based curse??"

"I don't know!! It could be! That's the sort of thing they send in these packages, so…maybe?"

Applejack clutched the package hard with both forehooves. "Can I open it now?" she demanded. "Or has it got to be in Rarity's presence?"

"I don't make the rules!" said Pinkie Pie. "If you're okay with spoiling what could be a fun surprise… _FOREVER!!!_ …then go right ahead! Anyway, I've gotta be off. Thanks again for everything!"

Applejack nodded numbly and watched the Pinkie from another world lead the gaggle of Scootaloos away through a portal that blinked open just long enough for them to slip through. She took five shallow breaths, struggling to still her heart.

Then she tore open the box.

 

* * *

 

 

"RARITY! RARITY!!!"

Applejack hollered as she raced down the path, the grass-covered cottage finally coming into view after what seemed like twice the time it should have taken.

"RARITY!!!" she called again. Fluttershy was there on the grass already—that was quick! Had someone warned her? Applejack hurried up, ready to—oh no. Fluttershy was crying. Oh no, Celestia, no! She was bowing her head, her wings folded. Oh no!!

"Fluttershy?!" Applejack called.

Fluttershy looked up in surprise. "Applejack?" she whimpered.

Applejack stopped short before Fluttershy, peering at the yellow pegasus's ragged form, taking in her uneven breaths. "Oh _no_!" she cried. "Tell me it ain't!"

Fluttershy only lowered herself to the ground and wept.

"…Rarity?" asked Applejack, barely able to speak.

The pegasus nodded in silence.

"NOOOO!!" This wasn't fair! _It wasn't fair!!_ NOW!? Those idiots, those interdimensional idiots, had the whole WINTER to deliver that damned package! But they'd taken their sweet time, hadn't they? Applejack collapsed, heaving thick tears on Fluttershy's lawn. "No-o…"

"Rarity's dying," whispered Fluttershy.

Applejack gasped. Her head shot up. "Come again? Dy _ing_? Not dead?! Dy _ing??_ "

Fluttershy looked up, eyes round. "Yes," she said, soft as a feather. "The doctor was just here—she said it was irreversible…"

" _Let me in!!_ " shouted Applejack. She leapt for the door and banged it open, not waiting for Fluttershy. "Where is she??"

But she was on the settee, where she always was. Applejack fumbled with her bag. "Rarity…" she rasped.

Fluttershy hurried in behind. "What's happening??"

Applejack pushed a diamond-tipped glass instrument something like a thermometer into Rarity's mouth. The unicorn was non-responsive, but the instrument whirred. Five tiny symbols appeared in the glass circle at its base, ornate forms in brown, blue and green. Applejack threw a book onto the floor in front of Fluttershy while putting her own eye to the instrument. "Look these up! First—a lizard with a crown!"

Fluttershy gaped, but started to flip through the book, filled as it was with symbols and descriptions. "What color lizard?"

"Blue!" shouted Applejack.

"Um…what shade of bl—"

"Blue like a—blue like the part of a blue jay that's mixed with black in the middle of a wing—blue like a poison frog—blue like the sky at the horizon at dusk in the spring—blue like a far-off mountain covered in mist—blue like the blue in Dash's mane, or like one of Pinkie's eyes, but in the middle, not the top!"

"…Azure?" hazarded Fluttershy.

"Yes, AZURE, AZURE!!" Applejack would _never_ forget that word so long as she lived.

"It's…it says it's a cockatrice king who once ruled the Nibion Keys. Applejack, what is this book? What is it telling us?"

"It's telling us WHO the royal bastard was who set that boobytrap and HOW we can fix it!!"

Fluttershy gasped with hope. She didn't ask how. She didn't waste time cheering with joy. All she said was, "The next symbol, please?"

 

* * *

 

 

It was a trap, all right. A trap laid at the tomb of the king's spawn (cockatrices didn't have children, properly speaking), slain by a pony champion. The necklace was meant to slowly destroy the pony who would come looking to defile the tomb of this cockatrice prince and steal the riches buried with him. There was no telling how the box containing it had made it so far inland. Maybe it had been looted from the Keys long ago, taken many a league and lost again, and it was just Rarity's bad luck that she was the first _pony_ to touch the thing, since the trap wouldn't have sprung for any other species. It didn't matter. All that mattered was getting their hooves on the gem's brass and nickel-iron casing—thank _heavens_ they'd kept it—and chanting the words in the book while passing the big glimmering ring over it that had come in the kit—and _curse it_ , they needed a unicorn, just a spark to consummate the spell! Why hadn't Applejack read the full instructions in advance??

"Rarity," said Fluttershy, shaking her soulmate's shoulders. "Rarity, I know you're almost gone, but we need one last favor from you before you can rest. Just one little spark for this magic ring. That's all we need."

Her voice was expertly pitched between cajoling and demanding. Applejack admired the way she spoke, the way she grasped the unicorn between her forelegs…but even so, Rarity was unconscious and wasn't waking up, and Applejack thought desperately of running off to find a unicorn, any unicorn, for help…

…and now Fluttershy had slipped the ring around Rarity's horn, and was leaning forward to _kiss_ her…

-BZZLAHMM!- There was a sizzling explosion! Applejack felt her cheek and jaw being scorched, she saw Fluttershy's hair being burned off her face, she wondered how a pony as weak as Rarity would ever survive a blast like that…

But it was Rarity gasping that she heard next, and her moans were more powerful than Fluttershy's, her body stirring. Applejack rose to her hooves and watched. Rarity's face was charred black, a big chunk missing from the front of her mane, but she was moving…and the color was back in her eyes.

"What in the world?!" she moaned. "Whatever _happened_ to me? Applejack? Flutter, dearest? Has something gone wrong?"

"No," said Fluttershy," her own face a mask of charcoal gray. "Something went very right."

Rarity raised her head and reflected; Applejack could see her thinking back. "I'm—you…" She smiled cautiously. "Am I _cured?!_ "

"You tell us, sugarcube! Can you see all right?"

"Yes, yes! And I can think! And my joints are—and—" She concentrated, raising a compact mirror to her face with a shimmer of levitation magic, but dropped the mirror with a scream.

"…Your magic still hurts?" asked Fluttershy.

"My _magic_ is fine," said Rarity. "But my _face!_ And yours! What in Equestria? We need to get to the spa, stat!!"

"Ah reckon Zecora's place might be a better choice," remarked Applejack. Her lungs were liberated—her burden was lifted. She felt magical.

"Yes, I suppose that would be adequate," Rarity agreed. "Do you suppose the two of you might fill me in on the way?"

"Oh, Applejack was very strong," said Fluttershy. "She came racing over with a kit to lift your curse in the nick of time. But she still hasn't told me where she got it!"

"Pinkie's to thank, one way or another," pronounced Applejack. "Or maybe it was Rainbow, or Scootaloo. Or some other world's Twilight Sparkle. Who knows! All I know is, it came as a gift. The same Pinkie that took my last few Scootaloos away dropped it off like it was nothin'."

Rarity took in a huge, appreciative breath and walked out the still-open door. Applejack had the idea that if you didn't know who to thank, you thanked the whole, big, wonderful world at large. Well, that was plenty good enough for her.

_Thank you._

 

* * *

 

 

Farm life. Made possible by the land, the sun, the rain, the good and growing things of the earth, and who or whatever originally created them, far or near, as well as by the good grace of society.

Applejack was grateful for it all these days. She'd had her taste of providence from afar, and it had driven home just how little in the grand scheme of things she was able to control. But that made her precious acreage all the sweeter.

They weren't planting this year, and that gave them time for Twilight's new techniques. For the first time, AJ and Mac were grafting shoots from mature trees onto young ones, so that they could start producing faster. They'd stacked up the bales in the hay barn all the way to the ceiling so Twilight could use the other half for her 'lab'. A new barn was on the to-do list, but that could wait till budding season was over.

So far, AJ was picking up injection grafting pretty quickly, even if it did feel a little unkind to be tampering with the natural life cycle of her precious trees. Twilight was excited about it, and AJ didn't doubt she had good reason. She'd been tempted to rebuild her fifth wall viewer over the winter, but that was out of the picture now: According to Princess Celestia, there was a multiversal accord forming, and the conclusion its leaders were forming was that the walls between worlds should be respected once again…for now. She'd send word when it was okay for Twilight to publish—until then, it was back to life as normal.

Except that with a pony like Twilight as your mate, things were never normal for long. Even as AJ learned to dip, pierce and wax her grafts with speedy confidence, she knew the next adventure life threw at her wouldn't be far off.

She missed Pinkie and Dash, she really did. It gnawed at her heart sometimes to think of them. But they were happy, wherever they were—AJ knew that. They'd given up their home in order to save Rarity, and they'd stirred up a thousand messes in a thousand worlds and were no doubt living the adventure of a lifetime in some distant land. So long as they were getting what they deserved, AJ didn't feel like she'd really lost them.

Rarity's mane was growing back, and her and Fluttershy's faces were almost back to normal. Applejack couldn't keep herself from grinning whenever she saw them. They looked like members of a secret club, their singed facial hair telling the world they'd been through something together. If only it had been something as trivial as an explosion.

But they did seem happier for having gone through it all. Rarity was a mite less haughty these days…AJ figured she took her glamour and health less for granted. She still lived with Fluttershy in the cottage, but went up to the boutique most days, glad to work with customers again. Apple Bloom now occupied the bedroom that'd once been Rarity's, and AJ didn't doubt her resourceful little sister would be running the shop one day, if not opening her own somewhere.

For now, Spike was still at the farm, but he spent a good three days a week with Apple Bloom. AJ had helped her with the letter home about it. Ma and Pa hadn't been thrilled to hear who their little girl had taken up with, but they didn't object. They knew that youth went through phases and changes, anyhow, and there was no telling what the future held for this odd couple.

_Dip, pierce, wax. Dip, pierce, wax. Make the future bright. Coax the apples into the sun. Feed the ponies, keep the town running. Work with the seasons, work with the spring._

A funny thought popped into her head. Was there an Applejack somewhere whose cutie mark _wasn't_ a set of ripe apples? Heh. AJ could hardly conceive of such a thing.

 

* * *

 

 

"Question Ten. Does your mate question your business decisions?"

It was good, after a hard afternoon's work, to lie in the yard, lazily peeling and coring last year's surplus and munching liberally when the urge took you. The new issue of _Tarpan_ was here, the scent of apple cake was in the air, the sun was bright, and life was sweet.

AJ lifted her head saucily. "You wouldn't be you if you didn't," she observed.

"Am I that bad?" asked Twilight.

"Twi, just last week you were givin' me grief over callin' my products 'applicious'. That ain't a reliable metric, you said. It ain't properly testable, you said."

"Well, it's true! Besides, I don't like the precedent it sets for a name like Owlicious."

"Well there's that, I s'pose. But on the whole, ah shouldn't complain. I mean this business is yours too, after all."

Twilight grinned. "You really mean that?"

"Course I do. The more involved you are, the better off we are as a family. That's why I look in on you at least twice a day—to make sure you don't get up to nothing too pernicious."

"Do you even know what pernicious means?" Twilight teased.

"Sure ah do." AJ tilted her head. "…It means perny an' delicious. Right?"

Twilight laughed. She was about to announce the next question when there was a sudden flash from the site of the former barn.

"Day one-nineteen, world fifty _-six!_ " exclaimed a familiar, perky voice. "Your turn Dashie—what's wrong with _this_ one?"

"Uh…let's see. Gimme a minute."

AJ was on her feet in a second. Gaping. Was it…could it really be…?

Sure enough! Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie were standing there, not a furlong away, their backs loaded with packs and their flanks and rumps gussied up with exotic equipment. But were these the Dash and Pinkie they knew, or just another pair of roving travelers?

Dash looked from the farmhouse to the sky to Twilight and AJ, taking them in like they were scene dressing. "I, uh…um…huh! I don't know. Everything kinda checks out."

"It does?" exclaimed Pinkie. "You're kidding." She sniffed the air and looked at the ground—and jumped. "Dashie! Look!"

"What?"

"The grass! See how it's not growing here? In this five-sided shape!?"

"Five-sid…The barn!!"

"Yes!! It's where the barn used to be!" Pinkie looked again at AJ, now seeing her anew with eyes full of wonder. "Applejack? Is that really you? Are we _really_ back?!"

"Pinkie!" yelled Applejack, rushing over. "Sugarcube!!" Twilight was right behind her, calling Dash's name.

"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh," babbled Dash. "Is this really _home??_ We've been to _so_ many worlds…" Her eyes gained harsh focus. "Twilight. Do you remember the last thing I said to you?"

"Yes," said Twilight. "You said you hoped everypony would forgive you. But I didn't know then you were planning on destroying my invention and AJ's barn and disappearing!"

"Oh my gosh, that's _right_! You _are_ the real Twilight. We _are_ home!!"

"WOOO-HOOO!!!" shouted Pinkie, confetti and streamers exploding from her back. "We've missed you _so much!!_ " She hesitated. "We destroyed your machine? I didn't know that would happen."

Twilight nodded. "The Princess took what was left of it."

"Didn't stop us from getting' company, though," said AJ. "Over the winter, this here farmhouse put up more Scootaloos'n you could shake a stick at."

Dash snerked. "Oh my gosh, really? That kid is so funny! You have not _lived_ until you've woken at four in the morning surrounded by fifty identical fillies begging you to show them how to do a Super Speed Strut."

"Well, we've still got one, and I'm sure she'll be burstin' at the seams when she hears you're back. Oh, Dash!" AJ gave her a tight hug. "No more zippin' off through the fifth wall, alright?"

"You got it!" said Dash, throwing her packs to the ground. "We've been trying to find this place for over a month! There's so many places out there that're almost right, but not quite…I thought we'd _never_ get back."

Pinkie stood tensely, hair quivering. "Oh no, I just remembered! Did you get your Rarity kit?"

"Our…Oh, you mean the cure! Yes, yes, we did! She's hale as porridge! Did you send it?"

"Ehh, not exactly. I mean, at some point someone realized there were, like, fifty-something Raritys who got zapped by gems in their world, and not all of them had the stuff they needed to fix it, so that got bundled into the standard fixer-upper package."

"Fixer-upper package?" asked Twilight.

"Yeah! To take care of all the problems that made all those Pinkies and Rainbows and Scootaloos go questing! You didn't think we were the only ones, did you?" Pinkie asked.

"No, but I kind of thought you were the first."

"Could be. There's like four other Pinkies and two Rainbows who think _they_ were the first to spread the tech, so who knows? We're the only _couple_ with that claim, though, as far as we know!"

"And that makes us the best!" Rainbow summed up. "So everything's doing great here?" She looked to Pinkie. "I think I know what this calls for!"

"A party?" squealed Pinkie. "Oh no! I just realized—I can't throw myself a welcome back party because I'm the one being welcomed back! And that just doesn't work!"

"Who says?" scoffed Rainbow. "If you want to throw your own welcome back party, go ahead and throw it! Who's gonna stop you?"

"Sure won't be me," said AJ. "For my part, I'll do my best t'make it one fer the ages." She raised her head and whooped through the window: "Granny Smith! Get them apple cakes ready for trav'lin', 'cause there's gonna be one bushwhacker of a party tonight!!"

 

* * *

 

 

And there was. Pinkie spent years trying to top that party, but she never quite managed it. There was magic in the way everypony came together, excited beyond mere words to have their town's prodigal daughters back. There were loaves of garlic bread, and carrot cake, and muffins, and punch, and root beer, and salt licks, and fancy crackers, and banana pudding, and strawberry shortcake, and do-it-yourself brownie sundaes, and tater tots, and pinatas, and hopscotch, and charades, and live music, and phonograph music, and Marco Polo, and regular polo, and competitive streamer wrapping, and non-competitive streamer dancing, and aerial gymnastics, and synchronized bouncing, and balloon volleyball, and one very, very happy Scootaloo.

It went on all through the night and well into the next day, and by the time many of the guests had gone home and everyone else was tired, Pinkie and Rainbow were holding forth. They were standing on the stairs, telling anypony who would listen about how they'd started out their journey with different visions of the multiverse—Pinkie had relished the idea of a world exploding and exploding again in every direction, buzzing with infinite possibilities, while Rainbow had favored the concept of destiny—identifying the best, fastest path at all times and zooming like an arrow through the tunnel of life. As their love for each other had grown, of course, they'd come together, and now settled for the idea of riding the winds of the infinite explosion wherever it seemed their personal destiny meant to take them.

"If we've learned anything from all this," pointed out a woozy Twilight, "it's that the whole soulmate concept isn't true at all. Not that we don't form deep and meaningful bonds with the ones most important to us…" She glanced with a flushed smile in AJ's direction. "…but clearly, there's no one special pony that we're _meant_ to be with. With the right circumstances and the right effort, we could end up happy with any number of different partners."

"Exactly!" said Pinkie. "And if you focus too much on one particular life…the life you just _happen_ to be really living…"

"…you end up neglecting all the totally awesome _other_ lives you could be living," finished Rainbow.

"And even if we can't live them all," said Fluttershy, "it's good to know that they're there."

"Hear, hear!" cried a ribbon-festooned Rarity, levitating her wine glass for a toast. Everyone gladly joined in.

"So what's next for Dashie Pie?" asked a sleep-deprived Spike, nursing a virgin dragonberry mojito. "Can I call you that? Dashie Pie?"

"Well now you've got to!" giggled Pinkie. "It's just too cute not to! And I figure the next step is for me to get my own place, which I should totally be able to afford once I've sold all the completely amazingly awesome magical technology I brought back from my trip! I'm serious—we're talking _self-baking gingerbread_ , here!"

"Whereas I'm gonna hit the lecture circuit," said Dash, "and tell everyone about my adventures! That way when I'm a Wonderbolt someday, they'll know who I am!"

"And by the time you get back, continued Pinkie, "I should have _juuust_ about enough balloons to lift my house into the sky, and then we can live together!"

"Forever!" exclaimed Dash.

"FOREVVVEERRRR!!!" keened Pinkie, rubbing her face in her lover's multicolored mane.

"And then," said Dash, "we're gonna adopt about fifty kids. We'll have one house on the ground for the ones who can't fly, and a big aerial sportsyard for the ones who can!"

"Fifty!" cried AJ. She hailed from a big family, but still. "Ain't that a bit much?"

"Believe me," replied Rainbow, "after what we've been through? That'll be nothing."

"What about me?" cried Scootaloo, emerging from a pile of exhausted foals in a play area. "Can I be one of them? I could really use a home."

"Scoots," grinned Rainbow, "I want you to be the first. We can practice raising kids with you! Get really good at it before we hit the big leagues."

Scootaloo practically exploded up the stairs to give Rainbow a hug. "I promise it'll be worth it! I _won't_ let you down!"

There was a general sigh of tenderness. "So that's gonna be your life, huh?" summarized AJ. "One big, rambunctious family in the clouds?"

"Yyyyep! But don't worry," said Pinkie Pie, whirling her tail. "If things ever get too boring, I'll whirr up the ol' randomizer I call my brain and come up with a _new_ crazy idea! With so many possibilities out there, we'll _never_ be bored!"

"Oh yeah?" challenged Dash swankily. "Prove it."

Pinkie grinned, gritting her teeth and puffing up her hair. Her eyes raced in their sockets and her tail spun with a rising hum, until— _click!_ "I've got it! Toaster music!! We could be professional toaster musicians. We'd collect all the toasters we could find and figure out what sounds they all make, and time them so they all pop up in harmony, and we could break dry pieces of toast for percussion, and scrape knifes of jelly across them like _a-schick-a-schick-a-schick-a-schick_ , and then we could pass out the toast to the audience afterward! We'd be breakfast sensations!!"

Dash first stared, then gaped happily, and finally nuzzled Pinkie with unbridled affection. "Pinkie Pie…you are _so_ stochastic!"

"I know! And don't you just love me for it??"

Dash came up grinning brightly. "Are you kidding? It's the best thing about you!!"

Pinkie squealed with delight and threw herself at Dash.

It was all hugs and possibilities from there.

_Six ponies. Fifteen combinations._

_Five alternate universes._

_Infinite potential._

_*_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These Author's Notes were originally posted at the head of this chapter when I first posted it in 2011:
> 
> First off, I want to point out that on a reader's suggestion (and in response to others who wanted more Apple Pie), I've added a new scene to Chapter 4! It's about halfway through the chapter, just after the Luna scene and before Fluttershy's weather journal.
> 
> As for Chapter 5! First, you'll notice that as history suggested might happen, it's not just long, it's ridiculously long! But no one's complained about the length so far, so I'll content myself with being marginally embarrassed and laugh it off. Next! Many commentators have pointed out that this story has been getting sadder chapter by chapter, to which I plead guilty. Some readers wanted a super-happy ecstatic blissful ending to make it all worthwhile. This is a very reasonable request. Did they get their wish? Given that I'm a writer, probably not! But you'll just have to read and find out.
> 
> This is the last chapter of The Combinatorics Project. Everypony within the Mane Six has now been shipped with everypony else, for various values of 'shipped'! This was great fun to write, and also rather instructive for me. I've learned a few things about writing serial installations and about plot creep, among other lessons.
> 
> If you liked this project (and in particular, if you liked my brief depiction of Derpy in Chapter 4), you may also enjoy the upcoming pony novel I intend to write this November for National Novel Writing Month! I'll post it serially over the month here and elsewhere. You can learn about NaNoWrimo at www.nanowrimo.org. If you're also doing NaNoWriMo this year, send me a PM and maybe we can be NaNo buddies. :-)
> 
> Once you've read this, be sure to let me know what you think! It's been a blast getting so many different comments, both on Equestria Daily and fanfiction.net. You guys are helping me develop audience awareness as a writer, and I appreciate it.
> 
> And now! The thrilling conclusion of The Combinatorics Project! Enjoy the show!


	6. Appendix A: The Interdimensional Council of Scootaloos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> By fan request, a meeting of the Interdimensional Council of Scootaloos that existed during the winter described in Chapter 5 of this story.

 

[+]

 

**THE COMBINATORICS PROJECT**

**APPENDIX A**

 

**MEETING OF THE INTERDIMENSIONAL COUNCIL OF SCOOTALOOS**

 

_[by popular demand]_

 

\- BEGIN ARCHIVE -

_**World S-22 (Slippenslide)** _

_Ponyville—Town Hall_

TODAY'S SCHEDULE

Tilling 14th

 _11a.m.—_ Confirmation of Vows: Lyra  & Bonbon

 _1p.m.—_ Ovine Suffrage Society

 _3p.m.—_ Interdimensional Council of Scootaloos

 _7p.m.—_ Lunar Republic Quilting Bee

 

* * *

 

 

_**3:06 p.m.** _

An excited yet strangely monotonic hubbub filled the town hall's main chamber, broken only by the repeated rap of a gavel on a sounding block that had, until recently, been part of the local Fluttershy's living room table. Gradually, voices hushed, wings folded, and heads turned toward the podium, where the chairfilly awaited the room's reasonably complete attention.

Once she had it, the gavel banged twice more. “This meeting of the Interdimensional Council of Scootaloos is now called to order!”

“Yeah! Order!!” echoed the enthusiastic Scootaloo-3, only to be shushed by her neighbors.

“I'd like to thank you,” began Scootaloo Prime, “for making your way here to world S-22, even if the sheep here are kind of crazy. And the friction coefficient is weirdly low.”

“Are you kidding?” interjected Scootaloo-18. “That's the best part!”

“What's a friction coefficient?” asked Scootaloo-41.

The gavel struck once more. “And I'd also like to thank Scootaloo-22 for making her world available to us for the week, and also for arranging that big popcorn festival thing we did. Let's give her a round of applause!”

There was a clatter of clomping hooves, a smattering of cheers and a buzzing of wings. “I totally got a popcorn cutie mark!” exulted Scootaloo Delta.

This revelation prompted an explosion of Scootaloos clamoring to discuss cutie marks and how to get them, which in turn resolved into an eerie chant: “ _Cutie marks!! Cutie marks!! Cutie marks!!_ ” It was broken by Scootaloo Prime, who had to bang her gavel six times in order to recapture the floor.

“No!! Cutie marks come _last_ on the agenda! We _agreed_ that after last time!”

The chant lingered quietly before fading away.

“As I was saying,” continued Scootaloo Prime. “The first order of business is...business.” A surprisingly uniform groan swept the room. “Does everypony have their status reports ready?”

There came a flurry of simultaneous excuses. “I got mud on mine.” “Sweetie Belle turned mine into a sweater!” “I didn't feel like doing one this week.” “I was busy practicing my scooter moves on this awesome new halfpipe!” “I don't know how to write!” “I had my report all done, but then I ate so much chili sauce that I belched a whole plume of fire, and it burned up! It was like...QUAAAWWW!!” And so forth.

Eventually, Scootaloo Prime reinstated order and glared at the crowd. Didn't _anypony_ bring a report this week?”

Scootaloo-38 cleared her throat. “Well, I mean...I just spent the week playing with this really great doll, so I didn't actually get any work done. So I just brought this blank sheet of paper. But at least that means my report is accurate, right?”

At this, a number of groans went up. “Scootaloo-38,” said Scootaloo Prime slowly, “are those hearts in your eyes??”

“Huh?”

“They totally are!” cried Scootaloo-17. “38, you've got hearts in your eyes! You're in love!”

“I bet you're in love with that stupid Smarty Pants doll,” said Scootaloo Delta.

Nacho Everyday Scootaloo piped up. “Didn't your Twilight undo the enchantment she put on that thing? You were _supposed_ to be there for that, but I guess you were off...scooting somewhere.”

“Says you!” retorted Scootaloo-38, defensively pulling out a ragged donkey doll. “I worked hard for this doll! I had to wrestle Big Macintosh!”

“Nooo!!” shrieked Scootaloo-54, whose irises had become big, pulsing pink hearts. “I'm not inoculated against that thing!!” She began creeping toward the doll, all the while struggling to hold herself back. A few other Scootaloos were exhibiting similar behavior.

Scootaloo Prime acted swiftly. “The chair moves that Smarty Pants be banned from all council meetings, in the interest of Scootasafety!”

“Seconded!” cried a dozen voices.

“All in favor?”

“Aye!” shouted most of them. “Nay!” shouted a few.

“How many times do we have to go over this?” snapped Scootaloo Ultra. “If you want to say 'Nay', you wait until 'All opposed'!”

“But I _like_ saying 'Nay'!” groused Scootaloo-46.

The bewitched Scootaloos were dangerously close to brawling over Smarty Pants, so the chair banged her gavel quickly. “The motion passes! Get that thing out of here!”

Scootaloo-38 bolted out the door. The other enamored Scootaloos dashed after her, the whole group soon fading from earshot. The remaining assemblage was left standing awkwardly for a few moments.

“Cutie marks?” suggested someone.

“ _Cutie marks!! Cutie marks!!_ ” chanted the council.

“No! We're still on _business!_ ” yelled the chairpony. “If nopony has any status reports that aren't blank, can we at least _talk_ about what we've been doing?”

There was uncontrolled murmuring for a few moments. Scootaloo Prime made an executive decision. “You!” she shouted, pointing at Scootaloo-10. “What have you accomplished this week?”

“Me? Aheh.” The relatively shy (if talkative) Scootaloo was taken off guard. “Uh, well, I went back to checking out Pinkie-10 and how she claimed to have started this whole mess off with her Interdimensional Party Cannon. I went to Canterlot and found a crash test pony willing to come see if the cannon was safe for me to get fired out of—if I had a good enough helmet, I mean—but by the time we got back to Ponyville, Pinkie was gone again, so we left a letter for her and told the mayor to keep an eye out for her. So then I started interviewing everypony about just what that cannon of hers _does_ , because apparently it's got something going on! They say it shoots decorations that Pinkie's never _seen_ before, so I think it's probably sucking them up from some other dimension. Like, it sucks up whatever stuff is best for whatever she's firing at. I just hope wherever it all comes from doesn't get sucked _too_ dry, or their parties won't be as much fun anymore. But—”

“Okay, okay,” said Scootaloo Prime, waving a hoof. “You've been doing your thing. What about you, Scootaloo-42?”

“Oh!” This filly rose to her hind legs and threw out her wings. “I went to a world where everypony's edgier and pointier than here, and they all move funny, like this!” She wobbled her body, taking a couple of steps. “I asked what the name of their world was, but they said they didn't know! So I said, hey! Didn't your Scootaloo give this world a registered Scootaloo identifier? But they were all, 'Aren't _you_ Scootaloo?' So then I tried to explain what was going on, but about then was when it started raining fire ants, and everyone started panicking! Then Fluttershy showed up. I mean, at least, I assume it was Fluttershy, but she looked bigger than usual, and had this big gap in her belly she used to suck up all the ants so she could sing them a lullaby. It was pretty freaky.”

“Ooooookaay...” said Scootaloo Prime, who then pointed to an upraised hoof. “Yes—Scootaloo Supreme?”

“Did that place have its Rainbow Dash?”

“Uh, no, I don't think so,” Scootaloo-42 answered.

Scootaloo Supreme flexed dramatically. “Then I bet I know the Dash from there! Only she calls herself Painbow Smash and she's not just superultrextremawesomazing, she's superultrextremazimaxiMEGAmazilatizing! Also, she can smash through steel walls! And she eats mailboxes!!”

“Yeah, that's probably her,” admitted Scootaloo-42.

Scootaloo Prime banged her gavel. “Right, then! Scootachicken, take a note—42 will leave directions on the bulletin board for Painbow Smash to reach home. Make sure she sees them, Supreme.”

“Ba-CHWAAWK!” chirped Scootachicken from the back of the room, one wing raised in a thumb-up.

“All right!” said Scootaloo Prime. “That's enough business for now. Next time, everypony make _sure_ you turn in a report! Now, it's time for an address from our guest speaker!”

“ _Another_ guest speaker??” groaned Scootaloo-46.

“Tell me it's not another Applejack!” moaned Scootaloo-17.

“No, no, I think we've all had enough of Applejacks and their 'Your cutie mark will come when it's time' nonsense. No, this'll be much better. Here to talk to us about a topic near and dear to our hearts—please welcome Rainbow Dash-22!!”

There was a chorus of whoops, cheers and clomping as a proud Rainbow Dash swooped down from her hiding place in the balcony, leaving a looping rainbow contrail in her wake. She soared around the hall for a while, soaking in applause, before finally settling behind the podium and hipchecking Scootaloo Prime out of the way.

“Scootaloos of the Multiverse!” she began, setting off a new round of cheers. “I come here today with a message about _flying!_ Does it sometimes feel like you'll _never_ be able to fly? Yes?! Well, fear not! You _will_ fly, and it'll be sooner than you think!”

Rainbow-22 paused to let the cheering die down, standing mightily against the podium while she stretched her wings. Abruptly, she leapt into a tense crouch at the stage's edge. “So who wants to learn? Any of you squirts know how to fly yet?”

“I can fly!” squawked Scootachicken.

“Only for like, five seconds!” retorted Scootaloo Numero Uno. “That doesn't count!”

“Actually, that counts pretty well,” said Rainbow Dash. Instantly, all attention was on her again. “Ya see, flying, more than most things, is all about practice. To begin with, it's impossible. You all know that, right?”

The pegasus paused in her strutting to regard the now silenced audience.

“It is?” chirped Scootaloo-10.

“Absolutely and completely! Are you kidding? How does gravity work? Gravity makes it so that if you drop something, it falls! It doesn't go up, right?”

“Riiiight...” agreed the Scootaloos.

“And yet, pegasus ponies go up!” She zipped upward to demonstrate. “How do we do it? It can't be done!”

“But you _do_ do it!” pointed out Scootaloo-46.

“That's right,” said Rainbow smugly, dropping to the stage. “We _do_ do it. We make the impossible...possible.”

Scootaloo-17 spoke up. “But is it really impossible to resist gravity? My Twilight says that the way air moves around an ob—”

“You mean you're gonna listen to _Twilight_ instead of me? About _flying?!_ ”

“Uh...” Scootaloo-17 sat down. “Nevermind.”

“That's what I thought. As I was saying, flying is impossible. It's ridiculous! The very idea's crazy! The only way you can fly is to do what can't be done!” Rainbow zoomed to the back of the room in a quick polychromatic burst and spun around. “You've gotta stretch yourself to the limit!” She illustrated her subsequent instructions. “Then you've gotta take that limit, tie it in a knot, cut through it, turn around, and make fun of it, like this!” Rainbow finished by stretching her cheeks with her forehooves and blowing a messy raspberry. “Bleh-neh-neh naah nyeeeh-nyeeeh!”

Most of the Scootaloos enthusiastically copied her. “Bleh-neh-neh naah nyeeeh-nyeeeh!”

“ _No!!_ ” Rainbow yelled, stamping. “Not until you tie your limits in a knot and break them! Otherwise you're just being silly!”

“But we're just practicing!” called Scootaloo-31.

“Eh, well, I guess practice is good,” said Rainbow, returning to the stage. “But what I want to go over right now is how to stretch limits out really thin, so you can just kind of...clip through them like you're carving cranberry sauce.” She sliced the air with her wings sharply, and was again mimicked repeatedly by the crowd. “ _No!_ Not until you stretch them out really thin! You squirts are doing everything out of order!”

But then came a bustle at the entrance, and Scootaloo-5, who'd been standing guard, was tossed carelessly aside in a haze of magic. Before anyone knew it, a familiar purple unicorn was mounting the stairs to the stage, her hair out of place and a determined look in her eyes. The Scootaloos started to grumble and shout.

Rainbow Dash swiveled around, folding her wings tightly. “Twilight?!”

“Actually, I'm not the Twilight Sparkle you know. I'm Twilight-13! And you don't want to _know_ how many Rainbows I've met this week.”

“...I...I don't?”

“Unless you like numbers!” said Twilight hopefully. “But realistically speaking? Let me get to the point. I come from a world where everypony is gay _except_ Rainbow Dash. And it's not fair! I want her! I love her! I'd transform myself into a stallion if I could, but Celestia says that spell is a state secret only used for procreation, not infatuation, and, well, _please_ tell me you're a lesbian and you're single and I've got a chance. _Pleeeasse?!_ ”

Rainbow-22 flicked her ears and looked awkwardly at the crowd of wide-eyed, silent Scootaloos.

Twilight laughed nervous. “Oh, aheheh. Right. Let's take this outside...shall we?”

Rainbow's face flushed, and she waved sheepishly to the council before zipping out the door. Twilight-13 followed in a puff of teleportation magic.

Scootaloo Prime climbed back to the podium, straightening her hair. “Well... _that_ was weird,” she summed up.

There was a smattering of uncertain applause. The sound of hooves on wood soon segued into that familiar chant: “ _Cutie marks! Cutie marks!_ ”

“NO!” yelled Scootaloo Prime. “We're not done!! We had this whole exercise planned where we were gonna take turns throwing each other into the air! And there were teams and everything— _unnngh_ , Rainbow-22 had all the notes!!”

“Let's do it anyway!!” exclaimed Scootaloo-3.

“YEAH!!” shouted practically everypony.

“I call Scootachicken as my partner!” shouted Scootaloo Delta.

“Can I be my own partner?” asked Scootaloo-10.

“We're all Scootaloos here!” answered Scootaloo Prime. “ _Everyone_ is their own partner!”

With that, the dozens of oranges fillies broke randomly into groups of two, three, and even four (the rules never having been clearly explained), and took turns hurling each other into the air. Due to the unfamiliar low-friction conditions (and general chaos), several Scootaloos were dazed in mid-air collisions; others crashed through closed windows and staggered back inside, eyes spinning.

“Ugh,” moaned Scootaloo Prime. “There goes our deposit.” She banged the gavel. “Order, everypony! Order!!”

“You never say _what_ order!” complained Scootaloo-41.

“The _right_ order,” clarified the chair.

But dozens of voices were now talking at once, and Scootaloo Prime began frantically banging her gavel on every wooden surface she could find, to no avail.

“You've got to keep order!” implored Scootaloo-5.

“I'm trying!! Hey everypony, stop talking and listen to me!!”

“Why should we?” returned Scootaloo Alpha. “Who put you in charge?”

“I _have_ to be in charge! I'm Scootaloo Prime.”

“Well, I'm Scootaloo Double Prime!” countered Scootaloo Double Prime. “Maybe I should be the chairfilly!”

“And I'm Scootaloo Numero Uno!” said Scootaloo Numero Uno. “That means I'm first among Scootaloos!”

“Well, what about me?” demanded Scootaloo Alpha.

“And me?!” demanded Scootaloo Ultra and Scootaloo Supreme in unison.

“ _I've_ got the coolest name,” insisted Nacho Everyday Scootaloo.

“Gaaah,” muttered Scootaloo-1. “Sometimes I think we should just have stuck with doing numbers.”

Eventually, the six or seven most dominant Scootaloos managed to quash the chaos enough for Scootaloo Prime to wrest back control of the proceedings. “I don't think all this tossing is doing any good,” she told the throng, shoving back Scootaloo Alpha with a hind hoof. “Sure, we all get our cutie marks at different times, but _none_ of us can fly.”

“Ba-CHAAWWK!” interjected Scootachicken.

“None of us can fly for _real_ ,” the chairfilly amended, satiating Scootachicken. “I think that probably means we're all gonna develop our muscles and feathers and everything at the exact same rate until suddenly someday, _whoosh_ , we all start flying at once!”

There was a flurry of wing-flapping. “CUTIE MARKS!” shouted somepony.

“NO!” shouted Scootaloo-22. “Dancing!!”

“DANCING!!” roared the council.

“Dancing is more fun than earning cutie marks anyway!” called Scootaloo-17, unaware of the irony of her statement.

“NO IT'S NOT!!” retorted several others.

“But let's do it anyway!” asserted Scootaloo Prime. “We deserve a break, and besides, it's on the agenda! Let's hear it, everypony, for the dubtrot stylings of our very own...DJ Scootalot!!”

A smug Scootaloo in striped purple shades and a purple velvet jacket trotted out from backstage to assorted cheers, hauling a dual turntable. Before long, an intense, curve-heavy beat was rocking the Town Hall. Scootaloo-5 hurried about drawing the curtains to darken the room, with the bonus purpose of concealing the broken windows. Twin strobe lights drenched the room in a crossfire of electric green and hot pink.

The low-friction dancing that emerged was extreme. Hips were bumped; joints swung wildly; backflips went down. “What color do you suppose the DJ's eyes are?” Scootaloo-31 wondered.

“I bet they're green!” said Scootaloo-18.

“No way—they're probably yellow!” speculated Nacho Everyday Scootaloo.

“Uh...what are you guys talking about?” objected Scootaloo-1. “She's a Scootaloo, just like us. Her eyes are lavender!”

“Well you're no fun!” retorted Nacho Everyday Scootaloo.

“I can't hear you guys!” shouted Scootaloo-31. “I bet her eyes are, like, bright red!”

But at that moment, both turntables scratched simultaneously to a halt. The council looked to the stage. Three pairs of ominous eyes were glinting in the darkness. All three were green, hypnotic, and swirly.

“Hi!” shouted an enthusiastic, fractured, almost demonic voice.

“Oh no!!” shouted Scootaloo Numero Uno. “It's EVIL PINKIE PIE!!”

“It's the Evil Pinkie Pie _Club_!!” chirped one of the shadowy Pinkies, her iron-studded leather clinking.

One of her companions stepped forward, wearing drab felt and ribbons. “ _Sooo_ many Scootaloos!!” she savored in a high pitch.

“And you know what thaaat means!” taunted the third, clad in gothic rags.

The room was silent. “Wh...what does it mean?” whimpered Scootaloo-10.

“...SCOOTABUSE TIME!!!” shouted all three Pinkies.

“NOOO!! No Scootabuse!!!” wailed several Scootaloos, diving for cover.

“ _SO MUCH SCOOTABUSE!!!_ ” repeated the leather-clad Pinkie, throwing herself like a crowd-surfer onto the dance floor.

What followed was a chaotic strobe-lit brawl during which the three Evil Pinkie Pies ran hither and thither, scooping up hapless Scootaloos and bopping them on the head, hurling them into walls, buffeting them about like volleyballs, dancing overzealously with them, popping balloons in their faces, and force-feeding them hot sauce from steel flasks. The music somehow got started again, only now it was a head-banging metal cut that exacerbated the headaches various Scootaloos got from flying willy-nilly through the air, flung or kicked by sadistic Pinkie Pies whose malignant laughter overpowered the crash of the record and filled the councilmembers' hearts with dread.

Then, abruptly, the lights were restored, the music was halted, and a loud, raspy voice thundered: “Will you fillies SHUT IT, or am I gonna have to get medieval!?”

The Scootaloos looked up to the stage from wherever they'd gotten tossed or had fled, and beheld a powerful lion-eagle hybrid, tail swishing like an angry whip, wings raised and face enraged. The Evil Pinkies stopped what they were doing and froze in place. “It's Gilda!!”

“Run!”

“I'm not running! _You_ run!”

“We can _all_ run! Let's go see if Spike's home! He's always fun to mess with!” The three Evil Pinkie Pies surged out the door in a puff of caustic, sulfurous smoke.

The crowd of Scootaloos erupted once more in cacophonous cheering that broke down into coughing.

The griffon was not amused. “Enough! Scootaloo-18, we are going _home!!_ ”

Scootaloo-18 crawled out from behind an overturned table. “Aw, but _Mooom!_ ”

There was a collective intake of breath. “She's your _mom??_ ” cried Scootaloos Ultra and Alpha.

Scootaloo-18 looked around in surprise. “You mean Gilda isn't _your_ mom?”

“No!” shouted the rest of the council.

“Huh,” said Scootaloo-18.

“That's so _cool,_ ” reflected Scootaloo-22.

“Yeah, yeah,” said Gilda. “Admit it. You girls have lame mothers, don'tcha?”

“Yeah, pretty much,” said Scootaloo-3.

“I wish I had a lame mother,” mumbled Scootaloo-41. “Or any mother at all.”

“But I don't want to go, mom!” implored Scootaloo-18. “We haven't done cutie marks yet!”

“Don't give me guff, Scootaloo-18! I didn't raise you to be a...a guff-giver!”

“...Fine,” said Scootaloo-18, allowing herself to be dragged out. “But next time, I'm staying for _cutie marks!!!_ ”

The doors to the Town Hall slammed shut behind the griffon and her daughter. For two seconds, there was perfect silence.

Then: “CUTIE MARKS!!!” erupted the throng. “ _Cutie marks!! Cutie marks!!_ ”

Scootaloo Prime popped up and banged her gavel on the capsized podium. “Not YET!!” she shouted. “We just got massacred by a gang of Evil Pinkie Pies!”

“Yeah, that was creepy,” said Scootaloo-42. “Does anyone even know what universe they came from?”

“I think the leader came from the one with that creepy rainbow factory,” said Scootaloo-1. Every filly in the room shuddered simultaneously, the draft thus created sending several loose papers flying.

“But what are we supposed to do about them?!” asked Scootaloo-5.

“Yeah, what _can_ we do?” asked Scootaloo-31.

What they could do, it turned out, was pass a strongly worded council resolution banning Scootabuse and calling for more Scootalove. The vote was unanimous and enthusiastic.

“...And now,” said Scootaloo Prime. “We've worked our way to the very end of the agenda...”

“ _CUTIE MARKS!!!!!_ ” exploded the room. Several Scootaloos leapt and scrambled over each other in excitement.

“ _Yes!!_ Yes, it's time to discuss cutie marks! Please remain calm!”

“But we're not calm now!” shrieked Scootaloo-30.

“Well, _get_ calm and then remain that way!” countered Scootaloo Prime. “Do you guys want to actually discuss getting cutie marks, or do you just want to stand there and yell 'Cutie marks!' all day?”

This surprisingly complex question set off a chaotic debate. Scootaloo Prime was unable to regain the floor with her gavel this time. It wasn't until DJ Scootalot put on a famous piece of classical music that everypony gradually stopped arguing and fell quiet to listen.

“<<...Running and tripping, merrily skipping...watching the morning unfold!>>”

“What the hay is _that_!?” demanded Scootaloo-3.

“I think it's nice,” said Scootaloo-22.

“It's corny!” shouted Scootaloo Alpha.

“It's only the greatest piece of music of _all time_ ,” said DJ Scootalot, affecting a jivester's rasp. “You kids dunno how to appreciate the _classics_.”

“<<...May all your days be bright!>>” the song concluded.

“Yeah! Bright days!” exclaimed Scootaloo-31. “With plenty of Scootalove!”

“And there's no doubt we'll have bright days ahead if we can just all get our cutie marks,” summed up Scootaloo Prime. “Now, I believe we're up to twenty-five confirmed Scootiemarks.” She trotted back to Scootachicken's easel and pulled out a huge chart illustrating the cutie marks of various Scootaloos and detailing where and how they were obtained. “So with that, let's begin show and tell! Who wants to go first?”

“Oohh!” chirped Scootaloo Delta. “Popcorn! I got a kernel of popcorn!!”

“Just one kernel?” asked Scootaloo Alpha. “That's kinda lame. I thought maybe you had a whole bag.”

“But it's a really big kernel!” Scootaloo Delta argued. “Look!” She clambered up on stage, and Scootachicken carefully copied the popcorn kernel onto the easel for inclusion in future charts.

“How did you get it?” asked somepony.

“Did it start out unpopped?” asked somepony else.

“Did it _hurt_ when it popped?” asked a third filly.

“No, it just came this way,” said Scootaloo Delta. “Remember after we got Banana Fluff to cast that Super Sun Spell and pop all the popcorn in the field?”

“YEAH!” shouted all the Scootaloos who'd been there.

“Well, I got a needle and thread from the farmhouse and I went around making popcorn chains! I held the needle in my mouth and just caught all the kernels one at a time...” She dashed around, focusing upward and reenacting the moment.

“But then why is your mark just one kernel, and not a whole chain?” asked Scootaloo-10.

“It's a _really big_ kernel!!”

“I know, but—”

“Maybe it means she can do all kinds of things with popcorn, not just making chains out of it,” suggested Scootaloo-22.

“What else can you do with popcorn?” Scootaloo-30 challenged.

“Sell it?” suggested Scootaloo Supreme.

“Cover it in caramel?” offered Scootaloo-41.

“Butter it?” put in Scootaloo Numero Uno.

“Eat it!” cried Scootachicken.

“Well, I can _definitely_ eat it!” agreed Scootaloo Delta cheerfully.

“All right, then!” said Scootaloo Prime. “Let's divide up into teams! Butter team, collect on the far side of the room! Team Caramel, by the window! Eating Team...we'll call you Team Glutton, as usual...gather in the middle! And Team Sales, over by me!”

“But what are we selling?” asked somepony.

“And buttering?” someone else added.

“Anything you like!” said the chair. “Chances are most of us won't have popcorn marks, so choose whatever food's your favorite and sell, butter, sweeten or eat the hay out of it! Five minutes to confer, then take two hours and meet back here!”

“Isn't there a quilting bee here in two hours?” asked Scootaloo-3.

“So what? Maybe we'll earn quilting marks _and_ bee marks. Now scatter! I want this whole _town_ smelling and selling like popcorn by the time we're done!”

The Scootaloos scattered. The largest group was Team Glutton, despite the fact that several of its members had been on Team Glutton or its equivalents before. Anytime some Scootaloo got a food-related mark—Nacho Everyday Scootaloo had been the most recent—a Team Glutton was formed, just in case other Scootaloos were fostering hidden eating talents. As a rule, this group was not very beloved in most host worlds...except by Pinkie Pies. They therefore made a beeline for Sugarcube Corner, where a delighted and surprised Pinkie Pie-22 (who was decidedly non-evil) went out of her way to test the various ins and outs of their eating abilities. Were they speed eaters? Connoisseurs? Inspired food-blenders? Blindfolded food identifiers?

Pinkie-22 was so thorough in her tests that there was simply no room or attention to spare for Team Butter or Team Caramel when they arrived. So these teams found new destinations. Team Butter headed over the river and the fields to the cow barns, where they chatted up the cattle population in an effort to discover the secrets of buttery goodness. Team Caramel predictably paid a visit to Caramel the blacksmith, hoping that his name wasn't completely meaningless.

Meanwhile, Team Sales was roving the marketplace, looking for something cheap to buy so that they could practice selling it again. This was going poorly, however, since any bits the Scootaloos on that team had possessed had gone toward the expense of renting the Town Hall. Led by Scootaloo Prime, they eventually hit on the idea of finding somepony to borrow some money from so that they could get their undoubtedly lucrative trading business underway.

The Sales team therefore began touring the commercial district in search of interested speculators. After several embarrassing failures, they were given a pity offer by Mr. Davenport of Quills and Sofas. He informed them that his wife was always looking for suitable new materials to make quills from, since sufficiently long bird feathers were somewhat scarce and pegasus feathers were right out. If the band of Scootaloos could bring back proof of concept of such a thing, he would gladly advance them a loan against their further business ventures.

The group tried out a number of materials—prairie grass, braided hay, porcupine quills...before finally settling on evergreen needles as the most feasible choice. They borrowed some ladders and buckets and set out to begin the harvest. In doing so, they happened to run into the Caramel Team, who explained that Caramel the blacksmith had furnished them with a spigot and suggested that if they wanted to try their hooves at caramel making, they'd do best to start right at the source by collecting some sap for refining. The two teams agreed to work together, sharing their buckets and making sure _not_ to jostle each others' ladders.

Meanwhile, the Butter Team had been eating and chatting for some time with the cattle, who had suggested an intriguing butter-related activity for the Scootaloos to try out: butter skating! Some of them were skeptical that one could simply pour butter over a road and skate along on it, but world S-22's low friction coefficient turned out to make such a thing eminently possible. The team therefore assigned a few butter pourers to run ahead while the rest set about skating merrily down the road, flipping and leaping and strutting their stuff. A few members of the team had brought their own scooters from home and were pleased to incorporate them into the proceedings.

Two hours had nearly passed, and Team Glutton was waddling back to Town Hall, satiated and somewhat inspired, even though none of them had gotten new cutie marks in the course of their gobbling. These fillies, whose reflexes would ordinarily have allowed them to easily dodge the out-of-control butter skaters careening toward them, were so engrossed in their conversation and stuffed from their time at Sugarcube Corner that they failed to notice the frantic Butter Team until it was too late. The two groups collided, skidding forward in a huge low-friction heap of Scootalosity. The road happened to curve away from Town Hall at that point, which would have been a relief except that Team Sales and Team Caramel happened to be returning from their errand in the forest just then, and were struck in turn by the sliding pile of Scootaloos just as they rounded the corner of the building.

The upshot of all this was that the entire Interdimensional Council of Scootaloos wound up sprawling together on the grass, coated head to tail in the sticky fruits of their labors.

“Yyyep,” said Scootaloo Prime. “Covered in pine needles and tree sap again. _This_ is why we do cutie marks _last_ , ponies!”

“How does this always happen!?” complained Scootaloo-1, peeling needles off her forelegs. “I swear, it must be some kind of multiversal law.”

“No kidding!” added Scootaloo Ultra. “I thought at least last week, when we tried to get cutie marks in accounting, we'd be safe. But the sap always finds a way through!”

“Oh my gosh, you guys,” ranted Scootaloo-31. “I think I just got my cutie mark!!”

Everypony stopped talking and gasped. “It's not just another shapeless sap-colored blob, is it?” asked Scootaloo Supreme.

“No no, this one's for real! It's...” She climbed to her hooves to show it off. “Um...it's...”

“It's an _explosion!!_ ” shouted Scootaloo-42.

A chorus of murmurs and gasps followed as the council untangled itself and gathered around to stare at Scootaloo-31's flanks.

“Looks pretty amorphous to me,” said Scootaloo Alpha.

“No, no,” insisted Scootaloo-42. “It's an explosion! Look, that bit is a piece of shrapnel...and that looks kind of like an impact cloud!”

The others mumbled and tilted their heads so they could see it better.

Scootaloo-31 was ecstatic. “It must've happened when we slammed into each other! I bet this is 'cause of that awesome roll I did so I barely got hurt at all! Hey everyone, I think I'm a _stunt pony!_ ”

“Or maybe you're just good at explosions,” said Scootaloo-5.

“Well in any case, I'll take it!” Scootaloo-31 stood a while, beaming at her ambiguously stamped rear end. There was silence as the assemblage of orange fillies soaked in the feeling of another pine-scented group victory.

“Same time next week, right?” asked Scootaloo-10.

“Wouldn't miss it for the world!” agreed Scootaloo Prime. She was supported by cheers and enthusiastic chatter.

Scootaloos -1 and -5 excused themselves from the group so that they could get cleaned up in the Ponyville-5 spa, for which they had heavy duty season passes. They exchanged cheery goodbyes and headed off toward the nearby field.

“Kind of a dull meeting this week, huh?” remarked Scootaloo-5 as she revved up her Interdimensional Scootapiston.

“Yeah,” agreed Scootaloo-1, charging her Mach III Hulaporter with a few well-timed revolutions of her body. “But hey, there's always next time!”

“There sure is,” agreed Scootaloo-5 with a laugh. The pair vanished then into another realm of existence, leaving only the pine-strewn grass to mark their passing.

\- END ARCHIVE -

 

* * *

 

 

**SCOOTALOO'S SONG**

 

(Scootaloooo! Scoot-Scootaloooo!)

Scoota-Scootaloo!  
Where are you?  
Your friends have all been lookin' for ya.

No need to be blue  
Scootaloo  
'Cause Rainbow's fans'll still adore ya.

Though you cannot fly  
You get by  
In style on your wing-powered scooter.

Someday you will match  
Rainbow Dash  
If she agrees to be your tutor.

You might be building jungle gyms or planting posies in the park...  
On a lark!  
But as long as you keep scooting you'll be sure to get your cutie mark!  
(What a spark!)

Scoota-Scootaloo!  
Look at you!  
You're with the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

To yourself be true,  
Scootaloo  
And never listen to the haters.

Scooty! Scootalee-doo!  
Scooty! Scoot-Scootaloo!

...And you'll grow up to be a _star!  
*_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original Author's Notes:
> 
> Ahoy, readers! While I was working on The Combinatorics Project, I found myself tempted here and there to explore a few tangential ideas. Apparently, some of my readers had the same idea. :-) If there was one request for extra material I got a lot of, it was to see the Interdimensional Council in action. So there you go—I hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> I expect this won't be the project's only appendix, either. We'll see how long it takes me to create something else. In the meantime, allow me to sing you out with this bonus song.


	7. Appendix B: Pinkie Pie's Travelogue

 

**THE COMBINATORICS PROJECT**

**APPENDIX B**

 

**Pinkie Pie's Travelogue**

 

**WORLD 1, Day 1.**

Congratulations! You have been selected to be my Travel Log! Out of all the little pink blank books in the marketplace, I picked YOU to be my receptawoggle of memories and notes as I go searching through the multiverse with Rainbow Dash for a cure for our friend Rarity! I hope you're excited! If not, I sure don't know what you were holding out for. Being an architectural notebook for the greatest palace ever BUILT?! Being a magic spell book for an ALICORN PRINCESS?? I don't want to step on any dreams but those seem pretty unrealistic! Nope! You got the best gig you were gonna get. And the sooner you accept that, the better for both of us! Got it? GOOD!

This world is pretty ordinary so far as I can tell, but my nerves are still all frazzled! I'm scared that Rarity will never get better. I'm scared that Twilight and Applejack won't like us anymore now that we stole the plans to Twilight's machine and wrecked Applejack's shed! I'm even worried about Dash and me getting lost along the way. What if we can't go back _or_ go on? What if we go so far we can _never_ find our way back? What if we end up someplace dangerous―or worse, what if we go through so many worlds that we forget what the world we came from was like? I would hate to fall asleep seven times and wake up only six times and go for the rest of my life thinking I was awake when really I was only dreaming and then suddenly at the end―~Pop!~

Dash thinks I need to stay calm somehow, so she suggested I start keeping this travel log. I guess she has a point. If I'm doing all my worrying ahead of time on paper, maybe I'll shake all my worrybugs out and I won't worry anymore in real life! I'm thinking that frazzled nerves smooth over after a while anyway and then maybe they're prettier than ever! At least that's what I'm telling myself.

-Sincerely, Pinkie Pie

 

* * *

 

**WORLD 1, Day 2**

I hope you didn't mind me breathing on you just then. When I'm scared it helps to take deep breaths, and when I take deep breaths it helps to cover my face with something, so I guess you'll be pulling double duty for a while. I can see why Twilight likes books so much―they really do have a hundred uses! Tents for caterpillars, placemats, food for bookworms... don't tell Twilight about that last one.

Speaking of Twilight, it turns out this is the world where she took ME in as as a fellow researcher and now we're in crazy love together! I mean, I guess we knew we were gonna wind up in one of the worlds in the windows, except Dash had this weird idea that if she went fast enough, we'd just fly through six or seven worlds at once, bam bam bam. I told her that speed doesn't work that way―you can go fast, but if it's not in the right direction it doesn't help, and we can't even _go_ in the directions we need to go without help from magic!

So now we need Twilight's help so we can move on to the next world, but... it's kind of weird. Twilight doesn't believe I'm really me! She thinks I'm another copy of the me that lives here already!! She kept trying to catch me and make me do weird things like watch paint dry, and she wouldn't even listen to what I was telling her. Maybe Dash'll have better luck, but she's a total celebrity here and keeps getting mobbed for autographs. I told her she should just spend ten minutes in the morning signing things and take them with her to give to fans, and that way she gets all the work out of the way early. But it almost seems like she _likes_ to chat with every random pony who gushes about her and tells her how much they love her. “Careful, Dash!” I told her. “If you get used to being treated like a Wonderbolt now, you might not have enough _caring_ in you to really _become_ Wonderbolt when we get back home!” But she just blew me off like I was her manager or her ex or maybe an ex-manager. Come on, Dash! Have you forgotten that we've got work to do??

Yours anxiously,

Pinkie D. Pie.

 

* * *

 

**WORLD 1, Day 3**

Okay. I spent all morning watching grass grow and now I think I have grass stains on my retinas. But at least Twilight finally believes my story! Apparently they have some kind of mirror pool here like the one in Granny's nursery rhyme, only this one is real and makes new Pinkies—only they're defective because they can't do boring things! So I had a really boring morning!! Because I had nothing else to do, I wrote about five poems in my head about grass growing, only now I can't keep them straight so I'm just going to mix them up into one big poem:

Green wave tidal hunger in a line sift sift spray

high as a knee the tiniest wind ant bungalow

And when I look again makes you wave like a flag one grain of sod

sweet and blue those two are the captains one toothy blade

Grass is a weapon of boredom when we step on it we are knights of fun!

I think that gets the point across. ANYWAY, Twilight finally started to listen to me after that, and the other me stopped inflating like a giant pickle long enough to listen too! I showed them the plans I borrowed from our world's Twilight, and they went into super science mode. I would call it mad science, but really it was the opposite of mad! But you can't just call it Happy Science, can you? So I'm sticking with super.

It was pretty amazing to watch myself talking science with Twilight and actually keep up! The other me used so many big words I'm sure at least thirty percent of them were made up, but that just makes it more impressive that Twilight followed along! It makes me think―could I study science the same way and be just as scientific? And if I studied grass, could I be a great grass farmer? It's weird to think that the only thing keeping me from being great at something is the fact that I DON'T WANT TO.

Yours extra-truly,

The Real Pinkie

 

* * *

 

**WORLD 1 Day 4**

Super science talking time is over! Now it's super science BUILDING time! I stayed over at the library in their big pink turning room with the question marks on it, and it was pretty weird. I was dizzy when I woke up, but in a good way! We went down for breakfast and they just _shoveled_ down the sugary cereal. Spike had a tummy ache after that but Other-Me and Twilight were revving to go. That was too much sugar for even me, so I just stuck with toast with jam and marmalade and jam. And a little honey. When I'm traveling I like to eat light.

Anyway, they got to work building a new machinimabob according to Real-Twilight's plans, and they managed okay with the machine part, but the plans call for a five-sided building and they don't have one of those at the library! So we all invaded Sweet Apple Commune and forced them to build a five-sided barn for us so we could destroy it! Applejack was a pretty good sport about it. She got together everyone in the commune and we raised a barn together, except instead of singing “One, two, three, four” we sang “One, two, three, four, _five_ ”! Applejack didn't like that much because it threw off the beat, but she put up with it because she's such a good friend, even if she isn't the real Applejack (and to her I'm not the real Pinkie Pie). Twilight said something about exotic time signatures, so I guess she had a good time too!

So tomorrow morning we're going through! And then we'll be stuck again, at least for a while. Other-Me and Twilight weren't able to come up with a way for us to just keep speeding through worlds on our own, but maybe the next Twilight will! All I know is, if there's a door, we'll take it, and if there's a window, we'll break it! (Dash came up with that so now it's our motto until we think up something better.)

With hopes for a better tomorrow,

Your diarist Pinkie.

 

* * *

 

**WORLD 2, Day 5**

I have not ever _seen_ flowers like these

Here, I put one in for you to smell!

Admittedly it makes you a little lumpy between these two pages, but I bet that'll smooth out after a while. This part is just _two petals_. The whole flower is so big I could put _you_ inside! I can't blame Applejack and Rarity for yelling at me and chasing me with garden tools after I started jumping around in them. I mean, I can't think of a better use for gigantic flowers like these than bouncing from one blossom to another to another as if you were jumping on your bed in your sleep, but apparently they could.

Anyway, I think we'd better try and get out of here soon, because the local Applejack and Rarity don't like me much now. Apparently they're married and _also_ apparently they have a big flower show coming up in Fillydelphia, and when I say a big flower show I don't mean a big <flower show>, I mean a <big flower> show. It may even be a [big <big flower> show]. I feel bad about spoiling their chances of winning, but sometimes you see something and you just _have_ to have fun with it, you know? Normally I would make them a super-gigantic card to apologize, but Dash and I are on a deadline. What good is sparing one Rarity's feelings if another one slips away entirely?!

Twilight lives in Canterlot in this world for some reason. But I know she didn't just stay in Canterlot her whole life, because everyone here in Ponyville knows who she is! I don't know why she moved back, except that it's some sort of private princess business with Celestia. So Dash got us a chariot and in the morning we're gonna fly on over and see what's up. Maybe if Twilight can't help us, Princess Celestia can! Maybe they can even _both_ help us! If so, I hope it adds up bigger instead of canceling out.

Your forever flower,

Pinkie Petal

 

* * *

 

**World 2, Day 6**

Guess what?! Twilight really was in Canterlot on Princess Celestia's business. ~~But it's not <Princess Celestia's> business. It's <princess> Celestia's <busi~~

Okay I guess that joke only works once per world. Anyway, what I was trying to say is that _Twilight_ is a princess here! Doesn't that just blow your papery little mind? She's got wings and a horn and a tiara and everything! Well, I guess she has a tiara at home, but she hardly ever wears it. Here, she wears it a bunch! And she wears her horn all the time in _both_ places!

Twilight became a princess here by screwing something up and then unscrewing it again. Can you believe that? I don't think that's all it takes, though, because I've done that a bunch! Maybe that's just how it works in this world, though. Alright hold on I'm gonna check.

Nope! I smashed an egg on the floor and cleaned it up, and I'm not a princess yet! Maybe it takes a whole carton of eggs.

[egg stain]

Well anyway, somehow Twilight made it work. So Dash and I went to see her, and first we had to fill out all this paperwork just to get an appointment! Well, I love doing paperwork, but it's one of my personal tragedies that even though I love it, I'm one of the worst paperwork doers the world has ever seen! Seriously. I once applied to be an usher at a Ponyacci show and I wound up getting, like, eighteen fishing licenses in the mail, and I don't even know what fishing is! So I really wanted to do the paperwork, but it was important, so I made Dash stop me. And so she had to do all the paperwork while holding me down with one leg, and Dash _hates_ paperwork! I tried to make it at least a little exciting for her by struggling and trying to reach the papers. Dash likes it when you can make ordinary things into athletic events!

So to make a medium story medium, we ended up with lots of guards pouring into the room to pull us apart because they thought we were fighting, and then they stayed to help us with the paperwork because it was really hard, and eventually they were all arguing and stamping and making copies in quadruplicate and Dash and I just sneaked out of the room and left them to it.

So we went to Twilight's suite and she let us in and I had to brush her feathers for a while because they're SO COOL. I think Dash was miffed, but she doesn't let me brush her feathers, so what was I going to do? After that, we told Twilight about our situation and she said she'd talk to Princess Celestia and see if they could help us out.

Well, they can! Princess Celestia took us down a bright hallway shining with sunlight and leaf shadows and tinkling with little bells, because I think that's how she gets her wise on. She told us that she's afraid of this getting out of control and that she wants to make sure we don't cause, like, COMPLETE AND UTTER PANDEMONIUM where everyone's always going from one world to another until it's like, you have one world with all the fruit ponies and one world with all the weather ponies and one world with all the eggplants and one world where everyone just stops by to have a cupcake and one world made of rubber for nothing but bouncing. I mean it sounds kind of fun to me, but I guess the important thing is, once the worlds start getting mixed up, you can't ever go back. Princesses have to worry about important stuff like that.

Dash wanted to argue, though, so we went into a room with lots of marble stuff that was better for arguing in. Then we had tarts and orangeade. Then Twilight and Celestia talked about the sciencey stuff for a while. They're talking about whether it's possible to make a machine that only one particular pony can use. When they said that I threw my hoof in the air and cried “Me me me!” So I got my hoof in early and maybe that'll pay off when all the sciencing is done.

Then we had dinner in the royal court! That was a hoot. They have a royal juggling team I never saw before who ride on these weird machines while juggling, and some have one wheel and some have three and some have even five. They were pretty good, and then I went up there and taught them a few things. Then I got thrown out of the court into my bedroom, so now it's time for bed! I like the bed here. It's got so many layers I bet I wouldn't even be able to tell if I put a rock under the bottom one. I'm sure Rarity would, but we didn't have all these comforters and bedspreads and bedskirts and quilts back at the rock farm, so I'm guessing I probably won't feel a thing.

Good night!

-Pinkie

 

* * *

 

**world 2, day 6 and a ½**

shhhh dash is sleeping

if you listen I bet you can hear her snores they're like music

this room they gave us has two beds but it's really small. when we were going to sleep dash and i kept bumping into each other, especially when she opened her wings. our stuff is all in one big pile together and there's only one dresser and only one mirror.

so i decided, what the hay. i pushed my bed quietly up against hers.

now there's only one bed for both of us. don't tell! if i get up before dash i'll pull it back away again in the morning.

with a lowercase p,

pinkie

 

* * *

 

**World 3, Day 7**

Okay! So! Where do I begin? With the ...No! I'll begin at the beginning! Because I read somewhere that's healthy for diaries, so it's probably true for travel logs too.

So I woke up and Dash was tossing and turning. It turned out that _somehow_ the rock under my sheets had gotten under _her_ sheets in the middle of the night, and I have no _idea_ how that happened! I tried pulling the beds apart again but that's when she woke up, and from there it was all “Pinkie, what are you doing?” and “Pinkie Pie, you are so random” and stuff like that. I mean, it's not like I touched her in my sleep, right? We just shared a two-part bed and a rock. I mean in some places that's not even a second date!

Anyway, we went to breakfast in a really sunny room in the basement that looked like sunny side eggs, only there weren't any eggs! It was all porridge and little jelly tubes that you squeeze into the porridge. I made a picture of Rainbow! She just mixed it all up and ate it. But she did show me her tongue afterwards and it was rainbow-colored so at least I can respect that!

Anyway, the next thing I knew, the palace scrivener was at the door with a really long scroll that we had to sign. It was all about how we promised not to mess up the multiverse on purpose and we wouldn't let anyone else use our interdimensional transit machine under any circumstances and we'd come straight home as soon as we finished our quest and blah blah blah blah blah. Dash and I tried reading the whole thing tagteam style, but we both got bored and decided to just sign all the blank spots. To keep things interesting, I used a different name for each one―Pinkie Paste, Pronkie Pie, Prickly Pear... but it was in cursive so nopony could tell! I saved Pinkie Pie for the very end. It's not that I _want_ to cheat and mess up the multiverse! I just want to keep my options open, just in case. You know how it is. OH NO WAIT YOU DON'T YOU'RE A BOOK

The scrivener went and got Princess Twilight and she showed us how to use our new toy! It's called a Dimensional Orifice Observational Hoofheld Instantaneous Contraption Ketchup Eeeeee Yup. Or DOOHICKEY for short! Actually I just made up that long name but I bet I had you going. Officially our thingummy is the Interdimensional Transit Doohickey 3.0, because it's the third one of these things we had to use. But unlike the other two gizmotrons, this one doesn't have to _break_ in order to _work!_ I always love that feature in a machine! (Except when I don't.)

So the idea is that we can use it over and over and over, so long as it's only me and Dash using it and we make sure to calibrate it after every jump. What does it mean to calibrate it? It means to turn the little toothy wheels until the pictures in the circle match up! Sometimes the pictures are just colors or clouds and sometimes they're actual pictures of stuff! I think they represent whatever's different about the world we came from and the world we wound up in, but Twilight was talking during that part so I couldn't hear what she was saying. Anyway I'm pretty good at picture puzzles so I'm sure we'll be okay.

After a lot of thank yous and bowing and goodbye kisses with the princesses, Dash and I went to a big long promenade in Canterlot and zoomed right through the world wall again!! Even with the D.O.O.H.I.C.K.E.Y., you still have to go fast or it won't work! I think that's kind of neat. Dash pretended it was no big deal but I can tell she thinks it's pretty neat, too.

So when we came out, Canterlot was all done in dark blues and purples and everything looks the wrong color and the ponies are selling starcatchers instead of suncatchers and, well, it didn't take us long to figure out what the deal is with this world! In case you haven't guessed, it's this: Princess Luna is totally the Big Cheese around here. ('Cause you know―cheese moons? Yeah, I can tell you get it. I know you're laughing whenever your pages are really easy to turn!)

Dash and I have gone all over Canterlot, asking about who's in charge in clever ways that make it not totally obvious that we're from another UNIVERSE, and it's always “Princess Luna edict this” or “Princess Luna festival that”. Everyone loves Luna here!! Luna from our world would be so _tickled_ to come here! I've got to get her to come and visit no wait I took a _promise_ not to do that! Well chalkcakes. It's been less than three hours and I'm already thinking about being irresponsible with the doohickey.

Being responsible is HARD!!

Throwing my head back and wailing,

Pinkie Pie

 

* * *

 

**WORLD 3, Still Day 7**

*gaaaassp* (yes I actually wrote that)

So I found out why Princess Luna's in charge here. There _is_ no Princess Celestia!! In this world, Luna banished Celestia to the moon for like 1,728 years, and she isn't back yet! So this Luna is lonely, and a lonely princess makes for a lonely country!

You know what this calls for.

…

…

…A PARTY!!!!!

 

* * *

 

**WORLD 3, Day 8**

Princess Luna does not make it easy to for random ponies to throw parties for her! If I were a princess, that would be one of my _top_ priorities. I'd have a whole wing of the palace open to the public so anyone who wants can come in and select a date and time to throw a princess party and then they would walk down halls and halls of fabrics and decorations and furniture and games and they'd pick out all the perfect stuff to throw their very own custom party for Princess Pinkie! And I'd want to have no idea when a party was about to happen, so I'd make sure my advisors would all fill up my schedule to the brink with princess business, and I'd look at it and start to cry when I saw all the not-party stuff, but then I'd blink it off and smile because that's what a princess does. But then, suddenly, out of the blue, I'd be going to my ten o'clock aglet factory dedication and BAM! A party! For _M_ _e!!_ And I'd tear up the speech I was about to make for the aglet factory workers and make confetti out of it and everypony would cheer! And I'd dance down the the street to my next appointment with everyone following and music playing and balloons bopping back and forth... I would basically be the best princess _ever._

Well. The next time they have princess auditions, I'll be all set. For now, though, I have work to do! First― _more paperwork._ Next, I have to make friends with like everypony in alternate-world Canterlot, which I'd probably want to do anyway, but still! That's a _lot_ of ponies! And then I've got to find a way to cheer up the Princess of the Night about the fact that she doesn't have a Sister of the Day to keep her company, so she has to keep raising and setting the sun all the time on top of the moon, and the sun is _hot_ so she doesn't like touching it so instead most of the time the sun here has _clouds_ all around it! And what kind of a late autumn do you think that makes for? _A somewhat less bright late autumn than normal!!_ So it's clear that before Dash and I leave this world, there is _work_ to be done.

Please come to my party!

Pleadingly, Princess Pinkie.

 

* * *

 

**WORLD 3, Day 9**

It's getting really nippy out and the red and orange leaves are getting really dark! I bet winter is scheduled to happen soon!

I've got a scroll now with a long list of ponies I've met and their cutie marks and what they're into and what kind of parties they like and whether they can come or can't come or can maybe come and I keep reading it and crossreferencing it with address books and I think the probability of this party still being a surprise party is near zero. But then again, maybe no one ever talks to Princess Luna! I don't know whether to hope she has friends who'll tell her about the party or whether to hope it's still a surprise! Actually, I hope she has friends who're smart enough to _keep_ it a surprise. That's it!

If no one else, there's World 3 Twilight Sparkle. She's not a princess here, but she is Luna's student, and they do astronomy and magic research together. I went _pssst_ to Twilight like seven times and ducked out of the way each time, until I felt like I'd set the mood for secrecy. Then I gave her one more _pssst_ and told her all about the party! She's in! She made a spell to analyze all the things everyone told me they like at their parties, and now she's going down my scroll with it to see what kind of party we should have. Okay hold on, I want to see wh

It looks like we're going to be throwing a 'sexball Yahtzee dog' party!! Wait, what is that even. Ooookay, I'm gonna have Twi freshen up her spell a little.

 

* * *

 

**WORLD 3, Day 10**

I guess it shows what we know, huh? I've been getting thousands and thousands of guests lined up for Luna's big party, but Dashie's brought in the best guest yet! It's DJ PON-3!! Because Twilight-3 never went to Ponyville, nopony here's ever heard of DJ PON-3, so I know they're in for a SUPER treat!

Wait. If this world's Twilight is Twilight-3, does that mean this world's DJ PON-3 is actually DJ PON-3-3?!

Maybe that simplifies to DJ PON-6. I'll ask Twilight, she's the mathy one.

Sincerely,

Pinkie-0

 

* * *

 

**WORLD 3, Day 11**

Today is the big party and I'm so excited I'm gonna draw a million balloons!

~~~~O

~~~~~~O

~~~~O

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~O

okay that's good enough

 

* * *

 

**WORLD 3, Day 12**

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE that party was so FUN!!!!!

Luna was the most amazed adorable astonished party victim ever!! She just kept turning from pony to pony to pony and saying “You threw this party for _me?!_ ” Like no one ever heard of doing something nice for the princess before!! But I guess no one here did! Luna's usually all business in this world, and I guess she doesn't ask for gifts or fancy behavior and because she doesn't ask, nopony bothers _giving_ it! But the best gifts are the ones you _never_ asked for! And I guess I taught that to everyone, since they brought _so_ many gifts all wrapped up in silver sparkling ribbons over indigo and blue and gray and other moon colors like that. We had so many presents that we kind of threw out the Yahtzee dog theme and played games with the boxes, stacking them up as high as we could and guessing what was inside them and even letting some ponies other than Princess Luna keep some of them, because even a princess of Equestria doesn't need _that_ many gifts. And Luna was just so delighted and flabbergasted every time she turned around or opened a box! Then some poet ponies I met read a whole bunch of poems in her honor―I guess they'd already written them but nopony ever bothered to read them to Luna because _she never asked_. So now they had dozens and dozens of poems just built up ready to come out! After all the poets had had a couple turns, I decided to have them all read all the rest of their poems at once, and we turned the lights down low except for the poets and we all just did a sort of swimming dance around the room like we were on the moon while we listened to all the poems at once. Since a lot of them had the same words over and over, it worked out great! And that was just the first course of a five course party. When Dash and DJ PON-6 hit the scene, things _really_ got rocking!

It was loooong, too! There was a part where we all went strolling along the palace hallways like we were all dandies, and Princess Luna was the dandiest! And there was a Twenty Questions part, and a Have You Ever part, and we made up some rules for Dog Yahtzee, too. Then there was a part where the DJ played quiet music and we all lounged in Luna's private quarters eating crackers and cheese and chatting about our problems, and that's when Dash brought up the subject of how there were always clouds over the sun. I could have KISSED her!! I mean I guess I could kiss her anytime and there's really nothing stopping me except for that we're not in love yet, but right then at the party I felt a little teeny tiny twingey of what might have been love. Because she started bugging the other pegasuses about how come Luna's got to hold the hot sun all by herself, and can't they come up with anything better than sun clouds to cool it down? Like, see-through sun clouds? Anyway, the discussion got really technical cause I guess it's not really clouds around the sun, it's some kind of suncorn or corona or something and the sun is actually really far away. But Luna and Dash and the weather pegasi all went into the other room and talked for an hour while the rest of us played Canterlot rules popscotch, and when they came back, they were babbling about all these ideas that had them all excited!! I guess Luna never really thought to ask for help with the sun before. But now, thanks to Dash and me, the whole thing's a _team_ project! And that just makes me feel so bright and burny and _sunny_ inside!!!

Sorry about the last two paragraphs. I forget to start new paragraphs when I'm writing about parties. I hope it doesn't hurt. Maybe it's like holding your breath and it feels really good when I start a new paragraph, like you can breathe again. I'll go ahead and hold my breath for a while to make it up to you.

THERE Now we're even! <gaaassp>

So anyway, we couldn't really keep it a secret that we were from another dimension after Dash started asking all these questions about the sun that everyone already knows, aside from how I don't know the rules to Sexball Yahtzee Dog. So in the end, everyone found out we were on a quest, and Luna got all curious again, moving her neck in every which direction the way she does to look at our doohickey, and she insisted on doing some research on it. So we all went up to her private tower (which is different from her private quarters which are different from her private suite) and waited for her to use all her astronomy stuff on it! I guess a normal telescope lets you see the stars up close, but her special telescope lets her look into other worlds! At least a liiittle bit. She wanted to get us moving in the right direction to find a cure for a magical curse, so she put a little extra window on our calibrator and now if we always go in the direction where the window does a little curtain waving thing, we'll get closer and closer to where we need to be! I'm so excited already because it seems like every time we meet the same ponies we already know, they just want to help us _more!_ I feel like we're getting closer to helping Rarity every day and it was totally worth spending almost a week here to throw a giant party.

Oh, gosh. Wasn't it? What if those six days are the only six days Rarity had left?! Now I feel really guilty, which is a shame after such a big long happy entry. I'm gonna end this with something nice so it feels okay after all.

Um

BALLOON NOSES

 

* * *

 

**WORLD 4, Day 13**

everyone here is a ZEBRA

I'm just gonna

yeah

 

* * *

 

**WORLD 5, Day 13**

Okay that was weird. Maybe I should have stayed to make friends with them all, but ...whoo. Zebras are supposed to be black and white. They're not supposed to be blue and orange. Or red and gold. Or wear bowties. I mean I try to keep an open mind but even I have limits for how much I can take at once.

Dash says we did the right thing. This world seems pretty okay! Canterlot is even Cantermore than ever, with big spiry buildings everywhere and all these see-through glowing balls in the air. I just saw a mare stick her head into a light green one and now she's smiling! I think they're for making you feel better when you're sick or something like that. I'm gonna try some.

 

* * *

 

**Still Day 13**

Do you know that feeling you get when you're just waking up but you haven't woken up yet and you just have to streeEEEetch and it feels so good to stretch, and you remember how great it is to have muscles and legs you can stretch, and then you want to NO I forgot of course you don't, you're a book! You probably have your own weird pulpy spiny feelings I could never understand! But that's cool―you can probably relate anyway. I just was saying, that's how the lavender light ball made me feel! And the pumpkin-colored one made a stomach ache go away that was so little I didn't even know I had it! And the light green one made my sinuses all clear so it's easier to breathe! And the sky blue one cleared my head, so that's when I realized that a bunch of merchants were all looking at me and waiting for me to pay for using their light balls! But I didn't even know they cost anything until I used the sky blue one!! Anyway I gave them all my money but it still wasn't enough, so Dashie gave them all _her_ money but we still owed the merchant with the sky blue ball, so then I said I was really sorry but I didn't have any more money but I could work it off, and did she have any work for me to do?

And she asked me a bunch of questions. They were the kind of questions you would ask if your head is always really clear, things like where I came from and why I didn't know you had to pay to use the world-famous Canterlot health globes! So I told her, well, if they're WORLD FAMOUS and I _still_ didn't know about them, then logically where must I be from? And she scratched her head and said “Outside the world?” And I leaped into her personal space and said EXACTLY! So we got to talking and eventually she said okay, I can help her sell her services. She's got a spare health globe she can get out of storage and I can help her hawk it tomorrow. Hawking is like selling, but sharper! It's like what Apple Bloom does at the market until Applejack makes her stop! I can do that. I like talking about how great things are and I like being LOUD, so I should be all set!

Buy my stuff!

-Pinkie

 

* * *

 

**WORLD 5, Day 14**

I hate my brown ball.

Do you know how some mornings you get out of bed and you feel so zippy and chippy and leapy and beepy that you just can't stop shaking, and all you want to do is flop down, chill out and relax? No, of course you don't―you're a book! And I don't either, because I'm me! But apparently some ponies do. Either their nerves are all hypernervous and they get frazzled whenever a thimble drops or they can't stop being excited about their birthday in only eighty-seven days or else they drank too much of this Cameluvian drink they have here called _coffee_ , but for one reason or another they just need to sloooow doooown, and that's what my big brown ball is for! But how am I supposed to hawk that? I _love_ being speedy! It's like the greatest thing about life because life is motion and speed is _more_ motion and that's why speed is life! (Dash agrees with me on that.) So if I hawk this brown slow-down ball, it's like saying “Step right up, and I'll give you less life than you had before!” That's HORRIBLE! Rarity has less life than she had before, and do you think she's happy about it? NO!!

But I gave it my best go anyway, because how else am I going to earn the money I owe Miss Clear Horizon? And besides what I owe her, Dash and I need money for things like buying food! And rooms to stay in! And party supplies! And on top of all that, I promised I'd do it! So I spent today honing my pitch, or maybe homing it or both. And once it was all homed, I went up to some ponies and tried to talk them into getting The Full Clear Horizon Slo-Down Xperience. I made sure to pronounce 'slow' without a 'w' and 'experience' without an 'e', but I'm not sure they caught that! Most of my pitch involves me sticking my head in the ball and then doing things in really slow motion, like pitching a softball or pouring lemonade out of a pitcher or singing the Equestrian Anthem off-pitch. I don't know if everything you do in a pitch has to be pitch-related somehow, but I did it that way just to be on the safe side. And I have to admit it's fun to do things really slowly, but almost no one wanted to use the ball! The only customers I got were a couple of foals who thought I was funny and a goofy stallion who wanted to play slo-mo sof-bal with me. And that's after trying all day long! That didn't even earn me enough money to pay for the molasses for the lemonade! And lemonade with molasses, by the way? Ewie! Some things are just meant to be sparkly sweet, no matter how frazzledazzled your poor nerves may be.

Dash says she'll take a turn trying tomorrow. She spent today in Cloudsdale talking to herself. I can't blame her―I may track myself down in Ponyville tomorrow! If Canterlot looks like this, I can't wait to see what otherotherotherotherotherme has done with Sugarcube Corner!

Yours sssssllllllooooooooooooowwwlllllyyyyyyy,

Ppppppppppppiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnkkkkkkkkkkkkkkiiiiii―zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

 

* * *

 

 

**WORLD 5, Day 15**

I still don't know how I wrote all those z's as I was falling asleep yesterday. Maybe I sleepwrote them. It could be my subconconscious is rebelling against all this slow motion stuff, because there's only so much time in the day and I wanna _do_ stuff! Not just wait for myself to finish stuff after I start it! That's no way to live!

But speaking of ways not to live, wait til you hear about my Pinkieganger in this world. I looked for her in Ponyville, but she wasn't in Ponyville! So I asked around, but no one had ever heard of her! I was starting to get nervous and wondering where I could have gone, since I was pretty sure there wasn't a Pinkie Pie in Canterlot, or everyone would have recognized me as her when I was there! But then I had a horrible sinking hunch (the worst kind) and I took a trip to the old family rock farm.

There I was! All grown up and still turning those rocks! My parents and sisters were all gone, but I had a husband―a really creepy quiet husband called Salt Cellar. He was gray with crazy tan hair that clashed with all the fallen fall leaves and he said he was glad to meet me in a way that made me think he probably felt like two Pinkies were better than one! But my other self was the really depressing part. Her hair was still straight the way I used to wear mine, and her cutie mark was just one yellow balloon! She asked me how I got three, and I didn't know what to say. Should I tell her I had three balloons on my butt because I worked three times as hard at having fun? Should I tell her she probably had three to begin with but the others got popped? It was the most awkward moment ever and it made me really remember how grateful I was to finally get off the old farm.

Other-me's belly was really big, and I asked her whether she'd eaten up all the cakes just before I got there and if that's why there were no more cakes. But then she surprised me completely by telling me there weren't any cakes at _all_ in there―it was a foal!! Other-me is pregnant! I wanted to say congratulations and I _did_ say congratulations but on the inside I wanted to squirm and creep away. Me?? A mother? I think I could be a pretty good mother and I even foalsat the Cake's kids a couple of times, but that's because I've had the chances I've had to find who I am! How is other-me supposed to help kids find their destinies if she hasn't even found her own? Because, I mean, this _can't_ be her destiny, right?

They invited me in for lunch, which was peas. Just peas! They were mashed up a little in a sort of half butter sauce and I don't know if that made it better or worse. Over lunch, she told me about how she thinks her yellow balloon represents hope, and how when she and the other farmers get together once or twice a month, sometimes she sings a song that brings back hope in their hearts. She sang one for me, and it was pretty, but in a way that made me want to get on a gondola and float away forever. Then I sang her and Salt Cellar a song about having fun, and their eyes were really big and when they weren't staring at me they were glancing at each other. I told other-me all about the sonic rainboom that made me all excited and inspired when I was a filly, and about the party I threw for our family, and about getting involved with the musical hayrides and writing all those songs and meeting Cup Cake and moving to Ponyville and everything, and by the time I was done, other-me had tears in her eyes. I was afraid to ask if she was happy or sad! I just told her I thought maybe, just maybe, there was more out there for her than what she'd found so far. And then I left, because I was getting overwhelmed and I didn't know what more I could do!

Rainbow's Rainbowganger was different, but not that different. I guess in this world she's more just an ordinary jock and not so much about ambition or the Wonderbolts, and weirdly enough she doesn't take as many naps. I know because Rainbow said she kept trying to take a nap with her other self, and her other self just kept pointing out that it was still daylight, and daytime was for being awake, and didn't ordinary Rainbow know that? Rainbow-5's cutie mark is a cloud with rainbow rain falling out of it... but no lightning! Isn't that weird? I don't know what it means, unless it means that in a world where your health problems can all be solved by sticking your head in a ball, personal quirks and ambitions fall by the wayside! And I don't think that's what it means because that sounds too smart for me, but I don't have any better ideas. Do you?

I'll try flipping to a few random words I already wrote so I can see if you have any better ideas. Here we go:

sneaked ponies Pinkies friend getting different

Yeah, I know what you mean, Travel Log. But I don't think that's it, either.

 

* * *

 

 

**World 6, Day 16**

So! Rainbow managed to sell some brownball treatments while I was away by doing all kinds of aerial flips and things in slo-mo, and challenging everyone she saw to do the same tricks! None of them could do the tricks right, though, because the ball doesn't slow down _falling_ , it just slows down _moving_ and _thinking_. Rainbow and I both know how to fall slow but for different reasons―isn't that funny? So today we put our talents together and put on a Slo-Mo Spectacular. We did slow skateboard tricks in a palace archway, did a slow motion quiz show where the player who gave the slowest answer was the winner, and sang a song that took about sixteen minutes about how the slow life was the happy life, and that was basically all the lyrics in the song! Usually I can't sing a song about something I don't really believe in, but somehow, with Rainbow there? I kind of meant it. I was having so much fun being slow with Rainbow that I forgot that speed is life. Maybe fast speed is life, but slow speed is life, too!

Anyway, we were having so much fun that we sold dozens of brownball treatments, or as I called them, “Ball Emergences”. When we paid off Clear Horizon, we had enough money left to buy a bunch more food and clothes and stuff, so now we're set for weeks! And with our DOOHICKEY calibrating which way we go, we're finally ready to zip through a whole bunch of worlds at once!

We just got to a new world where Canterlot was even weirder, so we decided to go to the Everfree Forest and see Zecora in case she has a way to cure Rarity. Now we're taking a rest in a little stone garden at the edge of the forest. It's neat someone decided to put this here! And it's neat we're about to see Zecora! And if this Zecora doesn't have the answer, maybe the next one will! I'm so excited I could step on a pomelo! But I won't. Why would I want to do that?

With best wishes to Other-me, her family, and her one yellow balloon,

Pinkie Pie

 

* * *

 

 

**Fvrther int0 World6, Lgter onDay 16**

So ,the Everfree Forest is worrze her e than at home. I gves if the worlbs we're going thrugh areh ealthier and hea1thier, all the unheal thy stuff hasto hve _somewhere_ to hide! I wish I'd thou9ht of that before we went in here andI got half turmed tostone by a cockatr ice! Dash managed to kic kit with her eyes clo5ed and it flew off, so she's f|ne, butmy tail is fr ozen in thisrealy weird curl off tothe siqe, and my back legsare frosen too and so is theback part 0f my t0rso and Im kind of woried what'll happen if Ieat anything. So if thi$ writing lo0ks meszy, it's becase I'nn half stone and I'm r1ding om Dash's back! Hopefnlly this path is saf3r andwe'1l reach Zec0ras hut soom.

Half yovrs,

Stonie Pie

 

* * *

 

 

**World 9, Day 17, much better thanks**

Okay, so, Zecora didn't have an antidote for a cockatrice gaze, so she told me we'd have to go back to Princess Celestia for help. But when we told her about our Interdimensional Transit Doohickey 3.0, she got all wide-eyed and suggested that maybe the next Zecora we met might know something. She gave us a little fancy broken piece of a brooch with a face on it and said we could show it to any other her and they'd know we were for real because it's something she made when she was really young. I asked her, wouldn't she miss it? But she said since it was broken anyway, she'd be able to remember her memories just fine with only half. Or something like that. Zecora is kind of tricky to translate sometimes, so you kinda just have to go with the flow.

And we did! We flowed from outside her hut into World 7, and then we knocked and we met this really scary Zecora, whose mane was all -WAAUAUUGGH- and whose neck rings had spines on them! And the masks in her hut were all even scarier than usual. So I was gonna excuse myself, but Dash was brave and introduced us and showed her the broken brooch, and she frowned at my stony backside and told me we'd better quickly take our leave, or else we'd soon have cause to grieve! So we recalibrated real quick and then we left for World 8.

Only I think Dash recalibrated too fast, because the next Zecora we met was wearing a black dress instead of neck rings, and she talked in a really snerky voice, and she didn't even rhyme! And instead of masks and potions and herbs and cauldrons, her hut was filled with scrolls and insects. Mostly dead insects. I guess she was an insectologist or whatever. Dash asked her why she doesn't talk in rhyme, and she said that was a curse that got put on her a long time ago, but they have cures for that sort of thing nowadays. So I figured we were getting close! But she didn't know anything about cures or medicine personally, so we calibrated again while trying to ignore all the buzzing insects, and it was on to World 9!

Then the next Zecora was all friendly and happy to see us, and her hut was a lot friendlier than the real Zecora's. There are still neat designs on everything, but there are a lot more circles, and circles are one of the friendliest shapes! And her masks are all smiley and nice and not scary at all.

Anyway, she saw my ultra-hemorrhoids and said she knew how to fix it if I could stay overnight. And I said sure, why not! So she put me in a sandbox and covered my back half with gray clay that matches the stone, and poured a whole bunch of some red potion over it until it seeped all through the clay, and while she was doing that she asked us questions. Like, was Dash done with her quest already? Dash gave her a weird look and said, no, she wasn't done, and that's why we'd come to see Zecora! It was confusing for a while. But we worked it out! Based on what Zecora-9 heard from Rainbow-9, here's our best guess. The Rainbow Dash back in World 2, where Twilight and Luna invented the Doohickey, somehow heard about us being there and went to Canterlot to investigate! And then she heard about how Rarity'd been hit with a nasty curse, and she heard about the Doohickey, and she went up to Celestia and insisted that she be allowed to go out questing too, because she cared about Rarity being okay even if it was a Rarity from two worlds away! So eventually Celestia had Twilight and Luna make a brand new doohickey and let Rainbow Dash go, and I can only assume she had to sign a bunch more paperwork. So Rainbow-2 found her way here to World 9, and she convinced Rainbow-9 to join her! So Rainbow-9 said goodbye to everyone and then went off, and that's why when Zecora saw Rainbow Dash at her door, she thought it was her own Rainbow, back from the quest! Does all that make sense? I'll flip to a random page and an odd number means yes.

Okay good. So then in the morning, we had salad for breakfast!! Is that even allowed? Back home salad is a lunch thing, but I guess when you travel the spans of the multiverse, ANYTHING goes! Wo-o-0-oO-o. Then we saw it had _snowed_ outside! I guess winter starts when it wants in the Everfree Forest! So we went outside and I sat down in the snow and Zecora carved away the stone to see if the potion soaked in enough to make my real heiney change back... and it DID! I shook my groovy booty until all the chips of rock fell away, and then I did my morning workout and now we're ready to move on. Zecora pointed out that since Dash-2 and Dash-9 are looking for the same thing we are, and they have the same machine we have, they should be going in the same direction. Except they don't have the calibrator that Luna-3 built us! Or Do They?? We don't know. So we may run into them, or we may not! Either way, this Zecora doesn't know how to cure a gem curse, so it's World 10 Ho!!

Zecora told me that you don't need to sign a travel log entry like you sign a letter, but I think I'll sign off one last time, anyway,

Yours sincerely,

Pinkest Pie.

-smooch-

 

* * *

 

 

**World 11, Day 18**

Time to scribble a note, in case you get jealous of all these other books! First off, World 10's Zecora had a whole thick book full of ways to cure curses, so she looked up the one that sits on a gem buried underground and makes you go colorblind and then for-real blind and makes your magic give you a headache if you're a unicorn and also makes your joints all creaky. She didn't find anything, though, so when we explained everything to her, she suggested that we move on one more world in the same direction, and maybe that would do it. So we did! And _that_ Zecora had tons of questions for us, 'cause she'd heard some out of town Rainbow Dash clones had come by, so we guessed we'd come the right way! She suggested that we go to the Royal Canterlot Library, so that's what we did!

And meanwhile, Zecora sent a message to Twilight Sparkle to come meet us here. That's good, because I'm sooo confused by this library! I don't get how B6H comes after B4H but FW748 comes _after_ FW 76! Is a 6 bigger than a 4, or not? Or does 'B4' just always come before? If so, it'll take a Twilight to tease the twisty truth out of this terrible tower. (I hope it doesn't hurt when I alliterate. No? Goodie!)

 

* * *

 

 

**World 11, Day 19**

Travel Log, this whole business is just Cray-Cray!

Princess Celestia sent some guards to interrogate us last night. But they were nice guards and it was a nice interrogation. I've seen much worse. I've _given_ much worse! We told them all about what we're doing and they brought us some food and some dessert and even though we had to eat it in the basement breakroom it still made the library feel a lot more homey. And in the end they let us go, and if you ask me, that's one of the key ingredients that turns a good interrogation into a _great_ interrogation!

Then Twilight came in and Rainbow Dash came in and then Rainbow Dash came in. And that was confusing because I was like, didn't Rainbow Dash just come in? And don't we already have one? That's when Rainbow Dash came in and at that point, I basically gave up trying to make sense out of it and suggested a party instead! But the four Rainbow Dashes didn't want to have a party. They started comparing notes instead, and Twilight asked if she could see my Doohickey Calibrator Window, and I said sure! But it turns out that by 'see', what she really meant was 'study for hours under a microscope while writing constantly and grunting a lot'! So she did that, and then she went off to make new ones! And meanwhile, Rainbow-2 and Rainbow-0 and Rainbow-9 and Rainbow-11 all got done comparing theories and went off to play Four Square. And I was left with the guards and I didn't know what to do, so I started interrogating _them_ just for fun! It turns out they have all kinds of interesting hobbies and families and dreams and things, and they just have to pretend not to when they join the Royal Guard. Which is pretty sad, but it's also pretty uplifting, so eh!

Then the librarian showed up and we went on an EPIC LIBRARY ADVENTURE. We went through six sections and four ladders and two dusty card catalogs and one non-dusty card catalog and like three archival rooms and a staff breakroom and a whole lot of books and scrolls until at the end of the day, we _finally_ found a book with tiny tiny print, and on page 2,381 of the tiny tiny print, it has a description of the EXACT curse that's hurting Rarity, and right underneath that, in equally tiny tiny print, is:

The Cure.

We found the cure!!! Aren't you happy, travel log? I'm gonna throw you in the air with glee now, but I'll do it gently so I don't weaken your spine. Ready?

There. Now you're happy too! And check out how _easy_ it is!!

THE CURE:

Mix two parts of the hope of a newborn manticore, one part lye, five parts sweet revenge, three parts dew from the most beautiful flower in the field atop Neighagra Falls on the morning of the new moon, and an onion ring. Melt them in a dragon's flame, simmer them in a hydra's belly, and freeze them with the gaze of a cockatrice. Clasp your claws over it and say “For that all should be well and thy life be free” a thousand times, then polish it with your kisses until it shines like a diamond. Set it in a ring of silver and pass it over the casing of the accursed gem while chanting “Acubna rey Lapasti norr yintutu lof” over and over and over until its magic thrums. Then just add a spark of magic, and the curse will be lifted! (The onion ring is optional.)

...

So, like I was saying, not easy at all!! WORST. CURE. EVER. I don't even know if this counts as a cure because it's so ridiculous. All the other cures in this book are pretty much just as ridiculous, so I call this a RIDICULOUS BOOK!! And coming from me, that's saying something! (Because sometimes people say I'm ridiculous. Not because I'm a book. YOU'RE a book!)

So I'm just kind of at my wits' end because I was hoping for something easier like “Jump up and down three times and clap your hooves!” But I guess an epic library adventure wouldn't be complete without an ep

WHAT DO I DO What do I DOo?

 

* * *

 

 

**World 11, Night 19**

Rainbow Dash came back to the library last night, peeved that she lost the Four Square Tournament to Rainbow-9. I sang her some quiet songs until the librarian hushed us, so then we got a room at an inn and played a really quiet, slow bouncy ball game in the alley until she was calm. Then we sat in our room and talked about what to do.

I guess the other Rainbows are on the same quest we are, so we're gonna have to get together with them today if they don't leave first. I'm getting a little worried about this whole schmaboodle. If Rainbows are just naturally eager to go on brave quests, we could end up curing Rarity, but losing all our Rainbows! I made my Rainbow promise she would never ever leave me, but she got coy and said “Never ever ever?” and I said “Never ever _ever_ ever” and she said “Never ever _ever_ ever ever?” and I stood strong and said “Never ever ever _ever_ ever ever!” We went on like that for a while and I'm honestly not sure what we accomplished.

Then we went to sleep, and I woke up at dark o'clock in the morning and now I can't sleep. I'm wondering about so many things. I'm a party pony. I entertain. I tell jokes! What if jokes are all I do? What if the very idea of me going on a serious quest to do something serious for a friend is really just another joke? I don't want it to be a joke, but what if I haven't got a choice? I dreamed that I was saying a eulogy at Rarity's funeral, and I kept making jokes by mistake, and everyone kept laughing! And I wanted to cry and pull down all the curtains and shout “IT'S NOT A JOKE I'M SERIOUS SHE WAS MY FRIEND I'M IN PAIN”, but I knew they would just think it was hilarious and laugh even more. So instead I stood there, afraid to do or say a single thing... and there was just silence.

 

* * *

 

 

**World 11, Day 20**

When Dash got up and the sun was shining I felt a little better. And when I got some pancakes in me my betterness multiplied. I didn't tell Dash my dream, but who am I kidding, she's going to steal this diary eventually anyway! But then, will she read it? You know what? I bet she won't! She's the element of Loyalty! She'd never ever ever ever _ever_ ever ever read somepony else's private oops I just remembered this isn't a diary, it's a travel log. I guess probably she _will_ read it, since there's no rule against reading travel logs. No offense meant!

But anyway, we got together with all the other Rainbow Dashes and with Twilight Sparkle and Spike. The Dashes wanted to meet on a cloud, but clouds are hard to walk on so we compromised and ate in a Canterlot restaurant that's _decorated_ like a cloud. Now and then they change the lights so it looks stormy and then they make magical thunder and the lights all flash. I kind of liked it because it made me feel like an evil enchantress, getting all sorts of things together for a sinister brew! Because that's kind of what we were talking about, aside from the sinister part or the brew part.

With Twilight in charge and Spike taking notes, we talked about the cure I found in the ridiculous book and made a whole long list of all the things that were wrong with it. It had things like:

  * How do you get enough dew from _one_ flower to make it count as _three_ parts? Maybe the parts are really small, but then the whole thing has to be really small, and how can you cram an onion ring in?

  * Who decides which flower is the most beautiful, and what if someone else says No, _this_ flower is the most beautiful!?

  * How do you harvest hope from a baby manticore anyway, and isn't that a terrible thing to do? I wouldn't want to leave a baby without hope!

  * How am I supposed to clasp my claws if I don't have any claws? Am I supposed to rent some?

  * How are we supposed to get our slurry into a hydra's belly and more importantly, how do we get it out again??

  * How many kisses does it take to get to the center of a magical combopop?




And that wasn't even the half of it. We all agreed that this cure is ridiculous and some of the Rainbows should go on to other worlds and look for better ones. My Rainbow and I haven't decided what to do yet. I feel like it was hard enough finding this cure that maybe looking for better ones is asking for trouble! But then again, maybe that's because this world isn't curey enough, and if we just go two or three worlds further in a curey direction, we'll get some simple instructions like a sing-along-song and everyone else working on _this_ cure will feel really silly! I guess we should probably try and go a little further, but I'm worried _too_ about how all these Rainbows are gonna find their way home! How are _we_ gonna find our way home?

When I have this much to worry about, I start to shiver and shake and overload. But I think writing all this down has helped a lot. I hope you don't mind my spazzy mouthwriting.

We'll talk more in the morning.

 

* * *

 

 

**World 14, Day 22**

I'm feeling brighter today, but that isn't necessarily better! This whole thing has me kind of dizzy with brightness. We went to the next curier world (where it's winter now) and went through a whole rigamarole at the Royal Library again and this time the guards kept us waiting for hours and they almost confiscated our Doohickey until we threatened to leave, which I guess would have been embarrassing for them. So _finally_ after three hours we found another even _bigger_ book with even _smaller_ print with an even―I kid you not― _more_ ridiculous cure. It had things like the square root of a bagel and the fifty-eight thousandth word spoken by a lighthearted foal and water from a clean lake that no one _ever_ swimmed in before and the drawstring from a good-looking pair of capri pants and all sorts of other nonsense stuff. So we sighed and said thanks and recalibrated and went on to the _next_ world.

And I know you can't believe it, but that one was even _worse!!_ The library was like twenty percent brighter, like a hospital, and the archivist was actually called Madame Curie, and she showed us to this whole curing wing of the library that totally creeped me out, because I looked at the tiny little labels on the shelves up close, and they were just

they were just endless things that can go wrong with someone. Like, “fifth radial ulnar nerve goes kablooey” or “primary shaft of semniotic blood vessel turns inside out” or “terminal and catastrophic nostril failure” and so on like that, and after a few of those I was afraid to look at any more. So we walked and searched until we found the right book out of a whole shelf of gem cures, but this time it was _sooo_ specific about the symptoms that the cure was almost half a page long, which is _insane_ if you see how small the print is, and it just kept repeating itself, like:

...put the petal extract into the solution of three parts extract of cineraria petals two parts bromine and mix well with the extract of two parts bromine one part mixture of five parts bromine seven parts cineraria petals cut evenly with mixture four parts canary feather three parts water six parts limestone three parts mixture of two mixtures one made half and half canary feathers and cineraria petals one half bromine half water half limestone mixed with thirty percent mixture five parts canary feathers four parts bromine two parts cineraria petals...

ON and ON and ON like that forever until it reached the end of forever. Which was almost half a page. Of really really tiny print. For half a page long, almost. OH CELESTIA I'm doing it too now!!

Okay. Okay. I'm okay. NO STOP REPEATING WORDS I'm fine. I am good. This pony who is me currently feels hunky dory. Good. So anyway. Rainbow told me “I can't believe I'm saying this, but the cure with the baby manticore hope is starting not to look so bad.” And I hugged her because I was thinking the same thing.

So we went outside and recalibrated our doohickey, only this time for the first time, we wanted to go _back_ to the last world we came from. So far, we've only been going forward. But now we've come _too_ far. So we did our best to make the picture in the window look like we thought it did two jumps earlier. Except we couldn't remember exactly what it looked like and we argued about it. We just knew it had a cross and a sunrise, or maybe a sunset, but not how much of the sun was showing or whether there were chains or grass or anything.

So eventually we just tried jumping, but, well, it didn't work. Because as soon as we got our bearings, we saw that everything around us—the buildings, the trees, the walls—was _super_ safe. It was all rounded and squishy and soft, like we were all a bunch of foals, even though everyone we saw was a grown-up! Pretty much everyone in Canterlot here is wearing life vests. And knee pads. Some ponies are walking around in puffy body suits. You couldn't get a concussion around here if you tried!!

We couldn't even get a room at an inn, because whenever we get close to someone, they see how much bumpy lumpy stuff we have in our bags and that we're not wearing _any_ padding at all, and they get scared! They would probably run us out of town except running is so dangerous. So eventually, Dash and I decided we'd sleep outside, because in a place this safe, what's the worst that could happen? Right?

WRONG. No wait, I mean right. So far. It's morning and nothing bad has happened. Yet. THINGS COULD NOT POSSIBLY GET WORSE. I mean, not because they're particularly bad already, but just... you know. It's a safe place. I'm sure nothing bad will happen.

…

 

* * *

 

 

**World 18, Day 23**

I think I piled on enough reverse psychology that the world decided not to punish me after all! We actually had a really boring morning yesterday. We tried to get some waffles for breakfast, but I guess waffle irons are too scary, since at the Eatery they didn't even know what they were. Dash asked about eggs, but the only way they cook eggs is this weird way that makes them into puffy lumps with the yellow on the outside and the white on the inside. I guess it's safer that way, or something. Anyway, we ended up just getting oatmeal. And no, I'm not crazy! Except compared to _those_ ponies! Those ponies are _so sane_ that they probably _are_ crazy! And if you understand what I mean, travel log, you're probably a little crazy by now too. Sorry about that!

We got our stuff together and tried again with the recalibration. Our next try got us to a snow-covered world where Canterlot was kind of icky and smudgy like it was all one big living building that used to be a lot of buildings that flowed together. Ponies were going in and out the doors and windows, but it was all moving slowly, and I didn't really feel comfy with that.

So next we made the sun and crossbars really simple, and this time we wound up in a pretty normal-looking Canterlot, and we decided to see if either of the Princesses would help us! When we got to the palace, there was a huge appointment book for each princess with all her appointments, and you could fill one in if you wanted to. Princess Celestia's book was sooooo full that even though the book was so huge that turning the pages was hard, we had to turn like seven pages just to see the first blank spot. And Princess Luna's book was so empty that it was really sad to see the lonely appointments just scattered here and there, and they were all really boring stuff like “Royal Carpet Cleaning” and “Meeting with Finance Minister (business, not personal)” and “Silent Morris Dance of the Night”. Well actually that one sounded kind of interesting, but if it's silent, how unlonely could it be?

So Dash and I looked at each other. She wanted to just leave because this Luna was probably pretty peeved. But I kept thinking of the Luna from World 3 and felt bad for her, so I started filling in all the appointments. “Funtime with Pinkie”, “Play with Pinkie”, “Party with Pinkie Pie”, “Pinkie and Rainbow love Luna”, “The Rainbow Dash Boasting Hour”, “Reading with Rainbow”, “Puppets with Pinkie”, “Collage Nation with Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie”, “Pinkie and Rainbow do Canterlot Palace”, “Pie Day Astronomy Club”, “Rainbow Dash Presents”, and so on like that. But Rainbow saw what I was doing and tried to drag me away by my tail. I kept filling in appointments and shouting about how lonely Luna must be, and she kept telling me to forget it and asking how we were gonna find enough magazines for all those collages, and eventually some Lunar Guards showed up and banished us from the palace.

Fortunately, they didn't banish us to a dungeon in the place they banished us to, so we decided to go visit Twilight Sparkle instead. We tried her parents' house first, and they told us she had a dorm room at Celestia's Academy for Gifted Unicorns, so we went there. Dash hid her wings under a tank top and I got a matching tank top and we both wore big ten gallon hats so we could tell anyone who asked that we were Gifted Unicorns too, and we just had our horns under our hats! If anyone asked what our gifts were, I was all ready to say how we were gifted with amazing fashion sense, but no one ever bothered to ask! Pooey.

So we knocked on Twilight's door but she wasn't home, so then we asked all her friends where she was, except that we didn't because she didn't apparently _have_ any friends! Everyone just said that they didn't talk to her much and they didn't know when she might be back. So we went and borrowed a ping pong table from the student lounge and played that for a while until some unicorns came and joined us and we did a doubles game, and then they challenged us and beat us and won our ping pong table away. And then it was pretty boring until _finally_ Twilight showed up, and we swarmed her and told her all about how we were on this interdimensional quest, but we could only go _forward_ and not back because our calibrator window only worked one way, and she went through about seven stages of denial in one minute flat. Before too long, we'd convinced her she could write a paper about helping us out and _totally_ get extra credit with Celestia, and for all we know it's true!

So we spent the night in Twilight's dorm, and she slept for a while and tinkered for a while, and she totally seemed to be tickled by the idea that in our world, we were friends with her! She kept pausing from her work to ask what kind of friend things we did, and when we told her about how we'd have parties or watch meteor showers or tame parasprites or be in fashion shows together, she'd giggle for half a minute before getting back to work! And when we told her about how she's _soulmates_ with an apple farmer, she asked “Really?” and then when we said yes she laughed for so long I thought we were going to have to find a reset switch on her somewhere.

But she was a good worker! Dash made soda runs for Twilight and I used random objects in her room to create ambient background noise that was conducive to concentration, or anyway that's what she said! So by midmorning, she'd created a new _second_ window on our doohickey, one that remembers the pictures that were on the _first_ window! And it even remembers the ones we went to already! So if we wanted, Dash and I could probably go back all the way to World 3. But we had plans on World 13 instead, so we thanked her and said goodbye. And just before we left, Rainbow asked her where Spike was living these days, and Twilight said, “Spike who?” We looked at each other, but neither of us had the heart to tell her. So that was pretty sad.

But her new window worked! We made it back to World 13 and asked around about where all the Rainbow Dashes were, because it seemed awfully quiet in Canterlot-13 without them, which is weird, because Rainbow doesn't even _live_ in Canterlot! Twilight-13 told us they all went on to some other world with more civilized manticores, or at least that was the theory. So we showed her the new addition her other self made, and Twilight goggled for a while and then got really sorry for Twilight-16. She started making plans to make an interdimensional device that she could use so that she could go visit her, and we thought that was a great idea! I really really doubt it's gonna set off a cataclysmic chain of technological sprawl that leads to Twilight Sparkle becoming an additional unstable element throughout the multiverse. I don't even know what 'cataclysmic' means!

Well, we tried getting a picture of a manticore in our doohickey's display, but the best we could do was a lion's face in the sun. So we went with that, but we showed up in a Canterlot where half the buildings had had their roofs knocked off, and the sun was swirling around and around all over the sky, and now and then it would swoop down really big at someone, and Celestia was just standing there on a balcony laughing. So we left that place pretty quick.

Luckily, we got it right on the next try! Canterlot was pretty normal, and when we met some locals in a juice bar and talked them into playing a word association game with us and said “manticore”, they said “dignified” and “honorable”, so that's how we knew we were in the right place! The other way we knew we were in the right place was because everyone who saw Rainbow Dash either cringed or stared in wonder or looked confused! Eventually we asked whether they'd seen her around anywhere else recently. And one stallion said he'd seen her fly out over the Everfree, and Dash grabbed him and demanded to know where she'd gone, and whether he thought she could catch herself. He looked really confused, so I tried to lighten the mood by showing them both how you can use a net and a seesaw to catch yourself, and then we went off into the forest, questing for Rainbow Dashes. I love it when things get weird!

The Everfree Forest is still pretty scary here, but I guess the manticores are its sacred guardians, because we didn't get in too much danger, and when a snake slithered out to try and bite us, a manticore showed up out of nowhere and grabbed it! The manticore gave the snake a little speech and then flung it away. It didn't talk in our language, but it was pretty cool anyway. We used sign language to ask where the other Rainbow Dashes had gone, and it offered to give us a ride on its back!

So we rode our new manticore friend until we got to camp, and Rainbows-2, -9 and -11 were all there, along with another Rainbow and a Pinkie Pie from who-knows-where! They welcomed us to Cure HQ, which is what they call the place! I asked if it stands for Holy Quetzels! Apparently it actually stood for Head Quarters, but that's a weird name because who would want their head in quarters, and anyway after I said Holy Quetzals the other Pinkie talked all the Rainbows into changing its name into that instead.

So now I'm about to go to sleep here at Cure Holy Quetzals in World 18, and it's been a long day so I'm really really sleepy, but I'm totally looking forward to all kinds of fun and adventure in the Everfrxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

* * *

 

 

**World 18, Day 24**

Well that was weird! Usually if I fall asleep writing I get a bunch of z's, but I guess I slept funny last night! X must be next to Z somehow. Anyway I slept pretty well and we had a quick breakfast made out of _trails_ or something, but it tasted really good and had dates and chocolate in it so I'm not complaining. Today we worked out jobs for everypony. One big question was whether we should go looking for other Dashes and Pinkies to help us out. And I don't know where I stand!

On the one hoof, it'd be nice to have help, in case we do something the hard way and somepony else finds an easy way. It'd sure be nice to have somepony show up and wave their hooves and say “It's a breeze, guys!” But that's just wishful thinking and I learned right after my very first party and my very first cake that wishful thinking isn't enough—sometimes you have to _make_ your wishes happen! But then on the other hoof, it's reeeeeally easy to imagine how this might get out of control, with nopony remembering where they came from or knowing how to go back or even _wanting_ to go back. But then on the third hoof, Pinkie-A and Rainbow-A came from a totally different world that none of the rest of us have been to! They told us about how they got their _own_ machines from a Twilight Sparkle who was visited by a _different_ Pinkie Pie! So one way or another, things are already out of control! Maybe they were out of control before we even started trying to control them in the first place! But then on the fourth hoof... well we need to stand on that one so I'll leave it there. For now.

Dash and I didn't want to go stirring up happy Dashes and Pinkies, though, so we volunteered to find some of the stuff for this cure. Which is _crazy_. But I've done crazier stuff, so at noon or so we set off for... guess where?

book nice tagteam lumpy smashed

Well I didn't say we were _that_ crazy. No silly—Neighagra Falls!!

That's right! Dash always wanted to go see the most famous falls in the world, but she's never been there and neither have I! Our job is to find the most beautiful flower there and harvest dew from it on the morning of the new moon, which is in four days. Luckily winter isn't scheduled to start here until the day _after_ the full moon and they still have autumn flowers and I think we have _juuuuuuuuust_ enough time to get there and still get a good night's sleep every night. But our _second_ job is one that we didn't tell the others. I'll tell you but only really quiet, so don't rustle your pages or someone might hear.

it's to fall in love

Don't act so surprised! You know I'm supposed to fall in love with Rainbow, right? Back home, Fluttershy fell in love with Rarity, so now all our best friends are coupled up, and in the other worlds in the windows they were coupled up every single which way except for _us!_ So it's clearly our destiny. That's why we took the Neighagra Falls job. A long flight to a huge waterfall waay in the north? What's more romantic than that? If a whole bunch of falling water doesn't make us fall for each other, I don't know what will! I mean, that's why they call it 'falling in love', right?

 

* * *

 

 

**Still World 18, Day 25**

I love my little chariot  
All made of wood and iron  
I like to stand up tall in it  
and act like I'm a siren.

Its walls are sized just right for me  
as lands below I spy on  
And yet my little chariot's  
not what I've got my eye on.

;-)

 

* * *

 

 

**Morning 26**

Oh, book. Things are so simple for you, aren't they? You just have to find a nice dresser drawer to sit in or a couple of nice old books on a bookcase to nestle between, and you're happy. We ponies are so strange!

We're in these mountains called the Foal Mountains, which is a weird name, because there aren't any foals up so high and it's not like these mountains are foals of some other, higher mountains. Because I would see those, unless they moved really far away! No, I bet it's some kind of pun. A lot of places seem to be named for puns.

We slept in a crag last night—that's like a crack, but rockier. We made ours nice and soft with straw and dead grass we found lying around, because we were juuust at the top of the vegetable line, which is where vegetables stop growing. I think probably some of the straw used to belong to an eagle or something, but its nest got all scattered without anypony to take care of it. Poor eagle! At least some of the straw got to be useful again.

Since we were so crowded in our craggy crack, I decided it was time to Make My Move. (MMM!) Dash was done with her stretches and I was done rolling over to the left and rolling over to the right, so we were quiet for a while. That's when I reeeached my hoof out and tapped Dash on the far shoulder, so she wouldn't know it was me.

She looked over, but it wasn't long before she worked out that it had to be me who touched her, because it wasn't her and there were only two of us. So she made a question face that turned into a scolding face... and then I smiled. I thought she would smile back, but instead she just stared, and every second it was like she understood something new, and every second it scared her more! So I leaned forward and tried to hold her close, but she pushed me away. “Pinkie, I'm not ready for this,” she said.

“Well, what've we got to do before you _are_ ready?” I asked.

She got flustered and didn't know. I suggested maybe there was some big long recipe for being ready for love, just like the cure for Rarity's curse. But the more I described the imaginary recipe, the more she shook her head. “Pinkie,” she said. “You can't just decide to fall in love. Either it happens or it doesn't!”

Travel log, I didn't know what to say! I was gobflustered. I would have suggested something else we could try—I could have suggested things we could try all day—but Rainbow didn't think trying was the way to do it at all! But I don't even know _how_ to do something if you can't _try_ it! If we were supposed to just let love happen, or not happen, then how would we ever know if it was _going_ to happen, and what would we do in the meantime?

It made me sad and I lay down in my dry straw and cried a little. And Rainbow went out into the mountains, but she didn't do any flying, and after a while I felt her lie down next to me and give me a hug. You know the weirdest thing? That just made me cry more!

I guess we fell asleep, because everything after that was probably a dream. When we woke up, I was on my back with all my legs up, and Rainbow was sprawled across my belly. She started to get up, but I told her Wait. When she breathed, and I breathed just after, it felt like one long breath, rising and falling forever. It was like I was purring, even though I'm not a cat! She humored me for a little while, but then she got up and now she doesn't want to talk to me! I just don't know what's going through her head.

I wonder what she dreamed about.

 

* * *

 

 

**Morning 27**

Dash was really quiet today. At first I thought that was bad, but then she started talking really quietly about when she was a filly in Cloudsdale, and about how her friends all had sisters and brothers and she was an only child. I didn't know why she was telling me all that, but I listened and asked a few questions. Her dad made her go out for sports really young. At first—at very first, she didn't want to do it. She had toys she wanted to play with instead. But after her first Junior Lightning Ball game, she was hooked, and from then on she did whatever her dad wanted her to. She didn't play with her toys very much from then on.

It wasn't a sad story, because I knew how it turned out—it turned out with the Rainbow Dash I know and maybe almost love! But somehow, it made me sad anyway. I don't know how that happened!

Anyway, it wasn't like there was a whole lot else to do during breakfast or while we were flying, so I started talking too. I told Dash all about the old rock farm, even the stuff I try not to remember. I tried to leave out the boring parts, except most of it was boring parts! The ploughing, the rock rotations, the field rotations, the bedtime lessons, the time-outs, the flat faces. Once you take all that away, there wasn't that much left! But there were some neat things, too. Watching Dad cut open the geodes, and that time I got to do it myself for the first time! Riding on the cart to market with Mom and my sisters. Getting candied apples instead of regular ones for a while after the harvest sold. And after my family started to soften up to the way I was, they even let me throw parties now and then! Those were some of the best parties I ever threw, because they were so new! Nowadays any party I throw has one or two new wonderful things, which is fun enough, but back then, EVERYTHING about them was new! It was like eating a fruity cake so full of fruit that every bite is the best bite!

When I'm riding in the chariot, I can't see Rainbow's expression. I mean I can't see the one on her face, except her ears. But the rest of a pony has expressions too! So I watch the way her wings twitch and her rump bumps and her tail flails and her ears veer, and that tells me whether she's really listening or not. At first, I could tell my stories about rocks and things were boring her. But as the day went on, she started to care! I could tell even without all the questions she started asking. Of course, her first question was why anyone would even bother to farm rocks in the first place, when you can go outside and they're _right there!_ I always laugh when someone asks that question, because at first it seems like a good question but then when I explain the answer they feel silly because it was so _obvious!_ Rainbow felt silly, but she was a good sport and laughed about it, and that made me happy.

I think maybe Rainbow was right. Maybe you don't choose to fall in love. But that doesn't mean it just happens either. I mean, it's not like baking a cake. You don't just put the ingredients in the oven and wait for love to pop out. But maybe it's like thinking up a new recipe idea! You know you want something with figs and donut bits, but you can't think about how to fit them together, and you squash and squelch it around in your head until -ping!- Instead of donut bits, why not cake? So then you have fruit and cake and suddenly it all comes together. What I'm saying is that maybe love is like that.

 

* * *

 

 

**Evening 27**

Welp, we reached Neighagra Falls! And it's a beaut! It's a beautifalls! The water is always falling and always splashing and it doesn't stop to sleep ever. Dash and I stood by the bottom for a while and watched to see if it ever goes up instead of going down all the time. I figured maybe it only would if nopony was looking, so I tried looking off to the side for a while, and then suddenly snapping my head back! But I never caught it rising!

Dash got bored of that before I did and went off to look for the field of flowers above the falls. She came back and found me lying there pretending to be asleep so the water would think I wasn't paying attention. She made me wake up and carried me up to the top, and travel log, it was so beautiful!! There were so many autumn flowers, and there was a mist over them from the waterfall that made the whole field feel like magic. The flowers came in, like, four colors! And not the same colors, either, but _different_ ones! I know flowers can come in a lot more than four colors, but I was expecting them to be only one color, and if they'd been _all_ the colors it would have just felt like I was at a rainbow crash site. But these colors were really nice. There was:

  * Purple

  * Pink

  * Light indigo

  * Dark blue




And that about covers it! But then I realized we had a major problem. The flowers were really beautiful all together, but we need just _one_ flower—the most beautiful flower!! We need three parts of dew from it. If the most beautiful thing about these flowers is how nice the colors all look together, how are we supposed to tell which flower is the most beautiful on its own? Its beauty will get lost in all the beauty from all the flowers working together! And now I'm supposed to pick just _one_ of those flowers and tell them they _they_ worked the hardest and the best? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT

Dash suggested that maybe we need help. So she's going to see if she can find some other ponies to help us. There are some tourists here, and a museum, and some park rangers, so maybe some of them can help us! You know what? I'd better go to the museum before it closes and see whether they have directions to the most beautiful flower in the field, just in case. Because if they do, I'll feel pretty silly if we get dew from the wrong flower and only find out afterwards. Be seeing you!

[kiss mark]

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 28, World 18**

Wait until you read this, travel log! Morning was even mistier than afternoon or evening was! I thought the field over the falls was beautiful before, but it was AMAZING in the morning. I woke up in the middle of the night and the sky was beautiful with mist but there was no sign of the moon at all. If I didn't know better, I'd think once a month Luna decides to take a break and doesn't bother raising the moon at all! But I learned my schooling. I know that she _does_ raise it, but she keeps the glowing part turned away from the world so we can't see it. Why does she raise a moon we can't even see? Well, travel log, that's why SHE'S a princess and I'M a baker! I'm sure there's some sort of crazy reason.

I don't know if the new moon made the flowers more beautiful, but filly-oh-filly, it was GORGEOUS. Last night, while I was lying with Dash on the moss near the flowers, we talked about which color the most beautiful flower would probably be. I was hoping to rule out one or two colors. We both agreed it wouldn't be one of the dark blue ones, because blue is meant to be light, like the sky. But that's about as far as we got! The light indigo ones are sort of a special color—kind of rare in general, even if it's not rare here. But does that make them more beautiful? I kind of thought so, but Dash was a little scoffy and said that indigo was like the red-headed stepchild of the rainbow. I didn't understand that at _all_ , but she doesn't really have any in her mane, so maybe it was a personal pride thing. I was almost afraid to suggest that maybe the most beautiful flower could be pink. Luckily, she brought it up! And she even hugged me when she said it, and in that moment my heart felt pinker than it had for a long time!

But then, in the morning mist, all that went out the window. Or maybe, since we were outdoors, it went _in_ the window! Whichever way, it went were we weren't. Suddenly all the flowers had their own special beauty, and I couldn't even remember why I thought dark blue flowers couldn't be beautiful! It was just a sea of wild amazing beauty, and I really wished Rarity could have been there with us. I decided that if I ever see Rarity again, I'm going to take her to Neighara Falls for the morning of the new moon as a way of celebrating that she's there, and I'm there, and I'm sure Dash'll be there, and we'll get to hear all the wonderful words she'd use to describe the beauty of the flowers that I could only imagine.

I was just thinking that as I wandered through the flowers, but at the same time I was thinking that I might never see her again, because all the flowers were so beautiful I couldn't rule even _one_ out as not being the most beautiful, and if we couldn't tell which flower was the most beautiful, we'd never get the dew we needed for the cure, or at least not until the next new moon in a month, and that could be too late! Then it really struck me how ironic it was—being surrounded by a sea of beauty could end up costing me the most beautiful friend I know. I took step after step _wishing_ for the flowers or the mist to be less beautiful, praying and hoping that I'd turn a corner and see a dump, or a pile of old broken chairs, or even a rock, just to have _something_ , anything that I could call ugly!

That's when I pushed through a tall clump of stems and saw, in front of me, peeking up through a little stand, a little light green flower with a little round head, just bobbing around in the breeze, and way smaller than most of the others. I went up to it and I wasn't even trying to smell anything, I just breathed in through my _mouth_ and I smelled the green flower! It was like... the smell of clean. Not the smell of soap for cleaning, but the smell of never having to use soap in the first place because everything was already clean and always had been.

I stood and stared for a minute. Then I called Dash over, and she poked her head down and said “Whoa.” We both knew right away it was the most beautiful flower. We didn't even have to search any longer. And it wasn't any of the colors we talked about at all!

So Dash got out her little glass vial, and we carefully poured the dew off the most beautiful flower, and we left a little in there just to make sure it was still beautiful. Then we capped the vial and set off toward town, because it was high time to find a restaurant and force them to throw us a party!

They were pretty good sports about it. We got most of the restaurant clapping along by the time our flower song was done.

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 30, World 18**

over the snowy clouds

writing on the floor of my sky chariot

it's made of wood but

i know there are more clouds under there

clouds would run out and be gone

if water didn't come to them.

Waterfalls forever but

water also rises!

Clouds are good to see because

they help me remember

Dashie Dashie your back is what i see, but

I know I'm in your eyes.

i'm not falling in love with Rainbow Dash.

i'm RISING in love.

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 32, World 18**

It was a long sweet trip back, and even though there wasn't much to do but watch the snow and think, weirdly it kind of made me forget our troubles. I wonder how that works! There was a lot of nice scenery, and even though Dash did like 99.9% of the flying, she didn't mind either. She said it was good exercise! So we got back to the Everfree Forest and showed up at Cure HQ, and...

And there were like fifteen ponies there! And they were _all_ me and Dashie!!

(I'm calling her Dashie now. Don't try and stop me!)

They all sprang up and said hi to us, and then they all started gabbling awkwardly about which ones we were and what they should say. It took us about half an hour, but we all got introduced and sorted out. Dash and I got numbertags! And do you know what they did? While we were away, the other Dashes and Pinkies went to a bunch of other worlds and met up with other Pinkies and Dashes and brought them back here! And they started giving out numbers that are _totally different from the numbers I've been using!_ So now I'm almost _completely_ confused. I'm tempted to make everyone wear a bow or a hat and call them things like “Greenbow Dash” or “Floppycap Pie”.

And what's more, two of the other Pinkies and one of the Dashes have their _own_ machines that they got invented for them by their own Twilights or Lunas or Purple Tinkers! And they have their own quests they're on! One Pinkie says her Rarity got hit with a curse from a gemstone she dug up, like ours. But the other one says she started her adventure because there was this big gremlin invasion and now tiny little gremlins live in all the machines and none of their machines work right, and she needs a spell to get rid of them! And the other Rainbow Dash (that I was calling Rainbow-A but now is Rainbow-2) is doing all this for Fluttershy, who got sick in the jungle when some insects stung her! So now we've got way more help but we have way more problems too! And I ask you, Travel Log: Ain't that the way?

(odd page means yes)

No? It's not the way? Huh. Well then I don't _know_ what the way is!

Anyway, we're still working on the cure for the gem curse, and since that's my thing, I'm sticking to it. The group here made friends with the local manticores and they're staking out a pregnant manticore who's gonna pop out a minicore anytime now! They've been working on how to harvest hope from it. And another group went and got a silver ring for setting the whole mix into later. Yet another Rainbow Dash went and got a whole giant barrel full of onion rings, so we have _way_ more than we need and we've been eating mainly those, which is why our camp smells like it does! Or maybe that's the lye. Anyway, we're making progress!

I mentioned how I got turned half to stone by a cockatrice, so now arranging to freeze a melted simmered mess of dew, hope, breaded fried onions and lye with the gaze of a cockatrice is MY job! I can't say it sounds like my dream job but I can't say it _doesn't_ sound like my dream job! Besides, I think working in a bakery is _already_ my dream job! So what am I complaining about?

 

* * *

 

This is a paper.

This is a pen.

This is an ink drop.

This is a sentence.

I am a pony.

Pony should pony pony.

<gasp> Pony _does_ pony pony!!

[detailed and dramatic drawing of a beetle sucking the juice out of a berry]

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 33, World 21**

We decided it would be easiest to get a cockatrice to freeze our thing without getting frozen _ourselves_ if we went to a world where the cockatrices are friendlier! If there is any such place! So we did our best with the calibrator, but we couldn't get anything even sort of like a cockatrice to show up at all!

So instead we went kind of randomly in a friendly direction, and when we arrived the Everfree was all filled with dangling blue bell-shaped winter fruits! So I ate one. And then I got all cosmic and weird for a while and wandered all over the forest while Dash tried to hold me back, and I watched all the stuff going on in the trees and in the snow and in the plants and in the sky and I wrote a few weird things in you and drew a picture of a beetle for some reason and eventually I feel asleep and Dashie stood guard over me, which I wish I could have been there to see! Then I woke up feeling normal again and we gave the doohickey another try.

This time, the forest was all swampy and wet with black water, and you'd think that would have been even scarier, but somehow it wasn't! It was like having all that dark water out in the morning when there weren't any dangerous things around was like proof that the water was okay! It was like saying “I'm a swamp, come out and play with meee!” So we did!

Dash did a lot of low level flying and I hopped a bunch from log to branch to stone to stone. We didn't get attacked, so that was a good sign, but we couldn't be sure whether there were any cockatrices at all around, so we went looking for the only pony we knew could beat a cockatrice: Fluttershy.

It took us a while, but we got out of the woods and found her! She still lives in the same place, but her stream is a whole little half frozen river and instead of a cottage she's got a boathouse! When she came to the door she had a pair of water wings on top of her regular wings. THAT'S SO CUTE! She also had a waterproof hat that she put on when she came out to talk to us. We went through our whole introduction routine about being from another dimension and tried not to scare her too much, and I think we did okay cause I only heard a couple whimpers.

Then we asked her about cockatrices, and she said they were still formidable and not to be trifled with. Well, we said we didn't want to trifle with any cockatrices, but we did need to ask them a big favor, so she suggested that we just go one more itty bitty world further and helped us out with our calibrator to find it. We got the window to show a little pile of stones in front of a tree and that seemed good enough for Fluttershy, so we said goodbye and -ZOOP!- We were there.

And guess what! The new Fluttershy was already outside! She spotted us there appearing out of nowhere and was really shy at first about talking to us, but then she overcame her fear and we started to do her routine again, but she said, “Oh, I know.” She told us about how her own Pinkie and Rainbow had already gone off on an adventure, because her own Rarity is dying too!

I didn't know what to say, but Dashie did—she gave her a hug and told her how we're doing the best we can to find a cure for our own Rarity, but we're working hard with a bunch of other interdimensional travelers to make sure _everyone_ gets cured and everything works out all across the entire multiverse!!!!!

You don't think we're too ambitious, do you, travel log?

simple frozen rocking oatmeal eventually

Hmm. Well, travel log, that's just a risk we're going to have to take!

 

* * *

 

**Night 33, World 21**

We went out looking for cockatrices today, travel log. But we didn't find any. Fluttershy-21 says sometimes they're scared of us. “Why are they scared?” I asked. “They're scared we're going to make them into stone soup,” she said. I don't think she was joking. Our own Fluttershy back home hardly ever tells jokes.

So how do we find all these friendly cockatrices? Well, just because they're not meanies who try to petrify everyone they meet doesn't mean they're glad-to-meet-you friendly! I knew a donkey back home who was friendly in a really subtle way. Instead of being smiley or nice or “I want to be your friend” friendly, he was more “I _don't_ want to be your friend unless you solve the biggest mystery in my life and find my lost love for me and then okay fine I _guess_ I'll be your friend except we can never have any parties” kind of friendly! That's so subtle I could understand if you thought he wasn't even friendly at all!

So I'm not going to sing any more songs in the forest like I did today. Fluttershy is going out with us tomorrow, and we're gonna find those cockytrices and make them promise to freeze our junk! But if they want something in exchange, that's fine with me. I'm totally prepared to go on a dozen sidequests if I have to. It's worth it for Rarity—all the Raritys! And the sick Fluttershys and gremlinated Ponyvilles and everyone else out there who needs our help!

And besides. The longer I spend out here having adventures with Dashie, the sooner we're sure to fall in love! Everyone knows adventures are the _best_ for making love happen. I think that's because they make your heart beat faster. I can feel my heart beating now! I've told my heart that every time it beats, it should set aside one drop of blood for Dashie. I don't know what I'll do with all the extra blood, but I'm pretty sure I'll know when the time comes!

**Day 34, World 21**

 

* * *

 

 

i think i wasted the blood

 

* * *

 

 

Oh Travel log, I'm making a mess out of everything! They say adventures are good for love and maybe that's true but I slipped up and now I don't know _who_ my heart is beating for!

We found the cockatrices. It was a long day and it took a lot of looking, but we found them. And they talk by hissing but they can draw pictures and Fluttershy seems to understand them and

Fluttershy.

I can't hide anything from you, travel log. I think I'm in love with her! I tried to fall in love with Dashie but I messed up. My nana once told me that the best way to fall in love is to throw your heart at the ground and miss, but I think I missed too far! Now Fluttershy is here and Dashie's gone off to get Rarity from Fillydelphia and I'll tell you, Travel Log, cockatrices aren't the only things she understands!

she hasn't kissed me yet but

 

* * *

 

 

Fluttershy-21 hearts Pinkie-21! But Pinkie-21 is gone! She went off for the silliest reason I ever heard—it's a reason so silly I can't even write it down without laughing for hours and hours. But I'd probably cry too because she left Fluttershy-21 all alone. And the Rainbow Dash here left too just last week, and this world's Rarity moved to Fillydelphia years ago to be a big designer, and they don't even know who Twilight Sparkle is, and and

and Fluttershy is so lonely. So lonely! She needs me to cheer her up. And do you know how much depth there is in her? THIS MUCH. [vertical arrow] At least! I haven't reached the bottom of her capacity to need cheering up. I bet a smile from her is worth at least 2.71828 smiles from anypony else! I could spend my whole day doing nothing but making Fluttershy happier, and I bet it would feel like a whole crowd of laughing ponies all cheering for me. When I make her breakfast it makes her light up! It's like waking up and seeing the sun all over again. I could make breakfast for Fluttershy ten times a day, except then she'd get fat, but I could make each one really really small with only the tiniest little pat of butter so she'd stay just the way she is, which is how I like her, except I think I don't just like her, I love her! Except I don't know if I really love her, Travel Log, but she needs me. And I'm such a silly Pinkie I can't tell the difference.

The cockatrices want to help but first they want to meet the mare they'd be doing it all for. And that seems totally reasonable, but we weren't sure we could even find our way back to the other worlds we came from and then back here, so Rainbow went off to get Rarity in the chariot, but I stayed behind because there's not room for _two_ ponies in the chariot, and besides Rainbow is faster on her own. But I hope she comes back soon because I'm scared without her, I'm scared I'll fall completely into this hole with its bright shy smile and its megalumens of inner light and its little scampering animals all over the place and its pure, pure love. I'm drowning in Fluttershy!

And she doesn't want me to go. When it's time for Dashie to go back to Cure HQ and get things shaking, Fluttershy doesn't want me to go with her! She cried so many tears today and held me in such a trembling way that I don't know how I could go. But when Dashie comes back and asks me what I'm doing I just don't know—I don't know what I'll say!

I don't know what to do, Travel Log. If I had two of me I'd both stay _and_ go, but no matter how many me's visit from other places, I don't really _have_ them. I'll only ever have one me: myself. And even if I give myself up completely, I can't ever belong to two mares at once. Can I?

No, you're right, travel log. I can't.

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 35, World 21**

Thank heavens Applejack still lives here! Aside from the girls at the spa, she's Fluttershy's only friend. And Fluttershy needs friends! Just because someone is shy doesn't mean you leave them alone. That's when they need you more than ever! Unless _maybe_ if they tell you to leave them alone. But even then, you keep your eye out for loneliness.

Applejack-21 knows all the right questions to ask. When she saw me, the first thing she asked was whether I was her Pinkie, or some alien Pinkie. “Alien!” I chirped. Then she invited me in and asked what I was looking for.

I told her all about Rarity's problems back home and how we've got a Happy Quiche on World 18. She thought about it and asked whether I meant a Headquarters, and I said yes! Applejack-21 is smart!

Then I told her how Fluttershy feels so lonely ever since the local Pinkie and Dashie left, and Applejack said she knows, and she feels lonely too, when she has time to. I didn't know loneliness was something you have to make time for. But Applejack says that hard work can shove any feelings to the back shelf, whether you want it to or not. Then I told her that I've been falling in love with Fluttershy, and that got her attention!

She asked me how I managed to fall in love so fast! I said I didn't know. Maybe it's how exciting everything was. She asked me whether I'd still love her after the excitement died down. I pulled my hair and said I didn't know!

She suggested that the three of us should have a quiet day and do something cooperative together while we're waiting for Dash to get back with Rarity. Usually I would have squealed “Party!!” and been totally in favor, but somehow for some reason this time, it didn't feel quite right. I said okay anyway, though, and so Applejack and I invited Fluttershy to go shopping with us in the market.

So we did! Fluttershy was reluctant at first but once we were there she saw all sorts of things in the market she liked and she was glad we invited her. I got some more travel food and some refill confetti and a pop-up book I thought cockatrices would like. Applejack got some farm stuff and a new fancy cider mug with a bear's picture built right in! Then afterwards, we went back to Applejack's place and played Horseshoes in the snow. Applejack won but I had the best toss! And Fluttershy didn't win at all but she was so happy when she got a point that I just had to huggle-snug her!

We took her back to her cottage and I walked Applejack home. And on the way, I felt my feelings churning around inside me and I didn't know what they were doing! But Applejack knew the exact right time to ask how I felt, and at that exact moment I knew the answer. I told her: “I feel satisfied.”

“Satisfied with what, sugar?” she asked.

“Satisfied with... with Fluttershy, I guess!” I said.

“Satisfied like you wanna spend the rest of your life with her, spending days like today? Or satisfied like you've gotten something out of your system?”

I thought about that for a while but somehow the first one didn't seem right. And Applejack told me she'd thought so. Wanting to spend all your days doing something is usually called being “content”, not “satisfied”, she said. And she said she's the luckiest pony she knows, because she managed to find contentment at such a young age. And I had to agree! Except that deep down I knew that I don't actually _want_ to be content, because doing the same thing all the time is _boring_ and it's more fun to always do new things and find new passions and have new adventures! I don't _want_ to know what I'll want to be doing three weeks from now! I want to find out when it happens!

I didn't know it right then, but I think that's when the seed was planted. I'm not sure if Applejack planted the seed or if I did. Either way, it grew up in my stomach tall enough to tickle my heart, and then it had a conversation with my heart. And now my heart is telling me that Rainbow Dash is the only pony for me. I _do_ love Fluttershy but she could never be my one true love, because she wants contentment, like Applejack, and I want adventure... like Rainbow Dash!

I still feel muddled and confused but I know when Dashie comes back it'll all come clear again. I'm on track to not be all muddled anymore and that's like a light shining through on the foliage in my innards, telling it which way to grow until it's not a mess anymore, and that thought makes me feel better already.

[kiss mark]

 

* * *

 

 

**Morning 36**

But what if Dashie never comes back?! _Then what will I do?_

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 37, World 18**

Good! I knew that would work. I just had to make it suspenseful! And sure enough, Dash came back yesterday with Rarity in a waaaay overstuffed chariot. They even built an extension to the chariot and things were _still_ almost falling out! Anyway when they landed I was so glad to see Rarity healthy again (even if it's a different Rarity) that I ran up and hugged and kissed her all over. It's okay, though. There's a rule that kisses don't count as romance kisses if they take less than half a second each, and I timed myself!

We went inside and Fluttershy squeed and gave Rarity a hug and then Dash told us about how hard it was to convince Rarity to come back with her because she was in the middle of this big charity drive and she had to find somepony to take over and then she had to pack and then the chariot wasn't big enough so they had to have one of her set designers build an extra part and that's why Dash was away so long! But now they're back and we all went to visit the cockatrices.

Rarity was really nervous about it because I guess even if the cockatrices in this world are decent people, that doesn't mean everypony likes them. They still get put in storybooks as the bad meanies!

So when they came out and started swarming all over, Rarity quailed, or at least half quailed, and started gasping with fear, and it was a mess! Fear is contagious and Fluttershy is susceptible, so she ran and hid and I had to sing _three songs_ before everyone was friends! I don't run into very many three-song snafus!

But eventually, the cockatrices asked Rarity a bunch of questions, and she answered, and she told them all about her glorious fashion triumphs in Fillydelphia, and with Sapphire Shores, and that one time she went to Canterlot, and Dash was all, “One time?? Our Rarity goes there a bunch!” and Rarity-21 blushed and I could tell she was jealous. And then she told the cockatrices about all this charity stuff she's doing to help orphans and sick foals with only one parent, and they were impressed enough that they arranged a town hall meeting, except it was more like a bog ball meeting, because they all slithered into a big dome bulb thing made of mud in the middle of a half-frozen bog, and when they came out there were three of them who'd volunteered to be part of our cure!

So we shook claws with them and said thanks we'll be back, and then we went back and did the same thing with Rarity and Fluttershy! Except we bumped hooves instead of claws. I don't have any claws. But we're gonna have to get some at _some_ point or we won't be able to finish the cure!

Well, I can let somepony else worry about that. We managed to get back to World 18 (after making a wrong turn and going back to the world with the flying angry sun, which was still flying only now there was a flying angry moon _too!!_ ) and now we're back at Cure Half Quails with about half a dozen other Pinkies and Dashes. Dash and I told them everything we did, but we were both talking at the same time so I'm not sure how much got through. They made me step out for a while so they could talk to Dashie alone. They'll probably call me back in to talk later.

( yawn )

But I'm gonna trick them. I'm going to slzeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 38**

Scootaloo came to visit the HQ today. I missed her because I was away with Pinkie-3 (not the real Pinkie-3, the fake one) kissing rocks to see if we could make them shine like diamonds. But I guess Scoots is worried about the local Rainbow and wishes she'd go back to the weather patrol and doing tricks. Well believe me, Scootaloo—she wishes that too! And so do I! But we've got a job to do, and we're not gonna rest until we've done it! Except for going shopping and playing Horseshoes, but that doesn't count because I had an excuse. Oh, and sleeping. And writing in books. But that doesn't count either because

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 39**

No, it _does_ count. It's true! I'm addicted to you, travel log! I can't stop writing entries! I know I have more important things to do, but I miss you! Your crinkly corners... your pages that are just thin enough to see the sun through.. your stalwart, sticky spine!

I wish I knew how to quit you, travel log! But I don't!!

Wait. I know. I have a solution. Rarity-18 saw me writing in you and told me that 'travel log' is supposed to be just one word, spelled like:

Travelogue

I told her she was just being silly, but later I saw Cheerilee in town and asked her and she said Rarity was right! So maybe...

...maybe I'll just call you my travelogue from now on. I don't like the way that word looks. The way it has a silent 'ue' at the end makes it look like you're sticking your tongue out at me. And I'll wish you were still a log, because I like logs, especially rolling on them!

But for Rarity's sake, this has to be done. You're my travelogue now, and maybe I'll find a name like that easier to resist.

This hurts me more than it does you, my sweet logue.

-Your Pinkie Pal

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 40**

What are all these Scootaloos doing here

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 41**

Oh, world. Why you so wacky?

So guess what! The Interdimensional Madness Club has a new member—Scootaloo! You know her, right, travelogue? The Cutie Mark Crusader who can _almost_ fly but not quite? It turns out some Scootaloo somewhere decided she missed her local Rainbow Dash and decided to chase after her! So she somehow got her own gizmowhatsit for zipping from world to world, and it was contagious _too_ , and now we have Scootaloo Slip!

I dunno, travelogue. If things keep on like this, pretty soon everyone's gonna have to go around with a numbertag! And I'm sure there are other problems with mixing up all the ponies from all the worlds, even though right now I can't think of any. But I _bet there are some!!_

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 42**

This Emotional Cookbook says _nothing_ about what flavor revenge is! THE ABSTRACT LIBRARY IN WORLD 1.32 IS USELESS.

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 43**

Good news, travelogue! We finally took care of the hardest part of the cure! We found nice manticores and nice cockatrices, but I guess hydras are never nice because all the Rainbows and Pinkies and now Scootaloos out looking never found _any!_ But today a team of Rainbows came back and said they found a world where they keep hydras in zoos! And since the zoo brochure has a picture of Princess Celestia on it, I guess it must be morally okay! So now we're just waiting for our little manticore baby to slip on out into the world, and then we're gonna move our HQ to World 2.15! And I don't know how the dot got into that world name so I'm just gonna call it by ordinary numbers instead.

Come on out, little flying scorpilion! The world is waiting! ALL the worlds are waiting for you! You may have big scary wings and a nasty stingy tail and sharp cutty claws, but I bet you're still gonna be a cutiepie, aren't you?

And believe me, little scorpilion. There's all sorts of stuff in the world, and that means there's PLENTY of hope. Not having hope is only for when EVERY door is closed and there's nothing left. But that's never been even _kind_ of true, not so long as ponies have been around, and probably not even before that! And these days, more doors are open than _ever!_

Wheeeere's Baby?

Wheeeeeeeeere's Baby?

 

* * *

 

 

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere's Baby?

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 45**

_THERE_ SHE IS!!

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 47, World 23**

Woohoo!! We're all moved over to the new place with this great big beautiful zoo in the great big beautiful city-I-never-went-to-before of Baltimare!! I spent half an hour just running up and down all the streets and playing in the snow. I wish I could see this place in summer!

They're really big on tall things here. There are towers built up really tall and really tall trees with _zip lines_ between them and a big spire and even ginormous signs that say what's playing at the theater. It's no wonder they have hydras in their zoo. They have giraffes too. And a giant panda. I mean a _really_ giant panda. And there's this big wooden pole in the middle of the zoo that's just for vines and creepers to creep and spiral and grow up around. It's really nifty!

How could a little baby manticore born into a world like this _not_ be filled with hope? Hopefully I'll never have to find out, because this one _was_! We had to wait a couple days for her to open her eyes, but even before that she was sniffing and mewling and waggling her tail all everywhere! And even though there was snow and ice everywhere when she saw the world for the first time, she peeped and rawred and snickered with amazement! And seven of the Rainbows did this air show for her where each one's trail was a different color, so I really hope manticores aren't colorblind!

Anyway, Zecora-21 came over and did this ritual with a mask and a cauldron where she made parboiled manticore soup and harvested half her hope. Everyone was really sad, because we could see how she wasn't as excited about life afterwards, but was kind of mopey instead, and her mom and dad cuddled her up tightly and went into their den. I sure hope she gets her hope back and turns out all right. But we got plenty of manticore hope to make _lots_ of cures, and it's for a good cause!

We're finally all set to make the first batch of this insanely crazy cure! The local Spike and Twilight are here to help out, and there's a big crowd of Pinkies and Rainbows and Scootaloos milling around and getting everything in place, and now and then one of the Scootaloos with a flattop manecut is calling out “T minus however-many minutes!” where T means time and that means it's almost time to start!

I'm so excited I could doodle! I'm really glad this thing is finally happening in World 23 and on Day 47 of Dashie's and my quest. 23 and 47 are special numbers to me because they're like the most random numbers _ever!_ If you ever needed some random number of something, chances are it was probably either 23 or 47! I guess that means they aren't really that random, but they _seem_ random when you say them and when the chips are down that's really what counts, isn't it?

T minus hardly anything! Time for me to go do my part!!

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 48**

  * Liquid manticore hope? CHECK.

  * Lye? CHECK.

  * Sweet revenge? CHECK. Rainbow-1.0 and Pinkie-1.5 took care of that! (The 1 before the dot means this numbering is Rainbow-1's idea, not mine. My numbers start with 4's, but I don't have numbers for these guys because I never went to their worlds!) They went and challenged Rainbow's arch nemeses, Hoops and Dumbbell, to a game of Epic Lightning Ball. And they won, which I guess was pretty sweet! Apparently sweet revenge looks like crunchy little yellow and white lightning bolts made of oats. Who knew?!

  * Dew from the most beautiful flower on Neighagra Falls? CHECK! Thanks to yours truly and Dashie Truly! I guess since it's winter now there aren't any flowers left up there, so if someone went and planted just ONE flower they could probably be all set for the _next_ new moon!

  * Teeeny tiny little onion ring? CHECK! (so cute)

  * Dragon's flame? CHECK! We've got Spike on our side!

  * Hydra's belly? I dunno, I'd better CHECK! Just kidding! This was the hardest part, but we did it! We had to put the scorched little mess we got into a magic shell and trick a hydra into swallowing it, and then we had to make it toss its cookies again! And that's hard!! By the time we got our ball back, the shell Twilight made was almost digested away, and it came up a different neck than it went down! I felt kind of guilty except the hydra was so mean it made me forget to be guilty anymore.

  * Gaze of a cockatrice? CHECK! We went back to World 21 for that, and they froze it up good! Lots of musical hissing, too!

  * Clasped claws? CHECK! Spike again! Plus a bunch of us Pinkies and Scootaloos wore fake superhero costume claws and helped him out, just in case.

  * “For that all should be well and thy life be free?” CHECK! The mayor of Baltimare sent a bunch of musicians to keep us in time with each other and to make sure we didn't get too bored during the chant! It took about an hour and a half, and it was pretty trancy! Or maybe groovy. Some of the Scootaloos got bored and left but most of us had a pretty good time! (Now if only I could get that chant out of my head!)

  * Polish it with your kisses? CHECK! Pinkie-2.0 is a star! She's such a good kisser she almost made me jealous of Blues, her boyfriend back home!

  * Set it in a ring of silver? CHECK! We got a real silversmith called Silver Smiles to come do this, and Twilight helped her out by making the silver soft and then hard again when it had to be.

  * Pass it over the casing of the accursed gem? NO CHECK! We can't do that because we don't have the casing for all the gems! We can only hope that all the Raritys who got hit by gem curses kept theirs!

  * So instead, we're making a kit! The kit'll tell them how to make the cure happen and include the ring and the chant, only it's a different chant for each particular curse, so we're gonna have to print a booklet. But Twilight is all up on that!

  * WE DID IT!! I'm so excited! Now we've just gotta do it like forty-seven more times and we should be all covered!!!




 

* * *

 

 

**Day 50, World Stupid**

Twilight got some unicorns from the Royal Academy interested and they said we had to have a test to make sure these things work! So Rainbow and Pinkie-1.0 took the first gem cure kit we made back to their original world, and in the meantime the rest of us stayed to make more! We're doing all the parts in shifts, but we're really hoping it'll turn out to be okay to just say the chant a thousand times _total_ instead of a thousand times each. I mean, we're running out of musical styles to do it to! I could go for more of that swanky Camelu rhythm, though! I hope the DJ plays it at tonight's chant session.

So far we've made five rings to cure five Raritys, if we did everything right. I want to send one back to our Rarity before it's too late! I mean, Dash and me did _more_ than our share to get all this working! We're the ones who got the dew from the flower, and Twilight says the dew is the _limiting reagent_ in our process which means we're gonna run out of it before we run out of anything else! So they should be thanking us maybe more than anypony!

But we aren't top candidates to get our Rarity cured because we -don't have a reliable path back.- That's what they say. Whatever!! We can totally get back all the way to World 3 using our Doohickey's Retro Window, and from there it's just three worlds away and if we can't find our way back home from there then I'm a skunkie's uncle.

But noO0Oooo. Everyone who can guarantee they know how to find their way back gets to cure their Raritys before we do. Well, I'm gonna talk to Dashie about it, and if she feels the same way I do, then we're gonna strike off on our own! We'll GO home and COME back and REMEMBER the way and MAKE them send our Rarity her cure! And if they have problems without us then they can just BLAME THEMSELVES because they SHOULD HAVE DONE THE RIGHT THING.

[aimless scribbles]

I'm sorry to do that to you, travelogue. I know you deserve better than scribbles. But I hope you'll forgive me because you can understand how I feel.

 

* * *

 

 

**Morning 52, World 16**

Okay, so it turns out Dashie not only felt the same way I did, she felt _more_ of it. She was ready to go almost before we were done having our conversation! She hugged me and shouted at Rainbow-9: “You know what? We're _outta_ here. We've got _better_ things to do than sit around and milk hydras for their stomach acid all day.” Which I thought was a great line even if it is exaggerating the hydra thing juuuust a titch.

Rainbow-9 is the Chief Dash. The group elected her to be in charge, and she was peeved that we were leaving! But most of the group understood—everyone's got their own world to look out for, and we've got ours! I'm scared that maybe when we come back they won't let us take one of the rings even if we _do_ find the way back to our world. But Dashes are forgiving friends, aren't they? ...And so are Pinkie Pies! ...Aren't they?

SO we decided to come back to the world where we met that Twilight at the Gifted Unicorns college who made our Retro Window in the first place! We're hoping to ask her if she can make it even _more_ retro and help us get _all_ the way back, not just as far as World 3 where we got the calibration window! But the train from Baltimare let us off pretty much right in front of the royal palace, and no sooner did we pass by than PRINCESS LUNA leaped out and found us and started asking us why we were missing all our appointments with her, and didn't we love her as our sovereign after all?!

I'll tell you, I had _totally forgot_ that I signed us up for all those appointments. I felt terrible! I tried to explain how the guards dragged us out of the palace, and Dash tried to tell her that she had to mare up and make some friends, instead of counting on her subjects coming to her, but Luna just hugged us both into a big swirly cape of night and took us to her palace, and we had to play puppets and war games and do storytime with her and build bat habitats and finally came Night Court and we were the only ones there and it was just really awkward. Luna said a speech and then asked us to petition her, so Dashie went up and petitioned her to help us find our way back home. And Luna raised an eyebrow and asked a bunch of questions in her archaic voice, and then she wanted to take a look at our Doohickey. And I was kinda scared she might, like, break it or something, because this Luna doesn't seem like the most mature ruler the multiverse has to offer, you know? So we told her to be really careful with it, and she promised she would. Then the sun came up and she went to bed right there in the throne room and she snores _loud_ and unlike Dashie her snores are _not_ like music.

So much for getting help from college Twilight! Luna has our doohickey somewhere on her, even though I can't see anywhere it could be, so it's probably some magic place where you keep hammers and stuff. And Dashie and I have places to go! But you can't wake a sleeping princess without a _really_ good reason, and I asked the guards but they don't think this quite qualifies. So now we're _stuck_ in the palace all day and I'm really tired and screw this, I'm gonna go find Celestia.

 

* * *

 

 

**Still Day 52, World 16**

It turns out that standing in line is not one of my noteworthy skills. Neither is waiting for hours and hours and hours! I mean, Twilight-1 made me watch grass growing, but at least that's _grass_. That's nature. Nature is interesting! What's not so interesting is staring at the same big aristocrat's pudgy maroon caboose for half a day. I got so antsy that I started playing games with the other ponies in line to see Celestia, and then I started a call and response singalong, and I got kicked out of the line _twice_ and had to start over, and then eventually Dash and I just broke into the Princess's throne room and shouted that Rarity's life is in danger, and we got dragged away because I forgot Princess Celestia doesn't even know who Rarity _is_ in this world. Or me or Dash! So we got tossed out of the palace without our doohickey, and now we're totally _trapped_ here!

Except we can still probably get it back from Luna. We just have to wait for her to wake up and get presentable and then go in for our nine-hour block of appointments. (I cannot BELIEVE I sig

But in the meantime, maybe we'll go see Twilight at the Academy. If she could create a Retro Window to go with our Calibration Window, maybe she can create a whole new Doohickey from scratch! She knows how it works now, right? How hard can it be?

 

* * *

 

 

Wait I forgot to use reverse psychology. How EASY can it be? Twilight probably has NO idea how to build us a new doohickey, and if we march in there and ask for one, there's no _way_ she could figure out how to do it. Forgetaboutit! I mean, how clever could she possibly _be?_

 

* * *

 

 

**Night 53, World 16**

Nope, I was too late. Twilight really didn't have any idea how to help, and she felt bad about it too, so now I feel bad and Dash feels bad. We all went to a shadow puppet show at the student theater which is this thing where they use shadow ducks and things to tell stories. Usually I would be totally excited about that, but I was feeling so down I just went WOO and waved my pompons around while frowning a great big frown. Actually that's kind of funny to think about, so maybe I'm cheering up a little.

Anyway, we went back to see Luna, and she made us play foosball and wind clocks and read through thirteen-hundred-year-old poetry and redistrict outlying barley fields in Shetland and polish ceramic cats, and then _finally_ she took our doohickey to her study and took a good look at it.

And what do you think she decided? I'll flip to some words to see what you think she decided.

silver quest excited get moon

Yup. You guessed it. She wanted to come with us. So I'll ask you a question, travelogue. Do you say no to the Moon Princess?

vial

Vial?! What is 'vial' supposed to mean? The answer is no! No, you don't say no. You can't. So now, we've got to wait while Luna works out a way to make our Pinkie-and-Dashie-ONLY device work for Lunas, too! And I bet you can see how great that's gonna be! When we have Lunas zipping all over the multiverse too, on top of everypony else, then things are _really_ going to get unstable. I mean, does she take her moon with her when she travels? How many moons can one world handle? What if they smash into each other in the sky? _Why does nopony but me ever think of these things??!_

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 54, World 3**

Welp, it's kind of out of our hooves now! Luna got distracted for a while with the big head globes in World 5, but once she'd bought and used every single one of them we kept going to World 3. So we marched through Canterlot up to the palace, ponies bowing left and right in front of us, and we came up to the guards who ask what you want, and Princess Luna whispered to me and Dash that she was too shy to ask, and we should do it. So Dash heaved a big heavy SIGH, and went up and said that we'd like to see Princess Luna. And the guards just looked really confused and said, “Uh, she's standing behind you.” And I got mad and pronked around and said “No, the REAL Princess Luna!!” Then Luna said “We should like to see ourselves as well,” so at that point the guards broke down and let us in.

So now Luna-16 is meeting privately with Luna-3. Dash and I are just waiting outside. It was fall when we were here before, but now it's totally winter. The clouds aren't so thick over the sun anymore, which is probably a good sign—I wonder if Luna-3 has some way of holding it without burning her soul now!

I have to admit, it's kind of boring just waiting out here. The plus side is we got to keep our doohickey this time, but it's not like we're just gonna blow off Luna, because you never know.

...she could follow us

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 55, World 3**

So APPARENTLY after a long night and like a BARREL of wine and enough dinners to feed sixty ponies (according to the cooks who had to bring it to them), Luna-3 and Luna-16 have decided to SWITCH PLACES. Luna-16 told so many stories about Celestia that Luna-3 misses her more than EVER, so she's gonna go back to World 16 and be sisters with Celestia-16, and Luna-16 is gonna stay here and rule so she can be popular! This is CRAZY. But I mean, I can't blame them! If I hadn't seen my sisters in a thousand years, I'd probably be willing to

oh my gosh it's been so long since I saw my sisters !!

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 56, World 28**

Dash is really great! She's the best. Even though she's never been the most patient pepper in the peck, she's so patient with me! Because when I thought of my sisters and how long it's been, I just _had_ to tear off and visit them in Whickerton and Grand Whinny, and even though those towns are right next to each other it still meant a train ride while Dash held off the Lunas by stalling in every way she could! And even though the sisters here aren't _my_ sisters, they're my sistergangers and I'm theirs and that's _almost_ close enough! I'm so sorry Rarity if this one day is all you had left, but I got weepy around the crying Lunas and I _needed_ this. I did!

It turns out Blinkie goes by “Limestone Pie” here, which was really weird at first but now I think it's cute!! And Inkie is “Marble Pie”. And they're both doing fine! Limestone has a little farm in Whickerton and she's married with a teeny baby who _just_ had his monthiversary, and it's not creepy like the old farm in World 5 with the other me at all! And Marble is playing in an orchestra now! I got like three hours with each of them and now I'm pooped but happy except I'm burning inside to see my _real_ sisters, but for that I've just got to get home, haven't I? I AM DRIVEN.

But it's not that easy! Luna-3 is trying to help us out, so she came with us today and kept pointing at the calibrator window and suggesting ways we could turn the dials. And since this Luna _built_ the window, she at least knows what she's doing! Plus, she's an even cuter backseat driver than Luna-16, although her foosball game isn't nearly as sharp.

But it was all to no avail! We popped into:

  * A world where everyone's head is funny-shaped and bigger than normal and everyone talks kind of slow and seems really excited about everything in this slow way and _I had to get out of there!_

  * A world where there are _rivers_ running all around Canterlot Mountain with _seaponies_ living in them! They're good singers and we had a jam session but even so.

  * A world where apparently nopony ever stood up to Discord and now he's in charge _all the time_ and when we showed up it was Pentagonal Polka Thursday. Which makes no sense because in every other world it's _Monday._

  * A world that I _thought_ was normal until I peeked in a school window and found out that there, colts and fillies teach _adults!_ I don't even know how that fails to repercuss.

  * A world where eating inside is against the rules and everyone has picnics _all the time._ That's where we are now! We were hungry and frustrated by then so we stopped here and joined a big community picnic. Princess Luna is off playing Doughnut-on-the-Horn with the kiddies, and no one seems to recognize me or Dashie, so I'm lying here on the gingham writing and Dashie's right next to me giving me _quality_ cuddles. Now she's got her leg under my belly, and it tickles! Okay, gotta wrap this up, Travelogue. Wish me luck! [kiss mark]  





* * *

 

 

**Day 59, World 23**

I'm so sorry Rarity! I can just see you in my dreams, falling apart and sleeping while you're awake and whispering all your sad blind whispers, and I have your cure, and I CAN'T FIND YOU!

I gave up. _We_ gave up. We went to eleven new worlds, plus a bunch we'd been to before, and even with one of the smartest Lunas helping us, we just couldn't find our way home. We even asked around in that spooky world where everyone's a technicolor zebra! _No luck!_ For a while I was worried the Retro Window wasn't even working right and we were just getting loster and loster and loster!!

We're gonna have to do things the Chief Dash's way. There's just nothing else we can do! We finally found our way back, and Dash and I took Luna-3 to World 16 and stayed for her Trans-Coronation. Then we came back here to Cure Hard Quesadilla. Some of the Dashes had some harsh words for us and even my best other-me friend, Pinkie-5.1, said she was disappointed in us for running off. So I wrote and performed in a one-pony-play about our adventures that involved a lot of lighting changes and cartwheels, and I think that softened everyone up again. Most of the other Pinkies joined me on stage doing cartwheels at the end, and I think Pinkie-2.9 is still doing them somewhere over by the penguin exhibit. So I was right about us being forgiving friends. But that doesn't make me feel any better about failing in my quest.

Still, they have a system here. The more days go by, the more Pinkies and Rainbows and even sometimes Twilights show up looking for help! Cure HQ is famous across the multiverse now and everyone with a Doohickey of their own comes here when they have friends or princesses or lands with curses or diseases or afflictions or deep-seated fears or apple shortages or overdue library books, and the gang here works on solving their problems. So now we have five divisions mass-producing three different kinds of kits, two manuals, an anti-gremlin spell scroll, a packet of magic seeds, a magic crown, a potion, and (maybe worst of all) an instruction book for making your own interdimensional transporter! And there's another division in charge of exploring the multiverse and spreading them all! And then there are the Scootaloos, who for a while just wanted to have fun, but now they're all about getting everyone to come home and stop all this madness! So now Scootaloos aren't allowed into HQ, except for the local Scootaloo, who's totally innocent! Except now Scootaloos are sneaking in all the time to play with Rainbows, and if they get caught they all pretend to be Scootaloo-23! I even saw a booklet with facts about Scootaloo-23's life so they can pass an interrogation! It's soooooo silly even _I_ couldn't have made it up!

So that's how things are! Dashie and I just have to play our part in the big machine and hope somehow somepony finds their way back to World-4.0—that's what they call our home—and sends it a gem curse cure kit! (Which is hard to say five times fast.) If that doesn't happen by the time all the Scootaloos get their way, then we're just out of luck!

Dash and I were part of this from the start. There's only a few Pinkies and Dashes who say they're using inventions from scratch—all the rest of them are using borrowed machines and joined in later! And _we_ were here from the beginning, back before we even had a Headquarters! Dashie was part of the Original Four Square Game! The Chief Dash was following _us_ when she began her quest! We got the cockatrices on our side and brought back the dew from Neighagra! This may be a lot bigger than us now, but we were a _big_ piece of it.

We've brought relief and happiness and parties to precious ponies like Raritys and Fluttershys and Twilights all over the multiverse. But what if we go home, after all this, and find our own world mourning and broken?

How much does it really count for, travelogue? How much pride am I allowed to feel for stuff I do in a place I'll never go again?

Yours sincerely,

Pinkie R. D. Pie

p.s. sometimes i like to pretend the R. D. stands for rainbow dash.

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 61, World 23**

Team Snowflower got back with more dew this morning. We're back in business. Chant duty for the next four days. Thinking of asking for a transfer to R&D because I like the initials.

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 64, World 23**

Dashie says we got our transfer! We'll be looking for a cure for the Cutie Pox for World 3.17's Apple Bloom and others like her. Looks like the best lead we've got involves swim fins. Maybe it'll feel better trying to cure another world's loved ones, instead of our own.

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 66, World 35**

Pinkie 3.17's thinking we need to find a separate antidote for every mark her Apple Bloom's got! Makes sense to me, since the Twister set got rid of her chess mark. But what's the antidote for a Fancy fleur-de-lis? Bulgar wheat??

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 67, World 23**

Yep, Bulgar wheat did it. Back at HQ developing the kit. I feel like such a cog!!

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 69, World 23**

o/` I'm a cog in a grand machine!  
Helping ponies and their loved ones that I've never ever seen.  
Making miracles from soda straws and hydra belly slog  
I may make a giant splash, but in the end I'm just a cog!

I'm incognizant of if my good friend Rarity's alive  
I feel like I could use a sky blue bubble from World 5  
My head's like terra-cogga and I wouldn't recognize  
My own homeworld's Scootaloo if she were right before my eyes!

Oh, I'm a cog in a grand machine!  
Helping ponies and their loved ones that I've never ever seen.  
Carving sparkles from creation like some loyal Diamond Dog  
I may shimmer through the worlds, but in the end I'm just a cog!

I've been going incognito in a wall of blue and pink  
It's bad for my cognition; these days I don't even think.  
I just clog my way through night and day, awaiting my reward  
But it's hard to be a Pinkie when you're cogito ergo BORED.

Yes, I'm a cog in a grand machine!  
Helping ponies and their loved ones that I've never ever seen.  
More than two months gone from home; now it's all swirling like a fog!  
I may someday be a hero, but for now I'm just a cog!

Yes, I'll be me again someday, but in the end I'm just a cog! o/`

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 75, World 23**

This is too much. The Chief Dash says _nopony_ is allowed to work on their own cures anymore—she says we're too invested in them! Now everypony has to work on solving somepony _else's_ problems!

Too invested?? How can you be too invested in something? Isn't investment a good thing? This is all mixed up and it doesn't make any sense and if Dashie feels the same way...

...yeah. You guessed it. We're _outta_ here.

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 76, World 37**

Goooodbye Cure Hellish Quotas!! I'm a FREELANCE PINKIE now! It turns out Dashie was ready to scoot too but she was just afraid to bring it up, because she knew how hard a worker I was! But I just worked hard so I could lose myself in my worries! Now I'm... well, I'm just gonna have to drench myself in my worries instead! Maybe if we roam far enough and play hard enough the worries will all evaporate off of us and we'll be left... clean. Somehow.

We've tried our best. We really have! Everyone tells us we have, so we're not even making that up, the way I made up the word 'kumquat' that one time. We've earned a vacation. Right, travelogue? Isn't that what you want to hear? You're a travelogue—you _love_ vacations!! Well, we've saved up our money from HQ and now we can take it easy for a while. Dash is taking me to Cloudsdale to meet some version of her parents! We don't know what they're gonna be like here in World 37 but based on what we've seen so far, I'm guessing they'll be into nephaloculture. That's a fancy word for growing cloud gardens!! And after that, we're gonna head off to Appleoosa for whatever country fun they can wrangle up! But if something better comes our way? You'd better believe we're up for it! Throw us your best, wide world of worlds! We're ready for you!

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 76, World 37**

So it turns out Mrs.-Dash-37 is a snowflake technician and Mr.-Dash-47 is a hydroplaner. Whatever that is! Dashie says that isn't too different from what her real parents do, but her mom would never actually _work_ as a snowflake technician. She does that as a hobby and her real job is in hurricane control! I totally agree that that sounds much cooler. But think how cool it would be to do _hurricane control_ as a hobby!

We were totally polite to both of them and I don't think they even realized Dashie isn't their real daughter! They were so happy to get a visit we couldn't bring ourselves to mention it. Now we're hanging out in the Cloudosseum and I'm gonna take one more spin around the track. Let's see if I can make it before my cloudwalking shoes wear off!

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 77, World 37**

o/` Oh, sheeee's my Rainbow-diddle-dashie! IIIII'm her Pinkie-putty-pie!  
She's gonna pick me up and flyyyy, yeah! She's gonna pick me up and fly! o/`

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 78, World 37**

Well, our chariot broke! You know how it is. One Spiral Eye-Roll leads to another, and before you know it your daredevil mare is doing Gorge Bombs to impress you. I totally get why Dashie gets bored of the same old tricks and keeps needing to invent new ones! But now I _also_ have a deep understanding of why she needs to Take a Chill Pill once in a while! I mean it! I'm 95% sure one of the eleven worlds we jumped through in that big binge with Luna-3 actually _had_ Chill Pills!

But it's okay. It's nice to be carried by the pegasus you love, and it's also really spiffy to get your new chariot built in Appleoosa! That's because the carpenters there are so good at what they do that it's like a dance, and it didn't take much humming and hoof tapping on my part to turn that metaphorical dance into a bonafide carpenter's jamboree! Whee-haw! (I know it's supposed to be Yee-haw but I like this way better.)

We're spending at least a couple days in Appleoosa. Dashie and I didn't get to see all the stuff this place has to offer the last time we came—we were busy hanging out with the buffalo! Dashie likes the salt bars. Did you know they have more than just salt licks there? They've got blocks of all kinds of spices you can lick! Cardamom and marjoram and coriander and ginger and all that. The cayenne lick is really something—in practice, it's more of a cayenne snort! As for me, I was impressed by the horse-drawn horse-drawn carriages. I'm gonna learn how to extract ink from funereal bones and ash so they can start having horse-drawn horse-drawn horse-drawn carriages! Get it? ...Okay fine it's morbid. But you know me, travelogue—I'll do _anything_ for a pun!

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 80, World 38**

Guess what??

what Library business expression swoop

Okay I'm gonna stop you right there because _clearly_ you have no idea. Dashie and I are scheduled to be guest speakers for the Interdimensional Council of Scootaloos!! That's right, the Scootaloos have an Interdimensional Council. Turns out they've been having weekly meetings for a while now! They heard we were important with establishing Cure HQ but now we're free agents and they want us to come and talk, and that sounds terrific! But what are we going to talk about??! I mean we could just tell them our story but there are some parts that aren't child-friendly, and besides. _These are Scootaloos!!_ They have like no attention span and they get bored really easy! We can't just show up—we've got to have an act!

Dashie thinks we should tell them some scary stories, complete with flashlight and BOO at the end! That could work! Scootaloos are tough little kids, right? They'll probably just scream and laugh and have a great time. What could possibly go

Okay, no, I can't finish that. That's pushing it too much even for me. Wish me luck!

chariot strong jumping

Yeah, I'm gonna assume that means 'Break a leg'. Thanks!

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 81, World 38**

I cannot believe there is even such a thing as the Evil Pinkie Pie Club.

I would do some soul searching except it's just too funny.

That is all.

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 83, World 39**

It looks like the Interdimensional Council tracked us down! I let Dashie sleep in this morning so I could go to the market and get something for lunch. We're in a world where the candy is shaped like stuff that isn't candy and all the other food is shaped like candy, so I picked up a few lettuce pops and a box of zucchini cookies, with a loaf of marzipan for dessert. But when I got back, Dash told me that she woke up completely _surrounded_ by Scootaloos. Every time she tells the story, there were more of them and it was earlier in the morning, which is scary in itself—how do they _do_ that? Even I can't change stories after they've been told!

Dashie said she was terrified they'd caught up with us to extract sweet revenge for our debacle as guest speakers, so she stood up in bed and spread her wings, all ready for a Galloping Gust to send them flying! But then they started asking her to show them tricks and pretty soon she was strutting her stuff all over the motel courtyard. I'm sorry I missed it because it sounds like it was a veritable Scootaparade!

It's good to know those fillies are (A) resilient and (B) have forgiving hearts and (C) a sense of humor!

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 85, World 40**

Terrible news, travelogue@ After almost three months of keeping you, I've gone over my quota of exclamation marks for the whole year@ So now I'm using these things instead@ I have no idea what they mean but I see them written on the market signs so they must be pretty popular@ I mean I tried other punctuation but somehow nothing has quite the same punch as a good old line with a dot under it^ I have to admit, though―percentage signs make me think of fireworks%

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 86**

Apparently there's no such thing as a punctuation quota. DASHIE I WILL SO GET YOU FOR THIS@%

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 87, World 3**

So we came back to World 3 just to see how Luna-16 is settling in. And it's... hard to say. She's _so_ excited about how many ponies want to see her now! She made a ten minute window for us and said her appointment book is fuller than Celestia-16's ever was! Dash asked, if she's meeting with ponies all day long, how does she ever find any time to rule the country? And she looked all confused at her and said, “We thought that _was_ what we were doing.” Dash and I glanced at each other. “Well okay then!” we said. Maybe the moral of all this is that a well-run country doesn't actually _need_ to be run at all! If that makes any sense.

Coming back to World 3 makes both of us antsy. We know we're _so close_ to home. Just three jumps away! We just don't know _which way we have to jump!!_ I had Dashie fly me up to the top spire of the palace and we looked over the snow-covered land and into the hazy sky, just hoping to get some intuition or sudden spark, anything to tell us how to set our calibrator so we can get home.

And then suddenly, like a bolt from the blue—

Nothing happened.

And I ask you, travelogue. Ain't that the rub?

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 89, World 41**

Well, okay, maybe it wasn't _nothing_ that happened. Because it was up there that Rainbow turned to me and said, “Pinkie Pie, there's got to be somepony out there who can help us. There's just _got_ to be!”

And I knew she was right, because ponies are here to help other ponies, and now that we know how _huge_ the megaworld really is, it's just impossible to think it doesn't have someone in it somewhere who knows how to solve our problem!

Thing is, the best possibilities were Luna or Twilight Sparkle, but we've talked to a whole bunch of Twilights Sparkle and a fair number of Lunas, and none of them know how to track back the jumps of a pony who wasn't being tracked when she made the jump!

I guess something did go off in my intuition, though, because some little part of me decided that if it was Rarity who set us off on this tremendous quest in the first place, it just might be Rarity who could bring us home again. So Dash and I agreed to go to a fresh, random new world and find Rarity, wherever she was, and introduce ourselves and see if she could figure out an answer to our problem.

So we spun our dials every which way until we got a picture that looked nice. Snowflakes and sunbeams and falling ribbons. And we jumped, and we wound up in a place where _everypony_ wears clothes _all the time._ Apparently here clothing is _not optional._ So as Rainbow and me walked through Canterlot, there were ponies shrieking and rearing back and even fainting, and eventually some royal guards came and said we had to put on some clothes.

So we got a pair of spiffy jumpsuits and now we're set! Dash got a golden laurel for her mane just to complete that classic look, so I got silver braids worked into mine so we go together! And now we're wondering why we didn't do it sooner!

We asked around about Rarity, and it turns out in this world she lives in the purple hills northwest of Ponyville. But you'll never guess who she lives with!

donkey Fluttershy Cameluvian

Okay I don't know _what_ you're smoking, travelogue! No, it turns out she lives with this world's Rainbow Dash! Because they're married! But here, her name isn't Rainbow Dash, it's Rainbow Fresh! Rainbow Fresh lives in the clouds that float next to the hills and wears a green pinstriped vest with a rainbow-colored bowtie! She's so snappy!

In fact she's so snappy that right after we met her, Dash started snickering and we had to excuse ourselves so she could laugh like a hyena for a few minutes, and even I giggled, because I admit Rainbow Fresh is funny. But you've got to let everypony be themselves! So we laughed it out of our systems, and then we went back and Fresh acted like she hadn't noticed anything, which was really classy of her. Then she took us down to the hills and introduced us to Rarity-41.

I just had to sigh with happiness when I saw her! I've seen a few Raritys along the way in this big adventure, but none of them seemed so content or so settled as Rarity-41. She was wearing this glamorous thick robe that looked like a bathrobe except she wore it all day, and in the afternoon she added big dark red ribbons to it, and in the evening she took off the ribbons and added this leather lattice that made it look textured like a bramble bush. And she was really pretty! She said the high altitude air stimulated her complexion. She said a bunch of other stuff too—poetic stuff about hills and wind and far-off lands and the straits of fortune and basically it was really cool, because I never heard our Rarity talk like that, but somehow it seemed right!

She also said she was glad to meet us, once she realized Dashie wasn't her wife's twin sister! So we had some forget-me-not salad and hill broth in little china tureens and told her all about our adventures! She and Rainbow Fresh were sad and stricken at the sad parts, and amazed at the happy parts. Fresh has a cute little smile, and Rarity doesn't smile much but her eyes do a lot of sparkling. Once we were done, we asked if they had any advice.

“Well, I'm flattered you've come to me,” said Rarity-41, “though I wonder what I could tell you that nopony else could! It seems to me,” she went on, crossing her legs, “that there are two ways to approach the situation. First, you could do your honest best to remember the deep nature, the pith and essence, of the world you come from, and then try your best to home in upon it using your pictographic technology! Or, you could continue to do as you've been doing, and ask others more machine-savvy to craft better and better machines to do your work for you.”

I remember exactly what she said because it struck me so hard, like I had a bell on my head. ((BOOONNNNG!!)) She was right! We'd been making our Doohickey do the work for us, when really the job was just remembering, _really_ remembering, what our home was all about, instead of just jumping from world to world to world and shaking our heads!

“But that's the problem!” I said. “How _can_ we describe where we come from, except in how it's different from everyplace we've been? I mean, we could say we come from a place where there _isn't_ a swirling angry sun, and there _aren't_ giant balls of light for your health, and clothing _isn't_ mandatory, and everyone _isn't_ a technicolored zebra. But how can we do more than just say 'isn't', 'isn't', 'isn't'?”

“That sounds like the tricky part,” said Rainbow Fresh.

And it was. And it is! Even if we can't figure out the _essence_ of our homeworld, maybe it's enough if we can just think of _one_ thing it's got that no other world has. But so far, there hasn't been anything like that! Dash and I brainstormed a while in front of our hosts, pacing and bouncing around their hill cave, but no matter what we thought of, one of us thought of a world we've been to or at least heard of where it's true, too.

It was kind of humbling—the idea that all the other worlds in the multiverse are more special than ours! Of course, it probably only seems that way because that's where we came from. If we were visiting our world from a different world, we'd probably notice stuff that's weird about it right off the bat, or at least not too far down the bat. But what??

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 90, World 41**

We've started thinking small. Maybe some of the treats I've made for Sugarcube Corner are so special that no other world in the multiverse has them. Maybe the Cakes' children aren't a pegasus and a unicorn. Maybe Fluttershy didn't run off with Celestia's phoenix or Dash didn't catch a pie that Soarin dropped or Sweetie Belle didn't shrink Rarity's fancy sweater in any other world but ours. Little things! But if it's just little things that are unique, how are we supposed to use them to find our world? The stuff that shows up in our calibrator is big stuff!

Still, at least it's a start, and the thing is, we can't check on the details without checking on the details.

So we had to go see what we could find! Rarity-41 and Rainbow Fresh gave us advice and some hill mix to munch on and a couple hugs apiece for the road. Then we we were off! We took their advice and came back to a familiar place we haven't been in waaaay too long—Ponyville! I have to admit, coming back here makes me feel a whole lot easier. Like someone's lifted my rump and plopped a big soft pillow under there.

Although I also have to admit it's really funny seeing everypony with clothes on!

Pinkie-41 still lives here, and somehow she hadn't even _heard_ of the whole interdimensional muddle yet! And her name isn't Pinkie Pie—it's Pinkie Pancake! But that's close enough that we had a whole _heap_ of fun meeting each other. I made her a pink pancake and she showed me how it's _really_ done and she's taking me and Dash on a tour all around town tomorrow! I'm gonna ask _all_ the little questions, like how Junebug's garden is coming and whether Miss Cheerilee and Big Macintosh are still going out and stuff like that. I'm hoping it'll give me a sense of the big picture. I mean, you kind of have to peek at all the little pictures first, or the big picture won't add up!

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 92, World 23**

Aaaand we ran out of money.

Well, I knew this would happen! I kept telling Dash, if every time you spend money, you have less of it, it's not like you're gonna look in your coin pouch tomorrow and find _more_ money, now is it? I know as math goes that's kind of abstract, but I still thought it was something she could grasp! But no, we managed to spend our very last bit and now we're back to working for Cure HQ again. I mean, we had other choices. Cross Cake and Cauliflower Cake offered to let me help out Pinkie Pancake to earn some money, and there's probably something Dash could do for the Ponyville-41 weather team. Or if worse came to worst we could always go back to World 5 and try and sell more Ball Emergences. But really, it feels right to be working for the Cure again. They're doing the right thing, and now that we've left once I know we can always leave again, and that's an important feeling.

Anyway, what _really_ made the difference is hearing that they need Pinkies to run _regulation parties_ now. Can you believe it? REGULATION PARTIES. That's such an amazing idea I would do it even without knowing what they're for. But what they're for is to cushion the blow of interdimensional travelers, especially Scootaloos, who're being taken back home and need a party to say goodbye to all their new friends. Do you know what, travelogue? Forever-goodbye parties are one of the hardest kinds of parties! But I'll rise to the occasion, or my name isn't Pinkamena Drinkamena Pastybrain Dunkworth Diane Aberforth Babelfifth Responsibility Sprinkles Apostrophe Crumbcake Pie! (It isn't, but don't tell anyone!)

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 94, World 27**

Back to the world where kids teach all the classes! It's not just foals, either. I saw _Spike_ teaching a class to a room full of grown-ups on how to ripen gems to perfection! I stayed to watch and after the lecture we all made gem layer cakes, and we had to tape our mouths shut so we wouldn't grab all the gems in our tongues! Isn't that crazy? My cake turned out way too tall and it collapsed partway on one side, but Spike thought it was great, so we all voted on what to call it and the winner was Lapis Lazuli Tarnbungle. Hee hee heeee!

Now I have a new trick or two in my party bag. But Scootaloos don't eat gems, so I'm gonna have to use rock candy or bonbons or something in our topographical cake-offs instead! It probably doesn't matter 'cause the Scootaloos are gonna mess it up somehow anyway, but you still have to be _prepared_ for everything to go right!

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 94, World 23**

Those Scootaloos are so _adorable_

I want to adopt ALL OF THEM

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 96, World 42**

I never threw such a sad party in all my life, but it was such a good one! HOW can a sad party be a good one too? [tearstain] I'm going to miss all the Scootaloos so much and Pinkie 5.1 and all the other me's and all the weird new worlds we're always finding. All the Scootaloos were so sad and some of them were crying! We all wrote down things we would miss and things we'd learned and mixed them up in a big punch bowl and read them out for each other one by one. Then I had all the Scoots break into groups and make plays about their adventures and their time together, and some of the plays had scooter tricks and some had Scooties dressing up like Sweetie Belles and Apple Blooms and Rainbow Dashes, and one even fluffed her hair up big and played a Pinkie Pie. It made me cry too! There was a lot of hugging and dancing and terrible singing and I wanted it to last for days and days. But it couldn't! It had to end. And now all those Scootaloos are back home and alone, and even though they aren't really alone, on some level they're gonna feel alone for the rest of their lives! Because once you meet yourself...

I wish I could just keep doing this forever and ever until the end of time! I don't want it all to end either. But Celestia 1.8 says it has to end, or everything we know and love could be lost. And if that happens, it'll make World 26 where Discord's in charge look downright tame. I mean I believe Celestia 1.8, everyone says she's wise, but

I'm just never gonna feel the same.

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 98, World 44**

yeeek yeek yeek

Chainy Pie is chasing me! She's the leader of the Evil Pinkie Pies and I'm on her hit list and now she's found me! She was in an undisclosed location until now but now she's just one world away and she could show up anytime! Dash says she'll take her down but I don't think Dash realizes what she can do with those _chains!_ I'm tempted to just jump willy nilly spilly from world to world, but that's dangerous if you do it too fast and what if she tracks us down _anyway?_ I don't know what to do.

How could she be _Me?!_

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 99, World 9**

We're back in World 9 and hiding out at Zecora's place. I was afraid Chainy and the other Evil Pies had some way of tracking me, but Celestia and Luna-23 didn't know what to do about it, so I figured I'd just take a really big bath and try to _scrub_ myself clean! And since Zecora-9 is the most helpful Zecora we ever met, Dash and I decided to come back here and see if she had any ideas!

Well, Zecora is always big on addressing injustice instead of running from it. Except that one time with the Parasprites, but this Zecora doesn't remember any Parasprites so she gets a pass. When we told her about the Evil Pinkie Pies, she got all serious and started drawing circles in the dirt around her hut. Then she set some of them on FIRE and while they were burning she drew that bath I wanted! First she boiled it and then she simmered it, and then she froze it until it was jelly, and then she had me get in. It was SO COLD!! But it got warmer fast, and I was okay because Dashie held me around my neck and nuzzled me, and I knew I could handle any little thing like cold or heat or evil versions of myself so long as she was there.

The longer I sat in that potion bath, the more hot stuff came out of me. It mixed with the jelly until the jelly was soft, and we watched the pink stuff from me swirling with the turquoise jelly in all these beautiful patterns, and Dash stirred it around until it was like soup! Eventually Zecora said it was okay for Dash to get in with me, and even though it was still cold she dived right in, and I got all splashed with my own inner demons, and it made us both laugh. You'd better believe I splashed her back!

That's when I suddenly knew deep in my heart that Dashie and me had to be together forever. So I asked Zecora if she had any rings, and she whooped and brought over a craggly ring carved out of an antelope's horn and painted yellow with little magenta spots. It was perfect! And I swam over closer to Dashie in the tub, and Dashie swam away from me, but the tub wasn't that big and it wasn't long before I caught her. _I caught the speediest speedster ever to fly the skies!_ And I put the ring on her forehoof, and said “Rainbow Danger Dash, will you be mine forever and always until the skies crack and rain strawberry syrup, and even after that?”

And she said

[tear stain]

she said, “You'd better believe it!”

I'm so happy, travel log. I'm so happy

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 100, World 9**

I'm as clean as I have ever been.

I'm clean inside AND out.

I'm clean on the middle layer BETWEEN inside and out that I never knew I even had.

I'm so clean that if those evil Pinkie Pies find me, I'll know they're using magic even more powerful than the princesses, because not even Princess Celestia herself could track me down after a bath like that.

And you know what? I'm okay with that. If a bunch of evil me's turn out to be the most powerful magic force in the universe, BRING IT ON! Because I'm a Pinkie Pie too, and I can do ANYTHING they can!!

It's the hundredth day of my trip, and I'm sitting in the middle of the Everfree Forest shouting out every word I write, and I'm not afraid. I'M NOT AFRAID!! I am a FORCE OF THE UNIVERSE!!

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 102, World 23**

Well, I think Dashie put it best. That was just so lame it was funny, and so funny it was lame.

I went back to Cure HQ and put out ads in the Baltimare Gazette to the Evil Pinkies—Come and Get Me! And then I went back to squeezing parsley stalks for the Fluttershy Treeflea Sickness Kit, but Dashie was with me the whole time, and we were ready.

When the Evil Pinkie Pies finally showed up, I went out to meet them. And when Chainy Pie started to lay into me for running away, I assaulted her with a pie.

Just one! Just one apple meringue pie, right in the face. I just hurled it in the middle of her sentence and went back to standing on my hind legs, hooves akimbo, glaring at her and her whole gang, daring them to ratchet it up, pondering what nasty nonsense they'd pull out next.

But guess what! Chainy Pie started squealing and swinging her chains in every direction, and then she started to cry! And the next thing I knew, she was running away, meringue dripping off her face, and the whole gang started wailing and crying and ran away with her! I saw Raggedy Pie lick Chainy's face clean and Chainy didn't even stop her.

Then I heard Dash chuckling beside me, and soon I heard clomping and cheering and I saw all the Pinkies and all the Dashes applauding for me and laughing and whooping it up! And then I realized just how ridiculous the Evil Pinkie Pie Club was all along. If I was ever going to be evil, I wouldn't be the kind of evil that would _win!_ I'd be the kind of evil that was fun to _beat!_ Anything else just wouldn't be me, and I couldn't believe I hadn't seen that all along!

Well, what could we do then but have a party? And since we were having a party anyway, Dashie showed everypony her ring, and shouted that we were engaged! And since Cure HQ isn't going to last much longer, we decided we may as well get married tomorrow!!

You read me! I'm gonna be _hitched_ , travelogue! My mission worked and I fell in love with my partner in adventure and now she's gonna be my partner in life. And we're gonna probably have to have another wedding if we ever find our way home, but for now this is the one that counts. Because who knows if we'll ever get home! And if the journey lasts forever, then that means it's probably worth it.

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 103, World 23**

o/` Oh, Pinkie went a courtin' and she did ride, uh huh! Uh huh!  
Pinkie went a courtin' and she did ride, uh huh! Uh huh!  
Pinkie went a courtin' and she did ride, balloons and baked goods by her side, uh huh! Uh huh!

Pinkie paid a call on one Rainbow Dash, uh huh! Uh huh!  
Pinkie paid a call on one Rainbow Dash, uh huh! Uh huh!  
Pinkie paid a call on one Rainbow Dash, sayin' “Life with you would be a bash”, uh huh! Uh huh!

Dash came down from her cloudy home, uh huh! Uh huh!  
Dash came down from her cloudy home, uh huh! Uh huh!  
Dash came down from her cloudy home, saying “Pinkie, you'll never be alone,” nuh uh! Nuh uh!

Pinkie and Dash played a thousand pranks, uh huh! Uh huh!  
Pinkie and Dash played a thousand pranks, uh huh! Uh huh!  
Pinkie and Dash played a thousand pranks, then zipped out of town and shook their shanks, uh huh! Uh huh!

They threw lots of parties by and by, uh huh! Uh huh!  
Threw lots of parties by and by, uh huh! Uh huh!  
They threw tons of parties by and by—sweet pink cakes and a clear blue sky! Uh huh! Uh huh!

The rocks from the heavens come tumbling down, uh huh! Uh huh!  
Rocks from the heavens come tumbling down, uh huh! Uh huh!  
Let rocks from the heavens come tumbling down—Pinkie Dash'll always be around, uh huh! Uh huh! Uh huh! o/`

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 104, World 23**

None of the Pinkies here can even remember why they were angry with us! I can't remember either but I bet if I flip back and read you, I'll find out! So don't tell me, Travelogue, because I don't want to know!

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 105, World 45**

ICE SKATING PARTY CLASS CLUB!!

Can you believe Dashie _never_ went ice skating before?? I mean she grew up in Cloudsdale where they _make_ the ice! But I guess it's still all bumpy when it's all there, and you need to wait 'til it's down here before you can skate on it, unless you don't mind the bumps!

Dashie was always afraid of falling down and making a fool of herself, so she never even tried! Isn't that a hoot?! Even Twilight was willing to give skating a try! So first I talked Dashie into putting on the skates, even if she didn't want to go onto the ice. And then I _made_ her go on the ice by stealing a kiss and skating away! Dash couldn't let me just get away with her kiss, so she _had_ to wobble out on the ice to get it back! And sure enough, she went crashing and splashing and thrashing and everypony was laughing at her until suddenly, out of the blue, she was skating around with me and getting her kiss back seven times over and we didn't even remember when she'd stopped falling down. But it turns out Rainbow is a natural skater, and she just never bothered to find out!

The first Winter Wrap-Ups are starting soon, and some of the Pinkies are getting together to do a big lake-scoring tour of the multiverse,'cause that's both fun _and_ efficient! I totally want to go, but it's Pinkies only and I'm a married mare now! So I'm stuck delivering packages and throwing regulation parties with Dashie. But that's _just_ what I want to be doing because _any_ good work is just what I want to be doing as long as it's with _her._

And we still haven't unpacked all our wedding cakes!!

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 107, World 46**

It makes me happy to be giving potions and medicines to ponies who've been waiting and praying for them forever. And why wouldn't it? Who wouldn't want to make someone cry with happiness? But most of these potions I'm delivering are ones I didn't make, and didn't even help with the cure for. I feel like the Pinkies and Dashes who came up with the recipe and found all the rare ingredients should get to see these tears of joy in the eyes of all these Fluttershies and Twilights and Applejacks. But then again, we get should to see the happytears in the eyes of the Raritys we helped cure and all their loved ones! We're all getting what we deserve, but we're seeing the wrong tears!

And I have to ask, does it matter? Would we be learning a different lesson, even if it's just a little different, if we saw the happiness of the ponies we're _actually_ helping? Does it matter if you get a reward that's not _quite_ the one you deserve?

I ask because when I turn away from the houses after delivering the packages, I can't stop crying!

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 110 World 2**

Check it out, Travelogue. Did you see what I wrote at the top of this entry? We're back in WORLD 2, Travelogue. We're SO CLOSE.

I don't know if it was luck or just sheer willpower that got us here, but we're back in the world where they invented the Doohickey! So now Princess Twilight (it still feels weird to write that) and Princess Celestia are looking it over, trying to find a way to get us back, and Dash and me are out here enjoying the giant flowers, and even though the snow and ice was exciting all over the place I can't help but be happy it's finally spring, and I wish I could see all the worlds we've visited one more time now that the snow is gone, and maybe we can! I know not everyplace has wrapped up winter yet because I'm scheduled to be in a Winter Wrap-Up pageant the day after tomorrow in World 18. I just have one line: “We've kept our hoofsies warm at home; time off from work to play!”

Yeah, RIGHT!

There've been times this winter my hoofsies were FREEZING! I got some boots but for some reason I kept losing them until Dash got me some newer, warmer, better boots, and that's part of why we ran out of money! But now it turns out Dashie was just STEALING my boots the whole time and she gave them all back in a big pile today and I just laughed and threw some at her, and we had a bootfight. Good thing boots are soft! But I'm totally looking forward to keeping my hoofsies and the rest of me warm both inside _and_ out.

Dashie gets a whole verse about clouds and stuff! Maybe I should write my own verse and try to squeeze it in there. I'm so nervous, travelogue—when are Twilight and Celestia going to come out and tell us if we can go home?!

 

* * *

 

 

**Night 110, World 2**

Even Princesses can't do everything! It's a fact of life.

I mean if they could, why would anypony else do anything?

I tell myself that, but it's still hard. It's still hard! Hold me Dashie.

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 113, World 18**

o/` Four months of wild adventures in a crazy multiverse!  
No lessons to prepare for this, and no chance to rehearse.  
But the cures we've made have served their ends, or at least we hope they will...  
And my heart longs for the scents of my familiar Ponyville!

It's time for us to go back home!  
(I only wish we could.)  
We've had a lot of time to roam  
our cosmic neighborhood.  
We've helped in every way we could  
We even invented some!  
And even though it's all been good  
I wish that we were done!

Splinter Wrap-Up, Splinter Wrap-Up!  
Let's gather those errant shoots.  
Splinter Wrap-Up, Splinter Wrap-Up!  
Time to get back to our roots!  
Now we need our homeward routes.

Dancing in the chocolate rain  
A Pinkie's paradise  
Can make some ponies go insane  
Which isn't all that nice.  
We braved the storms and we scaled the high peaks!  
We caulked the windows with our love  
And we stopped up all the leaks!

Splinter Wrap-Up, Splinter Wrap-Up!  
Let's gather those errant shoots.  
Splinter Wrap-Up, Splinter Wrap-Up!  
Time to get back to our roots!  
Splinter Wrap-Up, Splinter Wrap-Up!  
Time to get back to our roots!  
Now we need our homeward routes.

“For that all things should be well  
And that thy life be free”  
I've chanted that ten thousand times  
in hopes you'll stay with me.  
I've made so many strange new friends:  
Cockatrice and manticore!  
But this adventure never ends  
Unless we close that final door!

Splinter Wrap-Up, Splinter Wrap-Up!  
Let's gather those errant shoots.  
Splinter Wrap-Up, Splinter Wrap-Up!  
Time to get back to our roots!  
Splinter Wrap-Up, Splinter Wrap-Up!  
Time to get back to our roots!  
Now we need our homeward routes.

No easy task to bring about  
an impossible recipe.  
But proper spunkiness can cure  
impossibility.  
Newborn hope and sweet revenge  
Beautiful flowers too!  
To think that I can only pray  
it gets back home to you!

Splinter Wrap-Up, Splinter Wrap-Up!  
Let's gather those errant shoots.  
Splinter Wrap-Up, Splinter Wrap-Up!  
Time to get back to our roots!  
Splinter Wrap-Up, Splinter Wrap-Up!  
Time to get back to our roots!  
Now we need our homeward routes.

Now that I've seen the world of worlds  
I'm like a sailing star  
Whose cradle tumbles in the space  
Twixt Far and Very Far.  
I am a streak across the ocean  
falling humbled and meek  
I want to return to my nest  
So I can see my streak!  
So I can see my streak!

Splinter Wrap-Up, Splinter Wrap-Up!  
Let's gather those errant shoots.  
Splinter Wrap-Up, Splinter Wrap-Up!  
'Cause we've all been errant shoots!  
Splinter Wrap-Up, Splinter Wrap-Up!  
Time to get back to our roots!  
Now we need our homeward routes.  
Time to chart our homeward roooouuutes! o/`

[kiss mark] [kiss mark] [kiss mark]

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 115, World 23**

Cure HQ is mostly empty now. I look at the big grassy field outside the Baltimare Zoo where it used to have so many stations set up... conveyor belts and scriveners' desks and alchemy benches and sprawling file cabinets and chanting cushions and piles of cupcakes sitting everywhere... and all I can do is sigh a heavy little sigh.

Celestia 1.8 got her way. Most of the Pinkies and Dashes and Scootses have gone home now. Or at least they're out there, trying their best. But I bet most of them made it. Most of them knew they'd have a sure way back when they left in the first place. Not like us.

You're so brave, Dashie. I wouldn't have been this brave without you. I came on this quest because it was the right thing to do, and because you made it fun. But I wouldn't have been brave enough to steal those plans and smash that shed if it hadn't been for you.

Goodbye, Cure Holy Quetzals. You saved a lot of lives. A _lot._ I hope a hundred years from now, somepony somewhere remembers you.

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 116, World 41**

Went back to visit Rarity-41 and Rainbow Fresh. We brought a leftover silver ring casing as a gift! It's probably worth a fair bit, but they just left it behind at HQ, and I figured those two should have it. They were so nice, too! Rainbow Fresh baked us two loaves of bread, one with herbs and one without. She had a new bowtie on—it's still rainbow-colored, but the stripes go diagonal instead of straight, and she was so proud. Rarity-41 invited us to stay the night! She sang us a lullaby and tucked us into our sleeping bags, and then they both made us nutcakes for breakfast the next morning. Rarity-41 says she's sure we'll get home soon, but that means we'll probably never see them again! So I hugged them both extra much just in case.

There's so much wind in the hills today. And it's so warm!

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 117, World 2**

All our leads have failed. None of the small details seem to matter. None of the big details are unique. There's just nothing of any importance that would make any outsider care about our world!

But _I_ care. Doesn't that count for something? I care about the bakery and my family and my parties and all the Ponyville ponies I've come to know and love and all the little things that make it worth jumping out of bed each day, and Rarity, and Fluttershy, and Twilight and Appleja

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 118, World 3**

Yes! Yes yes yes yes yes! I GOT it! There is no other world we've been to where Applejack and Twilight Sparkle are a couple! NONE! I never even heard of it happening. And that's a big deal because Twilight's a big deal and besides they have this whole new technique they're using in their orchard and I bet if we make something like, I dunno, _apples and sparkles_ appear together in the calibrator window and we try enough worlds, we'll find them! Yes yes yes please please please!

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 118, World 49**

Nope! Sorry! Stuffed bears should _not_ be alive! _So_ tempting to stick around here, but we have places to be!

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 118, World 50**

This one was promising! We decided to go back to Sweet Apple Acres, 'cause if Twi and AJ are together, we'll probably know it there first! And sure enough, they were a couple! But when Applejack opened her mouth to kiss Twilight, her jaw went open _way_ too big and I'm pretty sure her tongue had a _tongue_ on it, so yeah, we took off pretty quick. Dash stayed long enough to buy an apple, though, and the apple looks like it has _eyes_ and I'm afraid to eat it.

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 118, World 51**

The trees here have _jacks_ on them, not apples! That is... just really weird. We're gonna play _one_ game of jacks with Twi and AJ and then ask if we can spend the night.

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 119, World 52**

Good morning! I like your sailboats, Ponyville-52, but you have too many rivers and not enough trees. Next!

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 119, World 1**

World 1. WORLD 1!! We found Sweet Apple Commune! Twi and AJ aren't together in this world but just the fact that we stumbled into it means we're SO CLOSE! I'm trembling all over but it's time for another jump! pleasepleaseplease

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 119, World 53**

I like songs but everyone _always_ talking in song is a little much for even me. Twilight and AJ did do a cute duet, though. ONWARD!

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 119, World 54**

How are the earth ponies here doing that? They're lighting up the land in glowing strips and the soil is tilling itself! As an earth pony I can vouch that this is _awesome_ but sadly we can't stay! Best of luck, glowy hovery Twilight and Applejack! ONWARD!

 

* * *

 

 

**Day 119, World 55**

Nope! I never thought I'd say this but I can see at a glance this world has _way_ too much chocolate. ONWARD!

 

* * *

 

* * *

 

 

**...........................................................................**

 

**........................................**

 

**.**

 

Well, it's been a year.

I hope you'll forgive me, Travel Log. I forgot all about you as soon as we finally got home because there was so much partying to do, and after that there were the cloudshaping lessons, and the skywalking spells, and the adoption papers, and ever since then we've been so busy with the kids that I didn't even think about you! Oh! But Rarity DID get her cure kit. I want you to know that—I want it written down in you! It arrived on the last possible day, when Pinkie 5.7 came to run her regulation party for the last Scootaloos. Fluttershy says Rarity was hours from death when it finally showed up.

All those weeks and weeks and in the end it came down to a few hours! Sometimes I think about how after all the work we did to put that cure together, it almost missed going to the most important place it had to go....

Anyway. I was just looking for a cloud funnel so the kids can make colored clouds for Hearts and Hooves Day, and I couldn't find it anywhere so I decided to look in the bottom stuff'n'junk drawer that I hadn't looked in for months, and... there you were!

You kept me sane, you know that,Travel Log? You and Dashie both get the credit. You gave me someone to talk to when my head was scrambly and I needed to get my thoughts out, and that's how you kept my mind in one piece. I don't know what I would have done without you, except for maybe buy another book but you and I both know that doesn't count.

I was wrong. Dashie never read you. She said she wanted to, but you were mine, and that would have been wrong. Dash is just that loyal and it was just that simple. But now, do you think you would mind if I let her read you? Or maybe you'd like it better if I read you out loud to her? We could do that in bed, maybe. I don't know if she'll like everything I wrote in here, especially the part where I went bonkers for Fluttershy... but Dash deserves to know my thoughts. The time I kept you was the biggest time in our lives! And I don't want to keep any secrets from her—not the smallest, dustiest, corneriest little secret. I want her to have everything I've got.

We've got a big date planned tonight. Isn't that exciting? Twi and AJ and Spike and Apple Bloom will watch all the kids and Dashie's gonna take me to her favorite place in Cloudsdale! We're gonna have a great meal with plenty to eat and drink and we're gonna lie on the windowsill and watch the world floating by.

I wonder how many of those other worlds we went to were so different we could have told the difference from way up high in a cloud restaurant? Maybe I'll bring you along, and we can go through and work it out.

We had to give back the Doohickey, you know. We can't ever go back out there, unless there's some other emergency and Celestia 1.8 and _our_ Celestia both decide it's okay. But even if someone else gets sick, or something worse happens, I don't think they'll let us go roaming again even then. I got the idea that this kind of mishmash is the sort of thing a multiverse can handle... _once_. But if we go trekking out again the next time trouble shows up, that could be too much, and everything we have could fall apart!

You know what, Travel Log? There were times along the way when that idea didn't seem so bad. There were times when I wanted to just let all the worlds blend together, because life was crazy enough already—what did I have to lose? So long as I had Dashie at my side... why not let the flood do its thing?

I don't feel that way anymore, Travel Log. I'm not sure why... but I love this crazy world just the way it is.

 

* * *

 

**Into the Dawn**

(To the tune of “Want You Gone” from _Portal 2_ , by Jonathan Coulton)

 

Well, here we are again.  
We're back in Ponyville, but  
A million things are wrong  
just like before.  
That pony's eating meat;  
Those clouds are cotton candy.  
How many jumps until  
I just don't care anymore? 

You are my only constant!  
That's what I'm counting on.  
We'll keep each other sane  
As we fly into the dawn.

 For me, reality  
Has always been a burden.  
Now Twilight's mania  
has cut me loose.  
A cure for Rarity  
Could only tip the iceburg.  
This may be madness  
But at least it's not Scootabuse! 

Dash, we've got so much life left!  
That's what I'm counting on.  
Who needs consistency  
When we've got the light of dawn? 

When I meet other me's  
I don't feel quite as special.  
To feel normal  
for me feels strange.  
But you could pick me out  
Among ten thousand Pinkies  
You'd wink and smile  
And make me promise never to change! 

You'd never leave me, Dashie!  
That's what I'm counting on.  
Let's find some new horizons:  
Fly me into the dawn!  
Let's fly into the dawn!  
Fly 'til we find the dawn!

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ORIGINAL AUTHOR'S NOTES:
> 
> So here it finally is: The Dashie Pie adventure you were waiting for. I realize it's terribly silly to have an "appendix" that's a story in itself, let alone one over 30,000 words long, let alone writing a bonus adventure story chapter to what was originally a shipfic anyway. But where Pinkie is involved, there's leeway. :o) So color me silly!
> 
> This took WAY too long to write and even revising it took way too long and I certainly hope I've learned a lesson or two in story pacing from this experience! If you liked it, please tell me your favorite parts in the comments!
> 
> In a facehoofing turn of fate, I had just published this chapter for the first time seconds ago when the power went out suddenly for my entire neighborhood. Not a cloud in the sky, either. It didn't return until after I'd gone to bed. So you may have wound up reading the story without proper formatting, although that shouldn't have made -much- of a difference.
> 
> I had a special motivation for working in epistolary (diary-style) form. I'm currently revising an original epistolary novel that I hope to legitimately publish as the first of a series. That novel coincidentally shares many of the traits of this appendix. It isn't -quite- as silly, but the protagonist, Reba, has some of the same character traits as Pinkie (though I created her before FiM came out), and she also travels from world to world--in her case through the use of magic mushrooms. If I ever do get it published, I'll let you know!


End file.
